Show notes Parents need to support kids in finding their own intrinsic motivation in all that they do. Intrinsic vs external motivation A better question is: How can I support my daughter’s intrinsic motivation? How … If you want to know how to motivate your daughter, you’re asking the wrong question Read More »

As parents, we naturally want the best for our daughters. But sometimes, the ways we motivate them can be stifling. Instead of motivating them, we end up limiting them. If you want to know how to motivate your daughter, then perhaps it is time we reflect back on ourselves and realize that maybe we are asking the wrong question. Dr. Tim Jordan enlightens us in this episode.
A better question is: How can I support my daughter’s intrinsic motivation? How can I help her discover her own internal motivation?
In many ways, the answer is to get out of her way.
Ask kids why they want the grades they desire, and why they love the activities they are into. When they share why they love what they are doing, mirror it back to help them internalize their intrinsic good feelings for their passions.
Bobbi Brown story: taken from, Wherever You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be by Frank Bruni
Mia Hamm’s story from The Right Words at the Right Time, by Marlo Thomas
Many kids do not find motivation with schoolwork/education until after HS or college when they can choose what they study & pursue, especially if they are strongminded, independent, and with an entrepreneurial spirit. Some kids will NOT be into school the way you want, no matter what parents do.
Value passion where you find it, and trust that the lessons they learn from such pursuits will be transferrable to other endeavors.
The stories of Jane Goodall and the Wright brothers illustrate the importance of encouraging and supporting your children’s dreams.
Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com or [email protected]
For more information about how to support kids in finding their passions and calling, read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead.

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Show Notes: Why 20-somethings get so stressed & anxious A lot of 20-somethings view 20s as a time for fun, but that is faulty thinking. 80% of life’s most defining moments take place by 35, … The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly About Being in your Twenties Read More »

Many individuals in their twenties perceive this period as a time for enjoyment, but this perspective is flawed. Meg Jay joins Dr. Tim Jordan to discuss the concept of identity capital and explores how those in their twenties can gain awareness of their self-discoveries during this phase of life. SHOW NOTES:·        A lot of 20-somethings view 20s as a time for fun, but that is faulty thinking. 80% of life’s most defining moments take place by 35, earning power is decided in your first 10 years. Brain and personality change more during 20’s than at any other time before or after.·        The 20s is a time of lots of choices and greater freedom, but 20-somethings may experience this as a two-edged sword as it creates confusion and anxiety and uncertainty.·        Meg Jay describes what identity capital is and how 20-somethings can become aware of what they’ve learned about themselves up till now. Identity capital is personal assets, what we have to show for how we have spent our time, investments we make in ourselves, aptitudes, interests, passions, how we present ourselves, solve problems, cope with life’s ups and downs, hobbies, life experiences; how you resolved your identity crisis; it’s valuable to assess what your past life experiences say about you and your future.·        We discussed the potential cost of being underemployed and being too focused on not wanting to settle.·        Dating and relationships was also discussed: the choice of who you marry is more important for long term happiness than what college you go to; age 30 deadline, angst if still unmarried and feel behind and pressured to find someone; the importance of our self-perceived mate value: people spend more time planning a wedding than they do planning a relationship; should spend time and money on retreats, therapy, personal growth.·        We discussed the critical shift from being wanted to wanting = what do you want and deserve?·        The biologic clock is real as far as having children. You can use that urgency to help 20-somethings plan their futures instead of being anxious and stressed.·        What is the effect of the frontal lobe not fully wired until sometime between 20-30? Opportunity for new connections that won’t happen again in our lives; never be so quick to learn new things; 20 somethings who use their brain by engaging in good jobs and real relationships are learning the language of adulthood right when brain primed to learn it.·        20-somethings can make a rough plan for your life over the next 10 years: love, work, education, money, travel, friends, family, health, habits, purpose. 

Contact Meg Jay: The Defining Decade: Why 20-somethings Matter 
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com 
Another great read for your young adults is Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from my Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living. 

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3 high school girls candidly discuss the effects of not having a dad present in their lives Show Notes: Effects of absent dads at different ages  3 high school girls candidly discussing the effects of … 005: Absent Dads Read More »

Show Notes: Dr. Jordan’s 10 is a 10 is a 10 principal helps kids share their feelings in order to be understood & to relate to the stories & emotions of parents and peers Girls … A 10 is a 10 is a 10: Understanding Girl’s Emotional Roller Coaster Read More »

It’s important to listen to our daughters, especially their emotions. Today, Dr. Tim Jordan looks into a girl’s emotional life and shares stories from his retreats and camps of the different kinds of losses girls experience. SHOW NOTES:·        Girls need safe spaces to express all of their feelings, especially during the roller coaster of emotions during the teen years·        Dr. Jordan shares stories from his retreats and camps of the different kinds of losses girls experience·        A 10 is a 10 is a 10 principal: a loss is a loss, the experience and details may differ, but the emotions don’t feel any less real = a 10 is a 10 is a 10, we can relate to each other even if our stories aren’t the same·        A loss of a pet can create similar feelings to other seemingly more important losses; a pet is always there for you, can share stories and fears, and they listen without judgment; pets become a safe haven for girls·        When kids come to you with their feelings, take them seriously, listen, mirror, get in their shoes and see from their point of view, affirm feelings, ask if they want feedback, help them see it in a different perspective, encourage them to journal, draw, etc. to express and make sense of emotions and loss; never belittle, minimize, judge them as being dramatic or too sensitive·        Girls at camp realize they are not the only ones who have experienced what they have, they are not alone or crazy, peers can relate even if their stories are different·        A 10 is a 10 is a 10; remember this principle so kids feel safe to share with you. Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.comEmail feedback to [email protected] If you would like more information on understanding and dealing with your daughter’s emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need. 

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On a mission to help parents build a happier, healthier, more heartful world one kid at a time, Christy Keating joins us to dive into the topic of consent. As a Certified Parent Coach and Positive Discipline Educator, she shares insights on incorporating safety lessons into family conversations, implementing protective measures at home, and guiding children and teenagers in understanding the concept of consent—both in giving and receiving. Tune in to gain valuable perspectives from Christy on fostering a safer and more respectful environment within your family. SHOW NOTES:·        Consent is not a one time talk at age 16. Most sex education should be relationship education starting in the preschool years. This includes teaching about respect, setting and respecting boundaries, and advocating for yourself.·        Building solid relationships at home becomes the template for all future relationships and it allows kids to develop self-confidence and a belief that they deserve to take care of themselves.·        Girls need to learn the difference between being assertive vs aggressive. This is best done with role playing at home.·        We discuss the importance of teaching kids how to access and trust their intuition in order to take care of themselves. We also discuss how alcohol and drugs blunts your internal alarm system.·        Christy discusses some of the legal aspects of consent that parents and kids should know.·        We discussed how parents can handle and prevent sexting.·        Discussions about boundaries and consent should be a continuous process throughout childhood. Don’t wait until they are ready to go off to college! Contact Christy Keating: https://www.theheartfulparent.com/consentListeners to this podcast are eligible for 2 free handouts about teaching kids about consent. Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com

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Who are doing your child’s homework – your children or you? Parents become too involved in their children’s homework, robbing them of the chance to develop self-responsibility and self-motivation
Start of the school year is the perfect time to establish agreements about schoolwork and homeworkBegin by discussing what intentions she has for this school year, i.e. let her tell you what she wants to accomplish.
Learning: ask questions about what she enjoys, grades she desires, and especially why; ask her what her plan is to accomplish these goals; what did she learn last year during covid about how to study and stay on track?
Friendships: What does she want as far as her social life? deepen current friends? attract better ones? Have friends in different groups? What is her plan to achieve this?
Activities: why does she love the ones she does? Willing to try new ones?
Personal growth: Are there any ways she’d like to get out of her comfort zone and stretch herself? Take more risks? Try new things? Advocate more for herself? Not compare herself so much? Raise her hand in class more often? Show up as real self vs façade?
Autonomy: Ask why they want whatever they decide; they need more autonomy to develop become more self-motivation and self-responsibility
Autonomy = engagement = perseverance = fulfillment = they own results so it’s their touchdown dance
She may falter at 1st b/c not want to take responsibility and used to parents jumping in to fix and rescue; there may be a learning curve so be patient; if she feels stuck or falters, ask her, “What will you do?”
The time to turn over responsibility for their schoolwork is now! The costs of faltering are much lower the younger they are. Don’t wait until you drop them off at college to let go. Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.comFor comprehensive information about your daughter’s social and emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

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Parents become too involved in their children’s schoolwork, robbing them of the chance to develop self-responsibility and self-motivation Show Notes: The start of the school year is the perfect time to establish agreements about schoolwork … Stop Micromanaging Your Child’s Homework! Read More »