Raising Daughters

Coming to terms with one’s sexuality is not easy. For our adolescent girls, this could be a time full of confusion and stress. As parents, how can we best understand and support our LGBTQ girls as they grapple with their sexualities and identities? Tune in to this episode as Dr. Tim Jordan offers his guidance.
I’m seeing more and more adolescent girls who are questioning their sexuality. Most of these girls feel confused, stressed & anxious because they aren’t sure what they are feeling & what it means long-term. Their parents and teachers often feel confused, some are angry, and are unsure of how to best support them.
Research has found that LGBTQ+ youth are more likely to experience stress and fear in school than their non-LGBTQ+ peers, resulting in bullying, verbal harassment, and physical assaults. It’s no wonder these kids experience more depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and suicidal thoughts than their non-LGBTQ peers.
My intention for this podcast is to give you some education about this issue, but mostly to offer you my observations about what I have seen & heard from girls in the past several years to help you better understand your daughters & their friends.
I clear up misconceptions about the many new labels that these girls come to them with, i.e. gender queer, bisexual, pansexual, gender-nonconforming, queer, transgender, or cisgender. I also discuss the use of different pronouns that girls prefer.
When a girl tells you they identify with one of these labels, I encourage you to always ask them what that means exactly for them; some are misinformed; confusing labels, better to describe feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.
Most of the LGBTQ girls I work with are in questioning their sexuality; i.e. they are in the process of understanding and exploring their sexual orientation and/or gender identity and gender expression. Dr. Jordan describes many reasons why girls are undergoing this questioning process.
I tell girls to relax & take the pressure off, they don’t need to KNOW now, let life unfold more & their sexual orientation will become more obvious as they get into later teens & beyond.
Girls need safe spaces to talk about their feelings & thoughts; keeping secrets creates a lot of stress & anxiety, get caught in their heads ruminating worst-case scenarios; talking about it moves them from amygdala to verbal centers & PFC, reason supplants emotions. Secrets make girls feel alone, isolated, lead to fear and panic, depression, they think they are the only one.
Girls need their parents to be nonjudgmental, caring listeners; to be a sounding board, and to remain an influence in their lives.
Sometimes the girls are clear about who they are, have embraced it, but those around them haven’t & that mismatch is what causes them anxiety & stress & anger. We are all always becoming, never done growing or changing, okay to not be “there” yet, learn to embrace their growth & the uncertainty that comes with it.
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
For more information on terminology and resources for kids in the LGBTQ community, check out this site: © 2014 Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network www.glsen.org
Understanding LGBT kids article: https://youth.gov/youth-topics/lgbtq-youth/school-experiences

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Dr. Jordan’s fascinating  interview with 3 high school girls about what it’s like to be an old soul: Show Notes: Questions the girls answered:  Describing “old souls” What does it mean to be an “old … The most amazing girls I know: An interview with 3 “old souls” Read More »

This is Dr. Jordan’s fascinating interview with three high school girls about what it’s like to be an old soul.
SHOW NOTES:
Questions the girls answered:DESCRIBING “OLD SOULS”

• What does it mean to be an “old soul”?
• When did you 1st notice you were different/ saw things different/ noticed and felt things different?

OVERWHELMING EMOTIONS:

• Ever get overwhelmed with emotions b/c feel so deeply?

SOCIAL CHALLENGES:

• Was it hard to stay out of dramas? Feel alone or different? Out-of-the-loop?
• Sometimes get into judging peers as immature, stupid? Cost to you?

USING THE CONCEPT OF “I’M AN ASS, YOU’RE AN ASS”

• “I’m an ass, you’re an ass” concept: understand peers vs. judge; most people sleep walking thru life, don’t expect more from them or will be constantly disappointed
• Understand and accept them where they are
• Different levels of friends: acquaintances vs. BFF’s; not write people off

HOW “OLD SOULS” FIND THEIR TRIBE

• Find tribe! How Camp Weloki helps them, safe spaces, like minded friends, older friends, job
• Fully engaged in passions: Smart Girls Gifted Women book

THE BENEFITS OF BEING AN OLD SOUL
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com.
If you’d like more info on how to create a safe environment so that girls will share more with you, click on this link to sign up for Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need.

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Show Notes: Letting go is a process that should begin in infancy in order to best prepare teens to launch How to begin letting go in infancy Letting go in infancy involves developing a reciprocal … Letting Go of Your Teenager Starts in Infancy Read More »

Letting go of your teenager starts in infancy. In this connect-disconnect pattern, it will persist throughout childhood. But letting go in infancy will develop a reciprocal interaction. Dr. Jordan will provide an insightful discussion on letting go of your kids and providing a safe home base. So, what are you waiting for? Tune in to this episode and make it easier for your teenage kids to launch into the world. Show Notes: Letting go in infancy involves developing a reciprocal interaction where you honor their needs and allow the leadership to change. This connect-disconnect pattern will persist throughout childhood.Kids and teens need a safe home base, like nurturing parents they can come back to for comfort, encouragement, and grounding.Letting go is a life-long process: Dr. Jordan points out many opportunities we have during childhood to turn things over to our children, such as sleeping thru the night, handling their fears and other emotions, advocating for themselves, solving their problems and conflicts, giving more say-so and decision-making, handling their mistakes and failures, only giving advice if asked or given permission, giving them free will to fail so they can choose to succeed and own the successes, give them the responsibility to know what’s best for them, and getting out of their way so they can forge their path and story.Dr. Jordan describes the importance of kids finding safe bases, like mentors, to encourage, guide, and inspire them. Summary: letting go starts in infancy & continues at each stage of development. Seeing letting go as a life-long process makes it easier at age 18 when they launch into the world.

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Parenting profoundly shapes your children’s future. Dr. Tim Jordan distinguishes between two key parenting styles: authoritarian and authoritative. Exploring the impact on children raised in authoritarian homes, Dr. Jordan discusses his version of moral development stages linked to parenting styles. He emphasizes the need for parents to prioritize character over achievement and refrain from excessive pressure on excellence. Join Dr. Tim Jordan for an essential conversation on the significance of adopting an authoritative parenting style for nurturing well-rounded individuals.
Show Notes:How you parent matters, and the style of parenting you employ will have long-term effects on who your kids become.
Dr. Jordan describes two main parenting styles: authoritarian and authoritative.
Authoritarian or Autocratic Parenting: Parents tend to make rules and set high expectations but lack warmth, nurturance, feedback, and support. Authoritarian parents tend to “rule with an iron fist.” They are often described as strict, demanding, cold, critical, and punitive. Mistakes tend to be punished harshly. When feedback does occur, it is often negative, and parents will punish kids by withholding expressions of affection.
Yelling and corporal punishment are also common, and parents utilize punishments with little or no explanation. Obedience and conformity are valued highly.
Dr. Jordan describes the feelings, decisions, and behaviors of kids who grow up in authoritarian homes. He also discusses how spanking has been found to be associated with increased risk of 13 detrimental outcomes, including aggression, antisocial behavior, impaired cognitive ability, mental health problems and physical injury, and rebellion.
Authoritative or Democratic Parenting: autonomy-supportive parenting, recognize & sensitive to child’s needs and desires, let kids take initiative and follow their lead, respect child’s perspectives, encourage child to experiment, encourage creativity and out of the box thinking, encouraging, play-by-play announcer, give choices & decision-making, solve own problems & think critically about the reasons behind each rule, support autonomy, safe and stable base, emotionally warm, close, and nurturing, long-term goals of self-control & self-motivated & self-responsible & self-determination.
Value development of self-control & self-responsibility vs obedience
Samuel & Pearl Oliner study on non-Jews who risked lives to save Jews during Holocaust: their parents had used an authoritative style of parenting
Kids who grow up with this kind of parenting are more willing to take initiative, willing to take risks, continue to go to parents for advice, more cooperative & collaborative, have healthy coping skills & grit and the ability to learn from mistakes, good problem-solver, motivated to persevere, fully engaged in passions and work, more focused, higher achievement, higher executive functioning and prosocial behaviors, lowest risk for psychopathology, share more with parents, they are more empathetic, kind, and warm, have respect for adults, other people, and rules.
Dr. Jordan discusses his version of the stages of moral development and how it relates to parenting styles. He also encourages parents to be sure they are aware of not valuing achievement over character or adding excessive pressure to excel.
Contact Dr. Jordan: [email protected]
Check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need

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Developing more empathy results in kids having greater courage, stronger relationships, and the ability to solve problems peacefully. Today, Dr. Tim Jordan describes what empathy is and shares how you can help kids learn to develop more of it. Show Notes: ·        There are many ways we can help kids develop more empathy resulting in them having greater courage, stronger relationships, and the ability to solve problems peacefully.·        Dr. Jordan describes what empathy is and the importance of perspective taking. He describes several ways he works with groups of girls in classrooms and at his camps to get in the shoes of their peers and see things from their point of view.·        There are numerous ways to support your children to develop more empathy including pretend play, reading together and reading history and pausing to ask questions about how characters are feeling and how they might feel in that situation. Dr. Jordan discusses the value of helping kids empathize with people who are different from them and to respect people of all races, religions, and other characteristics.·        He also points to the importance of acknowledging kids whenever they go out of their way to show kindness and compassion, in big ways and small.·        Finally, Dr. Jordan describes the African concept of Ubuntu as a way to think of empathy and interdependence. For more great ideas about supporting girl’s emotional lives, watch Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need 

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Show Notes:  There are reasons behind why parents micromanage, overprotect, overindulge, and become over-involved in their children’s lives. In this podcast you will learn about the concept of the vulnerable child syndrome and the effects … Why You Might be Overprotective and Overinvolved in Your Children’s Lives Read More »

Ever wondered if there are hidden reasons behind overprotective parenting? Join Dr. Tim Jordan as he uncovers the Vulnerable Child Syndrome and the haunting effects of “Ghosts in the nursery.” Learn how early experiences shape parenting and discover solutions to break free from the past’s influence.
Show Notes:There are reasons behind why parents micromanage, overprotect, overindulge, and become over-involved in their children’s lives. In this podcast, you will learn about the concept of the vulnerable child syndrome and the effects of “Ghosts in the nursery.”
Vulnerable child syndrome: kids become vulnerable to being parented differently because of experiences like problems getting pregnant, problems during the pregnancy, perinatal problems at delivery, or any issues in the baby’s 1st month. Worries about their child are planted in parent’s minds that sprout later on into ineffective parenting.
Ghosts in the nursery are any unresolved experiences or emotions from parent’s past that can resurface and “HAUNT” their parenting; Psychiatrist Selma Fraiberg describes them as visitors from the unremembered past of parents, the uninvited guests at the christening.”
Unresolved issues and feelings from parents past can include things like being neglected or abandoned, feeling shy and left out, living in a home with parents with addictions, problems with infertility or miscarriages, difficulties during the pregnancy, postnatal problems like slow weight gain or failure at nursing, or illnesses in the first year.
Dr. Jordan tells stories to illustrate each of these “ghosts” as well as the places where ghosts commonly appear: sleep issues, feeding, discipline and tantrums, dating, mental health concerns, school concerns, and letting go.
Solutions: Dr. Jordan describes the need for parents to become aware of any ghosts that may be affecting their parenting, bring any related feelings to the surface and express them in order to normalize them. These emotions will then no longer have power over you.
Parents can then make the connection between their ghost and their present parenting behavior = “Maybe that’s why I have such a hard time letting go”.
Contact Dr. Jordan: [email protected]
For more information about effective parenting strategies, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Keeping Your Family Grounded When You Are Flying By the Seat of Your Pants.

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Title: Our Children Deserve Better Than Aggression & War Show Notes: The war in Ukraine reveals our unhealthy conditioning about aggression, labeling, and focusing on differences. Dr. Jordan uses some insightful stories to raise points about why we use aggression to solve our problems, why labels can be so damaging, and the effect of the war on children. There are many things we can do to shift out of our conditioning to change our world view. Become aware of our conditioning and work at transcending it to a higher level of behavior and consciousness. Focus more on our commonalities than our differences. Treat others as they deserve to be treated, with kindness and compassion and understanding vs judgments and hatred. Here some pertinent quotes from Mr. Rogers about looking for the helpers during crisis times and how to transcend differences. Understand the African concept of ubuntu as described by Archbishop Desmond Tutu: Ubuntu is the essence of being a person. It means that we are people through other people. We cannot be fully human alone. We are made for interdependence; we are made for family. When you have ubuntu, you embrace others. For information about Dr. Jordan and his camps for girls and his publications, go to www.drtimjordan.com

Thank you for listening to my podcast.  Please join our community on our social media platforms and share with yours to help us grow!