Authenticity isn’t about trying to be authentic. It’s not something you force or perform. It’s who you are when you’re in your most natural, relaxed state—when you’re not overthinking how you come across or questioning if you’re enough.

But let’s be honest—most of us aren’t living from that place. Instead, we’re driven by a constant undercurrent of “I’m not enough as I am.” That belief creeps into everything—how we show up, what we say, what we hold back, and how much we feel we need to prove.

You know what I’m talking about. It’s the laugh you force when you don’t find something funny. It’s saying yes when every part of you wants to say no. It’s staying quiet when you’ve got so much you want to say. And in those moments, a small part of you shrinks.

The truth is, most of us are living out of alignment because we’re stuck in stories and patterns that make us believe we’re only worthy if we’re more—more successful, more liked, more agreeable, more perfect. And those stories? They’re exhausting.

But here’s the thing: they’re not you. They’re layers of conditioning, old patterns you’ve picked up along the way. Authenticity lives underneath all of that, in the part of you that’s still there, waiting for you to drop the act and just be.

In this episode, we’re getting real about what keeps us stuck, why we struggle to feel enough, and how to come back to your relaxed, real, authentic self. Because when you strip it all back, that’s who you’ve always been. Let’s uncover her together.

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In this episode, Steve and I are in a real-life scenario that could’ve turned into a full-blown issue—if we didn’t have the tools we do. And honestly? The “problem” wasn’t even real. It was one I’d made up in my head.

Here’s how it went down: I was feeling off with Steve. Frustrated, withholding love, and just carrying this low-level resentment. Add in a bit of LOL - I hadn’t actually communicated my needs to him. Not once. Instead, I expected him to read my mind, know what I needed, and magically fix it. Spoiler alert: he didn’t, and I got annoyed at him for it.

This is where one of our tools came into play: “Is there something we need to clear?” It’s a simple question, but it creates a space for honesty, connection, and truth. So, we used it, live on the podcast. I shared what was going on in my head, openly and vulnerably, even though it wasn’t pretty.

I admitted that I’d been expecting him to guess my needs and that my frustration wasn’t about him—it was about me not expressing myself. Just saying it out loud shifted everything. The heaviness lifted, and I landed back in my heart.

Steve, being the legend he is, listened without getting defensive. We talked it out, and by the end, what could’ve turned into a massive disconnect became a moment of deeper understanding.

This episode is for anyone who’s ever let an unspoken expectation create tension in their relationship. We share how to use this tool to clear the air and stay connected, even when things get messy. Because the truth is, your partner isn’t a mind reader, and you can’t hold them accountable for needs you don’t express.

Give it a listen—it’s a game-changer. And as always, we’d love to hear your thoughts and how this lands for you.

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Alrighty, I’m sharing three simple but powerful questions that can create real clarity and momentum in your life:

• What do you want to start doing?
• What do you want to stop doing?
• What do you want to keep doing?

These questions are beautifully straightforward, yet the answers they bring up can be deeply insightful. They give you a chance to reflect on what’s truly working for you, what’s not, and where you want to direct your energy moving forward. Whether you’re at the start of a new year or just need a reset, these are the kinds of questions that can shift the way you move through your life.

In this episode, I also talk about calling in a word or theme for the year ahead. My word for 2025 is unwavered—to continue in a strong, steady, and consistent way. It’s a far cry from how my life used to feel, swinging between extreme opposites. I was either all in, burning myself out trying to prove something, or completely out, shutting down and withdrawing because I couldn’t keep up with the chaos I created. 

But life isn’t lived well in the extremes. It’s in the steady, grounded space between where I’ve found real freedom. Approaching my life and the areas of it with a steadier, more intentional way has been an absolute game-changer. And that’s what unwavered means to me—showing up consistently, without needing to overdo it or collapse under the weight of it all.

If you’re feeling pulled to reflect on the year ahead, or if you’re craving a way to approach life with more clarity and steadiness, this episode is for you. Tune in now and let’s start, stop, and keep moving toward the life you want to create.

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In our final episode for 2024, Steve and I sat down for what has become a cherished tradition: our annual Partner Reflections. This is a practice we hold close to our hearts because it’s about more than just looking back on the year—it’s about truly seeing each other.

During this time, we reflect on what we’ve observed in the other person throughout the year. We share where we saw them grow, the challenges they faced, what we’re proud of in them, and what we hope for them in the year to come. It’s not just about acknowledgment; it’s about creating a space where we both feel deeply noticed, valued, and appreciated for who we are and who we’re becoming.

This process is raw and real, and it always deepens our love and connection. There’s something incredibly powerful about hearing your partner articulate what they’ve noticed in you—not in passing, but with intentionality and care. It reminds us that we’re paying attention to each other, even in the busyness of life, and that we’re rooting for one another every step of the way.

We hope sharing this inspires you to try your own version of Partner Reflections. It’s a beautiful way to close the year with gratitude and connection and set the foundation for more love, growth, and alignment in the year ahead. 

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In this episode, I’m sharing my theme for 2024: Plentiful. When this word came to me, it felt expansive, almost too big for the version of me who was used to letting things in just a little at a time. But I knew it was the one. Plentiful—existing in or yielding great quantities, abundant—moved through my life in ways my little ego self couldn’t predict but my soul knew what was needed. 

This theme cracked my heart open to what I had been rationing—love, freedom, joy, celebration, peace, pleasure. Things I’d been allowing in smaller doses, as if I didn’t deserve the fullness of them. But Plentiful asked me to stop limiting myself. It asked me to welcome and accept these things in abundance, not just when it felt safe or earned, but as my birthright.

It hasn’t always been comfortable. Letting in abundance means facing the parts of yourself that resist it. But the more I leaned into this theme, the more I realised how much beauty and growth comes when you stop holding back and start saying yes to more.

As you listen to this episode, I invite you to reflect: What was your theme for 2024? What are you ready to welcome into your life in greater quantities? What would it look like to fully embrace it, even when it feels bigger than what you’re used to? Let’s walk into the new year together, hearts wide open. 

EP Starting the year with clear intention
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In this episode of Ask Kat & Steve, we addressed a question from one of our listeners, Carole, about finding a mature man—something I know so many people can relate to. Steve shared some real gold from his dating experiences, talking about how he learned to be more intentional in how he approached dating. Early on, he realised the importance of vetting people better: asking deeper questions, jumping on a FaceTime call sooner rather than later, and paying attention to the vibe and connection right away.

But what really stood out was the clarity he brought to the process. Steve talked about setting a clear intention for the kind of energy he wanted in a partner. It wasn’t just about swiping based on looks—it was about looking deeper and trusting his intuition. That focus kept him from wasting time and energy on matches that didn’t align with what he was genuinely looking for.

For me, I shared how, for a long time, I attracted immature men—boys, really—because of where I was coming from. If I was feeling needy, I’d choose someone who reinforced that dynamic. And if I was in a hyper-independent phase, I’d attract people who might have been right, but I was closed. It wasn’t until I got more comfortable in myself—more grounded and aligned—that I started to see things more clearly. I could read the red flags, tune into my gut, and choose not to date someone if it didn’t feel right, rather than trying to force something that wasn’t there in the first place.

This conversation wasn’t just about dating tips; it was about the energy we bring to relationships and how that shapes who we attract. Whether you’re swiping on apps or meeting people in real life, it all starts with how well you know and trust yourself. That’s where the real shift happens.

EP Why she left love off her intention setting
EP Throw your relationship criteria list in the bin
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In this episode, I’m sharing an update on my perimenopause journey, thanks to a member of my community asking the question. It's been a chapter of life that has been anything but predictable. Working with Dr. Kirstey Holland has been a game-changer. We discovered that my progesterone levels were low, which caused my estrogen levels to spike. The result? Mood swings that left me feeling completely unrecognisable, heavy periods, moments of rage, crying on the bathroom floor, and just this deep sense of being not me.

Since starting on progesterone cream and a stack of supplements to address my gut health, it’s like I’ve found my way back to myself. My digestion is functioning well, the bloating is gone, the brain fog has lifted, my libido is back, and my mood feels steady. For the most part, I’m asymptomatic, which feels like a massive win considering where I started.

That said, there’s one thing that still throws me: the forgetfulness. It sneaks up on me in moments when I’m speaking or being interviewed, and it shakes my confidence. I catch myself feeling embarrassed or even stupid, which can be hard to shake. But this is a part of the cycle, and I’m learning to meet it with kindness rather than frustration. This stage of life is teaching me patience, humility, and how to trust my body as it shifts and changes.

If you’re navigating perimenopause, know this: you’re not alone, and there’s help out there. It’s about finding what works for you, paying attention to what your body’s telling you, and giving yourself grace as you figure it out. This isn’t a chapter we need to go through in silence. Let’s talk about it.

Episode #278 with Dr Kirstey Holland
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In this episode of *Ask Kat & Steve*, we answered a listener’s question about navigating the complexities of blended families. She asked how to handle the difficult, messy moments and how to eventually feel like she fits in as part of a real and authentic family. This is a question that hits home for us because we’ve lived it, and we know how challenging those “ick” moments can feel when everything seems out of sync. 

Steve and I shared the key principles we come back to time and again: honest communication and understanding the unique dynamics of the kids in the family. It’s about paying attention to their triggers, quirks, and egos—knowing what sets them off and how to bring them back to their relaxed, authentic state of being. It’s not about fixing them but holding space for who they are while remaining grounded ourselves. No easy feat may I add!

We also talked about the work we do on ourselves, which is the foundation for everything. If we’re not checking in with our own triggers and patterns, we can’t show up as the united front the kids need. Blended families aren’t about pretending to be perfect or forcing connection; it’s about consistently doing the work to build trust, create safety, and let the relationships evolve naturally. It’s a beautiful mess.

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In this episode, I share about a recent rupture between Mia, my bonus daughter, and me. It wasn’t a blow-up or anything dramatic, but it was one of those subtle disconnects that can quietly erode a relationship if left unchecked. She’d been popping in every day before and after school when she was with her mum, and while I love her , I found myself withdrawing—not because I didn’t want her around, but because I wasn’t voicing my own needs. The energy I was shutting down felt wrong, felt inauthentic, and I knew I had to address it.

So, we went for a walk. Walking often helps open up the conversation in a way sitting across a table can’t. I asked her why she pops in every day, and she explained how much those moments mean to her, because she misses us. I shared honestly how those pop-ins impact me—when I’m in the middle of something important with work or needing quiet time. That conversation opened up something in both of us. We weren’t trying to defend ourselves; we were just hearing each other out.

What came next was so simple yet so powerful. By acknowledging each other’s feelings and needs, we were able to agree on something that worked for both of us. It wasn’t about compromise in a way where someone had to lose. It was about meeting in the middle from a place of mutual respect and care. That repair felt real, grounded, and authentic, and it goes to show every damn time that facing these ruptures—no matter how uncomfortable—is what keeps relationships healthy and alive.

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In this episode, Steve and I are breaking down the decision we made to sleep separately, which, at first, was just about his snoring. It was disrupting our nights, leaving me on edge, waiting to see if I'd get a full night's sleep or end up dragging myself through the next day. But as we moved into this new setup, we realised it was about much more than just noise.

The truth is, we both need different things at the end of the day. Steve winds down with a show or something on his screen, giving him that moment of mental break. I’m the opposite. I want quiet, my salt lamp, a candle, and a book that pulls me away from everything external. And I like being in bed by 9 pm, whereas he naturally leans into a later night. Our decision to sleep apart evolved into something we didn’t expect – we could actually honor our individual needs without it taking anything away from us as a couple.

And here’s the thing: we love it! Since making this change, we’re more connected because we're not hating on each other. There’s no underlying frustration, no waiting for someone else to adjust or sacrifice their comfort. We cuddle when we want to, we’re close in the mornings, and both of us wake up fresher, more grounded. It’s not a sign of distance; it’s a deeper respect for what each of us needs to be at our best, so that when we’re together, we’re fully there. For anyone feeling boxed in by what they think a relationship *should* look like, this is a reminder: authenticity doesn’t follow a rulebook.

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