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In this episode of *Ask Kat & Steve*, we answered a listener’s question about navigating the complexities of blended families. She asked how to handle the difficult, messy moments and how to eventually feel like she fits in as part of a real and authentic family. This is a question that hits home for us because we’ve lived it, and we know how challenging those “ick” moments can feel when everything seems out of sync. 

Steve and I shared the key principles we come back to time and again: honest communication and understanding the unique dynamics of the kids in the family. It’s about paying attention to their triggers, quirks, and egos—knowing what sets them off and how to bring them back to their relaxed, authentic state of being. It’s not about fixing them but holding space for who they are while remaining grounded ourselves. No easy feat may I add!

We also talked about the work we do on ourselves, which is the foundation for everything. If we’re not checking in with our own triggers and patterns, we can’t show up as the united front the kids need. Blended families aren’t about pretending to be perfect or forcing connection; it’s about consistently doing the work to build trust, create safety, and let the relationships evolve naturally. It’s a beautiful mess.

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In this episode, I share about a recent rupture between Mia, my bonus daughter, and me. It wasn’t a blow-up or anything dramatic, but it was one of those subtle disconnects that can quietly erode a relationship if left unchecked. She’d been popping in every day before and after school when she was with her mum, and while I love her , I found myself withdrawing—not because I didn’t want her around, but because I wasn’t voicing my own needs. The energy I was shutting down felt wrong, felt inauthentic, and I knew I had to address it.

So, we went for a walk. Walking often helps open up the conversation in a way sitting across a table can’t. I asked her why she pops in every day, and she explained how much those moments mean to her, because she misses us. I shared honestly how those pop-ins impact me—when I’m in the middle of something important with work or needing quiet time. That conversation opened up something in both of us. We weren’t trying to defend ourselves; we were just hearing each other out.

What came next was so simple yet so powerful. By acknowledging each other’s feelings and needs, we were able to agree on something that worked for both of us. It wasn’t about compromise in a way where someone had to lose. It was about meeting in the middle from a place of mutual respect and care. That repair felt real, grounded, and authentic, and it goes to show every damn time that facing these ruptures—no matter how uncomfortable—is what keeps relationships healthy and alive.

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In this episode, Steve and I are breaking down the decision we made to sleep separately, which, at first, was just about his snoring. It was disrupting our nights, leaving me on edge, waiting to see if I'd get a full night's sleep or end up dragging myself through the next day. But as we moved into this new setup, we realised it was about much more than just noise.

The truth is, we both need different things at the end of the day. Steve winds down with a show or something on his screen, giving him that moment of mental break. I’m the opposite. I want quiet, my salt lamp, a candle, and a book that pulls me away from everything external. And I like being in bed by 9 pm, whereas he naturally leans into a later night. Our decision to sleep apart evolved into something we didn’t expect – we could actually honor our individual needs without it taking anything away from us as a couple.

And here’s the thing: we love it! Since making this change, we’re more connected because we're not hating on each other. There’s no underlying frustration, no waiting for someone else to adjust or sacrifice their comfort. We cuddle when we want to, we’re close in the mornings, and both of us wake up fresher, more grounded. It’s not a sign of distance; it’s a deeper respect for what each of us needs to be at our best, so that when we’re together, we’re fully there. For anyone feeling boxed in by what they think a relationship *should* look like, this is a reminder: authenticity doesn’t follow a rulebook.

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Today’s episode speaks to those quiet, insistent yearnings in our hearts—the ones we often overlook or silence because they seem too risky, or even impossible. These yearnings are like markers, guiding us toward authentic living, toward a life and self that truly feel like “home.” Yet, too often, old pains and familiar wounds override these inner pulls. We get trapped in predictable patterns, repeating behaviors we think will protect us but really only keep us confined, far from the life we’d love to live.

This is something I’ve experienced firsthand, how the wounds we carry have a way of weaving into our habits, and they convince us that staying put, sticking to what we know, is the safest option. But what’s at stake when we keep ignoring our deepest yearnings? The cost is our authenticity—our ability to live and express who we genuinely are, free from the masks and patterns we hide behind.

In today’s episode, I’m here to speak directly to that part of you—the one that’s ready to consider, or even take, the next step toward living a life aligned with who you are at your core. It might feel confronting or uncomfortable, but that discomfort is a signal that something real is knocking, something that wants to be heard and finally acknowledged.

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So, here's the thing. We all make promises, right? Promises to ourselves about showing up, doing the things we say matter to us, and yet sometimes—especially when we’re tired, grumpy, or just not feeling it—we slack off. I had one of those mornings. Crap sleep, not in the mood, and all I wanted to do was skip my 3-good-minute practice. I almost didn’t do it. But in those three minutes—literally just three minutes—everything shifted. I was reminded of just how much those small, oh-so-little practices actually are treasure for the soul. They’re not just “habits” or “things to tick off the list.” They’re a way to reconnect, to remind ourselves of who we are, and what we care about.

That got me thinking—where are we placing our fucks? Are we giving our energy to the promises we said we'd make matter? And if not, why? Why do we say these things are important but then ditch them when the mood doesn’t feel right? It’s in these little moments, these small practices, that we build the foundation for the big things. And when we keep skipping them, what we’re really skipping is the chance to nourish ourselves on a deeper level.

After my 3-good-minute practice, a message came through so clearly: it’s the simple things that do funny things to our hearts. Moments like watching the moon’s shine, the stars, the wind moving through a plant, and it hit me—those simple, quiet moments have so much more to offer than the ego could ever recognize. They’re where the magic is. So, no matter how tired, grumpy, or off I am, I’ll keep showing up for those three good minutes because they move me in ways I can’t even explain. And I bet they’ll do the same for you if you give them a chance.

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In today's episode I talk about the rhythms of life and why it’s so damn important to recognize and respect them. Life isn’t meant to be lived in a constant sprint, nor is it about chilling in sloth mode all the time. It’s about knowing when to sprint, when to run, when to jog, when to walk, and when to just sit the fuck down and embrace the nothingness. Each rhythm has its own place and purpose, and if we’re always stuck in one gear, we end up paying the price—whether it’s burnout or letting our dreams slip through the cracks.

Coming off the back of my book launch and tour, I’m deep in this right now. The pace has shifted. I’ve hit that phase where I’m taking a slow-ass walk, and it’s exactly what I need. I could easily get caught up in the momentum and keep running, but I know better. If I push myself to sprint after months of nonstop effort, my well-being will suffer. And let’s be real, what’s the point of all the success if I’m too exhausted to actually enjoy it? The slow walk isn’t about being lazy or slacking off; it’s about preserving my energy and recalibrating before the next push. It’s intentional. It’s necessary.

It’s not always easy, though. There’s a little voice in my head saying, “You should be doing more,” trying to convince me that if I’m not moving at full speed, I’m somehow failing. But I’m choosing to trust the rhythm I’m in right now because I know what’s at stake if I don’t. There’s a cost to living in a constant sprint—it’s your well-being, your peace of mind. But there’s also a cost to staying in the land of “sit back and wait,” where you’re not pushing at all, and that’s the cost of your potential, your dreams, your growth.

So, wherever you’re at in the rhythm of your life, honor it. If you need to sprint, give it everything you’ve got. If you’re in a walking phase like I am right now, lean into it. The rhythm will change, as it always does, but what matters is that you’re paying attention to the pace your life is calling for.

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In today's episode I talk about the rhythms of life and why it’s so damn important to recognise and respect them. Life isn’t meant to be lived in a constant sprint, nor is it about chilling in sloth mode all the time. It’s about knowing when to sprint, when to run, when to jog, when to walk, and when to just sit the fuck down and embrace the nothingness. Each rhythm has its own place and purpose, and if we’re always stuck in one gear, we end up paying the price—whether it’s burnout or letting our dreams slip through the cracks.

Coming off the back of my book launch and tour, I’m deep in this right now. The pace has shifted. I’ve hit that phase where I’m taking a slow-ass walk, and it’s exactly what I need. I could easily get caught up in the momentum and keep running, but I know better. If I push myself to sprint after months of nonstop effort, my well-being will suffer. And let’s be real, what’s the point of all the success if I’m too exhausted to actually enjoy it? The slow walk isn’t about being lazy or slacking off; it’s about preserving my energy and recalibrating before the next push. It’s intentional. It’s necessary.

It’s not always easy, though. There’s a little voice in my head saying, “You should be doing more,” trying to convince me that if I’m not moving at full speed, I’m somehow failing. But I’m choosing to trust the rhythm I’m in right now because I know what’s at stake if I don’t. There’s a cost to living in a constant sprint—it’s your well-being, your peace of mind. But there’s also a cost to staying in the land of “sit back and wait,” where you’re not pushing at all, and that’s the cost of your potential, your dreams, your growth.

So, wherever you’re at in the rhythm of your life, honor it. If you need to sprint, give it everything you’ve got. If you’re in a walking phase like I am right now, lean into it. The rhythm will change, as it always does, but what matters is that you’re paying attention to the pace your life is calling for.

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Steve and I had one of those weeks where we both found ourselves caught up in focusing on what wasn’t going right, what was missing, or what we thought we should be doing better. It happens, right? You get into a headspace where you’re just seeing everything through this lens of ‘not enough.’ And when you’re in that space, it’s not just you who feels it; it impacts the whole dynamic. We were both touchy and disconnected, almost like roommates just getting by.

Then we decided to actually talk about it, which—let’s be honest—can be hard to do when you’re in that kind of mindset. But as soon as we acknowledged what was going on, it was like a weight lifted. We decided to make a conscious shift, focusing on what we do have and what’s right here, right now. And it changed everything. It didn’t just lighten our moods; it lifted the whole vibe in the house.

That night turned into one of those spontaneous, beautiful moments where we found ourselves singing, dancing, and just being present with each other. It wasn’t planned or forced; it was just a natural result of deciding to show up differently. It reminded me how quickly things can turn around when you’re willing to shift your perspective—even just a little bit. Sometimes, it’s the smallest adjustments that lead to the most significant changes.

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I want to share some real-life updates with you – the and-ness of life. My life right now is amazing. My book is out there, I’m working with incredible clients, and I feel deeply aligned with my purpose. But here’s the thing – alongside all of that, my old patterns still show up. Those sneaky thoughts that want to pull me back into old ways of thinking, like doubting myself, or feeling like I need to rush to get "there" – whatever 'there' is.

This podcast episode is about embracing both: the highs and the challenges. Life isn’t about waiting to reach some destination where everything’s perfect. It’s about recognising that great things can happen while difficult things are happening too. I’m in the very practice right now that it’s okay to hold space for both – to feel gratitude for the good, and at the same time, navigate the hard stuff without making it mean I’m doing something wrong.

We’re so conditioned to think life should be all sunshine or all storm – but that’s not the whole picture. It’s the and-ness of life that we need to normalise. We can be thriving in one area while still working through old patterns in another. It’s all part of the ride. So, let’s talk about how we can navigate this together without constantly chasing the illusion of “there.” We’re already here, and that’s more than enough.

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Lately, Steve and I have been making a real effort to focus on gratitude, and it’s been a game changer. It’s easy to fall into the trap of noticing what the other hasn’t done, isn’t doing, or the little habits that get under your skin. But with gratitude, it shifts where our attention goes. Instead of zeroing in on what’s missing, we’re paying attention to what’s right in front of us—what we *are* doing for each other.

It’s not fluffy or forced, either. Gratitude isn’t about pretending everything is perfect, but it keeps us from getting stuck in the usual patterns of taking things for granted. Steve doesn’t need to do anything huge to make me feel appreciated. It’s the small stuff, like how he’ll step up and do something I didn’t expect, or even just his consistency that I might’ve overlooked before. When I take a second to actually notice, it shifts my mindset from irritation to, "Yeah, he’s got my back."

And the thing is, when we make gratitude a habit, it creates less space for resentment to build. We all have annoying habits or things we forget to do, but when we’re genuinely practicing gratitude, those things don’t seem as big of a deal. It keeps the focus on what’s working, and we end up appreciating each other more for it. It’s not magic, but it definitely helps keep things in perspective.

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