Rebel Buddhist

In this episode we explore one aspect of our Dharma, our purpose in life.

People often think this is one thing. Like, when people say “I’ve always known I wanted to be a marine biologist, ever since I was a kid.”

Or, “I just knew I was going to be a teacher.”

But the truth is, many of us have multiple strengths and passions that we long to share with the world - especially freedom junkies like my clients, and like you rebels out there listening to this podcast -  but we never give ourselves permission to explore and cultivate them.

One term used to describe a person with many passions is “multi-passionate,” and here’s what usually happens when someone is a multi-passionate:

• You notice that bright shiny object (aka new passion)
• Then uber-obsession kicks in and you think about it all the freakin’ time
• Then you take a deep breath and dive in. You learn all you can. You immerse yourself in it. If you’re like me, it make look like an obsession.
• Then, you start doing it - the new hobby or the new adventure
• And eventually, once you got it figured out or learned “enough,” you may ditch it, or quickly finish it up/get it over with...or add another passion to the list

Can you relate?

Other characteristics of multi-passionate people:

// They love to learn. That’s me 100%. I budget thousands of dollars a year just for learning.  I love it THAT much. I wish school was free. But it’s not. So I have to reign it in a bit.

// Multi-passionates also read widely in divergent areas that often are not connected.

Like how what I’m reading now ranges from a revisiting of Martha Beck’s Steering By Starlight, Michael Benavov’s Men of Salt, about a man’s journey along the Sahara’s ancient salt trade route, and the “green journal” of the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology. Seriously.

But what ends up happening with multipassionates is that as a result of this exposure to so many things, we have tons of idea babies.

We start to see connections across seemingly disparate areas - and for people that get really good at it, there are brilliant new discoveries, inventions, new ways to apply things, amazing collaborations.

Justine Musk, who was formerly married to Elon Musk, the founder of PayPal and the CEO of Tesla and SpaceX (another multi-passionate, right?) once gave some advice about how to become a billionaire. She recommended choosing something unique and helpful that no computer could replicate, and to master that. Then to choose a second thing and become the master of that as well. Then she said, “Introduce hot ideas to each other, so they can have idea sex and make idea babies that no one has seen before”.

Brilliant!

And this, fellow humans, is what a multi-passionate at their best can do!

So it’s actually a blessing to have so many interests, especially when we let our brains explore the different ways we can combine them all

We know a lot about ...a lot!

Some examples of multi-passionates are people like Leonardo DaVinci who was a scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, musician, and writer...he’s been credited with inventing the helicopter too!

Then there’s Maya Angelou. I mean, she has done so much. She danced at a strip joint, ran a brothel, mastered several languages (after not speaking for 5 years as a kid), published a variety of books from cooking to children’s books to poetry. She wrote plays and screenplays and acted in them (she was even nominated for an Emmy!)! And more. I mean what the what????

Another characteristic of multi-passionates is they have the ability to focus on a given topic for a long period of time. Many people think multi-passionates have ADHD - and many might, but actually most MPs can also deeply focus on a topic – but with the caveat that they can focus on a given topic as long as it is necessary to learn what they need to know. After that, they move on.

And this powerful ability to focus is not to the exclusion of everything else.

Rather, it is a stepping-stone to the next thing!

The thing that causes a lot of suffering in all this for MPs is that lots of us freak out about having to choose one thing.

We don’t want to.

But the world really really really wants us to.

And we feel that our changing directions lead others to see it as proof that we are confused or something.

And we worry people might see us as flaky.

I know when I was first starting to strut my multipassionate colors, I would also constantly feel really self-conscious when people at parties would ask, “What do you do?” Where do I even start?

Even my hair stylist - she said, “Hey what exactly do you do? I was telling someone about you and how you help women get more confidence and build resilience and have more adventure...but I realized I didn’t know exactly what you DO?”

And that’s because it doesn't fit into a box, my friends.

Multi-passionates often hear, “Why don’t you just do the safe thing instead? The ‘normal’ thing. The obvious thing?”

And our response is usually...because that seems kind of boring.

And people don’t get that, especially those folks that are totally content with doing their one thing.

Even though I have a truly amazing life now, for much of it I often felt judged. I felt like people thought I was lazy, or scattered, a dilettante, Jill of All Trades (Master of None), unable to focus. “Why can’t she just pick one thing and stick to it?”
 

Barhara Sherer, who wrote the book Refuse to Choose, said, “You are the owner of a remarkable, multi-talented brain trying to do its work in a world that doesn’t understand who you are and doesn’t know why you behave as you do.”

When I read that, it put all the things that other people criticized me for in a positive light. I finally felt seen. Understood.

Once I embraced this aspect of who I was, I was able to piece all my passions together into a mandala of sorts that works for me. I’ve done everything from being a massage therapist and a New York Times paper girl, a nurse, international climbing guide, yoga teacher, midwife, professor, Master Life Coach – and more! There is a lot to be passionate about within both coaching and the medical field, so they keep me quite content;)

I want to make it clear here: you don’t have to choose one thing.

One of my superpowers as a coach is being able to see the passions of my clients and helping them create a lifestyle that allows them to LIVE it all. Just like the amazing multi-passionates before them. So many idea babies get born!

You can create a mandala like I did, fitting in multiple passions at once. You can drop into one passion for awhile and then move on to the next when you’re ready. You can do it your way.

Don’t worry about “having” to pick one.

How do you weave together your own mandala in life?

In this episode I talk about the importance of:

Fulling owning being a MP
 

Managing your mind around it.
 

Choosing who you share your passion projects with with care.

When to decide that a passion is a long-term project and what it means for entrepreneurs

And lastly, the importance of letting people be wrong about you and your myriad passions.

In short, if you’re a rebel multipassionate, I want to challenge you to own your multipassionism and strut it! Fly that freak flag and wave it in the air. You are a miracle. You are unique. We need you to do you, your way.

// What having a multi-passionate brain looks like

// Do all multi-passionate people have ADD

// 6 key tips for how to create your own multi-passionate lifestyle

// How to fly your Freak Flag with pride

// Click here to listen to Episode 36 How to Let People Be Wrong About You

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open for a limited time. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more. 

Every now and then I get comments about charging for what I teach. Like how dare I teach certain tools and charge for them. How can I charge to help people to stop overdrinking? Or have less anxiety? Or how to manage their mind? Or how to feel free?

They say it is very “unspiritual” of me, very “un-Buddhist” of me, to earn a living helping people this way.

So I wanted to discuss the concept of “right-livelihood” more in-depth, because I think there are some big misunderstandings of what right livelihood is - and a misunderstanding of the teachings and how they were created for monastics and the way it is different in teachings for lay people.

These misunderstandings lead to a lot of people with good hearts and amazing skills not making a living doing what they love because they have some old stories about what is a noble way to earn a living.

“Right Livelihood” is a traditional Buddhist teaching and is considered one of the factors of the eight-fold path to enlightenment. The idea is you follow these 8 guidelines and they help create the conditions that make attaining enlightenment easier.

I find it helpful to not interpret these as commandments per se, which a lot of people are used to. Many of us grew up being told hey if you do this spiritual thing you're good and will go to the happy place, and if not then you go to the really bad place.

So when most of us hear about things we “should” or should not do, we run for the hills, right? Or we run straight towards what we’re not supposed to do

I know I do! And I know many of you rebels do too.

The way I was taught was to see them like they are like a recipe, a proven recipe from a really good chef.

Sure, we could come up with our own recipe, but if we want to make life easier on the path that we choose, we might want to follow some advice from those that have gone before us and see if it works for us. So we check for ourself if practicing right speech, right actions, right livelihood etc helps us grow spiritually.

If it does, great! If not, then we can choose to leave it.

Right livelihood is part of a series of recommendations that makes attaining enlightenment easier.

Jack Kornfield said, “Right Livelihood is considered a part of the way to enlightenment most simply because it’s very hard to meditate after a day of killing and stealing! We can use our work as a practice and a form of meditation.”

I totally relate to that. Essentially, right livelihood is refraining from types of work that cause harm to other living beings

It’s about avoiding trades that directly or indirectly harm others, and the examples traditionally given are like selling slaves, weapons, animals for slaughter, intoxicants, or poison.

But ultimately, the teaching of right livelihood is about ethical livelihood. And that, I think, helps the term right livelihood be more clear.

But there is a lot of muddled energy around money and its role in right livelihood

Like sexuality and desire, money is a form of energy - and it's quite neutral.

It can be used in beneficial ways, and it can be used in destructive ways.

And in most people, it comes with a serving of shame - either feeling ashamed to have been born with it, or ashamed to not have enough of it.

We add to that the spiritual teachings we hear about renunciation that reinforce a negative judgment of it, and shame. Monastics are taught not to touch it, and that they can only beg for food and can’t buy it.

And then our money stories get mixed with greed, and desire, and all of those things together with it and whew...it becomes a lot.

What's our role in a culture with wide disparities between the rich and poor? And are we participating in the injustice of it? Are we contributing to the solution?

Should we have money or give it all away? And in a society where money is power, how does that influence things?

It’s not black and white – it is complex, and it is something that we have to contemplate and really pay attention.

You might ask if you should take a certain job and make a bunch of money and wonder if it is ethical or not.

Or what to do when the family is fighting over an inheritance.

Or how to spend some money you came across.

Or what you're willing to do to get out of poverty.

But ultimately, we want to understand that money is energy and that money is an expression of the energy of the world.

And if we take that energy and combine it with a vision of a world that is more caring and more just, and with integrity, then it can do amazing things

There are a lot of teachings for us that who are not monks and nuns that are really important, and I share some of them in this episode. They're not emphasized much because most of what was written down in the Buddhist tradition was written for monastics, but they are there.

Ultimately, you want to get comfortable with money and look at your own relationship to it.  And then you're going to have to get clear on your relationship to it in how you choose to earn a living.

When I asked Jack Kornfield about how to handle it when someone gets upset that people charge for classes, he told me that we aren’t going to be able to please everyone. Someone will also be upset with what we choose. And we need to really introspect and reflect so that we like are reasons for doing what we’re doing and feel OK about it.

So I want to invite that to you as well.

And I know some of you out there think that the easy way out is to not charge - then no one will be upset with you.

But I want to share a story with you: People will ask me to charge less for my courses, so every now and then I have a donation-only sale for my most popular course. LOTS of people sign up for it and donate $1, or $100...but who finishes it? NONE of them.

Who finishes the courses? The people in Freedom School - and especially the people who sign up for a full year in advance! There’s a sense of commitment there.

So this isn't to say that's the right way to do it.

But what it is saying is that we live in a culture where money is a part of how people show value of their intention and their investment in something.

And you need to really reflect and find what is a healthy way for you.

You might be in a community where charging is the wrong thing.

And there might be communities where the best thing you can do is to offer your time without charging.

But those are things that you want to get comfortable exploring, and then find your own way.

And then use it to create benefit.

You’ve heard me say in many episodes that I hope you use what you learn to benefit the world.

So first is to not cause harm with the money that you make.

Then, do things that have value to yourself and others. Create a benefit,

That’s right livelihood, in its essence.

Remember: you also don't actually own the money. It’s energy. When we leave this body, we don't get to keep it.

But what you can do is be the steward of it. In Hawai’i they have a word malama, meaning “to take care of, tend, attend, care for, preserve, protect.” That’s how we want to relate to our money.

And we take care to not let attachment and fear and greed drive us.

So this is another important area where mindfulness can help us, because the only way to do that is to try to become conscious of it, to make it a conscious process.

// What it means to earn money in an ethical way
// Is it ethical to an earn money helping and healing people? 
// What “right livelihood” means – for those of us who aren’t monks and nuns 
// Why money isn’t evil – and why it’s amazing 
// Why the best answer isn’t to give everything away for free

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. Enrollment is open for a limited time. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.  

Today we dive deeper into how desire fits into our life when we want to continue to evolve spiritually and act in ways that are compassionate to the earth and to others.

A lot of people think of desire as this thing that we develop… but really, we have desire wired into us as humans.

The essence of what Buddhism offers and teaches through mindfulness, lovingkindness, and compassion, is freedom of the heart. Not “needing” things, not being attached to things. But rather inner freedom. As a result, desire and attachment are often misunderstood.

And all the practices that I’ve learned and that I teach here and in Freedom School  - all the ways that we work with our minds - are to invite that sense of true inner and outer freedom. To cultivate a release from fear, a release from all the entanglements of life.

Often the root of so much suffering is resisting what IS because we are attached to how we’d rather have it be.

So where do desire and attachment fit in when freedom is our goal?

One important thing to remember is that freedom is not a freedom to remove ourselves from the world, but to actually be more fully present and free to know, to respond, to be open to life, and to find a wholeness in each moment.

And the amazing thing is that when you meet people who have this sense of freedom, it's contagious. You can feel it in some way. You can tell when they walk in the room. You’re like, “I want me somma that!”

Here WE are in this human incarnation. And need and desire is a real thing.

We need money for rent, and we need food, and job security, and health insurance, and a sense of belonging, right?

And yet desire also can be a weight, an entanglement, and a cause of suffering.

So how do we deal with desire in our life? Especially because it's not just the desires we have for external things, but we can have that same unhealthy desire come into our spiritual practice as well.

Kabir, a great mystic, says, "Friend, please tell me what I can do about this world that I hold to and keep spinning around. I gave up sewn clothes and wore a robe. But one day I noticed the cloth was well-woven, so I bought some burlap. But I still throw it elegantly over my left shoulder. I pulled back my sexual longings and now I discover I'm angry a lot. I gave up rage and now I notice I'm greedy all day. I worked hard at dissolving the greed, and now I'm proud of myself."

What does it mean to work with desire and to ease both the grasping and the attachments inwardly, or to the views and opinions that we have?

The Buddha said that those who are strongly attached to their views go around the world annoying people. Truth of that is so apparent right now.

We live in an addicted society, where consumerism is focused on keeping you busy to take the edge off your challenging emotions, and keep you busy with your fixes so you don't actually notice the problems with racism, or with the environment and climate change, and warring nations and suffering refugees.

"Here, buy something. Drink something. Smoke something. Do do DO something. Distract yourself in some way."

We live in a society that keeps us from actually being present for the way things are.

The misunderstanding of desire and attachment seems to be how people think there are only two choices:

1) You either abandon it and release it
2) or you grasp it -  which creates suffering

A big part of the spiritual talk you might here is about non-attachment and that we're supposed to give up desire.

But underneath the desire is really a longing.

And the longing can be for companionship, acceptance, security, love, adventure, feeling ALIVE

There is longing that is meaningful and healthy, and also that which hooks us, right?

In this episode, we explore how there is healthy attachment and unhealthy attachment, healthy desire and unhealthy desire.

The key lies in understanding desire and attachment.

This also means we become familiar with the absence of desire and attachment,

What we often find in its absence is love, stillness, attention, care, aliveness.

In Latin, the root of "desire" is desiderare, which means "away from your star."

Tara Brach pointed out that we can interpret that as “when there's a longing or desire, there's some perception that we are away from the source of what we are, what we long for and what we need.”

But we have the ability to fulfill our longing within us.

This desire + attachment?

We are ...being human.

Learning the art of living in this body with all its wants and needs and desires and longings.

Mary Oliver, in her poem Wild Geese, says, “Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.”

Often, as humans, our deepest longing is that of belonging.

And we can remember that we actually become what we're longing for when we allow it in a healthy way.

So remember: we train with not just the state of feeling desire and longing, but also the experience of what's happening when there is no craving or resisting

What we often find is that we have...enough.

// The difference between healthy and unhealthy desire + attachment
// How to manage the guilt and shame that arise when working with desire
// How to begin understanding desire
// The life experiences available to us when attachment is absent
// What we are really longing for when we desire something
// Why we can still experience life to its fullest when we release attachment

// This episode was inspired by a training I received with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach in their Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Training program.

// I’ve got a free training starting soon – How to Find Freedom When You’re Feeling Trapped
If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com and you’ll also receive notifications for the free training, as well as any future ones I do. The kit has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next chapter of your life the best one yet, join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more. Go to www.JoinFreedomSchool.com

Last week we talked about how important it was to be able to start to embody the person you need to be in order to create the future you want – you need to already think feel and act like that person who has already achieved the things in life you want to manifest. Whether that is a future of more kindness. More freedom. Most justice for all... no matter what you want to manifest, the principles are the same.

And like you may have heard me say before: the things we talk about here don’t pick sides. It's not like manifesting work and thought work is only effective for peace and love and funding non-profits.

Depending on what we choose to focus our energies on - our thoughts and feelings - we can also manifest negative things, things that don’t benefit the greater good or ourselves. Or we can be very selfish with what we use these things for.

So when we do work manifesting material things, I try to always remember why - what is the purpose of this? If it is because I think it will make me happy, I need to rethink this.

But if is it fun? Then YES

If it is a challenge? Then YES

Will it solve some problem so I can put my energy to more important things? YES.

And my favorite: Will creating this help me evolve?

Then HELL YES!

So we need to be very intentional with what we manifest. And because compassion and integrity are big values here at Rebel Buddhist, I think we also need to be mindful of how what we manifest impacts others - the world, the earth, people in other countries, future generations, our neighbors, other sentient beings.

It’s not abundance that creates evil or corrupts. I don’t believe that for a second. I know way too many amazing philanthropists and good that has come out of abundance.

Rather, it’s how we get there, and what we do with it, yeah?

So I want to teach you a very powerful tool that I use often, and with it comes some responsibility, so I want to ask that you please use it to go out there and make this world a better place - to help you live your purpose and make the most of this one precious life, and to have a ripple effect to inspire others and help the world be a more joyful and kind place where humans get back to what they were meant to do: enjoying the precious life.

This process is called the 4-Step Mini-Visualization.

Visualization is a very valuable technique. It’s when you go through a process or experience within your mind’s eye and it helps with planning and with taking actions and performance, which is why it’s used by many entrepreneurs and athletes as well

But don’t think it's just for what some would call “worldly goals.” As I mentioned last week, one of the first visualizations I was ever taught was with Lama Zopa Rinpoche, and he taught me to visualize myself as Shakyamuni Buddha and to picture myself as already enlightened, to feel my body as Shakyamuni Buddha’s, and to see myself acting with the utmost kindness and compassion and selflessness of a Buddha.

And it definitely helped me be more kind, compassionate, and selfless.

Visualization works in many contexts because we are BEING that which we wish to be - and that - as you learned in the last episode - is one of the keys to creating what you want in life.

This particular technique is meant to be relatively quick, and I use it when I have something happening relatively soon that I want to go a certain way - like an interview, or a program launch, or a meeting, a difficult conversation.

In this episode I’ll walk you through the 4 steps in detail so you can show up in a way that you’re proud of in any scenario – whether that’s confident, compassionate, calm, excited...whatever way you need to show up to impact the world in the way that you want.

Why do we even both with visualization?

Because if you can’t even visualize it, it can’t even happen.

But if you can imagine it, now it has the possibility of happening.

You’ve been there maybe, or a perhaps you’ve had a friend who’s been there - where we try to imagine a better outcome for something we’re super upset about and we think, “Oh wow...I can’t even imagine what that would be like.”

Well, exactly, and too bad because then it aint’ going to happen!

So the creation of a new reality begins with imagining it.

This goes for your next job.

Your next orgasm.

Your next vacation

Your next relationship

Your next meeting

And it can expand to your community - how you show up as a leader, mentor, an inspiration

The world we want to create - how do we go into that meeting and convince someone we need to prioritize black lives?

Cut back on carbon emissions?

Increase the number of BIPOC hired?

Give women equal pay, create a safer work environment?

Advocate for Universal Healthcare and a liveable minimum wage?

Can you see that it is ALL connected? How the principles or manifesting are universal?

I recommend you do this visualization a few times a day working up to the event, and FOR SURE do this right before it.

And FEEL those feelings in your bones. In every cell of your body.

See it as happening. As good as DONE!

If we want a better world, rebels, we need to be able to visualize it.

We need to visualize what it would look like - and HOW we show up in its creation, what our role is.

So, what is that going to be for you, rebel?

What’s that thing you’ve got coming up or looming over your head that you want to totally rock

How do you want to show up during that? What do you want to create?

And how will you be feeling as you create it?

FEEL THAT NOW.

Sure, we’re going to need to take courageous action. Massive action, in fact, to make all that happen as well.

But when we use these tools, we are way more likely to take effective action in creating the life we want. Which means we move closer to it each time.

// what the hell visualization is in the first place

// why visualization works

// the exact steps of 4-Step Mini-Visualization Technique

// how to practice so you can show up in any situation in a way that you’re proud of

// the ethics of manifesting

Us humans tend to think that it is only when we finally achieve our goals or dreams that we can feel more confident and happier and experience more self-love...and more worthy. And not before.

But this is actually backwards...and I explain why in this episode.

What a lot of people miss is that in order to manifest that life you just visualized, you need to start BEING - thinking, feeling, ACTING as the person who already has manifested those things

And this is probably the most important part to actually manifesting that life you are dreaming of.

Many of us think we need to wait until we reach the goal to feel complete, to feel successful, to feel accomplished, confident, loved, worthy.

But the trick is that like attracts like - your energy will attract things to it that are similar. What makes up your energy are your thoughts, your beliefs...and your emotions and what you do/don’t do.

So if you’re stuck in lacking and needing and having a pity party and not allowing yourself to be happy until you achieve something...how do you think that energy is?

And what do you think it attracts? Probably a lot of scarcity thoughts, which lead to missed opportunities and distractions and worry and thinking about the past... and overall attracting more scarcity and less abundance.

Now you may think this is BS. A lot of people think, “Well, it’s easy to have that mindset when you have money and freedom and location independence! But I don’t have that.”

So in effect, people assume that people who have abundance already had it to some degree - inherited something, were born with unearned privilege like being white or being born into a wealthy family (which we know can be true - but it ain't the whole picture), married into it, won it. That it takes money to make money and it takes freedom to create freedom.

While there is some truth to that, it’s probably not in the way you are thinking, because it is more about your internal experience of abundance and freedom than what it looks like on the outside.

In this episode I go into detail about how mindset helped me to create a life of freedom, adventure and purpose, even though I came from a poor socioeconomic class, a dysfunctional family with severe mental illness and abuse, growing up in a violent neighborhood with bad schools, and didn’t have a trust fund to fall back on.

I hope it inspires you to see that anything is possible for you too.

// How visualization can help you create the life you want

// Why it’s not just about having positive thoughts and being able to imagine an amazing life

// The three questions to ask yourself to start to BE the person who already has achieved everything you want to

// Why you don’t need to wait for external things to change before you start actively moving towards your goals

// The most important part of creating your ideal life

// Check out Episode 14 where we talk about How to Create New Beliefs

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.

The other day someone had posted a comment on a FB post I made and she said, “Please unfriend me. We obviously have different beliefs.”

And this really stood out to me because I thought it was so...immature to not want to see differing opinions.

But it’s quite pervasive these days, right?

So I replied, “Actually, we aren’t friends on Facebook, but if we were you are always welcome to do so. But I want to invite you to consider that unfriending people just because they disagree with you might not be the best practice if you want to grow and learn as a human. I think there is a lost art of disagreeing, and when we are open to new ideas and people who think differently it allows us an opportunity to expand what we know.”

Suffice it to say there were crickets after that, but I’m so curious how many people out there would agree with me, and how many think we should just avoid contact with those who disagree with us.

So today I wanted to talk about how to disagree with someone, because I think that as a whole we sort of suck at it. Not just around politics or religion, but lifestyles and other personal choices as well.

Believe it or not, it is possible to still love someone who wildly disagrees with you.

You don’t have to get pissed off. You don’t have to hate them.

So why is it so hard?

What we often see instead is people having a really hard time even listening to different opinions... and an even harder time doing so without trying to change each other’s minds.

It’s easier to do this with smaller things like your favorite beach, favorite food, favorite multipitch alpine route, fave movie, saying “snow machine” vs “snowmobile.”

We’re able to have people disagree and still say, “Alright, I love you anyway...even though you’re totally wrong about that.”

But other things are much much harder, especially around politics or religion or other topics related to deep personal values.

And I’m sure you’ve been in this situation. I know I have before.

I want to encourage us all - when we find ourselves triggered and just want the other person to believe different things or to go away or just be quiet - I want us to ask ourselves, “Why is this causing us so much suffering? Why do we want them to just be silent?”

What would happen if instead we came from a place of curiosity?

Because spoiler alert: it’s not their opposing political opinion that’s upsetting you.

Your brain is the source of your suffering.  Your thoughts about it.

Attachment to how things need to be in order to feel good.

Attachment to how the world “should” be.

Your thoughts about what someone else is saying are what’s upsetting you.

What they’re saying is completely neutral - a circumstance.

If you’re in Freedom School or the Rebel buddhist FB group and you’re doing thought work, you would put their opinion in your C line.

It’s completely neutral not because it doesn’t create a response in you or someone else - because clearly it does. It is completely neutral because it doesn’t upset you until you have a thought about it, until you decide you disagree with it. In itself, their opinion has no inherent quality of good or bad, right or wrong.

Now, can you disagree with someone - a colleague, a family member, a politician -  and still love them?

Can you still hold space for their opinion?

Would you like to be able to do that?

Because what I‘ve seen is that by silencing them or ignoring them, we’re ultimately saying, “I don’t care what’s in your mind. I don’t care about your thoughts. I only care about mine and those of other people who think like me.”

And in my opinion, that doesn’t move us any closer to a better world.

Why is it so hard for us to be with someone who doesn’t share our same values and morals and ethics and thoughts?

Usually it’s because we think we’re right. Actually, it’s probably more accurate to say that we think we know we’re right.

But coaching has taught me a lot about holding this non-judgmental space.

Because when I am coaching someone, my opinion about what should or shouldn’t be done in the world is not for my clients. My opinions are for me.

My job is to help them see their mind and the thoughts they have and decide if they want those to change - if they find those current thoughts and beliefs aren’t serving them anymore - and to help them consider different ones that are going to help them show up in the world in a way that they’re proud of.

My job isn’t to force people to be mindful or compassionate or do loving kindness meditation or Tong Len or quit their job or leave the marriage.

No…

After all my years of coaching, I’ve heard it all. I’ve had high-end call girls as clients. Clients from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (I’ve been taught by them to say it the long way now..not LDS or Mormon…). I’ve had clients who are in a marriage with their high school sweetheart. Ones who are polyamorous and others who are swingers. I’ve had clients who’ve never done drugs, those who are working on stopping overdrinking and those that have cannabis farms.

Ultimately, they get to define their freedom, their life, how they want to show up. They get to discover that and change it if they want to.

It’s not for me to force what I think is right onto them. Or to be upset about it.

So I get to practice holding non-judgmental space a lot more than most people.

What I’ve learned is that when we get curious and hear someone out...when we understand WHY they believe what they do, all of a sudden they are human and not just an opinion.

This makes it easier to feel compassion and kindness for them and yes, love them.

Now to be clear, I’m not saying to NOT remove toxic people from your life - I’m saying let’s be a little curious about differing opinions.

I know we have the potential to do things differently. And I’m not saying I’m perfect about this.  But I remind myself of it.

We sometimes think we have to hate to create change in the world. For some people that is the energy that drives them, and they’ll need to decide if that’s really the most helpful way to roll.

And on the opposite end of that spectrum we see people who think they just have to meditate on love and light to change the world.

As usual, there is a Middle Way.

I’m saying we can have differing opinions from someone.  AND love them. AND take actions to change the world - from a place of love, not hate.

To love is not to condone. To hold space is not to approve. To listen is not to promote.

Now, it doesn’t mean you don’t say anything.

There have been plenty of times that I’ve spoken up when someone made a racist or sexist or homophobic comment. You can absolutely make requests.

Of course you speak up, Rebels. Of course you take action to create a more just world.

But you don’t have to suffer because of it.

You can speak up, take action to make this world a more just and free, and NOT suffer because of it.

We don’t need to react with hate. Hate feels horrible.

// What the phenomenon of “confirmation bias” is and how it practically ensures we will be wrong about things – and why it makes it that much more important to question our own opinions and values
// 2 helpful questions you can ask yourself and others when having a disagreement
// 5 tips for how to practice the Art of Disagreeing
// What to do when you still disagree – and do it like a Buddha
// The role of Curiosity

So I hope you give it a go, Rebels - this Art of Disagreeing.

The next time someone has a different opinion that you, let curiosity be the antidote to your angst. 

Lean in, listen, and let’s try to truly see one another.

##Resources

// Check out these related episodes:

Episode 28: Practical Emptiness

Episode 16 on: The Manual

For more on the Motivational Triad check out Episode 2: How to Not Care What Other People Think of You

// Sherry Turkle’s Ted Talk about social media’s impact on the art of conversation:  "Connected But Alone"  https://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_connected_but_alone

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.

I have a special treat for you today - after the last few episodes, I have received a LOT of comments and questions about how to not care what other people think about you.

Another way I think of this is how to let people be wrong about you.

And did you know that my podcast episode on exactly this topic was the MOST popular one of 2020? It’s true!

I am one to follow signs that come my way - not signs that tell me about rule - no...as you know by now, I like to break rules that don’t make sense to me as long as they aren’t hurting anyone;) I’m talking about signs from the Universe that something is important.

So, today I wanted to encourage you to listen to this episode and take notes. And if you’ve already heard it, listen to it again

This episode is so important, because we waste so much time, money and energy on caring about what other people think. It keeps us from taking action we want to take, from stopping things we no longer want to do, letting go of things that no longer serve us.

Hell - caring about what other people think and not letting people be wrong about us keeps us from just LOVING ourselves and being happy about the miracles that we ARE.

Letting people be wrong about you is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. This month in Freedom School we’re also covering How to Get Shit Done, and what I’ve found is that when I don’t care what other people think, I am WAY more productive. You stop worrying about if something is perfect or obsessing about what so-and-so might think. You just DO the damn thing.

So you see, letting people be wrong about you is good on so many levels. Enjoy - may it be of benefit.

And if you want to dive more deeply into this topic and more like it, come learn with us in Freedom School. Enrollment is closed right now but will be opening soon - join the waitlist at JoinFreedomSchool.com and be the first to know when it does, alright?.

OK Rebels - have a listen and remember this quote by Dr Seuss: “The people that mind don’t matter and the people that matter don’t mind.”

• Why we seem to obsess over what other people think about us – how it holds us back
• How to let people be ‘wrong’ about you + learn to be OK with disappointing others
• How I learned to stop giving a flying hooha about other people's judgement – and how it freed me up to live the life of my dreams
• Why you MUST start doing you instead of what other people think is ‘right’, even when it’s hard and uncomfortable
• How you not caring what people think can inspire other

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.

If creating the life you love includes drinking less in the New Year, Freedom School also gives you access to Drink Less, Feel Free, a 4-week program where you learn ways to free yourself from overdrinking. The tools here worked for me – and hundreds of others. You can also give it as a gift to someone you love that has repeatedly told you they wish they didn’t always overdrink. Life is too short to waste hungover or feeling guilty, right? Plus, saying you’ll do something and then not doing it screws with your self-confidence. This program is set up to give you the support and accountability you need.

Click here to learn more.

We’ve heard stories of people that have taken prison sentences and transformed them into opportunities of spiritual development, or those who have taken extremely challenging life circumstances like tragic deaths and came out the other end, and people who don’t have the financial freedom to travel or not worry about paying the bills, but who feel joyous and free on the inside.

How is that possible?

While there are certainly many inalienable human rights that can help to define what freedom is, that’s not the freedom I’m talking about here, because I’m sure you can think of plenty of people that are privileged to have those rights, like people who travel freely, work freely, have freedom of speech and freedom to go to school, and yet they feel suffocated and stifled.

They might feel like like they will never know their true self, or live their true life.

They feel anything but free - even though on the outside it seems they are.

Some of the first things my clients say when I ask them “what does a life of freedom look like?” is that they want:

:: a location-independent lifestyle

:: to be their own boss

:: or have enough money to do what they want and not stress about finances.

But what’s interesting is in all my years of working with people to create more freedom in their lives, they are surprised when they finally achieve those things yet they still find themselves...wanting.

They feel anything but free, even though everything is lining up with what freedom looks like on the outside.

Here’s what I want you to consider: for the work we’re doing here on our minds, I’m talking about internal freedom. Emotional freedom.

And this Freedom – the kind of freedom no one can take away from you – is a feeling.

When it comes down to it, feeling free actually has very little to do with what the world looks like on the outside.

The reason why is those things my clients listed off that were a part of their perception of freedom are external freedoms. They are measured against us being able to DO/be something without involvement from others.

Now external freedom is important - especially when it comes down to the human rights that we are constantly fighting for, and then to the right you have to create the life you are meant to live. But those alone will not help you feel free.

There are different currencies of freedom.

1. time
2. money
3. energy
4. creativity
5. location

While these are currencies of freedom, they are not to be confused with freedom itself.

Notice that these also have to do with the freedom TO do things.

To travel

To work from the beach

To buy what you want

To do what you want on your own timelines

There is a difference between freedom To and freedom FROM

And we often forget about freedom FROM

Freedom FROM never being happy.

Freedom FROM never being satisfied.

Freedom FROM insecurity and self-doubt and negative self-talk

Freedom FROM fear

So how do you get to this internal freedom? This emotional freedom?

True freedom is when YOU are able to fully accept you, be you, love you… and also accept things as they are.

It means you are also going to be willing to feel whatever feeling is arising - you are willing to feel any emotion.

Think about it - the reason we do anything is because of how we think it will make us feel - that it will help us feel better or to help us avoid feeling pain.

Often, we don’t take the action we want to because we are afraid of theoretical risks - usually of experiencing failure, or embarrassment, or humiliation.

These are all “just” emotions.

Yet we let the fear of feeling them keep us from honoring our truth, from creating the life we are meant to live

We are imprisoned by fear, by never feeling like it is “enough” - and consequently we don’t feel free.

If you want true freedom – deep freedom – it starts with going within.

It can be easy to get distracted by the external freedoms, and trying to shape your life into the perfect little scenario where you don’t have to rely on anyone, or answer to anyone.

But take it from someone with over 20 different certifications, 3 graduate degrees, 3+ places to live (read: run away to), and over a dozen ways I’ve learned to make money in case myriad things happen to the economy or political state so that I will always have my needs met: it doesn’t mean anything if you aren’t really free on the inside.

It only means that you stop wishing things were different, and get on with actively creating the world you want, while (and here’s the clincher) accepting and loving you and all the present moment has to offer.

Until you are able to pull that off, you won’t ever truly feel free, no matter how many beaches you take your laptop to for work, or how many Instagram photos you post about your travels. You’ll perhaps feel badass and very adventurous…but not deeply free.

:: Three ways to create TRUE freedom

:: Some of the most common misconceptions people have about freedom

:: Why it’s not just about being able to work from anywhere and having adventures (even though all those things are the bomb diggity!)

:: What the 5 currencies of freedom are

// For a limited time, click here to download my free 7-Day Clarity +Courage Course

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.

If creating the life you love includes drinking less in the New Year, Freedom School also gives you access to Drink Less, Feel Free, a 4-week program where you learn ways to free yourself from overdrinking. The tools here worked for me – and hundreds of others. You can also give it as a gift to someone you love that has repeatedly told you they wish they didn’t always overdrink. Life is too short to waste hungover or feeling guilty, right? Plus, saying you’ll do something and then not doing it screws with your self-confidence. This program is set up to give you the support and accountability you need.

Click here to learn more.

You know we’re all about Freedom here at the Rebel Buddhist – inside and out.

One of the things I’ve found that we can do to give us the most emotional freedom in the next year is to partake in the courageous act letting go of things that no longer serve us, and one of the most radical acts we can do to let go, one of the things we can do for ourselves that can truly help us feel more light and free...is forgiving.

So that’s what we’re talking about in this New Year’s Eve podcast episode: how to forgive.

I believe that the lack of forgiveness and the need for forgiveness are some of the biggest challenges many of us face.

One of the most powerful things I ever did was forgive my mom for abusing me as a child.

You see, I had a lot of anger about my childhood for many years. I was uber-pissed, and for objectively good reasons.

I won’t go into details, but you can imagine the myriad reasons people feel wounded and broken.  Many of those things happened as I was growing up, but regarding my mother specifically, I was so angry that she hurt me physically and emotionally.  I was resentful that I didn’t have a mom I felt safe with, and that I was this angry person walking around, blowing up at my boyfriends, feeling defensive, and easily losing my shit.

“What a bitch for making me so angry!” I’d think to myself.

And it was weighing me down.

It was also impacting my relationship with her...with her as an older, gentler, less angry woman who wanted to be close to me.

While I was angry and bitter, for a long time, in the end I knew that deep down, despite her mistakes, she was doing the best she could in the moment with what she had available to her.

So, as an adult, I had a choice to make:

1) I could keep reminding myself and my mom that things really sucked growing up and about how much she hurt me, and that I was all sensitive and defensive because of her, and that she really screwed up royally with some things.

Then she’d apologize and feel shitty about herself and I’d feel guilty and all upset after re-hashing all that crap. And we’d do this over and over, as I strived to get back at her for hurting me the way she did through guilt-trips and passive aggressive behavior and not-so-passive aggressive behavior…

OR – I could stop thinking that I was deeply wounded and broken, wanting to make those feelings go away until I allowed myself to move forward...wanting to “understand” everything and have it make sense – and have everyone else understand and agree that I was wounded – before I allowed myself to be happy…

I could stop all that and instead…

2) Say, “Well, that sucked. Royally. But now it’s time to create my new life.”

Needless to say, after years of the first, victim-mindset option and hanging out in therapy wondering why I was still having panic attacks, I decided to try #2.

And it changed everything.

I can’t completely describe the shift that happened when I stopped thinking that in order to heal, I had to wallow in the past until some magical moment when things would feel right.

I realized that insight and understanding don’t fix everything. They feel good, sure. They’re useful, sure.

But what created a real shift for me was changing what I DID. How I thought, how I responded, the situations I created. How I FELT.

It was ACTION that allowed me to grow and change…and ultimately, heal.

It was me taking ACTION that allowed me to see myself as whole, and perfectly resourceful and creative. That I was indeed perfect as I was. Not broken. Not wounded to the core. Not in need of more therapy or days of crying to feel seen.

And the most courageous action I took was to forgive.

Of course, I found therapy helpful for some things, especially learning how to notice what I was feeling, and being able to share my story with someone who wasn’t going to try to explain it away or justify things.

It helped me make sense of certain memories and I felt incredibly safe sharing deeply with someone that seemed “qualified” for me to lose my shit in front of. 

But in hindsight, which is always lovely, I realize that maybe I just needed one round of that.

Then I needed to get off my ass and do things differently.

I needed to create a different relationship with my mom, or walk away. The latter wasn’t an option for me, because I do love her deeply.

So one day I said, “I’d like to talk.” And I asked her for what I needed to hear in order to be able to forgive her. I asked her to please try to say she was sorry, to acknowledge all the ways in which she had hurt me.

I asked that she reflect on it and come back to me if and when she felt she could say it with full sincerity.

Now, I was lucky, because eventually, she did. She told me how she didn't know better, how she was one of 11 children and how her mom didn’t bother to explain anything or try to be patient - that she just hit them when they didn’t behave.

She’d seen the next generation raising their kids and how they took parenting classes and anger management classes and how she wishes she had been able to do those things.

Her apology was also imperfectly full of excuses...but it was sincere. I could tell.

And this made forgiving her more easy. But I also want to emphasize here that we can still forgive without the other person saying they are sorry.  Because I know that it’s sort of the dream scenario here - one where the villain says opps, I messed up. Sorry. I’ll never do it again - and they don’t.

Sure, it made it easier that my mom apologized.

… but it’s really important to remember that the other person’s remorse is not requisite to us forgiving and feeling more free.

Because ultimately the only person who suffers from holding onto resentment and anger is ourselves, and it is our wish that the past was different than what it was that keeps us from forgiving - not waiting for the other person’s remorse.

I know this, because years later my mom - that very same one that I had those transformative years with - denied that she abused me.

I reverted back to my old anger and resentment. I felt heavy again. Trapped in my own emotional prison.

Definitely NOT free.

Many years would pass before I learned to forgive without her apology, without her acknowledgement that she had hurt me so.

In fact, I wasn’t able to do it until after she had died.

I wish I was evolved enough to have processed it all before she died, but a Buddha I am not, and it took a minute.

Ultimately, I realized I had to let go of wishing the past was different than it was. And I had to let go of wanting her to feel remorse.

And this is the case with all things we don’t feel ready to forgive - it's because we wish the past was different than it was, and aren’t ready to let go of that....

You see, I think a lot of people have had a big misunderstanding of what forgiveness is, myself included.

I think when most of us think about forgiveness, we think what it means is accepting someone's apology or having a conversation with someone that tells them that what they did or didn't do was OK.

But that’s not what forgiveness is.

If you look up the definition of the word “forgive,” it's a verb that means “to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or a mistake.”

It's not telling the person anything. It's not sitting down with the other person. It's not talking to the other person.  It has nothing to do with the other person doing, saying, or feeling anything.

The only thing forgiveness requires is that you stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone. 

At this point in the game, if you’ve been listening to my podcast for awhile now, you’ll know that the secret sauce to changing a feel in a lasting way is to change your thoughts. Today we’ll dive into exactly how to do that so you can forgive, once and for all, and set yourself free. 

:: Why forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person being sorry or feeling any remorse 

:: Some of the biggest misconceptions people have about forgiveness 

:: How to decide when you should forgive someone

:: How our “enemies” can be our greatest teachers

// In this episode I discuss “The Manual” and how it sabotages relationships. Learn more about it in this episode here, How to Improve Any Relationship

// Did you miss our on the New Year reflections episodes? Download the gorgeous REVIEW, REFLECT + ALIGN workbook by clicking here.

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.

If creating the life you love includes drinking less in the New Year, Freedom School also gives you access to Drink Less, Feel Free, a 4-week program where you learn ways to free yourself from overdrinking. The tools here worked for me – and hundreds of others. You can also give it as a gift to someone you love that has repeatedly told you they wish they didn’t always overdrink. Life is too short to waste hungover or feeling guilty, right? Plus, saying you’ll do something and then not doing it screws with your self-confidence. This program is set up to give you the support and accountability you need.

Click here to learn more.

In last week’s episode I mentioned that I call the process of reflecting on the past year and creating intentions for the new one REVIEW, REFLECT + ALIGN.

Today we dive into the alignment part, because when we are in alignment, if feels damn good.

When we are happy, what’s often going on is that our outside world is in alignment with our inside world

There is consistency, integrity, with what we value and how we are living our lives

So when we think about what we want to create in the next year, it’s important to first get clear about what our core values are.

The quintessential self-compassion question I often ask you to ask yourself in difficult times is, “What do I need?” 

But we really can’t fully answer that question unless we also know what we value most. What we want.

So some of you might ask: Wait - what's the difference between goals and core values?

First, goals can be achieved; whereas core values guide us towards and after achieving our goals. 

Goals are destinations; core values are directions.

Goals are something we “do”; values are something we “are.”

Goals are set by us; core values are discovered. We discover them as we have life experiences and notice, "Oh that - that is important to me."

Some examples of core values are:
:: Compassion
:: Generosity
:: Honesty
:: Loyalty
:: Courage

And you may notice that what first comes to mind when we think of core values is having to do with how we treat others, but many also have to do with meeting personal needs that are deeply important to us... but may not be so important to others.

Some examples of personal core values are:

:: Adventure
:: Freedom
:: Personal growth
:: Creativity
:: Peace/tranquility
:: Exploration 
:  Nature

In this episode I guide you through an activity that helps you get clear about your core values, and how to live a life that is more aligned with who you are and how you want to show up in the world.

I also teach you how to get back on track then you’ve strayed away from how you want to show up in the world.

And you know that whole Word of the Year thing you may have heard about? This is a method to help you figure out what yours is.

Once we’ve gotten clear about our core values, and once we’ve reflected and learned from the past...

NOW we are ready and ripe to create our intentions for the new year in a way that is truly ALIGNED with who we are and the life we want to create.

When you go through this process, you don’t waste time, money and energy on goals that don’t serve your highest purpose.

It can help you avoid focusing on things that you’ll end up realizing - way later - that they weren’t what you really wanted or needed.

Whatever your value is that you want to devote yourself to, that can guide you.

And when you commit to this - devote yourself to this - making it happen is as Good. As. done.

:: What alignment has to do with you feeling like sh*t

:: Why you MUST know what you want to live an aligned life

:: How to discover what your core values are

:: How to identify and overcome obstacles to living the life we are meant to live

:: The point of doing the whole "Word of the Year" thing - and how to fidn your OWN!

// Download the gorgeous REVIEW, REFLECT + ALIGN workbook by clicking here.

// Is your word of the year Adventure? Have a listen to Episode 31 here.

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.

If creating the life you love includes drinking less in the New Year, Freedom School also gives you access to Drink Less, Feel Free, a 4-week program where you learn ways to free yourself from overdrinking. The tools here worked for me – and hundreds of others. You can also give it as a gift to someone you love that has repeatedly told you they wish they didn’t always overdrink. Life is too short to waste hungover or feeling guilty, right? Plus, saying you’ll do something and then not doing it screws with your self-confidence. This program is set up to give you the support and accountability you need.

Click here to learn more.