Rebel Buddhist

Ever have a New Year resolution you didn’t follow-through on? You’re not alone! “Resolutions” seem to resonate less and less with how people want to enter into the New Year. After all, more resolutions are broken than kept, and that doesn’t feel like a way to enter the New Year with integrity.

With traditional resolutions, people often find themselves stuck in the same place year after year – even with having the best of intentions and setting achievable goals that seem totally doable. Goals they really, really want! Some have been wanting them for decades! 

Many of us stay stuck and don’t manifest our resolutions because there isn’t also a reflection of the dominant thoughts we’ve been having. Thoughts are the things that truly shape how we feel, what we do or don’t do, and what we create in our lives - the results we get. The reality we experience. So it’s time to make that reflection a part of our New Year review and get unstuck.

Create a new experience for the New Year.

Here we review the process I use each New Year transition called Review, Reflect + Align. It’s what we’re focusing on in Freedom School right now. All month. In this episode we will talk about the Review + Reflect components that can help you step into your inner wisdom, your true compass, your desires, and your heart-centered visions for your life with the most astute observation, integrity, wisdom, generosity and compassion that you can muster.

:: Why most resolutions fail – and how to avoid those mistakes

:: The EXACT questions I ask myself every year to make sure the next one is a success

:: How to use mindfulness while creating your resolutions

:: How to make the most of the challenges 2020 gave us

:: The difference between goals and intentions and why it matters

:: How to create a NEW kind of resolution

:: The importance of knowing what you WANT vs what you think you “should” do

:: and of course...more!

// Download the gorgeous A Year in Review worksheet by clicking here.

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life. 

// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet,  join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.

If creating the life you love includes drinking less in the New Year, Freedom School also gives you access to Drink Less, Feel Free, a 4-week program where you learn ways to free yourself from overdrinking. The tools here worked for me – and hundreds of others. You can also give it as a gift to someone you love that has repeatedly told you they wish they didn’t always overdrink. Life is too short to waste hungover or feeling guilty, right? Plus, saying you’ll do something and then not doing it screws with your self-confidence. This program is set up to give you the support and accountability you need.

Click here to learn more.

Today, we talk about adventure and being devoted to it.

Adventure is essential to our evolution.

When I was a child, I would get soooo bored. I was an only child in a poor neighborhood that had so much gun violence I wasn’t even allowed to play in the front of the house because of all the drive by shootings...let alone walk to a friend’s house.

I made a promise to myself that when I grew up, I would never—ever—feel bored again.

While this promise ended up creating a full-blown addiction to adventure, what I didn’t expect was that adventure also helped me along my spiritual path in surprising ways.

Adventure is a very personal word, and my definition of adventure doesn’t have to be yours.

You can feel adventure when climbing a mountain; you can feel it overcoming a physical challenge like a marathon, or experiencing an illness like cancer; you can feel it when you risk your heart to be with your soul mate. I even feel adventure when I go to a new city, check out a new restaurant, try a new yoga pose, or learn a new skill. Or, more recently, move to a new state.

Good ol’ Merriam Webster defines adventure as:

1: an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks

2: an exciting or remarkable experience

Adventure often involves risk – but not necessarily danger. It can be very self-limiting to confuse the two.

The main take-home is that adventure includes an element of something out of the ordinary.

Definitely not routine.

Definitely not boring.
 

So why exactly is adventure – and the risks we take with adventures – important to our evolution?

When things get too familiar or routine, our minds grow dull, and the negative thought patterns and limiting beliefs that we all have are harder to break.

Things feel more permanent and real. We think we have “proof” that they are permanent and real because nothing seems to be changing.

But this isn’t true.

They only appear to not be changing because to be efficient, our brains prefer to travel down the same neural pathways and do things the same way they’ve always been done.

Therefore, we do the same thing, and we get the same results.

Nothing changes.

Then we say, “See! That’s how things really are!”

When we think things are static, that’s when we think we don’t have a choice. That’s when we suffer and get stuck. That’s when we give up.

It becomes the Same. Old. Sh*t. Every day.

Adventure helps us get unstuck. And it is essential to your evolution.

• What being DEVOTED to adventure looks like
• How adventure changes our brain
• How to live an adventurous life on your own terms
• Things you can do to bring adventure into your life every day

// For the geeks, you can check out the 2011 study by Ben Fletcher here.

// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

Self-image, at its core, is the way you see yourself. By “see” I mean how you interpret and think about yourself – not just the factual way you see yourself but also the opinion that you have of yourself.

An important concept to understand is that self-image is totally subjective. It is totally up to YOU. Your opinion about yourself. It isn’t factual.

We spend a lot of time being concerned about what other people think of us. We spend way more time trying to control or manage what other people think instead of how we see ourselves. And of course, it’s impossible to control how others think of us.

But still, we worry about what we wear, what we drive, the house we live in, how good we are at ZOOM homeschooling during a pandemic...and we do all this concerned about how we measure up in other people’s minds, often without realizing that that's what we're doing.

Doing the work to change this could really blow your mind and change your life.

Maybe you don’t know how to access your own opinion in the way you thought you did. Maybe you don’t know how to identify your needs because you’ve been so deeply socialized into people-pleasing.

So, to really think about what bothers you and why, what your preferences are and what you have an aversion to, what feels the best in your body and for your body...asking yourself those questions can yield truly magical results.

In practice, this isn’t easy – so many of us are so obsessed with what other people think about us that we don't even want to look at it.

In this episode, I offer up some exercises you can do to trick your brain into not rejecting the idea that you care what other people think about you but to sit with it. It starts by asking yourself: “What is my dream of how others see me? If I could really dictate everyone’s opinion of me, what would it be?”

I push you to go to those best-case scenarios so that you can unearth the true “why” behind your desire to be seen in such a way.

What is it you think will help you arrive at worthiness?

Now, there is a huge difference between having a positive and healthy self-image and being narcissistic.

When you are a narcissist, you think highly of yourself and look down on other people. That is not what I'm encouraging here.

When you have a healthy self-image, you think, “I'm already 100% worthy and ovable. Yes I am a miracle, and so are you.”

From this place, worthiness doesn't come from being better than someone else. Instead, worthiness comes from authentically being you. Not from other people’s opinions, but from being who you are.

In my own life, I’ve noticed that the more I love myself, the more I can give to others, to the world. The more I can love others

That’s what I wish for you.

To know that you’re capable of achieving your dreams, and that you are worthy and lovable by just being YOU, not by what someone else decides or what you think of yourself.

A healthy self-image knows that you're perfectly imperfect and that you don’t need to be perfect

And the bonus is that you get to see yourself in the way that you most want others to see you. You don’t have to change anything about you. Not your clothes, your weight, your car, or your job.

You can just do YOU. Exactly as you are.

Remember that you are miracle. See what happens if you walked the world believing that you are a miracle, totally worthy.

• Why we spend so much time trying to manage how other people see us
• How getting to know yourself – your needs, your desires, your preferences – can blow your actual mind
• The stark difference between a positive self-image and narcissism – and why we want to steer clear of the latter
• Why loving yourself actually helps you show up for others and contribute to the world in a more real way – and how I realized this in my own life
• A couple of exercises for developing a stronger self-image – and facing why you care so much about what other people think
• Why having a healthy self-image doesn’t mean you have to be perfect – and that knowing you are worthy by design is one of the most powerful ways you can be in the world

// Check out Episode 11 for more on How to Stop People Pleasing!

// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life. 

This episode is all about the most common ways I see people misuse thought work and mindfulness.

When I coach people on how to self-coach, I get so many clients who are confused about the difference between a) changing your life, b) changing your feelings about your life, c) truly processing your emotions from those original circumstances, even if you’ve already changed them.

Because usually, when we try to change the external world and circumstances without first understanding our current thoughts and allowing the hard feelings about it, we end up carrying the unprocessed emotion from that circumstance with us to the next one.

So we have the same thoughts, same emotions and therefore the same actions...and even though they might be happening in a different circumstance, because we didn't change them, we create the Same. Damn. Result.

If you're carrying the same thoughts and feelings into a new circumstance, you’re going to show up very differently than you would if you were showing up having already processed those emotions, right?

So that often leads us to wonder:

Should I change my life, or change my thoughts and feelings?

Should I stay, or should I go?

• What the top two mistakes are that people make when trying to use the Model to either change their feelings or change their circumstances
• The importance of processing unresolved emotions before moving onto the next thing in your life
• Why our brain can hold us back from reaching our highest potential – and how to do the hard thought work necessary to change this
• How to get your power back and trust in yourself to make the decisions that are best for you, in any situation

// If you’re feeling like you need to back up and learn more about what the Model is and how to use it before you can really take in what this episode offers, check out Episode 18 – it’s all about how to coach yourself using applied mindfulness.

// Want more help making decisions? Check out Episode 25 on Decision Clutter.

// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

Circumstances are neutral.

Another way of saying this? Things are empty of inherent qualities.

Today, we’re digging into what a practical application of emptiness looks like in our everyday lives.

This concept is really revolutionary in my book. So many buddhist conceptions are (even though they’re often seen as these quiet, calm, benign principles).

In Buddha’s time, it was (and still is) revolutionary to accept that suffering comes from our own minds and not something outside of us.

In our times, following these principles is truly rebellious. Because most of the world thinks that suffering comes from shitty situations, bad circumstances, mean people. Most of the world believes circumstances are not neutral.

As rebel Buddhists, we know that learning to free our minds is the most rebellious act we can do in our lifetime. And being willing to explore our own paths, to find out what is true for ourselves – that is a key part of freeing our minds.

In the same way that our thoughts about our emotions are what creates our suffering, it is our thoughts about our circumstances, and our arguments against them, that affect us the most.

How we choose to think about a particular event or circumstance or statistic is what causes us to feel a certain way, not the thing in and of itself.

The event itself is empty of inherent qualities, not empty of facts.

This can be a tough concept to grasp, and I work through the important nuances using specific, real-world examples in the episode.

But the key is this: our attachment to the way we want things to be, instead of how they are, is what makes us suffer.

No matter how horrific your past, no matter how horrible the event, no matter how awful someone treats you, the only thing that ever causes us emotional pain is our thinking about it.

Because you are the one that gets to decide what things mean. You are the one that gets to decide how you're going to feel about your circumstances.

Accepting the things we cannot change is one of the most powerful things we can do. It seems almost paradoxical to think of acceptance as a powerful action, but it is.

Many of my newer clients also believe that if they accept reality, that they lose all their power to ever change it.

But the opposite is true. Give the episode a listen to find out why.

And remember: there is a huge difference between accepting and condoning.

All this is not to say that racism does not exist. Or that patriarchy does not exist and that oppression does not exist. Those are facts.

Accepting the way things are does not mean we agree with them or condone them. It just means we're not trying to change something by pushing hard against it. We are choosing not to go to battle with reality.

There is so much freedom when we release resistance against what our circumstances are in the moment.

We can act from a place of peace and fierce love and still move towards change.

It’s very normal to need to move through the fight phase when you’ve been overly passive. But I urge you to see how much this is sucking your energy, to recognize how much more lovely it is when you can trust in your Ziji, your radiant inner confidence, to have your own back.

If you understand that everything that happens in the world is neutral and that your interpretation is what defines your experience, you will also start to see that you are so much more powerful than you could have ever imagined.

You get to decide how you will use each situation in life to either serve your life and your higher purpose, or take energy away from it.

So hear this, rebel: freedom from the fight in our minds is where we must begin if we want freedom in the world.

• What I mean by “circumstances are neutral” and how to apply this practically to your life
• Why accepting that things themselves are empty of inherent qualities is a revolutionary and rebellious act
• How to understand the nuances of these fundamental Buddhist concepts in a contemporary context
• Why I think learning to free our minds is the most rebellious act we can do in our lifetime
• A few real-world examples that can help you understand where emotional management comes into play with this work
• Why what you think about your circumstances can determine the trajectory of your entire life

// Seeing circumstances as neutral is not all about checking out and being disconnected and indifferent. Check out Episode 19 On Anger.

// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life. 

I’m going to let you in on a golden nugget of truth that maybe you’ve never heard before: feelings are optional. 

Yup, you read that right. 

The ability to feel a full spectrum of contrasted, complex emotions are an inherent and integral part of the human experience – it’s what makes our species who (and what) we are.

But we do not have to be at the whim of some emotional rollercoaster. Feelings don’t happen to us. We get to choose how to feel. 

The most fundamental truth of my work revolves around this teaching: Our thoughts create our feelings, which influence our actions and the results we create in our lives. 

Today, we’re digging into why our emotions are not actually caused by external factors, but by our own thinking – and how to work this to our advantage.

So here’s the thing: when we stop feeling bad about feeling bad, we feel better.

This does not mean that you should try to choose to feel great all the time. There is a huge difference when you decide that feeling sad is what you want to feel, versus believing that an emotion is not within your control.

If you feel like your anxiety, frustration, sadness, grief, or pain is caused by the external world (which you’re unable to control), you will be tempted to buffer – to escape what you’re feeling.

You will be tempted to avoid your emotion because you think there is nothing you can do about it.

Because the world doesn’t cause you to feel what you feel, your thoughts do – and only you are in control of your thinking. 

By and large, our inability to manage our emotions is the root cause of our suffering – so we need to learn how to do that better. 

But it’s a process. 

Step one is developing an awareness of our emotions. Step two is being willing to feel any emotion, for as long as it takes. And step three is where we’re at – learning how to change our thoughts about our emotions.

It all starts by asking yourself: What are the feelings that I want to experience in the world? What emotions do I want to be able to feel in order to have the full human experience?

If we don’t consciously reflect on this, we get into what I call ‘feeling habits’. 

We get stuck in a pattern of experiencing only a small repertoire of feelings and begin to think that they are part of us – our temperament, who we are – and we close off to new and different feelings.

But when we really understand why we’re feeling the way we do, what we’re thinking and what’s causing it, then we can start to understand that these habits we have include feeling.

Decide what you’re going to feel on purpose and deliberately change your thoughts to eliminate the feelings that aren’t serving you.

Not just to feel better. Choose emotions that will help you evolve.

Because to be willing to add new emotions to our repertoires, we need to:

:: Allow unwanted feelings in order to release resistance

:: Eliminate the indulgent feelings

We have to earn the ability to change our emotions. Only then can we experience new emotions and practice including them in our lives in ways that will actively help us create our dreams.

And rebel, you – and you alone – get to decide what that looks like.

• How to gain control over your thoughts instead of rejecting and resisting your emotions
• Why the external world doesn’t cause us to feel what we feel – our thoughts about our circumstances do
• How to stop compounding your thoughts and emotions
• An exercise you can do to figure out which emotions you want to keep in your back pocket, and which you want to let go of
• How to break your “feeling habits”
• Why, if you want to feel better, one of the best ways to start is to accept that not feeling good all the time is part of being human

// For more on why saying “I don’t know” is a huge energy suck, check out Episode 25 on Clearing Out Decision Clutter.

// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

Humans go through life thinking that feelings happen TO us. We think, “Ugh I am so stressed out, I wish it would stop!” Oftentimes, we act so confused about where it is coming from.

Or we say, “OMG I am so irritable today.”

Or in a funk.

Or anxious.

Or sad...maybe there’s some grieving going on.

We feel powerless a lot of the time. Like our emotions can just take over and make us victims of a bad mood.

Really learning about feelings and how they work; making a concerted effort to learn how to manage our emotions instead of letting them control us.

We all think we know what feelings are, but we often struggle when it comes to labeling what we’re feeling, or naming why we are feeling different emotions – and what the hell we want to DO with those feelings.

Do we actually let ourselves feel them?

Resist them? Or avoid them?

React to them?

Feelings are part of the human experience, not an aberration. We are supposed to feel different feelings all the time.

What we often miss is that it is also totally normal to have a contrast of positive and negative feelings.

Truth is, you need the dark to see the light; you need the contrast. They can’t exist without one another.

We wouldn’t be able to distinguish joy without sadness.

Energy without fatigue.

In spite of this, most of us are under the assumption that life “should” be better than it is. 

We desperately want there to be more good in the world than bad. 

But what we don’t realize is that this one belief has caused more pain and violence than has ever been necessary. 

In today’s episode, we dig into why accepting the first noble truth of Buddhism – that suffering exists, that it’s part of being a human – will enable us to take an actual step towards freedom.

I introduce you to a new way of looking at the world, which might change the way you think, feel, and ultimately, the results you create in your life. 

:: Get to know the shadow side of your life – work to understand it, not hide from it, resist it, or pretend it’s not there.

:: Change your internalized narrative that you should be happy all the time, and that negative emotions are something to eradicate. Embrace the necessary balance that contrast offers.

:: Stop trying to escape reality – redirect the energy you spend buffering (overdrinking, gambling, overworking...etc) toward learning to manage your emotions, the highest ones and the lowest.

When you do this, your power to effect change in the world increases exponentially.

Because this gift of feeling the range of emotions – it’s part of our journey in this life, in this body, on this planet, in this community we are in.

And remember: whatever is happening right now – it won’t last. That's the nature of things. Change. Impermanence.

Something wonderful will happen. Then something hard. Then something awe-inspiring. Then something heartbreaking.

My friends, welcome to humaneness.

• Why the human experience is a balance of positive and negative emotions
• That we have the ability to create, allow, or resist emotion – and why this matters big time
• What the 4 Noble Truths of Buddhism are, and why learning to accept these truths is an immensely courageous act
• Why the Brooke quote “Discomfort is the price of your dreams” hits so close to home for me, and (after listening) hopefully it will for you too
• How to start choosing your emotions – and some tips on cultivating true self awareness
• Why being 100% happy and positive all the time is NOT the end goal – and what it takes to be fully present for this beautiful messiness that is the human experience

// Check out Episode 24 on How to Feel ANY Emotion

// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

In case nobody ever told you: life is about making choices. 

The ability to choose is an incredible power that we humans have, but it takes some serious skill to be able to use it wisely. 

Research shows that the average person makes roughly 35,000 remotely conscious choices per day. Assuming that most people spend around seven hours a day sleeping, and therefore choice-free (depending on the type of dreamer you are), that means we make about 2,000 decisions per hour...or one decision every two seconds.

But here’s the thing: as your level of responsibility in life increases, so does the range of choices you’re faced with. 

Each choice carries certain consequences – both good and bad. All these decisions wear us out and zap our energy, leading to decision fatigue. 

Much in the same way that consumer debt (or clutter from all the things we don’t let go of) can leave us feeling spent, we often feel tired, stressed, and anxious when we have a bunch of decisions looming over us.

We form this ongoing to-do list in the back of our minds of stuff we need to “clean up” but are trying to ignore (like the pile of clothes on the floor or that stack of college books we think we’ll read again).

But when you make a decision in your life, it moves you forward. Saying “I’m going to do this thing,” or even “I’m not going to do this thing,” moves you in a new direction either way.

When you’re living in this state of “I’m going to think about it” or “I don’t know” or “Not yet” or “Maybe” or “I’m confused”, you have an unfinished decision hanging in the back of your mind, sneakily draining your energy and robbing you of forward momentum.

When we make a decision, we can then harness our energy and focus it on the actions we need to take in order to create the result of that decision.

Making a move, changing jobs, leaving a toxic relationship.

But when we think about making all those decisions, we are afraid we’ll screw up.

We choose instead to stay uncomfortable in the way we are because at least we know what it IS – no risk; maybe it’s shitty, but at least we know what kind of shitty.

Here’s the hard medicine, though: not making the decision because you’re afraid it’s the wrong one is like failing ahead of time.

When you don’t make the decision, you don’t have to risk being uncomfortable.

Instead, you perpetuate a kind of holding pattern: the idea that you’re doing something by waiting to decide, when really all you’re doing is procrastinating.

You need to ask yourself: 

:: What do I want to use my brain energy FOR? 

:: If I have a limited amount of energy, what do I want to spend it on?

:: What is the decision I am making, and why am I making it? 

You have to make a decision in order to find out what you want. Because the suffering comes when we question our decisions, and when we don’t know what we want.

So many of us aren’t deciding to live the biggest version of our lives because we’re putting ourselves on hold with our own indecision. Today, I challenge you: decide to want what is, or decide to change. 

Either way, remember this: you are able to have an amazing life. You can be happy. Whatever decision you make is the right decision for that moment. 

When you really believe that, then which choices will you make? 

• Why I am a big proponent of making decisions ahead of time
• What happens when we don’t make decisions, when we put them off and procrastinate
• Why most people spend their lives on autopilot – living by letting life happen to them, instead of intentionally deciding what they want and going after it
• What “re-deciding” is and why it can help you create the life you want, or take more ownership of the one you have
• Why our internalized belief systems about making the ‘wrong’ and ‘right’ decisions keep us stuck in fear rather than seeking what will really serve us
• An exercise on how to pinpoint how much brain energy is being taken up by waffling back and forth between your decisions
• Why, if you have a hard time making decisions, you probably also have a lot of clutter somewhere – because getting rid of clutter means you need to make decisions about what to keep, and what to let go of

// Click here to check out a Rebel Buddhist podcast on how to make decisions

// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

The Buddha taught that, to be free, we need to investigate every part of our human experience with an intimate and mindful attention. This includes emotions.

Emotions aren’t “bad” in and of themselves.

It’s what we do when we feel them – the thoughts that ensue, the actions we take as a result – not the emotion itself, that often causes our suffering.

Practicing a mindfulness of emotions helps us to learn about ourselves and our mind. It helps us not get hooked by a difficult feeling, or the buffers we turn to – like overdrinking, overworking, over-Netflixing...etc – to keep from feeling it.

And that is when we have true freedom – the freedom to choose how we want to respond, instead of slipping into our default mode.

For many people, the idea of being with an emotion can seem daunting.

Mindfulness enables us to take advantage of what Tara Bennett-Goleman calls “the magic quarter-second” – the space between an impulse and an action.

By being present with an emotion instead of indulging in the stream of thoughts that stems from the emotion, we can use this magic 1/4 second to create a different response than we normally would.

We can stop the spiral of thoughts that might exacerbate an emotion by simply being present with the emotion itself.

The first step is pausing to recognize that we are experiencing an emotion.

The second step is choosing to be present with our moment-to-moment experience.

We need to recognize the emotions with an accepting, curious and kind attention, without getting hooked; without attachment or aversion.

The result of this presence becomes the capacity to release habitual reactivity, to respond to our life circumstances more skillfully, with a wise heart, and to step out of the looping thought patterns we fall into when we get hooked.

Because the thoughts are what create the drama, what keeps the emotion hanging around longer than it needs to, what keeps us stuck and spiraling.

Emotions occupy a lot of our energy and mind space. And the truth is, our feelings show up in our body – whether we are aware of this connection or not.

I see so many patients that have physical manifestations of their psychological and emotional experiences; people whose deep trauma has led directly to any number of illnesses or diseases.

Doing the work to be present with your emotions now can help you get to know your body and better manage your daily stressors so that you may be able to avoid other serious health issues down the road.

In reality, it takes a strong dose of courage to really be with your emotions. This work is not for the faint of heart, but you can do this

Remember: the point is not to get rid of feelings, or to have some notion of the “right” feelings.

Some people think equanimity means not feeling any emotion. But emotions are an amazing part of being human!

We get to feel joy and feel horny, happy, connection and joy.

We get to feel sadness and grief, anger and jealousy.

ALL the feels.

In this episode, I offer exercises for beginning to live in a more conscious relation to your myriad feelings, and give some tools for how to do this with loving self-awareness.

So I invite you to join me.

Learn to let your emotions season you, not rule you. Because when we can be with any emotion, we are truly free.

In This Episode You’ll Learn:

• What the four foundations of mindfulness are
• Why learning to be with your emotions will help you avoid unwanted habitual reactions – like yelling at a loved one, worrying too much, or buffering
• How to break painful patterns of thought-looping and anxiety spiraling by taking advantage of the “magic quarter-second”
• Why describing how the sensations of a feeling appear physically in your body is one step you can take to be more present with your emotions
• Tools on how to pause and recognize whether an emotion you are experiencing is either pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral – and why doing this reflexively will help you stay unhooked from judgment, attachment or aversion to your ranging feelings
• Why true freedom requires the ability to be with ANY emotion

// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

Humans have a great capacity for communication.

Yes, animals can communicate in other ways with unique sounds (probably telepathic ways we aren’t able to tune into...), but because of our cerebral cortex, we are capable of communicating complex plans about the future, stories about the past, and lots of amazing, abstract ideas. 

It’s a real evolutionary gift. 

But this level of communication can also get us into a lot of trouble. We can really hurt people, or act in ways that aren’t in alignment with how we want to show up in the world – especially when we're not being mindful.

When we talk about mindfulness, we tend to talk about a sense of awareness, both of ourselves and our surroundings.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is geared towards observing our thoughts and where we are in the present moment.

What about speech? What about listening?

Words are powerful, and being mindful about what we express is as vital as paying attention to how we behave or how we think.

Today, we dig into what mindful communication (as both speaking AND listening) looks like, and I offer some tools and exercises that you can try in real time to start figuring out what this means for YOU.

True – this work is a lot easier said than done. So we talk about some practical tips that can help us communicate more mindfully.

Being mindful about speech simply means slowing down and choosing our sentences with care.

It helps us recognize and undo patterns that create separation.

It helps us cultivate empathy in communication.

The goal of mindful speech is not to police your sentences.

And it’s not to silence speaking out against injustice (quite the opposite).

The point is to be conscious of the words that we often take for granted.

But that has to do with one’s attitude around mindful speech – how we are relating to it – when really mindful speech can be a shift from an encumbrance of a rigid set of rules, to one of adventure.

When we bring attention to what we’re saying we can have unexpected possibilities of how we communicate with another person; how we connect with them.

It's not the opposite of spontaneity – it is what makes spontaneity possible.

Truth is, we have to know that we are not going to nail mindful communication right out of the gate. If it was that easy, we’d all already be doing it.

But I invite you to look at it another way; to see the work of mindful communication as an opportunity to create more freedom in your life.

Because that’s really what it is. So go on.

:: Learn to free yourself from your habitual patterns – your autopilot.

:: Open yourself up to a more creative way of being in the world.

:: Embrace the self-compassion necessary to actually grow from any fuck-ups along the way. 

Mindful communication will allow you to be more present, more authentic and more humble in every relationship and every facet of your day-to-day life.

I can’t wait for you to get started. Life is too short not to. 

• What mindful communication looks like, and why it differs from the more broad mindfulness
• About the three questions you can ask yourself to be more thoughtful during conversations
• The art of the pause – why it’s important to remember that we can create the pause, and how the acronym WAIT can help us build this reflex
• Why mindful listening is more than just hearing what another person is saying – it’s bearing witness to another human’s experience
• The reason self-compassion is crucial to engaging with this work on a deep level
• Some exercises you can practice in real time to help you identify where your own roadblocks lie
• Why mindful communication is one of the best ways to create more freedom and spontaneity in your life

// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.