Before we get into today’s episode, I want to take a moment to reintroduce one of the most important conversations I’ve ever had on this show.

This episode — Rethinking Monogamy — is the most downloaded episode of We Need to Talk.

I recorded this early in the life of the podcast, and it still holds up because it doesn’t argue for or against monogamy. It looks closely at why so many people struggle inside the relationship model they’re told is the only legitimate option.

Whether or not monogamy is right for you isn’t the point.

The point is understanding why so many people stay in relationships that look right, but don’t actually feel right — and what it costs when we never question that gap.

If this is your first time hearing it, you’re about to listen to a thoughtful, grounded conversation that’s just as relevant now as it was then.

And if you’ve listened before, it’s worth hearing again with fresh ears.

In the west, monogamy is our default relationship model. But, to be clear, monogamy is a social construct. It is not inherent to our biology. 

That’s an important fact to keep in mind throughout today’s conversation with New York Times Best Selling author, Molly Roden Winter, whose recent book “More: A Memoir of Open Marriage,” documents her journey through non-monogamy. 

In this episode, you’ll learn: 

• Why humans adopted monogamy as our dominant relationship construct (the answer is grim).

• The surprising response she got from her therapist about opening up her marriage. 

•  Her advice on how to initiate a conversation with your partner about non-monogamy, should you be inclined. 

Xxoo

Darcy

REFERENCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm

Kim, J. H., Tam, W. S., & Muennig, P. (2017). Sociodemographic Correlates of Sexlessness Among American Adults and Associations with Self-Reported Happiness Levels: Evidence from the U.S. General Social Survey. Archives of sexual behavior, 46(8), 2403–2415. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-0968-7

Lei, L., & South, S. J. (2021). Explaining the decline in young adult sexual activity in the United States. Journal of Marriage and Family, 83(1), 280-295.

Solomon NG, Ophir AG. Editorial: What's Love Got to Do With It: The Evolution of Monogamy. Front Ecol Evol. 2020 Apr;8:110. doi: 10.3389/fevo.2020.00110. Epub 2020 Apr 28. PMID: 32782899; PMCID: PMC7416880.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/human-monogamy-has-deep-roots/

More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Roden Winter

Substack: mollyrodenwinter.com

CREDITS

This episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling, with editorial support from Vicki Vergolina. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. 

DISCLAIMER

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Watch this episode here on YouTube.