In this episode, I’m unpacking one of the most disorienting experiences in relationships: The disconnect between being loved and feeling loved. It’s a gap that can quietly erode security and connection — not because something is “wrong” with you, but because your internal wiring, attachment history, and relational expectations shape how love lands in your system.

I’m breaking down why some relationships look healthy from the outside yet feel emotionally thin on the inside… and what to do when your partner is doing “all the right things” but the experience still doesn’t register in your nervous system. This isn’t about blame — it’s about understanding your emotional blueprint so you can build relationships that feel nourishing, not just functional.

We’ll talk about the subtle cues your body looks for when determining whether connection is real, how old attachment patterns can override present-day reality, and why your partner’s efforts sometimes don’t translate into the felt sense of being cherished. And most importantly: What it actually takes to close that gap.

You’ll walk away with:

• A clearer understanding of why “love received” doesn’t always equal “love perceived.

• Tools to identify what your nervous system needs to register safety and closeness, even when your partner is showing up consistently.

• A roadmap for bridging the emotional gap, so your relationships feel more reciprocal, attuned, and deeply connected.
  

If this landed for you, go hit follow. It takes a second and it keeps these conversations coming.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling  

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

Emotional flexibility is one of the most underrated skills we have — and one of the most powerful indicators of resilience. In this episode, I’m breaking down what it actually means to be emotionally flexible, how it shows up in your day-to-day life, and why it becomes the make-or-break factor when life blindsides you.

Whether you’re navigating a breakup, a professional detour, or a season of uncertainty, emotional flexibility determines whether you adapt, shut down, or spiral. And the good news? It’s a skill you can build at any age.

Today, I’ll walk you through the behaviors that signal strong emotional flexibility, the patterns that tell me you’re struggling with it, and the practices that strengthen your ability to pivot without losing your center. This work isn’t about “staying positive” — it’s about staying grounded.

What You’ll Learn

• How emotional flexibility influences the way you respond when life shifts suddenly.
  

• The common signs that you’re resisting reality instead of adapting to it.
  

• Practical strategies to build emotional flexibility so you can bounce back faster.

Before you go, make sure you’re following and subscribed. It helps the show grow, and it means you’ll never miss an episode. Talk to you next week.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

I never thought I’d say this — especially as someone who spent years shaping the online dating landscape — but here we are. Today, we’re asking a radical question that’s starting to feel less radical and more necessary: Are dating apps actually getting in the way of connection?

If you’ve ever felt exhausted by endless swipes, ghost-town DMs, or conversations that die faster than they start, you are not alone. In fact, even the most emotionally intelligent and intentional daters are hitting a wall. The problem isn’t the match — it’s what happens (or doesn’t) after it.

I’m joined again by my friend, happiness expert and dating coach, Robert Mack, and together we’re unpacking why so many smart, capable, emotionally available people are burning out in a landscape that was supposed to help us meet someone — not numb us, distract us, or make us feel disposable.

This episode isn’t about bashing dating apps — it’s about telling the truth, exploring what’s shifted culturally and psychologically, and deciding whether stepping away from the algorithm might be the most powerful dating move you make this year.

We’re rethinking the system, your mindset, your habits — and what it actually takes to build meaningful romantic connection in a world addicted to swiping.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What’s changed in online dating culture — and why it’s impacting even the most intentional daters.

• How choice overload and digital burnout are sabotaging real-world romance.

• The mindset shift required to date with discernment, confidence, and actual joy again

If you're feeling depleted, disillusioned, or curious about what dating could look like without apps running the show, this episode is your permission slip to rethink everything.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

www.coachrobmack.com

Happiness From The Inside Out

Love From the Inside Out

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

We all know that changing a habit is hard — especially one that’s been socially accepted for generations. Alcohol is woven into how we celebrate, relax, and connect. But what if technology could help us drink more consciously, instead of forcing us into an all-or-nothing mindset?

In this episode, I sit down with Nick Allen, CEO and co-founder of Sunnyside, an app that helps people make more mindful choices about alcohol — without the shame, judgment, or labels that so often come with it. We talk about how data, psychology, and behavioral design are revolutionizing the way we think about drinking.

This isn’t a conversation about quitting. It’s a conversation about awareness — and how a little insight can lead to massive transformation.

Here’s what you’ll learn:Why traditional narratives about drinking (“you’re fine or you’re an addict”) don’t reflect most people’s reality.
How tech tools like Sunnyside use behavioral psychology and habit tracking to create lasting change.
The small, science-backed shifts that can help you drink more mindfully — starting tonight.
If this episode resonates with you, follow or subscribe to We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling. It’s free, it takes a second, and it helps keep powerful conversations like this coming your way.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com 

See if Sunnyside is a fit for you here: https://sunnyside.co

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/362788017_Why_do_adults_drink_alcohol_Development_and_validation_of_a_Drinking_Motives_Questionnaire_for_adults?utm_source=chatgpt.com

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36641592/

https://www.who.int/europe/news/item/04-01-2023-no-level-of-alcohol-consumption-is-safe-for-our-health?utm_source=chatgpt.com

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

Twitter:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling  

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

We’ve all gotten pretty good at spotting red flags — emotional unavailability, inconsistent texting, the subtle (or not-so-subtle) signs that someone’s not ready for real intimacy. But what about the other side of the spectrum? The green flags — the behaviors that quietly signal emotional maturity and long-term potential.

In this episode, I’m flipping the script. I’ll walk you through the 5 green flags that predict lasting love — the therapist’s cheat sheet to recognizing when someone is actually relationship material. And here’s the twist: Most of these green flags are learnable skills. That means you can cultivate them in yourself as much as you can look for them in others.

Whether you’re single and dating or in a relationship and wanting to deepen your connection, this episode will help you recognize the traits that actually sustain love over time — not just spark it.

Here’s What You’ll Learn

If you’ve ever wondered what actually separates relationships that last from those that don’t, this is the episode for you. Because the truth is, chemistry might get you in the door — but green flags are what keep you there.

Xxoo Darcy

PS: If you found this episode helpful, share it with someone who could use a little hope about what healthy love really looks like.

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

Full episode here → Apple/ Spotify/ You Tube

In today’s world, sharing an opinion can feel like stepping onto a battlefield. We fear being judged, misunderstood, or canceled—so we stay silent. Or worse, we speak at each other instead of with each other. But real connection isn’t about having the perfect words. It’s about showing up with curiosity, intention, and presence—even when it’s uncomfortable.

In this powerful conversation, I’m joined by legendary therapists and relationship experts Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, creators of Imago Therapy and authors of the new book How to Talk With Anyone About Anything. We unpack the deeper purpose of conversation, how to reconnect during moments of conflict, and why our differences might actually be the gateway to deeper intimacy.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

PLUS: I bring Harville one of my most triggering real-life scenarios—and ask him to walk me through it. And he does not disappoint. 

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling 

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

Online dating shouldn’t feel like a full-time job. But for most people, it does — endless swiping, ghosting, and wondering why no one seems to click. The truth? You’re not doing it wrong. You’ve just never been told how the system actually works.

In this episode, I’m breaking down the unwritten rules of dating apps — from the psychology behind a high-performing profile to the hidden algorithms that influence who you see (and who sees you). I’m joined by my friend Robert Mack, the dating coach from Famously Single, and together we’re pulling back the curtain on everything the apps don’t tell you.

We talk about how to make your profile irresistible without feeling like you’re selling yourself, how to start conversations that lead somewhere, and how to spot emotional availability long before you meet IRL.

Because dating apps aren’t the enemy — confusion is. Once you understand how to play the game, it stops feeling like rejection and starts feeling like opportunity.

Here’s What You’ll Learn:

Whether you’re just dipping your toes back in or you’ve been swiping for years, this episode will give you a mindset reset — and a strategy that actually works.

Xxoo Darcy

PS: If you found this episode helpful, share it with a friend who’s ready to date smarter (and maybe meet the one). And don’t forget to follow or subscribe to We Need to Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling so you never miss an episode that helps you love better and live better.

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

www.coachrobmack.com

Happiness From The Inside Out

Love From the Inside Out

Duchenne Smile 

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling 

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube.

When it comes to addiction, most of us have been taught that success means total abstinence and failure means relapse. But that rigid framework leaves a lot of people behind. Harm reduction offers a different approach—one rooted in compassion, science, and meeting people where they are.

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Sheila Vakharia, Deputy Director of Research and Academic Engagement at the Drug Policy Alliance, to talk about what harm reduction looks like in practice. From syringe exchange programs to overdose prevention sites, Sheila shares how these strategies are transforming the way we understand recovery, public health, and even our relationships with loved ones who struggle.

This is not just a conversation about policy—it’s about empathy, dignity, and the power of expanding our definition of healing.Here’s what you’ll take away from this episode:

• Why the abstinence-only model of addiction treatment doesn’t work for everyone—and how harm reduction offers a more inclusive alternative.

• Practical strategies that reduce risk, prevent overdoses, and create safer pathways to recovery.

• How embracing harm reduction can help us show up with more compassion and effectiveness for the people we love.
  

Xxoo Darcy

PS: If you found this episode eye-opening, make sure you hit subscribe so you never miss a conversation that could change the way you think about relationships, recovery, and resilience. And if you love the show, leaving a review helps others discover We Need to Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling.

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

The Harm Reduction Gap: Helping Individuals Left Behind by Conventional Drug Prevention and Abstinence-Only Addiction Treatment.

sheilavakharia.com

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10615-016-0584-3

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/16066359.2021.1900129

https://www.momaps1.org/en/programs/558-love-rules

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling  

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube.

Most of us step into dating and relationships hoping for the best, but hope isn’t a strategy. Reading people—really reading them—is a skill. It’s about spotting truth in the details, hearing what’s not being said, and learning how to navigate tension without blowing things up.

In this episode, I sit down with Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator and author of Never Split the Difference. Chris has spent decades facing high-stakes situations where the wrong move could cost lives—and he’s here to show us how those same skills can transform the way we approach love, dating, and long-term relationships.

From decoding early red flags to negotiating the toughest conversations with your partner, Chris breaks down how to use empathy as leverage and communication as strategy. Whether you’re just swiping for a first date or you’ve been in a relationship for years, these tools will sharpen your instincts and strengthen your connection.

Here’s what you’ll walk away with:

• How to decode trust signals in the early stages of dating so you don’t confuse charm with character.

• The art of tactical empathy—how to use listening as your most powerful tool when emotions run high.

• Negotiation strategies for love that help you handle conflict, set boundaries, and deepen connection without turning every disagreement into a battle.

  This conversation isn’t just about dating smarter—it’s about communicating like your relationship depends on it. Because in many ways, it does.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It―Unlock Your Persuasion Potential in Professional and Personal Life

www.blackswanltd.com/womens-symposium-2025

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

Every so often, I get requests from my male listeners to dedicate an episode to their questions—and today is that day. I’m joined by my friend, Robert Mack, for a very special Ask Me Anything: Men’s Edition.

This is your front-row seat to an unfiltered, honest conversation about what men really want to know when it comes to love, dating, women, and relationships. Nothing was off the table. From decoding mixed signals, to handling rejection, to the mental health struggles men often keep silent about—we covered it all.

Robert brings his brilliant perspective as my first-ever male co-host, and together we tackle the questions that so many men have, but rarely get to ask out loud.

If you’ve ever wished someone would just say the quiet part out loud about dating and relationships, this episode is for you.

Whether you’re single, dating, or in a relationship, this AMA gives you actionable insights that can change the way you think about love and connection.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

Why do women sometimes pull away after great sex?

Oxford research on emotional connection

Is online dating even worth it for men over 40?

Attachment patterns shape emotional responses

Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs

Happiness From The Inside Out

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube.