Dating with standards is essential—it’s how we protect ourselves from repeating old mistakes and from settling for less than we deserve. But what happens when those standards start to feel less like safety rails and more like walls keeping people out?

In this episode, I sit down with Ashtyn to explore the fine line between boundaries that serve you and expectations that may be unintentionally working against you. Together, we look at how fear, loneliness, and past heartbreak can all sneak into our standards—disguising themselves as “non-negotiables.”

Because the truth is: Having standards isn’t the problem. The challenge is making sure they’re rooted in self-respect, not self-protection at all costs.

Here’s what you’ll learn:

• How to tell the difference between healthy boundaries and hidden barriers.
  

• The subtle ways loneliness can trick you into lowering—or raising—your standards.
  

• A framework for evaluating whether your “dealbreakers” are serving you or sabotaging you.
  

If you’ve ever wondered whether your standards are keeping you safe—or keeping you single—this episode will give you the clarity you need.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling  

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

Most of us think inpatient psychiatric care is only for emergencies—when someone’s in immediate danger to themselves or others. But there’s a whole other side to it that rarely gets airtime: Choosing inpatient treatment before things hit rock bottom.

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Andrew Gerber, President and Medical Director of Silver Hill Hospital, about what elective, voluntary inpatient care looks like when it’s designed for people who want help—not because they’re forced into it, but because they’re ready for change.

We get into the reality of what happens when therapy, medication, and every coping strategy in your toolbox still aren’t enough—and how a structured, immersive setting can offer the breakthrough you’ve been searching for.

Here’s What You’ll Learn:

• Why the mental health system is built to respond to crises—but rarely to prevent them.
• What elective, voluntary inpatient care actually looks like for high-functioning, therapy-savvy people.
• How to recognize the early warning signs that you might need more support than outpatient care can provide.

If you’ve ever wondered where to turn when you’re not in crisis yet—but you can feel yourself unraveling—this conversation might just change the way you think about getting help.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

www.silverhillhospital.org

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch here on YouTube

Dating shouldn’t feel like an energy drain—and yet, for many introverts, it does.

Introverts often thrive in deep, one-on-one conversations, yet dating apps, noisy bars, and rapid-fire banter can leave them completely drained. And if you’re not aware of what’s happening, that exhaustion can be mistaken for disinterest—or worse, rejection.

In this episode of We Need to Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling, I sit down with Dr. Laurie Helgoe, psychologist and author of Introvert Power, to talk about dating as an introvert, how to protect your energy, and how to navigate relationships when the world feels built for extroverts. We’ll cover introvert dating tips, how to communicate boundaries, and how to find meaningful connection without pretending to be someone you’re not.

Here’s What You’ll Learn:

• How to tell the difference between needing space and losing interest—and why it matters for relationship health.
• Practical strategies introverts can use to make dating less exhausting (and more enjoyable).
• How to communicate your energy needs without sounding distant or disengaged.

Whether you’re an introvert yourself, dating one, or raising one, you’ll walk away with tools to navigate connection in a way that feels natural—and sustainable.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

The Strange Situation Procedure by Mary Ainsworth

Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength (Reduce Anxiety and Boost Your Confidence and Self-Esteem with this Self-Help Book for Introverted Women and Men) 

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

Let’s be honest: Dating today can feel like a full-time job—with no benefits and no PTO.

If you’ve found yourself endlessly swiping, mentally checked out on first dates, or dreading another round of small talk with someone who’ll probably ghost you by next week, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong.

You’re just burnt out.

In this episode of We Need to Talk, I’m talking about what so many people feel but don’t say out loud: Dating fatigue is real. And while it can be tempting to delete the apps and swear off dating altogether, there’s a better way to navigate the exhaustion without giving up on what you want.

We talk about how to protect your energy, how to spot red flags early (without turning into a detective), and how to create a system that supports your mental health while staying open to connection.

Here’s What You’ll Learn:

• Dating burnout doesn’t mean you’re jaded—it means you’ve been overextending your emotional bandwidth without proper boundaries.
• You can slow down the pace, protect your energy, and still be intentional about finding love.
• A few strategic mindset shifts can transform dating from exhausting to empowering—and help you show up as your best self.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescouseling.com

https://www.askdrdarcy.com/measure-approach/

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

When couples tell me they’ve “lost the spark,” it’s rarely because of one major event. It’s the slow fade—the missed opportunities for connection, the routine that replaces curiosity, the conversations that revolve more around logistics than intimacy.

But here’s the good news: Rekindling connection doesn’t require a massive overhaul. Sometimes, the smallest shift can open the biggest door.

In this episode, I’m joined by Aly Bullock, Head of Relationships at Paired—an app designed to help couples reconnect through one intentional question a day. We dive into the science behind micro-moments, how novelty keeps long-term love alive, and why just a few minutes of daily intentionality might be all it takes to start feeling closer again.

This is about more than an app. It’s about remembering that your partner isn’t just the person who forgot to take out the trash—they’re also the person you once couldn’t stop asking questions about.

Takeaways:

• Small, intentional daily check-ins can create more emotional intimacy than the occasional big gesture.
• Curiosity is one of the most underrated tools in long-term relationships—and it’s a skill you can practice.
• Reigniting connection doesn’t require more time, just more intention—with the right prompts, even two minutes a day can change your dynamic.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

https://www.paired.com/press/paired-shown-to-increase-relationship-quality-by-36percent

Download Paired and try premium at a discount: http://www.paired.com/alypodcast

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

You know that moment when you tell yourself you’ll scroll for just five more minutes… and somehow, an hour disappears?

In this solo episode, I’m digging into the psychology behind why we feel addicted to social media—and what we can do about it. Because this goes way beyond distraction. For many of us, the endless scrolling becomes compulsive. Especially after a breakup or during times of heightened insecurity, our feeds start to feel less like entertainment and more like a source of clues… or control.

But here’s the truth: Social media addiction is real. It may not be in the DSM, but it mirrors other behavioral addictions in all the ways that matter—dopamine hits, compulsive checking, withdrawal symptoms, and the toll it takes on your mental health.

I’ll walk you through the neuroscience behind the urge to scroll, the emotional traps baked into the platforms, and why abstinence isn’t a realistic solution for most of us. And I’ll give you tangible strategies to regain control without having to delete every app off your phone.

Whether you’re caught in a loop of stalking someone’s stories, waking up and reaching for your phone before your feet hit the floor, or just feeling like your attention span has been hijacked—this episode is for you.

You’ll walk away with:

• A deeper understanding of why social media feels addictive—and how it manipulates your brain’s reward system.
• The 3 red flags that signal your relationship with social media may be harming your mental health.
• Science-backed, therapist-tested strategies for breaking the cycle—without quitting cold turkey.

If you’ve ever felt ashamed or confused by your own scrolling habits, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. Let’s talk about what’s really going on—and how to reclaim your peace.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling/com

https://www.askdrdarcy.com/references/

Email Amanda at [email protected] for course purchase - Code 5FRIENDS

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen and Ines Goot.

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

You know those relationship fights that keep coming up again and again? The ones that go in circles—never really getting resolved, just getting recycled?

My guest this week is Julie Mennano—licensed therapist, author of Secure Love, and host of The Secure Relationship Podcast. Julie has a rare gift for helping couples identify the deeper emotional patterns driving their relationship conflict. She doesn’t just teach attachment theory—she translates it into practical tools you can actually use to change how you show up in love.

Together, we explore why some arguments seem to have no end, why traditional communication strategies fall short, and how so much of your relationship conflict is tied to your nervous system and attachment style—not the surface-level issues like chores, tone, or timing.

Whether you're in a romantic relationship, married, or navigating long-term partnership dynamics, this episode will help you understand the real reason your communication breaks down—and what to do about it.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why some relationship conflicts never feel resolved—and why it’s not about the dishwasher.
• How your attachment style and nervous system responses are shaping your conflict cycle.
• Practical tools for moving from conflict and disconnection to repair and reconnection.

If you’ve ever walked away from an argument thinking, “We’ve had this fight a hundred times,” this conversation will show you what’s really going on—and how to finally create meaningful change in your relationship.

Xxoo,

Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. .

If you've ever found yourself walking on eggshells in relationships, struggling to set boundaries, or feeling like your emotional needs are too much, this episode is for you.

I sat down with clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Lindsay Gibson—whose groundbreaking work has helped millions of adult children of emotionally immature parents understand the long-term effects of childhood emotional neglect. We’re talking about the kinds of parents who were emotionally unavailable, unpredictable, or unable to meet your needs—and what that means for your adult relationships today.

This conversation isn’t about blaming or bashing. It’s about clarity. It’s about reclaiming your story. And it’s about learning how to break the cycle of emotional immaturity so you don’t keep reenacting the same painful patterns with partners, friends, or even your own children.

Whether you’ve gone no-contact, low-contact, or you’re still trying to make it work with a difficult parent, this episode will give you insight—and practical tools—to help you move forward.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The relational habits and coping strategies that adult children of emotionally immature parents often carry into their closest relationships.
• Why people who didn’t receive emotional intimacy in childhood often struggle to recognize their own needs—and stay too long in one-sided relationships.
• How to coexist with this kind of parent—without cutting them off.

If this resonates with you, make sure you follow the show—and please share it with someone who might need to hear it.

If you listen to 1 podcast this month, THIS IS IT. 

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounselng.com

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. .

Holiday weeks always make me feel nostalgic, and that feeling tends to make me reflect on people who used to be in my life but no longer are… That’s why, this week, we’re re-releasing our most popular episode of all time—on family estrangement.

Clearly, this topic resonates. So many of us live in the tension between missing someone we’ve cut off, and fearing that reconciliation would just reopen the same wounds that caused the break in the first place. If that’s you, I hope this episode gives you some clarity—and a little bit of peace.

The threads that bind us to our families have begun to feel optional in recent years. 

And in our culture of social media — where anyone with a phone can proclaim themselves to be an expert on subjects that they have no training or qualifications in — influencers are everywhere, some of them encouraging followers to end what they deem to be toxic relationships, or to break unhealthy cycles, or to rethink the obligation of being in our closest relationships. 

I am a fan of healthy relationships. And when they become exploitive, manipulative or harmful, I am OK with someone making the decision to exit the relationship — even when it’s with a family member. 

I am truly torn when it comes to family estrangement. I know first hand the wounds that come from being in a painful relationship. I understand why someone would make the decision to step away. And as a therapist and a human being, I’ve seen the cost people pay when they lose their tribe. 

Joining me in this discussion is Dr. Joshua Coleman, author of the book Rules of Estrangement. Dr. Coleman is a psychologist in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area, and he has carved out a specialty in family estrangement. 

In this episode you’ll learn:

• The #1 cause of family estrangement.  
• How well-meaning friends and family tend to exacerbate estrangement. 
• The biggest mistakes people make when they’re trying to reconcile. 

AND… Dr. Coleman gives us his greatest tool for those who want to bridge the gap between themself and a loved one they’re cut off from. 

REFERENCES

www.alterntivescounseling.com

Is Cutting Off Your Family Good Therapy?

Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties & How to Heal the Conflict

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani. 

 DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube.

I’ve worked with so many smart, successful people who keep finding themselves in relationships that just don’t work. They’re self-aware, they’ve done the therapy, and on paper, they’re a catch. So why do they keep picking partners who can’t meet them where they are?

In this episode, I’m joined by psychologist and “Love & Life” podcast host Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell to talk about why high-functioning people so often end up in low-quality relationships—and what to do about it.

We’re breaking down:

• Why emotionally intelligent people sometimes ignore red flags.
• The role fantasy and projection play in choosing the wrong partners.
• How to tell the difference between chemistry and compatibility.
• What “dating at your level” really looks like.
• How to stop mistaking potential for actual partnership.

If you’ve ever thought, “Maybe I’m the common denominator,” this conversation is for you. Because sometimes, you’re not the problem—you’re just dating one.

🎧 Hit play. Let’s talk about it.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

Stat on DSM

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube.