Gaslighting is often framed as a one-way act or behavior—someone manipulates, and the other is manipulated. But in reality, gaslighting is a relational dynamic. Its "success" hinges not only on the manipulator’s actions but also on the recipient's openness to self-doubt and questioning their own perceptions.

Certain traits make people more vulnerable to gaslighting. These qualities often lead the person to trust the gaslighter's version of reality over their own. Gaslighters often choose partners who value harmony and trust over conflict, knowing their partner might be more willing to question themselves rather than the person they love.

The term gaslighting has been around for decades. But it’s only been used in the psychological sense since 2007, and it was coined by today’s guest. 

Dr. Robin Stern, the author of The Gaslight Effect and co-founder of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, has spent years studying this insidious phenomenon. She explores how it manifests in relationships and, more importantly, how we can break free from its grip.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why gaslighting is one of the most powerful tools of control.
• The surprising positive traits that make people more susceptible to gaslighting.
• How to spot the early, subtle signs of gaslighting.

AND… the most common ways people misuse the term—and why it matters.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES

Mindful Care

The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Preston Smith. 

DISCLAIMER

#Dating #DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #DatingAdvice #Relationships #RelationshipPodcasts #RelationshipAdvice #RelationshipExperts

#RealTalkRelationships #RelationshipIssues #RelationshipHelp #PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy #CouplesCounseling

#CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy #DrRobinStern #Gaslighting #TheGaslightEffect #EmotionalIntelligence

#ToxicRelationships #MentalHealthMatters

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It’s January, and everyone’s still buzzing about their New Year’s resolutions—promises to hit the gym, eat healthier, or finally start dating with intention. But the reality is, by mid-February, nearly 80% of those resolutions are abandoned. Why?

Because willpower alone can’t outmuscle unresolved emotional wounds. The patterns you can’t seem to break—the procrastination, the self-sabotage, the over-committing—they’re often rooted in emotional triggers tied to unhealed pain. And until you address those triggers, goal-setting can feel like pushing a boulder uphill.

Today, we’re diving into the emotional baggage that holds us back from creating meaningful change. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a cycle of failed resolutions or wondered why you can’t seem to follow through on your goals, this episode is for you.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why willpower and motivation don’t work when it comes to reaching a goal.
• How struggles like procrastination or self-sabotage reveal three types of unresolved emotional wounds.
• What to do if your tribe isn’t giving you the kind of support you need to achieve your goals.

Xxoo Darcy

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Preston Smith. 

DISCLAIMER

#Dating #DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #DatingAdvice #Relationships #RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts #RelationshipAdvice

#RelationshipExperts #RealTalkRelationships #LoveLanguage #RelationshipIssues #RelationshipHelp #PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy

#Therapy #CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy #ModernRomance #ModernLove #MillennialLife

#EmotionalHealing #NewYearsResolutions #PersonalGrowth #MindsetShift #GoalSetting #UnresolvedTrauma #EmotionalWellness #HealingJourney

#SelfSabotage #InnerWork

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Watch this episode here on YouTube.

Normally, I ask the questions, but this time, it’s your turn. 

To be honest, I’ve avoided doing an Ask Me Anything episode because I feel like I talk about myself too much. But my team voted and I was outnumbered.

So, here we are—your questions, unfiltered, and my honest answers. From relationship advice to podcast behind-the-scenes, no topic was off-limits.

And I’ve recruited someone very special to join me for this episode—my wife, couples therapist, Steph Sterling. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The podcast guest who had the biggest impact on me (and why).
• What I do to keep my mental health in check. 
• The relationship trend I hope to see more of in 2025.

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be a therapist who's married to a therapist, tune in — you get 2 for the price of 1 today!

Xxoo Darcy

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Preston Smith. 

DISCLAIMER

#Dating #DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #DatingAdvice #Relationships #RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts #RelationshipAdvice #RelationshipExperts #RealTalkRelationships #LoveLanguage #RelationshipIssues #RelationshipHelp #PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy

#Therapy #CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy #ModernRomance #ModernLove #AskMeAnything 

#MentalHealthMatters #PodcastLife #LoveAndRelationships

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Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

Talking about sex is one of the hardest conversations to have. It’s clumsy, it’s awkward, and for some, it’s completely off-limits.

Research shows that only 2 out of 3 long-term partners know what their partner enjoys sexually, and just 1 in 4 knows what their partner dislikes.

Why is it so hard to talk about something so fundamental to intimacy? And how could our relationships transform if we learned to communicate about sex with honesty and confidence?

To answer these questions, I’ve invited Shannon Boodram—better known as Shan Boody. She’s a trailblazing author, certified sex educator, and one of the most insightful voices on intimacy and communication.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The real reason many women fake orgasms—and how to stop faking it.
• Why sexual incompatibility can be a surprising turn-on.
• The importance of discussing your sexual appetite early on in the dating process. 
• 
  

If you’re ready to transform your sex life with open, honest conversations, this episode is for you.

Xxoo

Darcy

REFERENCES

Mindful Care

https://europepmc.org/article/MED/34968095?utm_source=chatgpt.com

https://www.statista.com/topics/1209/sexuality/

“Want” Sexual Fantasies by Anonymous

#Dating #DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #DatingAdvice #Relationships #RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts #RelationshipAdvice

#RelationshipExperts #RealTalkRelationships #LoveLanguage #RelationshipIssues #RelationshipHelp #PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy #CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy

#ModernRomance #ModernLove #MillennialLife #SexualHealthEducation #IntimacyCoach #RelationshipCommunication

#SexualEmpowerment #OpenConversations #ShanBoodram

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Preston Smith. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

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YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube.

Anxiety is the most prevalent mental health condition in the United States, affecting 1 in 3 of us at some point in our life. For many, it’s an all-consuming cycle of worry and fear that can upend careers, relationships, and the ability to perform basic daily tasks. 

But what if anxiety isn’t an inevitable part of modern life?

I sat down with Dr. Jud Brewer, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist whose groundbreaking work sheds light on how anxiety forms and how to break free. Drawing from his New York Times bestselling book, and his evidence-based tools, Dr. Jud explains how our brain’s habit loops fuel anxiety and how we can reclaim control.

If anxiety has ever held you back—or if you know someone who struggles with it—this should be mandatory listening. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How our habits create and sustain anxiety cycles.
• Why trying to control anxiety can backfire—and what to do instead.
• What cutting-edge research reveals about psychedelics and anxiety treatment.

If you listen to 1 podcast this month, THIS IS IT. 

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES

Unwinding Anxiety App on App Store

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Preston Smith. 

#Anxiety #MentalHealth #Worry #Fear #AnxietyCycles #UnwindingAnxiety #AnxietyTreatment #AnxietyRelief #ManagingAnxiety #TransformAnxiety #AnxietyHelp #Anxiousness #NewYorkTimesBestSeller #NewYorkTimes #Relationships #DrJudBrewer #RelationshipIssues #RelationshipHelp #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy #CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling 

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YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube.

Choosing when to share your past—and deciding how much to share—is one of the trickiest balancing acts in relationships. Whether it’s with a romantic partner, a friend, or even a colleague, the decision to open up can feel overwhelming.

In today’s episode, we’re diving into the delicate art of disclosure—learning when and how to share your personal stories so they don’t become burdensome secrets. 

We discuss:

• The right timing to share mental health diagnoses, physical illnesses, financial struggles, legal troubles, family secrets, or personal mistakes.
• How to balance family loyalty with honesty when revealing family secrets.
• Tips for discussing sensitive topics like politics, religious differences, or biases with new people.
• How to present your mistakes as opportunities for growth and accountability.

PLUS, I uncover the #1 mistake people make when they’re on the receiving end of someone else’s vulnerable story—and how to avoid it.

Tune in to learn how to navigate these tough conversations with confidence, compassion, and authenticity.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES

Mindful Care

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Preston Smith. 

DISCLAIMER

#Dating #DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #DatingAdvice #Relationships #RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts #RelationshipAdvice

#RelationshipExperts #RealTalkRelationships #LoveLanguage #RelationshipIssues #RelationshipHelp #PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy #CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy

#ModernRomance #ModernLove #MillennialLife #Vulnerability #FamilySecrets #GrowthMindset #EmotionalIntelligence #LifeLessons

#Authenticity #SelfAwareness #CommunicationSkills

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

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Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For many women, sexual desire isn’t always spontaneous or readily available—it’s something that ebbs and flows, influenced by factors like stress, fatigue, and emotional connection with a partner.

Yet, our culture promotes the idea that great sex must be spontaneous, passionate, and frequent, leaving many women feeling like they’re broken when they experience a lull in their desire.

But what if that belief is a myth? What if our cultural narrative around sexuality and desire is part of what makes it so difficult to sustain?

In this episode, we’re joined by Dr. Lori Brotto, a leading expert in the science of desire. Dr. Brotto has dedicated her career to dismantling myths about female desire and providing practical, evidence-based strategies to help women reconnect with their sexuality. She emphasizes that desire isn’t just something that happens to us—it’s something we can nurture, approach with mindfulness, and redefine in ways that align with our unique lives and relationships.

• Key differences in sexual desire between men and women.
• The top disruptors of women’s desire.
• A single transformative skill to help combat low libido and rekindle desire.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES

Mindful Care

Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Preston Smith. 

DISCLAIMER

#DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #DatingAdvice #Relationships #RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts #RelationshipAdvice

#RelationshipExperts #RealTalkRelationships #LoveLanguage #RelationshipIssues #RelationshipHelp #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy #CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy #ModernRomance #ModernLove #MillennialLife #DrLoriBrotto

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

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Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We've all been there—stuck in a relationship where red flags are hard to ignore, yet we find ways to dismiss them. We tell ourselves things will change, that it’s just a rough patch. But while we’re busy justifying, friends and family can see the reality far more clearly.

Why are we often the last to recognize toxic patterns or to accept when a relationship has reached its limit? What keeps us holding on, even as the red flags pile up? In this episode, we dive into the psychology of ignoring red flags, exploring how much of this blindness is rooted in self-preservation versus genuine love.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why leaving a relationship is sometimes harder when there hasn’t been a single, defining break.
• How friends and family can manage the challenge of seeing red flags and wanting to help, while respecting their loved one’s choices.
• How to respond when people you trust share their concerns about your partner.

This episode is all about tuning into emotional awareness, relationship patterns, and the delicate balance between love and self-preservation.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES

Mindful Care

VIA Survey of Character Strengths

https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/loo-marriage-to-divorce-ratio-US-geographic-variation-2022-fp-23-25.html

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm

#Dating #DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #DatingAdvice #Relationships #RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts #RelationshipAdvice

#RelationshipExperts #RealTalkRelationships #LoveLanguage #RelationshipIssues #RelationshipHelp #PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy #CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy

#ModernRomance #ModernLove #ToxicRelationships #KnowYourWorth #BreakupRecovery #RedFlagsInRelationships #TrustYourGut

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Preston Smith. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Our early experiences with our caregivers creates a blueprint that influences how we trust, connect, and build relationships in adulthood. We call that blueprint our attachment style. And to keep it simple, that style will either be secure (ideally) or insecure (more likely). 

If you suspect or know that you have an insecure attachment style, don’t lose hope—healing is possible. And it often happens through our adult relationships—when we choose partners who help us feel safe, who show up for us consistently, who speak the truth, and who navigate conflict in ways that make us feel seen rather than abandoned.

But what happens when your relationship model isn’t monogamy? Can you still find emotional security and healing in non-monogamous relationships? For those with a secure attachment style, non-monogamy may feel natural. But for individuals with an insecure attachment style or who have unresolved trauma, it can magnify challenges like jealousy, fear of abandonment, and emotional withdrawal.

Today, I’m joined by Jessica Fern, therapist and author of Polysecure, to explore the intersection of attachment, trauma, and non-monogamy. Jessica’s work offers hope and actionable tools for building emotional security—even in non-traditional relationship models.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How attachment styles profoundly impact our adult relationships.
• How insecure attachment styles differ from secure attachment styles in non-monogamous relationships.
• Practical strategies to foster emotional security, no matter your relationship structure.

Whether you’re monogamous, polyamorous, or exploring open relationships, this episode will provide valuable insights into how attachment and trauma shape our love lives—and how we can heal.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES

Mindful Care

Befriending Your Nervous System: Looking Through the Lens of Polyvagal Theory

Polyvagal Prompts: Finding Connection and Joy through Guided Explorations

Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non Monogamy by Jessica Fern

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Preston Smith. 

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling  

X:@DrDarcySterling   

YouTube:@DarcySterling   

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

There is nothing quite like the feeling you get when your new relationship becomes official. That shift from casual dating into knowing that you and your partner are truly becoming a committed team. You develop relationship rituals for when you see each other, and you’re beginning to create a framework for navigating life together. For so many people, it’s simultaneously grounding and intoxicating.

But it’s almost inevitable that as relationship familiarity grows and partners become more secure with each other, that initial passion starts to wane.

And it doesn’t just happen when a new sense of security takes the place of the honeymoon phase — it actually happens throughout the course of our relationship and our lives.

It’s the paradox of long-term relationships: The qualities that help keep a partnership alive over years or even decades are often the exact opposite of what you need to maintain a fulfilling sex life.

Dr. Emily Jamea, a sex therapist and author of Anatomy of Desire: 5 Secrets to Create Connection and Cultivate Passion, joins us to discuss why sex and intimacy change in long-term love and what we can do to keep passion alive.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What makes sex amazing in new relationships and how those qualities change in a long-term partnership.
• The surprising behaviors that couples do or don’t do that gradually erode desire.
• How couples can emerge from a sexless phase and reignite passion.

I loved this conversation, and I think you will too!

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES

Mindful Care

Anatomy of Desire: Five Secrets to Create Connection and Cultivate Passion

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Preston Smith. 

DISCLAIMER

#Dating #DatingTips #RelationshipGoals #DatingAdvice #Relationships #RelationshipPodcast #RelationshipPodcasts #RelationshipAdvice #RelationshipExperts #RealTalkRelationships #LoveLanguage #RelationshipIssues #RelationshipHelp  #PodcastLove #WeNeedToTalkWithDrDarcy #Therapy #CouplesCounseling #CouplesTherapy #DrDarcySterling #DoctorDarcySterling #DrDarcy #LongTermRelationship #Intimacy #DrEmilyJamea

Instagram:@drdarcysterling 

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

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Watch this episode here on YouTube. 

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.