Continuing the series on "Psychological Games Couples Play," Michael Webb and I discuss another game within the realm of Psychological Games.

This game is not only deep but usually ingrained within the communication style of one or both parties. It's called "I've Got You Now...."

It's one of the most insidious games couples fall into subconsciously as they seek to heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. While able to be overcome and eventually diffused, it requires a deeper journey into the mind and trauma, of the unfaithful and betrayed.

Couples who are dealing with this game often times feel as though they are being set up by their partner. It can feel as though their partner is creating what we call a 'double bind' all in an attempt to prove a point that can scorch the earth of the argument. Couples who struggle with this game are not on thin ice, but they do find themselves looking for any sort of way out of the quick sand and today Michael Webb shares exactly that.

Ever find yourself in the same frustrating argument with someone, especially your spouse— even though it starts off innocent and you swear this time it'll go differently? But somehow, it spirals into a familiar mess?

Psychological games are repetitive patterns of hidden communication people play with each other, often unconsciously. They seem harmless on the surface, but they end with someone feeling hurt, guilty, or angry — just like before.

These games follow a pattern:

A hidden motive or unspoken message A predictable sequence of interactions A negative payoff (emotional discomfort or conflict)

They're not about fun — more like emotional traps that we fall into, often learned in childhood, resulting in confusion, hurt feelings and deep seated resentment.

Transactional Analysis, developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne, is a theory of communication and personality. In TA, our interactions are seen as "transactions" between different parts of ourselves:

👶 Child (emotions, creativity, needs, or rebellion)

👨‍👩‍👧 Parent (rules, judgments, values — often inherited from authority figures)

🧑 Adult (rational, in-the-moment decision-making)

When people interact, they're often unconsciously switching between these ego states. Games happen when there's a mismatch or hidden motive behind a transaction — for example, someone may act like they want help (Adult to Adult), but are actually seeking to feel victimized (Child to Parent).

Today Michael Webb shares how couples subconsciously participate in these games, especially those dealing with infidelity or addiction and highlights a massively toxic game of "I've Got You Now....."

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Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].

Today you'll meet Lauren LaRusso, a well known face on social media and true expert to those looking for hope, healing and new life after the discovery of infidelity.

Lauren holds a bachelor's degree in Psychology and Creative Writing from The College of the Holy Cross in Worcester, MA, and a Masters in Professional Counseling from The University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, PA.

In her years of work as a psychotherapist in private practice, Lauren has helped countless individuals and couples process the extramarital affairs that are impacting their life. Infidelity affected her own life along with the lives of countless others she's cared about. It eventually became a clear path for her mission to help others dealing with the aftermath of infidelity and betrayal.

With her unique lens, she combines valuable lived experience and specialized professional expertise to provide intensive, solution-focused consultation to clients far and wide who are struggling with infidelity. ​She has helped countless individuals transform their life's greatest challenges into opportunities for positive growth and change in her private psychotherapy practice. ​She uses a relational, trauma-informed, and recovery-focused approach to her work with individuals and couples far and wide who are navigating the complex and painful dynamics of marital affairs.

You can find more about Laura and her practice by visiting her website: https://www.laurenlarusso.com

For more help or information about Sam you can reach out to him personally at [email protected]

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Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].

Healing from infidelity is no easy task. Whether a betrayed male or female, the pain can feel as though it has no purpose, no redemption and no light at the end of the tunnel.

Today you'll meet Randall who shares his own story of not only excruciating emotional pain and hurt, but also how he and his wife have found healing, joy and redemption. Randall pulls no punches as he shares insight into what worked for him and what didn't work. What provided clarity and what caused even more hurt pain and confusion.

Ultimately, Randall knew he had to get healthy for him. What followed was a chain of events which is truly compelling to hear how he and his wife have been able to rise from the ashes and not just exist, but find purpose and beauty despite betrayal.

Not every journey ends in restoration. Some marriages make it....some don't. Some marriages quite honestly, shouldn't be saved and others have every opportunity at new life and new hope if BOTH parties can find and commit to a process that's expert driven.

We make our choices and then our choices make us.

I hope as you listen to Randall, you'll make the choice to get healthy for you and do whatever it takes to heal yourself. You can't change your partner, but you can change you and you can build a life you're proud of once again and that you enjoy living.

To New Hope,

Samuel

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Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].

Today, relationship and expert therapist James Annear joins me to discuss when it's time to forgo individual or couples work and proceed right ahead to an intensive.

If you're on my page, you know the disclosure of infidelity is a devastating moment in any relationship. Whether the betrayal was emotional, physical, or both, it strikes at the core of trust and safety between partners. While many couples turn to individual or weekly couples therapy for support and guidance, there are circumstances where this traditional approach may not be sufficient. In some cases, a relationship intensive—an immersive, multi-day therapeutic experience—may be a more appropriate and effective route for healing. Knowing when to forgo regular therapy in favor of an intensive can make the difference between prolonged suffering and a path toward meaningful repair.

The Nature of an Intensive A relationship intensive, often conducted over one to three full days, provides concentrated therapeutic work with a trained specialist like James and his wife Sharon who have both been through infidelity and addiction. Unlike weekly sessions that typically last 50 minutes and stretch over months, intensives offer uninterrupted time to dive deeply into the root issues of the relationship, address trauma, process the affair, and build a new framework for communication and trust.

Why Traditional Therapy Sometimes Falls Short While weekly therapy is beneficial in many contexts, it can present several limitations in the wake of infidelity and without expert help, many mistakes are made and many couples are unfortunately mishandled.

Escalating Conflict: Weekly sessions often do not provide enough containment for couples in crisis. If emotions are volatile—such as anger, shame, or grief—short, infrequent sessions may be insufficient to de-escalate conflict or facilitate real connection.

Therapist Mismatch: Some therapists may not be specifically trained in affair recovery or betrayal trauma. A mismatch in therapeutic focus or skill can lead to further misunderstanding or harm.

Readiness and Urgency: Some couples are in a time-sensitive situation—perhaps considering separation or divorce—and need to determine, quickly and with support, whether their relationship has a viable path forward. Weekly sessions may not provide answers fast enough.

When to Consider an Intensive There are several signs that an intensive may be a better option than traditional therapy after the disclosure of infidelity:

1. The Crisis Feels Too Big for Weekly Therapy When the emotional impact of the affair is overwhelming, and one or both partners feel like they're drowning in pain, confusion, or rage, an intensive provides immediate structure and emotional containment. It can offer clarity and de-escalation that weekly sessions often cannot provide in the short term.

2. The Betrayal is Part of a Larger Pattern If the affair is not an isolated incident but part of a long-standing pattern of deceit, boundary violations, or emotional disengagement, a deeper intervention is needed. Intensives allow therapists to explore historical dynamics, family-of-origin wounds, and systemic patterns that contribute to chronic disconnection.

3. The Couple Wants to Rebuild But Doesn't Know How After infidelity, some couples desperately want to stay together but feel unequipped to rebuild trust or intimacy. An intensive gives them dedicated time to begin this work with the guidance of a specialist, offering a structured approach to re-establish emotional safety, accountability, and a new foundation for the relationship.

5. Stalled or Re-Traumatizing Progress in Traditional Therapy If the couple has already tried regular counseling and feels stuck, misunderstood, or re-traumatized, it may be time for a reset. Intensives often provide trauma-informed care that validates the betrayed partner's experience while guiding the unfaithful partner toward genuine empathy and accountability.

6. High Stakes or a Tipping Point When a couple is on the brink of separation but isn't ready to give up, an intensive can serve as a last effort to explore whether reconciliation is possible. It offers the tools and support to make informed decisions about the future, whether that means rebuilding or parting with integrity.

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Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].

Continuing the series on "Psychological Games Couples Play," Michael Webb and I discuss another game within the realm of Psychological Games called If It Weren't for You.

Ever find yourself in the same frustrating argument with someone, especially your spouse— even though it starts off innocent and you swear this time it'll go differently? But somehow, it spirals into a familiar mess?

That's not just bad luck. You might be stuck in a psychological game.

Psychological games are repetitive patterns of hidden communication people play with each other, often unconsciously. They seem harmless on the surface, but they end with someone feeling hurt, guilty, or angry — just like before.

These games follow a pattern:

A hidden motive or unspoken message A predictable sequence of interactions A negative payoff (emotional discomfort or conflict)

They're not about fun — more like emotional traps that we fall into, often learned in childhood, resulting in confusion, hurt feelings and deep seated resentment.

Transactional Analysis, developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne, is a theory of communication and personality. In TA, our interactions are seen as "transactions" between different parts of ourselves:

👶 Child (emotions, creativity, needs, or rebellion)

👨‍👩‍👧 Parent (rules, judgments, values — often inherited from authority figures)

🧑 Adult (rational, in-the-moment decision-making)

When people interact, they're often unconsciously switching between these ego states. Games happen when there's a mismatch or hidden motive behind a transaction — for example, someone may act like they want help (Adult to Adult), but are actually seeking to feel victimized (Child to Parent).

Today Michael Webb shares how couples subconsciously participate in these games, especially those dealing with infidelity or addiction and highlights a massively toxic game of If It Weren't for You.....

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Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].

Meet Adam Nisenson, known as the Betrayal Shrink. Adam combines his extensive clinical skills with a deeply empathetic heart in his role as a Betrayal Trauma Coach. Licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Adam is dedicated to guiding men through the complex emotions and challenges of betrayal trauma. He's also the author of A Man's Guide to Partner Betrayal, which is a one of a kind book geared towards betrayed men, hoping to find new life after their partner's infidelity.

His methodology is deeply influenced by his intimate grasp of the trials faced by men confronting a partner's infidelity. Leveraging his extensive clinical background and personal insights of being a betrayal partner himself, Adam creates a supportive and understanding environment, where clients are led through their journey of healing with compassion and wisdom.

​ Holding a degree from Pacifica Graduate Institute with a focus on Marriage and Family Therapy, Professional Clinical Counseling, and Depth Psychology, Adam has committed his career to addressing critical issues such as betrayal, infidelity, sex addiction, and the myriad life challenges that accompany them. With Adam, the journey is not just about recovery; it's about embarking on a path of profound personal growth and rediscovery.

You can find more about Adam here: https://www.betrayalshrink.com/

See you next time,

Sam

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Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].

Today you'll meet a friend of mine, Kevin who shares his own journey with infidelity as a betrayed male and Autism.

Autism, or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how a person perceives the world and interacts with others. It's called a "spectrum" because it includes a wide range of characteristics and levels of support needs, from mild to significant.

Key Features of Autism:

• Social communication difficulties: Challenges with understanding and using verbal and nonverbal language, such as tone of voice, facial expressions, or gestures.
• Repetitive behaviors and routines: Repeating movements (like hand-flapping), phrases, or having strict routines and resistance to change.
• Intense interests: Deep focus on specific topics or activities, sometimes to the exclusion of others.
• Sensory sensitivities: Over- or under-sensitivity to lights, sounds, textures, smells, or pain.

Other Points:

• Autism is not a disease and doesn't need to be "cured" — it's a difference in brain wiring.
• It can be diagnosed in early childhood, but some people aren't diagnosed until adolescence or adulthood.
• Some autistic individuals need significant daily support, while others live independently and may even see their autism as a key part of their identity.
• Autism can affect how a person processes and heals from infidelity in several unique ways, largely because of differences in emotional regulation, communication, trust, and social cognition. Here's how it might impact the healing process:

1. Difficulty with Emotional Processing Autistic individuals may experience emotions very deeply but struggle to express or interpret them — both in themselves and others. This can make processing betrayal more overwhelming or confusing:

They might ruminate on the event more intensely or for longer.

Emotional pain might show up as shutdowns, meltdowns, or withdrawal rather than verbal expression.

2. Struggles with Change and Uncertainty Infidelity introduces chaos and unpredictability into a relationship, which can be especially difficult for someone on the spectrum:

Many autistic people rely on routine, predictability, and structure to feel safe. The loss of emotional security can feel destabilizing.

Rebuilding trust may be slower, as they may not "move on" in the same way neurotypical people might.

3. Literal Thinking and Trust Autistic people often think in black-and-white terms, which can make infidelity feel like an irreparable breach:

Trust, once broken, might not feel recoverable.

Concepts like "emotional cheating" or gray areas in relationships can be especially confusing or hurtful.

4. Communication Challenges Discussing feelings, negotiating boundaries, and engaging in therapy can be more complex:

The autistic partner might have difficulty articulating what they need to feel safe again.

Or they may struggle to understand or validate their partner's perspective if it's not clearly communicated.

5. Social Naivety or Misreading Cues Some autistic individuals may be more socially naive or miss subtle signs of trouble in a relationship, so discovering infidelity can come as a greater shock.

Today John Lee joins me to discuss how enmeshment shows up in the life of the unfaithful partner as they wrestle to find freedom from shame and emotional immaturity. You'll find John's humor and straight forward nature to not only be a breath of fresh air, but validating for the betrayed partner and liberating for the unfaithful. We roam free today discussing how safety is an inside job for both partners, while also helping to pinpoint areas the unfaithful can show themselves strong for both their own healing as well as their partner's. While the concept of regression is a cornerstone in healing from infidelity and addiction, John also shares pinpoint insight into how to break free from both destructive and paralyzing patterns that sabotage the entire recovery process.

John Lee, best-selling author of The Flying Boy: Healing the Wounded Man, has written twenty-five books, including his latest release, Odd One Out: Radical Revelations on Relationships, Self-Help, and Personal Growth.

John's highly innovative work in the fields of emotional intelligence, anger management and emotional regression has made him an in-demand consultant, teacher, trainer, coach and speaker. His contributions in the fields of recovery, relationships, men's issues, spirituality, parenting and creativity have put him in the national spotlight for over twenty years.

He has been featured on Oprah, 20/20, Barbara Walter's, The View, CNN, PBS, and NPR. He has been interviewed by Newsweek, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, and dozens of other national and international magazines and radio talk shows.

John Lee has consulted and trained prestigious institutions in the clinical environment including The Betty Ford Clinic, Guy's Hospital (London, England), The New York Open Center, The Hanley Center (West Palm Beach, FL), South Pacific Hospital (Sydney, Australia), and Mountain Area Health and Education Center (North Carolina), and numerous others.

John's work in recovery, codependency, and adult children has positioned him as a leader in the field of addiction.

His unique approach to anger management has not only been embraced by the therapeutic community, but by the corporate sector and the general public. His non-traditional approach has been taught worldwide with great success. His Austin and Mentone Intensives have attracted highly-motivated clients who want more one-on-one time than the usual fifty-minute hour can provide.

John's work with men's issues has positioned him as one of the leaders and early pioneers of the men's movement. His Mentone, Alabama Men's Conference (co-hosted with Robert Bly) ran for 16 years and drew participants from around the world.

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Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].

Enmeshment is a term from psychology that describes a relationship dynamic where personal boundaries are overly blurred, and people become emotionally over-involved with each other. It often happens in families or close relationships, where one person's emotions, needs, or identity are heavily entangled with another's, to the point that individual autonomy is lost.

For example, a parent might rely on their child for emotional support inappropriately, or feel threatened when the child seeks independence. It can feel like you're not allowed to have your own thoughts, feelings, or choices without it affecting—or being controlled by—someone else.

Enmeshment makes it hard for a betrayed spouse to understand their partner's infidelity because their emotional world is so intertwined with their partner's that the betrayal doesn't just hurt—it shatters their sense of reality.

Today you'll hear from Amanda Asproni, an expert in both affair recovery and enmeshment who has not only lived through this enmeshment but has also found freedom and healing from both enmeshment and betrayal trauma.

Here's why it's so hard to heal from betrayal trauma when enmeshment has further complicated the healing process:

No "separate self" to fall back on: In an enmeshed relationship, the betrayed spouse may not have a strong sense of individual identity outside the relationship. So when their partner cheats, it feels like their own identity is being torn apart. It's not just "You hurt me", it's "Who even am I if you did this?"

Extreme cognitive dissonance: In enmeshed dynamics, the relationship is often idealized. So the idea that the partner could cheat feels impossible to reconcile—it doesn't fit the internal narrative. Instead of thinking, "You made a choice I don't understand," the betrayed spouse might think, "I must have missed something huge, or this is somehow my fault."

Over-identification with the other: They may focus more on why their partner cheated (looking to fix or understand them), instead of processing their own hurt. There's often a compulsion to keep the relationship intact—even if it means bypassing their own emotions or truth.

Emotional fusion blocks objectivity: When feelings are so closely linked, it's hard to step back and evaluate the situation clearly. The betrayed spouse may feel their partner's pain more than their own, or become obsessed with "making sense of it" to ease the chaos inside.

At its core, enmeshment turns betrayal into an identity crisis rather than just a relational rupture—which makes understanding the infidelity way more painful and confusing.

While entanglement can be overwhelming, there is way out and there is a pathway to healing for you and your own journey.

Keep Going, Sam

To contact Amanda Asproni please email her at [email protected] To contact Sam please email him at [email protected]

How do you reclaim your worth when your reflection is distorted by someone else's betrayal—when every glance in the mirror whispers, 'they chose them over me".... or "they gave them what they wouldn't give me?"

The cruelest part of infidelity isn't just the betrayal—it's the quiet, relentless comparison that follows. Today you'll hear from frequent guest Max and how he was able to break free from what felt like insurmountable comparisons with multiple affair partners.

When you're betrayed, it often times feels like being erased while still standing right there. Like someone took everything you were proud of—your love, your body, your quirks, your memories—and put them on a scale against a stranger you never invited into your story.

Being compared to an affair partner can feel like:

A. Losing a silent competition you never knew you were in. Suddenly, you're questioning your looks, your personality, your value. You start noticing flaws you never saw before, because you're measuring yourself against someone who shouldn't even be in the picture. You begin to question everything in life and in your relationship.

B. Betrayal layered with shame. It's not just that they chose someone else—it's the gut-punch that maybe they thought that other person was more exciting, more desirable and more of a fit for them. Somehow, that shame sticks to you, even though you're not the one who cheated.

C. Being trapped in your own mind. Even if no one says it out loud, you hear the comparisons anyway. You imagine what they had that you didn't. You replay moments in your head, trying to figure out why they were willing to risk so much, for so little.

D. A deep hit to your identity. It makes you doubt who you are. What you offered. Whether anything you shared was ever truly seen, let alone appreciated.

It's grief mixed with self-doubt, anger tangled up with sorrow. And worst of all, it's incredibly isolating—because even when you're surrounded by people, it can still feel like you're alone in a room full of questions.

Despite the agony of it all, there is a way through and there is healing available for you. It's vital to remember you are not alone and you are not the only one. It doesn't mean it won't feel like it and it doesn't mean you won't question what feels like everything and maybe even everyone at times. Perhaps today you'll find there is light at the end of the tunnel and there are survivors to this agonizing pain who return from the shadows with a torch in their hand, ready to share their heroic journey of survival and resilience.

To Healing,

Sam

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Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].