If your partner gets angry and it triggers you, listen to this one. There are a couple of basic things you can do to support each other.

QUESTION

From Kristen in Philadelphia:

Just want to thank you for everything you’ve done with the podcast - it’s had a tremendous impact on my life.
I wanted to ask you a question about healthy expressions of frustration and conflict.
I have a partnership with someone I really love and sometimes, in conflict when he’s extremely frustrated, he tends to pound a pillow or grunt or do some physical manifestation of his frustration. He tends to be more of a fighter - I’m more like freeze/flight. I have a history of physical and sexual abuse. I’ve done a lot of work with it, with EMDR and stuff like that, but still, when he does that in conflict, I find it super triggering, I get really afraid.
I talked to him about that and asked him if he could refrain from doing it around me and he was responsive, but I’m wondering if that’s healthy and something I should adapt to and allow for or if it is fair or reasonable for me to not want him to do it? Any of your thoughts would be super helpful, thanks!

• What is a healthy expression of anger? [3:00]
• A powerful technique for handling things when you're triggered [7:00]
• How to deal with root-cause of anger long-term [8:00]