Do attachment principles actually work in adult relationships? How can secure functioning assist you and your partner into greater safety and openness in your marriage? In this episode I talk with Stan Tatkin, couple therapist, and adult attachment guru. I’ve been studying this guy for the past 2 years through my wife. He’s making a very important contribution, backed by brain science, with the neuro psychobiological approach to how adults to long-term relationship successfully. Get ready to “parent” your partner! Yikes! I learned a lot here and am eager to share his work with you.

SHOWNOTES

• How did Stan get into becoming a therapist? [5:45]
• What is “secure functioning”? [13:00]
• How is secure functioning different than “co-dependency”? [21:45]
• What does a co-dependent dynamic look like in real life? [22:30]
• Are we re-parenting ourselves with our chosen partners? [28:00]
• What is a “master regulator” in a relationship? How to tell if that’s you. [31:30]
• How to avoid choosing a partner who is not a good fit for a secure functioning model? [32:30]
• When dating, here’s one thing you MUST do. [35:00]
• What is the allostatic load and how does it impact both your body and relationships? [38:00]
• The antidote to when a relationship goes on auto-pilot. [47:00]
• Island, Anchor, Wave and why they matter in your relationship. [48:00]
• The myth of “you need to love yourself first before you can love someone else”. [52:00]
• Does your therapist also need to be in a thriving partnership [55:00]
• Why does Stan say that “dating lasts forever”? [56:30]
• Stan’s big tip on how couples can stimulate their marriage on a daily basis [58:00]