What if the thought “Life is shit. What’s the point?” isn’t the truth, but simply a thought? In this next School of Rock Bottom Thought Series, Oliver Mason explores self-pity, addiction, recovery, intrusive thoughts, anxiety and the search for purpose. I share how I learned to stop identifying with every thought my brain produced, challenge the stories that kept me trapped, and recognise the evidence that recovery was actually changing my life. From standing on a train platform with an intrusive thought to discovering the unexpected power of a gratitude list, this is a conversation about finding meaning when your mind is telling you there is none.

In active addiction, “Life is shit. What’s the point?” can feel less like a passing thought and more like an undeniable fact. I explain how that same thought can still appear in recovery, even when I am completely clean and sober. The difference is what happens next.

Rather than seeing myself as my thoughts, I describe seeing myself as the awareness of those thoughts. That small gap between having a thought and reacting to it became a game changer. I explore how this perspective helped me challenge anxiety, rumination and the tendency to turn one frightening thought into an entire story about myself.

I also share a powerful example of experiencing an intrusive thought on a train platform and immediately spiralling into anxiety and self-diagnosis. The thought itself wasn't necessarily the problem. My reaction to it was. For me, recovery has increasingly been about recognising that while I may not have complete control over what enters my mind, I can develop far more choice over how I respond.

The conversation then moves into one of the most important questions in recovery: what gives your life a point?

I remember calling a mentor during early recovery and saying, “Life is shit. What’s the point?” Instead of joining me in the self-pity, my mentor challenged me to find something on my gratitude list that proved the thought wasn't true.

What I discovered was surprisingly simple. I had spent time with my godson and watched a film. But within those ordinary moments was something much bigger: I was someone's godfather. I had a young person in my life who looked up to me. Suddenly, my life had purpose.

That experience changed the way I viewed gratitude. What had once felt like meaningless box-ticking became evidence that my life was changing. The things on my gratitude list were things that were possible because I was sober.

I also explore the idea that recovery isn't simply about removing alcohol or drugs. The energy, drive and intensity that once went into addiction doesn't necessarily disappear. It can be redirected towards purpose, creativity, relationships, service and building a completely different life.

Listen or watch THE FULL EPISODE

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About the “THOUGHT” series -

Every other Monday at 5 PM, I’ll bring you a quick ‘thought’—a powerful moment from previous episodes designed to kickstart your week with insight, motivation, and connection. These shorter clips help us stay connected as a community, while every other Tuesday delivers a full, brand-new episode with fresh stories and lessons.

Oliver is an ambassador for Alcohol Change UK and you can access support here - https://tinyurl.com/5dt5773e

Podcasting is an expensive passion. To help me keep going, I'd really appreciate it if you could buy me a coffee, thank you!

https://buymeacoffee.com/olivermason1

Or via PayPal - https://www.paypal.me/olivermason1paypal

Follow Oliver

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#AddictionRecovery

#RelapsePrevention

#RecoveryIsPossible

Rick Keane was known as the fixer in Ibiza. If you needed a comedy act booked for Ibiza Rocks, a luxury yacht arranged or almost anything else sorted, Rick was the man who could make it happen. But behind the scenes, his life was slowly falling apart. Ketamine addiction, criminality, secrecy and denial eventually led him into residential rehab — twice.

After six months in treatment, a period of recovery and a five month relapse, Rick had to start again. Now approaching 18 months in recovery, he's a barber, works in a homeless project and gives back at the rehab that helped save his life.

Rick opens up about the reality of ketamine addiction and what life looked like when he could no longer control his use. He talks honestly about secrecy, lies, control, ego and losing control through drugs.

Rick explains how ketamine initially gave him an escape from his thoughts and relief from emotional pain. We explore how his use progressed, the culture surrounding ketamine in Ibiza, tolerance, K-holes and why what initially felt like freedom became another form of captivity.

Rick describes the physical consequences of ketamine, including severe ketamine cramps, bladder problems and a large hole in his nose. We discuss ketamine-induced bladder damage, why symptoms can develop quickly for some people and how people can continue taking the drug even after being warned about potentially permanent consequences.

We go back to Rick's childhood and explore control, confrontation, people pleasing, seeking excitement, criminality, abandonment and the need for validation. We discuss why recovery isn't simply about stopping the substance — it's also about understanding the person underneath the addiction.

Rick talks about his six months in residential treatment, initially entering rehab without really wanting recovery, and the moment something began to change. He explains how treatment helped him discover a different life, retrain as a barber and find purpose through helping others.

We also talk about publicly funded drug and alcohol treatment in the UK, asking for help, residential treatment and aftercare, and why you don't necessarily have to feel completely ready before entering treatment.

Rick is incredibly honest about relapse. He explains how a relationship became part of a much bigger build-up, why he initially wanted to blame somebody else, and what he discovered when he looked honestly at the months leading up to his relapse.

Rick shares what the 12-step programme has given him, including the importance of Step Five, honesty, accountability and being able to speak openly about the things that previously crippled his life.

Rick's story shows that recovery isn't about becoming perfect. It's about understanding yourself, taking responsibility and continuing to move forward when things don't go according to plan.

Oliver is an ambassador for Alcohol Change UK, support here - https://tinyurl.com/5dt5773e

Sponsor - www.gavinsisters.co.uk and promo code SCHOOLOFROCKBOTTOM for 10% off!

Support us:

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Topics -

0:00 Trailer & Intro

3:00 A rock bottom moment

5:30 Rock bottoms in recovery?

7:30 HARD life lessons in treatment centre

10:30 Excitement & control

12:15 Stealing

14:00 Rick's life is a contradiction

16:00 Sobriety leads to clarity

18:00 Getting addicted to ketamine

22:30 The consequences of ketamine

28:20 Why is ketamine use on the rise?

31:30 How addiction is progressive

33:15 The K Hole stopped

34:15 Doing a geographical

36:15 NHS alcohol and drug treatment

40:00 Emotions in early recovery

45:15 Dating in early recovery

48:16 Coming back from relapse

51:00 Finding purpose and a new direction

53:15 Step 5 & relapse

Follow Rick

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#KetamineAddiction #AddictionRecovery #Recovery

What happens when the attention you once craved becomes the very thing that destroys you? In this next thought, I revisit a conversation with Georgina Baillie as she opens up about cocaine addiction, sex work, eating disorders, validation, and the desperate search for love and self-worth that took her from feeling invisible to living a life that spiralled completely out of control.

At 19, male attention felt like power. After years of feeling invisible, suddenly men wanted her, bought her things and made her feel important. But underneath that newfound confidence was an eating disorder, a growing dependence on drugs and what Georgina now describes as an addiction to validation and attention.

What began as a search for acceptance eventually became something far darker. Georgina describes how her cocaine addiction led her into sex work because she needed drugs. At the height of her addiction, she would even bypass the money and ask for cocaine instead.

Her story raises difficult questions about the relationship between addiction, sex, validation and self-worth. What happens when we become dependent on other people to tell us that we matter? And how do we rebuild a sense of identity when the things we once believed gave us value begin to disappear?

Georgina also takes us to her first true rock bottom in 2017, when she was 31 and was assaulted by a pimp, leaving burst blood vessels across her face. But even that moment was part of a much longer journey towards understanding just how unwell she had become.

Now approaching 40, she reflects on how dramatically her understanding of herself has changed. The looks, attention and status that once seemed like everything have become almost irrelevant compared with the things she now considers genuinely important.

Listen or watch THE FULL EPISODE

YouTube - https://tinyurl.com/y9htydau

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Apple - https://tinyurl.com/y3n2chk3

About the “THOUGHT” series -

Every other Monday at 5 PM, I’ll bring you a quick ‘thought’—a powerful moment from previous episodes designed to kickstart your week with insight, motivation, and connection. These shorter clips help us stay connected as a community, while every other Tuesday delivers a full, brand-new episode with fresh stories and lessons.

Oliver is an ambassador for Alcohol Change UK and you can access support here - https://tinyurl.com/5dt5773e

Podcasting is an expensive passion. To help me keep going, I'd really appreciate it if you could buy me a coffee, thank you!

https://buymeacoffee.com/olivermason1

Or via PayPal - https://www.paypal.me/olivermason1paypal

Follow Georgina

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#Addiction #MentalHealth #Recovery

Ruth Harris used to drink vodka for breakfast. She survived years of addiction, repeated attempts to get clean and sober, domestic violence and some of the darkest moments of her life. Eight years later, she is a recovering addict, entrepreneur and TEDx speaker who has dedicated her life to challenging the stigma around addiction and helping people understand recovery. Ruth takes us inside her lowest moments that finally changed everything: waking up surrounded by drug paraphernalia, completely alone, consumed by shame and feeling that she would rather not be here than continue living that way.

Ruth explains why a rock bottom moment was not necessarily the most catastrophic thing that happened to her, but the moment she experienced what she describes as spiritual bankruptcy. She had tried recovery before. She had stopped and started, made promises and relapsed. This time, something finally shifted.

We go back to Ruth’s childhood to understand what was happening underneath the addiction long before she picked up a drink or a drug. She describes feeling uncomfortable in her own skin, feeling like an alien around other people and becoming dependent on validation, intense relationships and being liked. She also reveals how controlling food became another way of trying to manage feelings she didn't know how to process.

Ruth speaks candidly about her relationship with alcohol, cocaine, crack, opiates and prescription drugs, and explains why she never really had a single drug of choice. We explore what substances initially gave her: confidence, connection, freedom from fear, guilt and shame, and the feeling that she had finally found somewhere she belonged. We then examine how that search for connection ultimately became isolation.

We discuss relapse in detail, including why Ruth repeatedly believed she could eventually drink normally and how she grieved alcohol and drugs almost like losing a relationship. She explains the moment she realised the substance itself wasn't the entire problem and that she had to confront her thinking, identity and behaviour.

Ruth also opens up about living with ADHD and bipolar disorder alongside addiction. She describes a mind that felt like a washing machine, constantly telling her she wasn't good enough. We explore self-medication, neurodiversity and the complicated relationship between ADHD, mental health and addiction.

Ruth explains why isolation was so destructive for her and why community became such a powerful part of her recovery. She talks openly about the role the 12 Steps, meetings, spirituality, prayer, meditation and other people played in helping her rebuild her life.

Then comes the plot twist: resilience and the unexpected strengths that can emerge from addiction and recovery. Ruth believes the determination, creativity, obsession and ability to solve problems that once fuelled her addiction can be redirected into something extraordinary in recovery.

Support here: https://tinyurl.com/5dt5773e

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Topics -

0:00 Trailer & Intro

2:30 A rock bottom moment

5:20 Is there a spiritual rock bottom?

9:05 Codependency

11:50 The relationship of drugs & food

14:35 Alcohol, coke and crack

17:30 When does relapse start?

18:10 Addiction, bipolar & ADHD

27:00 Relapse

29:20 Thinking was the problem

31:30 Looking for LOVE

32:35 Why the 12 steps helped Ruth

36:50 Becoming nothing to become everything

38:20 Letting go

43:10 Humility & recovery

45:05 Transforming the energy of addiction

48:50 Hardships shape resilience

53:20 Hold your head high!

Follow Ruth

Website - https://www.ruthharrismethod.com

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Self-pity can keep addiction alive long after the drink or drug has stopped. In this next thought, Oliver Mason explores the connection between self-pity, addiction, relapse, shame and self-forgiveness, and why the way we speak to ourselves can become another form of self-harm. If you’re struggling with addiction, early recovery, shame or the belief that you don’t deserve happiness, this conversation may challenge the way you see yourself.
Oliver breaks down what self-pity actually means in the context of addiction and recovery. He shares his own experience of relentlessly attacking himself, believing he was a terrible person and becoming trapped in a cycle where shame and self-pity fed directly back into drinking and relapse.
Oliver explores three powerful lies that addiction can make us believe, beginning with the idea that we are somehow too damaged, too shameful or too undeserving to recover. He explains why the consequences of addiction are not evidence that someone is a bad person, but can instead be evidence of the powerlessness and loss of control that addiction creates.
He also examines why understanding addiction matters when it comes to self-forgiveness, and why connection with other people in recovery can be so important. Sometimes hearing someone else tell their story and responding with compassion allows us to recognise something we struggle to give ourselves: forgiveness.
This episode also explores the difficult relationship between shame, self-pity and relapse, including the uncomfortable possibility that holding onto guilt can sometimes become an unconscious insurance policy for future substance use.
If you are in recovery from alcohol addiction, drug addiction or another compulsive behaviour, or you’re struggling to move beyond the things you did while in active addiction, this is a conversation about self-compassion, accountability, forgiveness and learning to believe that recovery is something you deserve too.
Listen or watch THE FULL EPISODE
YouTube - https://tinyurl.com/4xmpzt7n
Spotify - https://spoti.fi/3Z0Pr1r
Apple - https://tinyurl.com/y3n2chk3
About the “THOUGHT” series -
Every other Monday at 5 PM, I’ll bring you a quick ‘thought’—a powerful moment from previous episodes designed to kickstart your week with insight, motivation, and connection. These shorter clips help us stay connected as a community, while every other Tuesday delivers a full, brand-new episode with fresh stories and lessons.
Oliver is an ambassador for Alcohol Change UK and you can access support here - https://tinyurl.com/5dt5773e
Podcasting is an expensive passion. To help me keep going, I'd really appreciate it if you could buy me a coffee, thank you!

https://buymeacoffee.com/olivermason1
Or via PayPal - https://www.paypal.me/olivermason1paypal

Follow Oliver
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#AddictionRecovery
#RelapsePrevention
#RecoveryIsPossible

Aish went from drinking 2–3 glasses of wine a week to more than 400 units of alcohol a week. She became physically dependent on alcohol, experienced severe withdrawal and alcohol-induced psychosis, got sober, stayed sober for a year, and then relapsed. Now sober since November 2025 and in early recovery, Aish joins me to tell the story of how her drinking spiralled, what finally brought her home from Canada, why she relapsed, and what recovery looks like this time.

Aish has always struggled to find her place in the world. She began drinking to fit in after a misdiagnosis at 17, and what started as social drinking during years of summers abroad slowly became something far more hidden — and far more severe.

At its worst, Aish became physically dependent on alcohol and experienced severe withdrawal, including vomiting, blackouts, confusion and episodes where reality itself became unstable.

A move to Canada was meant to change everything. It didn't.

By September 2024, Aish describes reaching complete exhaustion — mentally, physically and emotionally — sick and tired of being sick and tired. She flew home, got sober and, a year later, relapsed.

Aish takes us inside the reality of severe alcohol addiction and explains how something that initially helped her feel accepted and normal eventually became something she couldn't function without.

She recalls one of the darkest moments of her addiction: sitting on the floor of an airport toilet in Canada, drinking whiskey while families around her prepared to go on holiday. She was physically unwell, struggling to walk and drinking simply to prevent withdrawal so she could make the journey home.

Aish also opens up about the periods when alcohol affected her perception of reality, including hallucinations and alcohol-induced psychosis. She explains how frightening it became when she could no longer trust what she was seeing and hearing.

The conversation explores what may have been underneath her addiction, including a late diagnosis of ADHD and autism, an ongoing OCD assessment, trauma, masking, intrusive thoughts and years of feeling different and misunderstood.

She talks about lockdown and becoming consumed by intrusive thoughts about death, leading to months of isolation and bad mental health.

Aish is also incredibly honest about relapse. After a year sober, she returned to drinking despite knowing where alcohol had taken her before. She explains why getting sober for other people wasn't enough, what happened when she relapsed and how subsequent withdrawal became even more frightening.

Oliver and Aish discuss the physical and emotional consequences of addiction, the guilt and shame that can follow it, and the difficult work that begins once the drinking stops.

Now in early recovery, Aish is learning to stop masking, confront the parts of her past she previously avoided and discover who she is underneath addiction.

Oliver is an ambassador for Alcohol Change UK and you can access support here - https://tinyurl.com/5dt5773e

Sponsor

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promo code SCHOOLOFROCKBOTTOM for 10% off!

Topics -

0:00 Trailer & Intro

4:05 A rock bottom moment

6:05 Sleeping tablets & Food

8:05 Feeling "different"

10:35 ADHD & socialising

12:45 Misdiagnosed with bipolar

14:35 Being sectioned

16:05 Masking

17:20 Lockdown accelerates drinking

21:05 OCD

24:05 Alcohol tolerance & 400 units a week

28:20 Suicidal thoughts

29:45 Alcohol psychosis

32:35 Alcohol withdrawal

34:45 Relapse

36:05 The kindling effect

38:05 Wet Brain

40:35 You have to WANT to get sober

41:20 Aish's recovery

43:50 Guilt, shame and vulnerability

48:05 Forgiving yourself

54:20 The joys of sobriety!

56:05 Try everything to get sober!

Follow Aish

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#AlcoholAddiction

#Recovery

#Sobriety

What happens to relationships when you enter recovery? Can love help someone recover, or does recovery have to come first?

In this next quick thought, I revisit a conversation with Joe Sealey as we reflect on one of the biggest questions people ask in early recovery: should you stay single, or can a relationship support lasting sobriety? We explore the reality of addiction, codependency, recovery, and why keeping life simple in those first few months can make all the difference. If you're struggling with cocaine, alcohol, or any form of addiction, or you're supporting someone you love, this conversation offers an honest, compassionate perspective on what recovery really looks like.

It's important to say that this conversation is not suggesting that people already in healthy, supportive relationships should end them. A loving, stable relationship can be one of the greatest sources of strength in recovery. The discussion is about avoiding unnecessary complications in early recovery and recognising when a new relationship might become a distraction from the work of getting well.

Recovery isn't just about stopping drugs or alcohol. It's about rebuilding a life from the ground up. We discuss why so many people in early recovery search for something new to fill the void, whether that's a relationship, a business, a pet, or another obsession, and why that instinct can sometimes become another distraction from the real work.

We also explore the role relationships play in long-term recovery. Is it better to be with someone who understands addiction firsthand, or can a partner outside the recovery world provide the stability and normality that's often missing? It's a deeply honest conversation about love, boundaries, peace at home, and why the healthiest relationships don't always revolve around addiction at all. Of course, many couples who are both in recovery can have healthy relationships too!

The episode also touches on the difficult reality faced by partners of people in active addiction. What should you do when someone is coming down from a binge? When is it time to step back? And how do you support someone without losing yourself in the process?

Finally, we discuss one of the most emotional questions in recovery: can another person save your life? We explore gratitude, dependence, personal responsibility, and why, although love can be a powerful catalyst for change, lasting recovery ultimately has to come from within.

Listen or watch THE FULL EPISODE

YouTube - https://tinyurl.com/s76869cw

Spotify - https://tinyurl.com/y5hyzk3e

Apple - https://tinyurl.com/y3n2chk3

About the “THOUGHT” series -

Every other Monday at 5 PM, I’ll bring you a quick ‘thought’—a powerful moment from previous episodes designed to kickstart your week with insight, motivation, and connection. These shorter clips help us stay connected as a community, while every other Tuesday delivers a full, brand-new episode with fresh stories and lessons.

Oliver is an ambassador for Alcohol Change UK and you can access support here - https://tinyurl.com/5dt5773e

Support the podcast -

https://buymeacoffee.com/olivermason1

Or via PayPal - https://www.paypal.me/olivermason1paypal

Follow Joe

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#CocaineAddiction

#JoeSealey

#AddictionRecovery

Anthony Kavanagh was living the dream. Signed to Virgin Records at just 18 years old, he went on to achieve eight Top 40 hits, two Top 10 singles, and won Smash Hits Best Male Artist — becoming the pop star he had written down as a teenager that he wanted to become.

But behind the fame, success and recognition was a hidden battle with addiction, alcoholism, identity, loneliness and the desperate search for validation. Anthony believed success would finally make him feel accepted, but the validation he spent years chasing never filled the emptiness underneath.

Anthony was also carrying a secret struggle with his sexual identity and the pressure of hiding parts of himself while living in the public eye.

By his early 20s, after moving to Hollywood in pursuit of bigger success and the bright lights, Anthony began to realise he was in denial about his addictions.

What followed was a devastating descent from pop stardom into addiction, homelessness and complete breakdown. He went from performing in front of thousands of people to living without a home, occasionally being recognised as “that singer” while privately experiencing total collapse.

At his lowest, Anthony’s addiction progressed into a life controlled by alcohol and drugs — morning drinking just to function, hiding alcohol in coffee cups and reaching a point where drinking was no longer a choice but a compulsion, even when his body was rejecting it.

He experienced multiple rehab attempts, relapse and devastating losses while carrying deeper emotional wounds beneath the addiction — the death of his father, his sister’s illness and death, and a lifelong feeling of loneliness that he traces back to childhood.

His memoir Pop Scars documents the full journey from pop success to rock bottom, without excuses or victim mentality. It is a brutally honest account of fame, addiction, shame and identity that is at times as funny as it is heartbreaking, earning rave reviews from readers, including praise from Marian Keyes and The Guardian.

Now four years sober, Anthony Kavanagh speaks openly about alcoholism, addiction recovery, mental health, relapse and the daily work required to rebuild a life.

This is a conversation about what happens when the person the world sees is completely different from the person suffering behind closed doors — and how hope can still be found after losing everything.

Oliver is an ambassador for Alcohol Change UK and you can access support here - https://tinyurl.com/5dt5773e

Thank you to Gavin Sisters for sponsoring this episode! Visit -

www.gavinsisters.co.uk

and use promo code SCHOOLOFROCKBOTTOM for 10% off!

Podcasting is an expensive passion. To help me keep going, I'd really appreciate it if you could buy me a coffee, thank you!

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Or via PayPal - https://www.paypal.me/olivermason1paypal

Topics -

0:00 Trailer & Intro

4:00 A rock bottom moment

7:30 Escape, dream dreaming & loneliness

10:20 Using fame to fix the hole in the soul

14:40 Fame wasn't enough tuned to drugs

17:30 Coming out of denial

18:40 Addiction progresses slowly

20:10 Being smashed on TV

21:40 Cocaine

24:30 Coming out as gay

28:10 I just wanted to drink normally!

30:40 Relapse

31:30 Consequences & chaos

33:10 Fame and shame

36:40 Wanting to be loved

39:50 Not wanting to stop drinking

41:30 Recovery sayings made me angry

43:10 Connection and spirituality

44:55 Alcoholic obsession

49:10 Staying sober

50:30 There's always hope

Follow Antony

https://www.instagram.com/anthony_kavana

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#Addiction #Recovery #Sobriety

What if the biggest breakthrough in recovery isn't stopping drinking, but changing who you believe you are?

In this next thought, I revisit a conversation with Nigel Jones and the mindset shift that finally set him free after years of failed attempts to quit alcohol. If you've ever promised yourself "this is the last time" only to relapse days later, this conversation could completely change the way you think about addiction, recovery and lasting change. This isn't about willpower. It's about identity.

I share the moment my thinking transformed from seeing myself as a victim of alcoholism to becoming the hero of my own story. Inspired by the Hero's Journey, Nigel explain why recovery begins long before you put down the drink, and how changing your identity can make sobriety feel possible instead of impossible.

We also explore the powerful link between intention, beliefs, values and behaviour, and why your destiny is shaped long before your actions become habits. Nigel explains why he chose to call himself a non-drinker from day one, rather than waiting to "earn" that identity after weeks or months of sobriety.

If you're struggling with alcohol addiction, alcohol use disorder (AUD), repeated relapses, or you're supporting someone who is, this episode offers a fresh perspective that could help you build long-term recovery.

Listen or watch THE FULL EPISODE

YouTube - https://tinyurl.com/msrrwcn6

Spotify - https://tinyurl.com/y8kmhm62

Apple - https://tinyurl.com/y3n2chk3

About the “THOUGHT” series -

Every other Monday at 5 PM, I’ll bring you a quick ‘thought’—a powerful moment from previous episodes designed to kickstart your week with insight, motivation, and connection. These shorter clips help us stay connected as a community, while every other Tuesday delivers a full, brand-new episode with fresh stories and lessons.

Oliver is an ambassador for Alcohol Change UK and you can access support here - https://tinyurl.com/5dt5773e

Support the podcast -

https://buymeacoffee.com/olivermason1

Or via PayPal - https://www.paypal.me/olivermason1paypal

Follow Nigel

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/9kmby9am

Website -https://www.9kmby9am.com

Nigel's book - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0DLPH36R3/

Follow Oliver

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#Sobriety

#AlcoholFree

#SoberCurious

What if addiction isn't the problem, but the solution to pain you never knew you were carrying?

Anita Chellamah looked like she had everything. She appeared on Top of the Pops with Legs & Co, fronted and co-wrote The Cherry Bombz, supported Poison on tour in America, performed at the legendary CBGB in New York and on the Reading Festival Main Stage, was a member of Toto Coelo, who reached No. 6 in the UK charts and No. 4 in Australia, and became one of the first presenters on Sky Television and one of its first presenters of colour, hosting her own shows and performing Sky's 5th Anniversary song.

From the outside, it looked like success in every direction. Behind the scenes, however, she was quietly battling addiction. At just 19, while performing in the West End production of Bubbling Brown Sugar, she was prescribed amphetamines by a private doctor who was later struck off. By her late twenties, nights began with champagne, continued with cocaine and ended with Night Nurse. At 29, she stopped. She hasn't had a drink or a drug since.

Today, Anita is a trauma, addiction and DBT therapist with nearly four decades of sobriety. Qualified since 1998, she works in private practice, receiving referrals and working with organisations including the Priory, Steps Together and Castle Craig, specialising in addiction, trauma and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) with individuals, couples, families and groups. Anita explains why rock bottom rarely looks like the movies, why childhood trauma, shame and emotional pain so often drive addiction, and why recovery is about far more than simply putting down the drink or the drug.

We explore the hidden links between trauma, ADHD, binge drinking, cocaine addiction, alcoholism, codependency, self-worth, mental health, emotional regulation and long-term recovery. Anita shares how recovery transformed not only her relationship with alcohol and drugs, but also the way she understands herself, her emotions and the world around her.

The conversation also tackles some of the biggest debates in recovery today, including trauma therapy, 12-step fellowships, medication in recovery, antidepressants, ADHD medication, relapse prevention, addictive personality and why there is no single path that works for everyone. Nearly 40 years sober, Anita's humility, honesty and wisdom offer hope to anyone wondering whether lasting recovery from addiction and alcoholism is really possible.

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Topics -

0:00 Trailer & Intro

2:55 A rock bottom moment

5:25 Binge drinking & progression

9:25 Childhood

12:45 ADHD and intrusive thoughts

14:30 Using performing arts as medicine

17:25 Access vs genetics

18:45 Dealing with denial

20:15 Recovery in 1988

25:35 Do all addicts have trauma?

30:35 We are all different

33:35 How therapy helped Anita

38:25 WE ARE NOT DOCTORS!

43:50 Still an addict after 38 years?

48:20 Humility & labels

51:35 Addictive personality & escape?

57:20 Boundaries

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