What I Discussed With Mary Ellen Reider

- Why bladder leakage is common but should not be treated as an inevitable part of aging.

- What the pelvic floor is and why everyone has one.

- How childbirth, menopause, aging, weight, and other factors can affect pelvic floor strength.

- The connection between pelvic floor muscles, bladder control, sexual sensation, and orgasm.

- Why pelvic floor relaxation is just as important as strengthening.

- How the Yarlap device works and who may benefit from it.

- Why it is never too late to start caring for your pelvic floor.

Chapters

00:00 Sponsor: OhMiBod + Introduction to Mary Ellen Reider

01:40 What Is the Pelvic Floor and Why Does It Matter?

03:40 Why Bladder Leakage Is Common But Not Normal

05:46 How Pelvic Floor Weakness Affects Your Body

07:49 Introducing Yarlap: Pelvic Floor Training and Sexual Wellness

10:17 Why Pelvic Floor Exercises Are Difficult to Do Correctly

11:11 How Pelvic Floor Training Works Over Time

12:06 How Long Does It Take to See Results?

12:52 What Causes Urinary Incontinence?

14:12 How Bladder Leaks Affect Confidence, Dating and Intimacy

16:13 The Connection Between Pelvic Floor Strength and Orgasms

17:40 Female Sexual Wellness and Understanding the Body

19:51 Why Pelvic Floor Relaxation Matters Too

22:10 Understanding Pelvic Floor Tone: Too Tight vs Too Weak

25:00 Talking to Your Doctor About Pelvic Floor Health

26:46 It’s Never Too Late to Strengthen Your Pelvic Floor

28:21 Closing Thoughts: Removing Shame Around Women’s Health

28:57 Visit Sex Advice for Seniors

Shownotes

Bladder leakage is common, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept it as an unavoidable part of aging.

In this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors, I speak with MaryEllen Reider, co-director of Yarlap, about pelvic floor health, urinary incontinence, sexual confidence, and what happens when those important muscles become weak or overly tight.

We talk about what the pelvic floor actually is, why both women and men have one, and how it supports the bladder, uterus, spine, and other parts of the body. Mary Ellen explains why leakage when you laugh, sneeze, exercise, or cough should not simply be dismissed as “one of those things” that happens after childbirth or menopause.

We also explore the connection between the pelvic floor and sexual pleasure, including why some women experience weaker orgasms or reduced sensation as their pelvic floor changes. And importantly, we discuss why relaxation matters just as much as contraction when it comes to pelvic floor function and intimacy.

MaryEllen explains how the Yarlap device is designed to support pelvic floor training, why Kegel exercises are not necessarily suitable for everyone, and why it’s important to understand whether your pelvic floor is weak, tight, or both.

Most importantly, this episode is about replacing embarrassment with information. Whether you’re dealing with bladder leakage, painful sex, reduced sexual sensation, or simply want to take better care of your body, it is never too late to start paying attention to your pelvic floor.

Key Takeaways

- Urinary incontinence is common, but it is not an inevitable part of aging.

- Everyone has a pelvic floor, and it supports both physical and sexual health.

- A weak pelvic floor may affect bladder control, posture, back pain, knee pain, and orgasmic sensation.

- A pelvic floor that is too tight may also cause pain and discomfort.

- Strengthening and relaxation are both essential for healthy pelvic floor function.

- Pelvic floor health can affect confidence, dating, intimacy, and sexual pleasure.

- It is never too late to ask a doctor about your pelvic floor.

About MaryEllen Reider

MaryEllen Reider is the co-director of Yarlap®, the wellness device to treat urinary incontinence and improve feminine performance and experience through muscle control. MaryEllen spends a lot of time researching and finding out what’s new in the pelvic floor world and the social media realm.

About Suzanne

Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of Sex Advice for Seniors, a podcast about sex, intimacy, pleasure, and relationships in later life.

Through her podcast, newsletter, and community, Suzanne challenges the idea that sex has an expiry date and encourages people to stay curious about their bodies and sexual wellbeing at every age.

Connect With Suzanne

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors

Substack: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Connect with MaryEllen

Website https://yarlap.com/

Instagram @yarlap_otc https://www.instagram.com/yarlap_otc/

TikTok @yarlap_otc https://www.tiktok.com/@yarlap_otc

YouTube @yarlap_otc

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/yarlapwautokegel

Want More?

Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.

Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie

Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com

Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm

Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes

Why Women Feel Completely Different After Menopause | Tanya Leake https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-women-feel-completely-different?triedRedirect=true

Why Women Lose Their Libido (And How to Get It Back) | Pauline Ryeland https://open.substack.com/pub/sexadviceforseniors/p/pauline-ryeland

What I Discussed With Amy Gabrielle

- How losing a partner can change our relationship with our body, identity, and desire.

- Why grief and pleasure can exist alongside each other after loss.

- Amy’s experience of rediscovering sexuality and confidence after becoming a widow.

- Dating after loss, including her experiences with dating apps and exploring new relationships.

- How women can reconnect with their own desires without shame or guilt.

- Why sexuality does not disappear as we get older.

- The difference between seeking connection, companionship, and emotional security.

- How society shapes the way women think about aging, relationships, and sexual expression.

- Why rebuilding a relationship with yourself can be an important part of healing.

- How honest conversations about sex and desire can create more freedom and confidence.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction: Amy Gabrielle on Desire After Loss

03:00 Losing a Partner and Rediscovering Desire

08:00 Dating After Loss and Starting Over

13:30 Sexual Desire, Relationships and Life After 50

18:00 What We Want From Relationships Now

22:00 Widow’s Fire: When Grief and Desire Meet

26:00 Sex, Aging and Challenging Expectations

30:00 Shame, Confidence and Accepting Your Body

34:00 Dating, Boundaries and Finding What Feels Right

37:00 Pleasure, Freedom and Owning Your Desire

40:00 Closing Thoughts and Amy’s Book Widow in the City

Shownotes

In this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors, I’m joined by Amy Gabrielle, writer, digital creator, and author of Widow in the City.

After losing her husband to cancer, Amy found herself navigating grief, identity, and an unexpected return of desire. In our conversation, we explore what happens when loss changes the way we see ourselves, our bodies, and our relationships.

We talk about the complicated relationship between grief and pleasure, the experience of dating after loss, and what it means to rediscover yourself in midlife.

Amy shares openly about rebuilding confidence, exploring sexuality, and letting go of the shame that many women carry around aging and desire.

This is a conversation about much more than sex. It is about identity, healing, connection, and giving ourselves permission to continue growing and changing throughout life.

Key Takeaways

- Grief does not erase desire; both can exist at the same time.

- Rediscovering yourself after loss can be a powerful part of healing.

- Sexuality and intimacy continue to evolve as we age.

- Women deserve to explore their own desires without shame or judgment.

- Relationships after 50 do not have to follow traditional expectations.

- Confidence often comes from reconnecting with yourself first.

- Honest conversations about sex can help reduce shame and create deeper connections.

About the Guest

Amy Gabrielle is a writer, digital creator, and advocate for authentic self-expression in midlife women. Following her husband’s death from cancer, she began using memoir and social media to explore the complex intersection of grief and desire, cultivating a community of thousands drawn to honest conversations about life after loss. Her work appears in Absolute Pleasure on Substack, as well as Medium publications including The Memoirist and Slackjaw. She lives in New York City, where she enjoys photography, travel, and raising her son.

About Suzanne

Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of Sex Advice for Seniors, a podcast for people who want to enjoy sex, intimacy, and connection at every age.

Through her podcast, newsletter, courses, and community, Suzanne challenges the idea that sex has an expiry date and offers honest, practical conversations about sexuality, ageing, relationships, and pleasure.

Connect With Suzanne

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors

Substack: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Connect with Amy

Website https://amygabrielle.com/

Instagram @amygabriellenyc https://www.instagram.com/amygabriellenyc/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/amygabriellenyc

Want More?

Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.

Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie

Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com

Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm

Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes

Sex and Dating when a Widower https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/episode-83-sex-and-dating-when-a?utm_source=publication-search

Dating After Loss: Redefining Love and Intimacy After Widowhood

https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/sex-grief-and-starting-over-dating?utm_source=publication-search

What I Discussed With Dr Jess O’Reilly

- Why sex toys can help couples adapt to changing bodies, arousal, and sexual needs as they get older.

- How introducing a toy can create novelty and playfulness in a long-term relationship.

- Why a sex toy is a tool for pleasure — not a replacement for intimacy or a partner.

- How smaller, simpler toys can make introducing them into a relationship feel less intimidating.

- Why toys can reduce performance pressure when erections, libido, or orgasm become less predictable.

- How self-pleasure can help women understand what they like and communicate it more clearly.

- Why desire doesn’t always come before arousal, particularly in long-term relationships and later life.

- How shame and embarrassment can stop older adults from talking openly about sex.

- Why conversations about sex don’t need to be perfect to be useful.

- How the Yes/No/Maybe checklist can help couples explore sexual interests together.

Chapters

00:00 Introducing Dr Jess O’Reilly and the conversation about sex toys

01:30 Why sex toys can improve intimacy in long-term relationships

02:34 The importance of novelty as our bodies change with age

04:36 Why some men feel threatened by sex toys

06:20 How toys can reduce performance pressure

07:14 Choosing versatile, accessible toys for different bodies

08:38 How sex toys open up better conversations

09:03 Using toys when erections or sexual performance are unreliable

10:30 Why pleasure matters more than performance

10:51 Choosing toys for different sensations and mobility needs

11:59 Why simple controls can make toys easier to use

13:58 The best couples’ sex toys for beginners

15:21 How air-pulse pleasure feels different from vibration

16:08 Understanding the clitoris and changing sensations

19:45 Why desire can begin after arousal

21:17 Learning to trust your body and your capacity for pleasure

22:47 Why satisfying sex and communication need to come first

24:06 Shame, aging, and the pressure placed on older women

25:20 Why talking about sex can protect long-term relationships

27:59 How to start a conversation about sex toys with your partner

30:52 A simple way to introduce a new toy without pressure

33:45 The Yes/No/Maybe checklist for couples

35:05 Dr Jess introduces the Womanizer Enhance

36:10 Where to find more from Dr Jess and Suzanne

Show Notes

I’ve always been fascinated by sex toys. I was first given one when I was a blogger in the early 2000s, and these days I have boxes of them perhaps more than I really need.

But sex toys aren’t just about novelty or having a large collection. They can be genuinely useful as our bodies change, especially when arousal takes longer, sensitivity shifts, or erections and orgasms become less predictable.

In this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors, I’m joined by Dr Jess O’Reilly, a globally recognised sexologist and relationship expert. Jess has a PhD in human sexuality and has delivered workshops in more than 45 countries.

We talk about how couples can introduce sex toys without making either partner feel inadequate or threatened. We also discuss why starting with something simple can make all the difference, how toys can take the pressure off performance, and why pleasure should be viewed as a shared exploration rather than a test that someone has to pass.

Jess and I also talk about the changing nature of desire. Sometimes we don’t feel spontaneously “in the mood”, but that doesn’t necessarily mean our desire has disappeared. With patience, touch, communication, and the right kind of stimulation, arousal can sometimes come first and desire can follow.

We explore the role of masturbation, shame, sexual communication, and the importance of understanding what feels good in your own body before trying to explain it to someone else.

And if you’re not sure how to bring up the subject of sex toys with your partner, we have a simple suggestion: blame us. Tell them you heard about a product or idea on this podcast and ask what they think.

Key Takeaways

- Sex toys can help couples adapt to changing bodies and sexual responses.

- Introducing a toy does not mean that a partner is inadequate.

- The simplest toy is often the best place to begin.

- Pleasure and connection matter more than sexual performance.

- Desire may develop after arousal, rather than appearing beforehand.

- Self-pleasure can improve communication between partners.

- Talking about sex may feel awkward, but avoiding the conversation can create greater distance and resentment.

About the Guest

Jess O’Reilly is a sexologist & relationship expert (PhD, MSc) who has delivered thousands of workshops in 45+ countries. She’s the author of 5 books, host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast and a regular in media outlets ranging from Oprah Magazine and The Today Show to Playboy and Forbes.

About Suzanne

Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of Sex Advice for Seniors, a podcast for people who want to enjoy sex, intimacy, and connection at every age.

Through her podcast, newsletter, courses, and community, Suzanne challenges the idea that sex has an expiry date and offers honest, practical conversations about sexuality, ageing, relationships, and pleasure.

Connect With Suzanne

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors

Substack: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Connect With Dr Jess O’Reilly

Website https://happiercouples.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sexwithdrjess/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/sexwithdrjess/

The Sex With Dr Jess Podcast https://happiercouples.com/podcasts/

Want More?

Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.

Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie

Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com

Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm

Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes

Why Women Are Ashamed of Sex Toys | ft. Dr. Shamyra Howard https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-are-women-over-50-ashamed-of

Why Sex Changes After 50 and What Nobody Tells You | ft. Dr. Jenn Kennedy https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-sex-changes-after-50-and-what

What I Discussed With Eric M. Resnick...

- Why the swipe apps trained women to chase the dopamine hit of a match, and stopped everyone from looking at who they were actually matching with

- The one word Eric uses for Tinder and Bumble, and why he calls them exactly that

- What ChatGPT admitted to Eric, in its own words, about why it's bad at writing dating profiles

- Why my own list of dealbreakers might be doing more damage than the men on it

- The reason women over 50 still hesitate to message first, and why Eric says the men who get put off by it were never worth the risk

- What dating apps actually do to your visibility if you don't log in for two weeks

- Why a naked photo without a face has no value, and a naked photo with a face is a liability

- What made my late partner Bob's Tinder profile the most authentic one Eric's ever heard described to him

Chapters

00:00 – Sponsor spotlight: OhMiBod https://www.ohmibod.com/

00:20 – Introducing dating profile veteran Eric Resnick to tackle why most online bios fall completely flat.

02:17 – Looking back at how online dating evolved from early matchmakers to addictive swipe culture.

04:40 – The brutal swipe statistics between men and women that broke app dynamics.

05:40 – How meeting his wife on a niche site proves there really is someone out there for everyone.

06:14 – Reflecting on early dial-up dating sites and the modern shift toward casual hookup apps.

08:04 – Why incognito mode is a total game-changer for women navigating overwhelming inboxes.

09:07 – The biggest profile writing traps men fall into when trying to sell themselves.

10:05 – Why letting AI tools like ChatGPT write your dating bio completely kills authentic chemistry.

12:10 – Sponsor spotlight: GITM Playbook.

12:45 – The hidden danger of listing red flags and past relationship baggage on your profile.

15:40 – The hard truth about why dating success comes down to who you choose, not who chooses you.

17:00 – Why making the first move as a woman over 50 is an empowering shortcut.

18:03 – How dating app algorithms track daily logins and quietly lower your visibility.

20:50 – Why dystopian AI avatars and paid profile boosts keep daters hooked on the screen.

22:50 – Turning your profile into an authentic conversation starter instead of an empty checklist.

26:23 – Why a great dating profile acts as a window into your world rather than a sales pitch.

28:55 – The blunt truth about unsolicited photos and the golden rules of photo etiquette.

31:30 – Suzanne and Eric wrap up with key strategies for showing up authentically and finding connection.

Show Notes

I've been on dating apps since 2000, same as my guest this week. So when Eric Resnick, founder of ProfileHelper.com, told me he's read more than 40,000 dating profiles and consulted for the platforms themselves, I knew this was going to be a conversation I couldn't have with almost anyone else.

We started with how different online dating looked in 2000, back when it was Match.com and dial-up modems, and how Tinder changed everything the moment it made swiping possible without writing a word. Eric calls swipe apps a dopamine slot machine, and he means it literally: they train you to chase the feeling of a match, not the person behind it.

Then things got personal. I admitted my own profile has a list on it. Bad teeth, beer bellies, things I don't want. Eric didn't let me off easy. He explained exactly what that list has been doing to the men who read it, and why the healthiest ones see it as a red flag before they've even said hello.

We also got into why AI can't write a profile that means anything, because AI aims for the middle, and if you're acceptable to everyone, you're not special to anyone. And we talked about the algorithms themselves, the visibility rankings, the fear of missing out tricks, and why Eric thinks the newest AI matching features are the most dystopian thing he's seen yet.

This one runs a little short because I had to get to the theatre. Eric's already agreed to come back for a whole episode on photos.

Listen, learn and enjoy.

Key Takeaways

- Swipe apps like Tinder and Bumble train people to chase matches, not connection. Eric calls them a dopamine slot machine.

- Lists of what you don't want in a profile read as unresolved baggage. Healthy matches see it as a red flag, not a filter.

- AI-written profiles fail because AI aims for the widest possible appeal, and being acceptable to everyone means being memorable to no one.

- Success on a dating app comes down to who you choose, not who chooses you, on any app with a search function.

- Dating apps use visibility tiers to keep you logging in daily, and some allegedly rank profiles by popularity.

- An authentic profile is a window into your world, not a sales pitch. Specific details invite conversation; vague ones don't.

- Never post nude photos. A photo without a face has no value, and one with a face is a blackmail risk.

- Women over 50 are often the most hesitant to message first, a habit Eric says has nothing to do with how it will actually be received by the right person.

About the Guest

Eric M. Resnick is the founder and lead profile advisor at ProfileHelper.com. He has worked with more than 40,000 individual daters since 2000 and has consulted for major dating platforms on what actually makes a profile work.

About Suzanne

Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast, one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.

Connect With Suzanne

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors

Substack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com

Connect with Eric M. Resnick

Website: https://profilehelper.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profilehelper

X: https://x.com/profilehelper

Want More?

Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.

Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie

Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com

Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm

Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes

Why Dating Apps Fail Older LGBTQ Singles and What a Matchmaker Does Instead: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/hiring-a-matchmaker-as-a-gay-person

Breaking Taboos: Sex and Dating in Midlife: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/episode-154-from-taboo-to-truth-redefining

What I Discussed With Dr Shamyra Howard...

- What a man actually hears when his partner tells him she needs a toy to finish

- The three words she gives every couple before they open the box

- What happens to the clitoris once the estrogen goes, and why nobody warned us

- The one question to answer before you look at a single product

- What a manufacturer found when it stopped testing on twenty-five-year-olds

- Why she keeps a box of lube next to her desk and gives it away to everyone

- What a partner did with my vibrator that I have not stopped thinking about since

- The belief about women's sexuality after 50 she would destroy tomorrow

Chapters

00:00– Sponsor spotlight: https://www.ohmibod.com/

00:28 – Breaking the silence on why midlife intimacy is due for a serious upgrade.

02:06 – Looking at the outdated societal scripts and the hidden pleasure gap affecting mature women.

04:11 – Why physical body changes after 50 make intimate aids essential tools rather than afterthoughts.

05:10 – Why male partners often feel replaced by bedroom aids and the crucial mindset shift that changes everything.

07:54 – How to smoothly invite a hesitant partner to explore intimate devices together without making it awkward.

11:02 – The surprising clinical research showing how certain stimulation devices can actively reduce menopause symptoms.

12:18 – Choosing the right sensation when navigating internal versus external stimulation options.

13:53 – How targeted clitoral air technology is transforming arousal and natural blood flow in post-menopausal bodies.

15:07 – Sponsor spotlight: GITM Playbook http://gitmplaybook.com/SUZANNE20

15:53 – A compelling study on how regular orgasms can meaningfully protect and boost your mental health.

17:17 – Creative ways to use a multi-use massage wand across the entire full body's erogenous zones with a partner.

19:37 – Why investing in high-grade intimate wellness tools is just as essential as your regular self-care routine.

20:12 – The non-negotiable rule about pairing the right body-safe lubricants with medical-grade silicone.

22:04 – Overcoming the persistent stigma around dryness and why lubrication is basic physiology, not a personal failure.

24:04 – Combining topical solutions with daily bedroom habits to turn intimate comfort into a completely seamless experience.

25:50 – Letting go of performance anxiety and completely redefining what pleasure feels like after 50.

26:48 – The single most damaging myth about ageing women’s sexuality that needs to be completely dismantled.

27:31 – Wrapping up with community resources and practical ways to keep prioritising your intimate life.

Show Notes

Most women over 50 were handed a script that said sex was something we provide rather than something we receive. Then our bodies changed, nobody explained why, and we quietly decided the problem was us.

In this episode I'm joined by Dr Shamyra Howard, an award-winning sexologist and licensed therapist who founded On the Green Couch. She spends her working week with couples over 50 who cannot say one sentence out loud to each other, and she has heard every version of how that silence ends.

I told her something I do not say often. I need a toy about 80% of the time to get there. I have also been with a man who told me toys were not coming into his bedroom, and that put more strain on the relationship than the toy ever could have. Shamyra explained what he was hearing that I had no idea he was hearing.

She is just as direct about the industry. Most sex toy companies still design for the average twenty-five year old, and she names the two that stopped and started asking menopausal women what they actually want instead.

There is no clinical distance in this conversation and no coyness either. If sex has quietly got harder and you have been waiting for it to sort itself out, this is the episode that tells you what you are waiting on.

Listen, learn and enjoy.

Key Takeaways

- The oral medications for men release the brakes. Sex toys do the same job for women, and Shamyra's line for partners who feel replaced is that tools don't compete, they assist. The toy is a teammate, not a rival.

- Estrogen, progesterone and testosterone all fall from around 50. Lubrication drops, clitoral sensation drops and arousal needs more input than it used to. Most male partners have never been told any of this, so they keep doing what always worked.

- Invite, don't surprise. Bring your partner into the decision before the toy arrives, frame it as an us thing rather than a me thing, and be clear that if pleasure matters to both of you, this is not optional.

- Do not start with the catalogue. Decide where you want the sensation first. Shamyra finds women over 50 are moving away from penetrative options and towards clitoral ones, which narrows hundreds of products to a handful.

- Womanizer and We-Vibe are running their market research with menopausal and post-menopausal women rather than twenty-five year olds. Womanizer reports that users of one of its pleasure air devices experienced fewer menopause symptoms, including poor sleep and irritability.

- Clitoral suction increases blood flow to the area, and blood flow is where the arousal problem sits. Plenty of women are not orgasming for the simple reason that they were never sufficiently aroused.

- A wand earns its price outside the bedroom. Neck, shoulders, feet, behind the knees, the inside of the thighs, and on a partner's body too. Shamyra treats good toys the way we treat hair and nails, as something worth paying for.

- Water-based lube only with silicone toys, or the material breaks down. Check the ingredients for glycerin. And needing lube is not a verdict on you or your partner. Wetness depends on hormones and arousal, and the hormones are leaving.

About the Guest

Shamyra holds a Doctorate in Social Work, she's an international award-winning Sexologist, Professor, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist who exposes people to what they're missing from intimacy, so they can have a great relationship and better sex!

She's a sexuality media maven featured in major digital and television productions, such as CNN, VOGUE, The New York Times, Peacock, OWN and many more, and she's the Founder of On the Green Couch, where she helps people manage sexual issues, create their best relationships, and have amazing sex.

About Suzanne

Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast, one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.

Connect With Suzanne

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors

Substack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com

Connect with Dr Shamyra Howard

Website: onthegreencouch.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexologistshamyra

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@sexologistshamyra

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/shamyralcsw/

Want More?

Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.

Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie

Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm

Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Lovehoney discount code ADVICE15 for the toys and lubricants discussed in this episode.

Related Episodes

Why Sex Changes After 50 and What Nobody Tells You | ft. Dr. Jenn Kennedy - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-sex-changes-after-50-and-what

The Surprising 69% of Women Unhappy in Sex... and How to Fix It | ft. Malia Lazu - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/the-surprising-69-of-women-unhappy

What I Discussed With Dr Arthur Burnett...

- Why the pill has never once started an erection, and what that means for the nights it did nothing

- The name he would give erectile dysfunction if he could rename it tomorrow

- What his lab found when they went looking for the same response in women

- Why the men who most want the pill to work are the ones it helps least

- What he thinks of a prescription that takes four clicks and no conversation

- The sentence surgeons skip before a prostatectomy, and why he takes the blame for it

- What he does when he finds his own name on a supplement bottle

- What he refuses to write a prescription for, no matter who is asking

Chapters

00:00 – Intro & Sponsor Spotlight (https://www.ohmibod.com/)

00:26 – Redefining Intimacy After 50: Welcoming Johns Hopkins Urologist Dr. Arthur Burnett

01:33 – Is Erectile Dysfunction Inevitable? Why Unreliable Erections Don’t Mean the End of Your Sex Life

02:18 – The Real Science Behind Viagra: What a Pioneering Researcher Wants Men to Know

04:29 – The Hidden Danger of Quick-Fix Online Prescriptions & Skipping Root Causes

07:24 – Removing the Shame: Why Men Must Stop Suffering in Silence

08:30 – Erectile Dysfunction as an Early Warning Sign for Heart & Vascular Health

10:19 – Does Viagra Work for Women? The Truth About Female Clitoral Blood Flow

12:31 – Sponsor Spotlight (GITM Playbook)

13:10 – Why the Blue Pill Doesn’t Work Without Mind-Body Synergy

16:23 – Rethinking Performance: Shifting Focus Beyond Penetrative Sex

17:06 – The Unspoken Trauma: What Doctors Often Miss in Prostate Cancer Care

19:39 – Innovations in Prostate Surgery: Preserving Nerve Function & Recovery

20:58 – Post-Surgery Rehabilitation: Do Vacuum Pumps & Therapy Devices Actually Work?

22:29 – How to Talk to Your Partner About Sexual Decline Without Losing Attraction

23:33 – Lifestyle Habits That Naturally Improve Blood Flow & Performance

24:30 – Nitric Oxide Supplements: Separating Hype from Real Medical Science

28:01 – Authentic Health: Ditching the “Marlboro Man” Myth & Taking Charge

Show Notes

Most men over 50 assume their erections changed because they got older. Dr Arthur Burnett has spent forty years trying to tell them otherwise, and for most of those years he has been shouting into the wind.

In this episode I'm joined by Dr Arthur Burnett, a urologist at Johns Hopkins, where he has worked for more than four decades. His laboratory did the discovery work in the late 1980s that made the blue pills possible. So I opened by asking him whether he regrets what men have done with them since.

Two of the men I loved died. Both of them started here, and I read it as age. One had diabetes and told me flatly that the pill wasn't working, and I believed him. Dr Burnett listened to that story and told me what had been going on inside that man's body while I was busy blaming the wrong thing entirely.

He is just as blunt about his own profession. He has watched surgeons treat the cancer and skip the man, and he does not exempt himself from it.

There is no shame in this conversation and no bravado either. If your erections have changed and you have been waiting quietly for them to sort themselves out, this is the episode that tells you what you are actually waiting on.

Listen, learn and enjoy.

Key Takeaways

- The oral medications release the brakes on an erection. They cannot start one. Arousal has to be driven from the brain and the body first, which is why a man can take the pill, feel nothing, and wrongly conclude he is finished.

- Dr Burnett would call it penile vascular dysfunction. An erection runs on blood vessels, nerves and hormones, the same system that runs the heart, and it usually falters before anything else does.

- His lab found the same nitric oxide response in clitoral tissue. The mechanics are close to identical, but female arousal involves hormones and other factors, so one pill was never going to be the answer.

- Diabetes damages nerve and blood vessel tissue and behaves in the body almost like premature ageing. These men need more stimulus to drive the response, and the drugs work measurably less well for them.

- The online questionnaire skips the health workup. Erectile dysfunction should send a man for a full check, and Dr Burnett calls home delivery without a clinician an unfortunate development in his field.

- Nerve sparing surgery lifted recovery rates above zero. Surgeons now map the nerve pathways during the operation, man by man, though the results are still not where he wants them.

- He has little faith in nitric oxide supplements and has found his own name on products he knew nothing about. His position comes from society guidelines rather than his own opinion.

- Sleep, weight, smoking, movement, stress, cardiovascular health, checkups. He will not be asked for a miracle by a man smoking three packs a day, and says this layer comes

About the Guest

Arthur L. “Bud” Burnett II, MD, MBA, FACS, is a globally recognized Johns Hopkins urologist, researcher, Viagra Pioneer, and educator whose pioneering work in men’s health and erectile function has transformed care worldwide.

About Suzanne

Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast, one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.

Connect With Suzanne

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors

Substack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com

Connect with Dr Arthur Burnett

Website https://drarthurburnett.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/dr.arthurburnett/

YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@DrArthurBurnett

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrArthurLBurnett/

Want More?

Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.

Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie

Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com

Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm

Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes

The Hidden Habits Destroying Men's Erections | ft. Tom Jenkins https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/the-real-cause-of-erectile-dysfunction

Why Sex Changes After 50 and What Nobody Tells You | ft. Dr. Jenn Kennedy https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-sex-changes-after-50-and-what

What I Discussed With Pauline Ryeland...

- Why the brain turns your libido down on purpose, and what it thinks it's protecting you from

- The one thing men do on the sofa every night that women were taught never to do

- What Pauline said to a man in his early thirties who was booked in for his third Peyronie's operation

- The trauma technique that cleared decades of her own dental trauma after EMDR did nothing

- Where painful sex after menopause comes from, and what she reaches for before anyone mentions surgery

- The client whose daily panic attacks stopped after a single session

- Why I ended up shaking uncontrollably on a hypnotherapist's sofa, and what lifted afterwards

- The thing Pauline wants every woman doing from perimenopause onwards, and almost nobody is

Chapters

00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (OhMiBod)

00:26 – Episode Preview: Unlocking Midlife Passion & Somatic Sexology with Pauline Ryeland

01:30 – From Personal Healing to Intimacy Coaching: Pauline’s Journey

03:15 – Breaking the Silence: Why Seniors Are Reclaiming Their Sexual Wellbeing

05:40 – Somatic Sexology Explained: How Your Body Holds the Key to Pleasure

08:12 – Overcoming Midlife Libido Blockers & Emotional Disconnect

11:05 – Midlife Intimacy Guide (GITM Playbook Sponsor)

12:10 – Tantra & Sensual Touch: Redefining Intimacy Beyond Performance

15:45 – The Power of Pelvic Floor Awareness & Sacred Energy

19:20 – Navigating Body Image Changes and Self-Confidence After 50

22:50 – Simple Micro-Habits to Ignite Connection with Your Partner Today

26:15 – Vulnerability in Midlife Dating & Long-Term Relationships

29:40 – Closing Words: Why Desire Has No Expiration Date

Show Notes

Most women over 50 assume their libido went quiet because of their age. Pauline Ryeland says the brain switched it off deliberately, and she can usually tell you why.

In this episode I'm joined by Pauline Ryeland, a sexological bodyworker, tantra teacher and trauma specialist based in Queensland, Australia. She trained in NLP, hypnotherapy and the Havening technique, and calls herself a libido expert because that's what almost everyone arrives at her door with.

Pauline works hands-on with things most practitioners won't touch. Vaginal pain that women have been told to put up with. Peyronie's disease when urologists have run out of ideas beyond surgery. Sexual trauma that has been sitting in the body for decades.

She also told me about her own dental trauma, which EMDR couldn't shift and Havening cleared, and about the client who had ruled out having a baby because of daily panic attacks. I shared something from my own experience with hypnotherapy that I hadn't planned to.

Then there's the homework. It costs nothing, needs no partner, and most women have never once tried it. Men have been doing it on sofas for decades without giving it a second thought.

If your libido has gone quiet, this episode is proof it doesn't have to stay that way.

Listen, learn and enjoy.

Key Takeaways

- Your libido didn't fail. If sex has hurt, the brain turns desire down to keep you away from the pain, and it doesn't turn back up on its own.

- Havening is touch-based and gentle. You stroke your own arms while you talk, and score the memory out of ten as you go.

- Pauline scored her childhood dental trauma at 10. Afterwards she could feel her brain hunting for it and coming back empty.

- Vaginal pain is treatable. Pauline maps the whole area on a 0 to 10 scale, never pushing past a 4, and pain usually halves by the next session.

- Castor oil builds elasticity and collagen in the vaginal wall. She wants women using it weekly from perimenopause, not after sex has become painful.

- Peyronie's disease is not only an older man's condition, and surgery is not the only route. One client cancelled his third operation.

- Nothing sticks in under 28 days. Miss a day of the practice and you start again. Most clients need five to eight sessions, a fortnight apart.

- Sit with a hand down your pants and do nothing with it. No touching, no goal. It rebuilds the pathway between brain, heart and genitals, which for most of us are living in separate post codes.

About the Guest

Pauline Ryeland, Intimacy Whisperer ® works as an Intimacy, Sex & Libido Coach & Educator. She is certified as a Somatic Sexological Body Worker, Tantra Teacher & Facilitator and a Master Trainer & Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Advanced Subconscious Reprogramming, Errikson Hypnotherapy, a Results Coach & Performance Consultant and a Havening Techniques™ Trauma Specialist

About Suzanne

Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast—one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.

Connect With Suzanne

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors

Substack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com

Connect with Pauline

Website: www.paulineryeland.com

Instagram: www.instagram.com/intimacywhisperer

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IntimacyWhisperer/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@IntimacyWhisperer

Want More?

Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.

Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie

Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com

Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm

Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes

69% of Women Unhappy in Sex... and How to Fix It - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/the-surprising-69-of-women-unhappy

Why Women Feel Completely Different After Menopause | Tanya Leake - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-women-feel-completely-different

What I Discussed With Dr Anna Elton...

- Why the word desire gets confused with arousal, and how mixing them up keeps couples stuck for years.

- The uncomfortable truth about the "spontaneous" desire I felt at 25, and why Anna says I actually worked for it.

- What 700+ couples taught Anna about why some marriages stay passionate for decades while others go quiet.

- Where my erotic energy goes when it stops flowing toward a partner (it doesn't just vanish).

- The three personas every partnered person juggles, and the one that quietly starves first.

- The couple who ate out "all the time" but hadn't been on a real date in ten years.

- Why I hated being the default planner in my relationships, and Anna's fix for the "I don't know, what do you want to do?" dynamic.

- The 20 second habit that took one couple from a sexless marriage back to wanting each other.

- What actually kept Anna and her high school sweetheart flirting after 25 years and three kids.

Chapters:

00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (OhMiBod)

00:26 – Understanding Midlife Desire with Dr Anna Elton

01:27 – Lessons from 25 Years Together: Clinical Research Meets Personal Reality

03:00 – Why Young Couples Suffer From Sexless Marriages

03:36 – The Brain Chemistry of Intimacy: Desire vs. Physical Arousal

04:35 – Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire Explained

05:34 – Rethinking ‘Spontaneous’ Spark in Long-Term Relationships

07:01 – The Myth of Youthful Passion & Hormonal Shifts Over Time

09:07 – Restoring Novelty: The A-to-Z Date Night Framework

10:56 – Sponsor Spotlight (GITM Playbook)

11:42 – Creating Mystery & Seeing Your Partner Through a New Lens

13:05 – The Power of ‘Consensual Uncertainty’ in Midlife Dating

13:44 – Overcoming the ‘Planner Dynamic’ & Resentment in Relationships

15:32 – The Three-Step Coaching Technique to Encourage Partner Effort

17:00 – Desire Diversion: Where Does Erotic Energy Go When It Leaves the Bedroom?

18:50 – Balancing the Three Personas: Individual, Couple, and Family

20:17 – Defining a ‘Sexless Marriage’ & The Impact of Parental Stress

23:05 – What Long-Term Couples Do Differently to Keep the Flame Alive

24:04 – Social Penetration Theory: Why Deeper Communication Drives Physical Connection

25:58 – Micro-Habits for Reconnection: The 20-Second Rule

27:12 – Can High School Sweethearts Last a Lifetime?

28:30 – Closing Thoughts & ‘The Formula of Desire’ Book Release Details

Show Notes

Desire in long-term relationships is one of the most misunderstood topics I cover on this show, so I went straight to someone with the data.

In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Anna Elton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist who has spent more than 15 years researching desire with over 700 couples. Her new book, The Formula of Desire, grew out of a question she couldn't shake: why were she and her high school sweetheart still flirting after 25 years while couples half their age were arriving at her practice in sexless marriages?

Anna dismantled something I'd believed my whole life. That electric, out-of-nowhere desire I remember from my younger years? She says it was never spontaneous. I put the work in without realising it, and that changes everything about how couples in later life can get desire back.

We also get into where erotic energy actually goes when it leaves a relationship, because according to Anna's research, it doesn't fade. It moves. And I share something from my own marriage that made this whole conversation personal.

If your relationship has gone quiet, this episode is proof it doesn't have to stay that way.

Listen, learn and enjoy.

Key Takeaways

- Desire is psychological, and arousal is physiological. Losing one doesn't mean losing the other.

- Spontaneous desire is really well orchestrated desire.

- A sexless marriage means sex ten or fewer times a year, and it's happening to couples of every age.

- Desire doesn't disappear from a relationship. It redirects toward kids, careers or someone else.

- We each juggle three personas: individual, couple and family. The couple persona is the one that gets starved.

- New experiences together let you see your partner through fresh eyes, whether that's salsa dancing or axe throwing.

- Small consistent habits beat grand gestures. Daily check-ins, 20-second hugs and flirty rain checks keep desire alive.

- Just knowing your partner desires you is often enough to feel satisfied in a relationship.

About the Guest

Dr. Anna Elton, LMFT, CST, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, clinical sexologist, speaker, and author of The Formula of Desire. With more than 15 years of experience and research involving over 700 couples, she specialises in helping people understand desire, intimacy, attraction, and long-term relationships. Her expertise has been featured in TIME, Reader's Digest, Psychology Today, and on PBS, ABC, FOX, and NBC.

Her new book, The Formula of Desire, is out in the US in early August and in the UK and Europe on 24 September, available on Amazon and in all good bookshops.

About Suzanne

Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast—one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.

Connect With Suzanne

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors

Substack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com

Want More?

Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.

Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie

Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com

Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm

Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes

Why Long-Term Couples Drift Apart—and the Simple Habit That Brings Them Back - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-couples-lose-the-spark-and-howThe Surprising 69% of Women Unhappy in Sex... and How to Fix It - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/the-surprising-69-of-women-unhappy

Sex, Chocolate & Midlife Desire: How to Reclaim Your Pleasure in Menopause with Dr. Kelly Barron - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-sex-changes-after-menopause-an

What I Discussed With Dr. Kelly Barron...

- How chocolate and sex have always been linked, and the herbs Kelly uses to make that connection real.

- Why menopause changes my sex life without ending it, and what "designing a new sexual life" actually means.

- The physical and emotional signs that show up when I feel disconnected from my own body at this stage of life.

- Why so many women assume there must be a pill for low libido, when the real fix starts with removing pressure and giving myself grace.

- The generational silence around sex after 50, and why celebrities like Madonna never talk about what's really going on.

- What responsive desire is, and why it takes longer to get in the mood now than it did in my 40s.

- Why scheduling sex and building rituals makes intimacy better, not less exciting.

- The lingerie storytelling moment that taught me how anticipation can transform a night.

Chapters:

00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (https://www.ohmibod.com/)

00:23 – Why women love chocolate: Science, Pleasure & Midlife Wellness

01:42 – The Story Behind Dr. Kellfire’s Functional Chocolates for PMS, stress & libido

06:10 – Sensory Experiences: Connecting Taste, Touch, and Intimacy

08:00 – The Midnight Carnival: Making Sexual Wellness Fun & Playful

09:20 – From Chiropractor to Sexologist: Dr. Kelly’s Holistic Approach to Menopause

12:45 – Overcoming Body Image Struggles & Reclaiming Confidence After 50

14:31 – Midlife Intimacy Guide (GITM Playbook Sponsor)

15:02 – Taking Pressure Off the Bedroom: Body Awareness & Sensate Touch

16:16 – Where Are the Older Sexual Role Models? Calling Out Media Double Standards

19:46 – Midlife Dating Realities: Younger Men, Age Gaps & Finding Real Connection

25:18 – Mastering Responsive Desire: How to Set the Mood for Better Sex

26:23 – The Power of Scheduling Sex: Erotic Storytelling & Building Anticipation

30:59 – Dating with Boundaries: Knowing What You Want & Vetting Partners

34:04 – Desire Doesn’t Retire: Evolving Your Sex Life in Midlife and Beyond

34:53 – Episode Wrap-Up & Show Notes Links

Show Notes

I love chocolate, and I love talking about sex, so when I found a chocolate brand designed to support women's libido, I knew I had to bring the person behind it onto the show.

In this episode, I'm joined by Dr Kelly Barron, a chiropractor, certified menopause specialist and sexologist based in Charleston, South Carolina, and founder of Dr Kellfire's, a chocolate brand formulated with herbs like fenugreek, maca and ashwagandha to support desire, mood and connection. Kelly and I talk about how her work with pregnant and perimenopausal women eventually led her into sexology, and why so many of her clients could get through hot flashes and brain fog, but not the disappearance of their sex drive.

What I love about this conversation is how honest it gets. We talk about why menopause isn't the end of my sex life, just the end of the sex life I used to have. We talk about why the media and celebrities like Madonna stay completely silent about what's actually happening in their intimate lives after 50. And we land on one of Kelly's most freeing insights: that at this stage, most of us have shifted from spontaneous desire to responsive desire, and that's not a loss; it's just a different starting point.

Whether I'm partnered, dating or figuring things out on my own, this episode is full of practical ideas I can actually use. Including one of my own tricks: making a partner tell me a story before I send a single photo.

Listen, learn and enjoy.

Key Takeaways

- Chocolate formulated with the right herbs can genuinely support mood, desire and connection.

- Menopause changes my sex life, but it doesn't end it. It's a chance to redesign it on my own terms.

- Body disconnection at this stage often shows up as confidence dips, not just physical symptoms.

- There's no single pill for low libido. Removing pressure and building body awareness comes first.

- Celebrities and the media rarely tell the truth about sex after 50, which leaves most of us with no real role models.

- Desire shifts from spontaneous to responsive with age, and that requires more ritual, not less spontaneity.

- Scheduling sex and building anticipation can make intimacy more exciting, not more routine.

- Storytelling, texting and drawing things out can reignite desire more than a straightforward photo or invitation ever could.

About the Guest

Dr Kelly Barron is a chiropractor, certified menopause specialist, strength and conditioning specialist, and certified sexologist based in Charleston, South Carolina. She is the founder of Dr. Kellfire's, a chocolate brand created to support hormone balance, desire and pleasure, with formulas designed for both women and couples.

About Suzanne

Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast—one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.

Connect With Suzanne

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors

Substack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com

Want More?

Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.

Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie

Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com

Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm

Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes

The Simple Practice That Brought Intimacy Back After 20 Years: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-waiting-to-feel-in-the-mood-doesnt

Why Long-Term Couples Drift Apart, and the Simple Habit That Brings Them Back: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-couples-lose-the-spark-and-how

Bonus Live: The Relationship Lesson That Ends So Much Conflict: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/bonus-live-the-relationship-lesson

What I Discussed With Dr. Jenn Kennedy...

- The two problems that bring most couples over 50 into sex therapy, and why embarrassment keeps them away for so long.

- Why an unreliable erection doesn't mean the end of pleasure, and what "pivoting" actually looks like in bed.

- The surprising sensitivity of a soft penis, and why porn has left us all badly under-educated.

- Why sex that "feels like sandpaper" is so common after menopause, and the fixes that work within weeks.

- The generational reason women over 50 feel funny about keeping lube by the bed.

- Why the low-desire partner usually doesn't dislike sex. She dislikes the sex she's having.

- How pressure turns desire into obligation, and what brings real desire back instead.

- The two words that reignite relationships after decades together.

Episode Chapters

00:00 Why couples feel embarrassed to talk about sex problems

00:28 The missing word in long-term intimacy: curiosity

03:41 The most common issues couples bring to sex therapy

05:10 When people see a doctor first vs a sex therapist first

06:44 What ageing does to sex, erections, and desire

08:32 How to work with what still feels good

09:17 Why shame shuts down sexual connection

11:02 Why men struggle to move beyond penetrative sex

12:35 Practical tips for unreliable erections

13:49 Sensitivity, softness, and new ways to think about pleasure

16:01 Vaginal dryness, pain, and vaginal atrophy

17:32 Lube, suppositories, and vaginal estrogen

20:25 Why women over 50 still feel shame about needing lube

21:09 The biggest mistake couples make with mismatched desire

23:30 Why relational connection matters more than mechanics

26:08 How curiosity helps long-term couples rediscover intimacy

27:59 The power of asking questions and listening

31:52 Dr. Jenn Kennedy’s Pleasure Project course

Show Notes

Is it okay to say things aren't working in the bedroom? That's the question, according to my guest, that couples are silently asking as they walk into her office. Erections that have become unreliable. Sex that hurts. Desire that seems to have packed up and left. Most people wait years before saying any of it out loud.

In this episode, I'm joined by Dr Jenn Kennedy, clinical sexologist, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of The Pleasure Project in Santa Barbara. Jenn works with couples and individuals in their 50s, 60s and beyond, and she's refreshingly frank about what she sees: bodies that change with age, partners drowning in shame about it, and simple fixes that nobody has bothered to tell them exist.

What I love about this conversation is how practical it gets. We talk about what to do in the actual moment an erection doesn't arrive. We talk about vaginal estrogen, the treatment that clears up painful sex in weeks, and why so many women have never heard of it. And we land on Jenn's most freeing insight: the partner who has "gone off sex" usually hasn't gone off sex at all. She's gone off sex where her pleasure comes last.

Whether you're partnered, dating or somewhere in between, this episode is full of things you can actually use. Including, for the men, the simplest question in the entire universe. Ask it daily. Then listen to the answer.

Listen, learn and enjoy.

Key Takeaways

- Dysfunction and dissatisfaction are the two main reasons couples over 50 seek sex therapy.

- Pivoting to what feels good keeps shame out of the room, and often brings things back.

- Sensitivity doesn't disappear with an erection.

- Painful sex after menopause is common, treatable and nothing to be ashamed of.

- Lube is not a failure.

- Vaginal estrogen can transform painful sex in weeks, yet many women are never told about it.

- Pressuring a low-desire partner creates obligation, not desire.

- The low-desire partner often enjoys sex.

- Desire lives in play, curiosity and banter, not in routine.

About the Guest

Dr. Jenn Kennedy is a clinical sexologist and LMFT specialising in sex and couples. In 2023, Dr. Jenn launched The Pleasure Project, which is dedicated to helping us all have a better sex life.  She hosts a podcast called Pleasure Project: Sex & Relationships and offers small group intensives for women and couples. She recently launched a self-guided intimacy course for women and owns a 9-person group therapy practice called Riviera Therapy. Dr Jenn has been quoted in Redbook, Reader’s Digest, Forbes Health, DailyOm, Shondaland, Parade, Allure, Yahoo!, and others. She is often tapped to discuss intimacy and sexuality for therapists and physicians.

About Suzanne

Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast—one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.

Connect With Suzanne

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors

Substack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com

Want More?

Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.

Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie

Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com

Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com

Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm

Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes

Why Long-Term Couples Drift Apart, and the Simple Habit That Brings Them Back: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-couples-lose-the-spark-and-how

The Simple Practice That Brought Intimacy Back After 20 Years: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-waiting-to-feel-in-the-mood-doesnt

Bonus Live: The Relationship Lesson That Ends So Much Conflict: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/bonus-live-the-relationship-lesson