Delving Into the Sexual Revolution

In this lively chat, I had the pleasure of interviewing Sam Feldman, the very engaging and funny author of 'Hookups, Hiccups and Happenstances.' We delved into the juicy bits of the sexual revolution, shared a few personal tales about intimacy, and had a good old chinwag about why communication is absolutely vital for keeping long-term relationships ticking along.

Sam shared some cracking insights from his own life, including how health can sometimes be a bit of a party pooper when it comes to sexuality, and the sheer joy of date nights. He cheekily reminded us that age is just a number—definitely not a barrier to having a right good time in the bedroom or beyond!

Takeaways:

* The sexual revolution brought significant changes in women's empowerment (both good & bad)!

* Personal experiences shape the narratives in erotic literature.

* Health challenges can impact sexual intimacy but can be adapted to.

* Ethical non-monogamy was practiced before the term existed.

* Date nights can enhance connection and intimacy in relationships - no matter what your age!

Chapters

00:00 The Sexual Revolution: A Historical Perspective

06:03 Personal Experiences and Ethical Non-Monogamy

12:08 Maintaining Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships

17:50 Adapting to Change: Health and Sexuality

24:05 The Importance of Communication and Connection

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To pledge your support, help keep this going and for me to spend more time promoting the joys of sex and intimacy for older adults, consider becoming a paid subscriber. A little goes a long way.

Hookups, Hiccups, and Happenstances is a collection of erotic short stories that capture the spirit of the era when attitudes toward sex were being redefined. Set in the wild, libertine world of the 60s and 70s, Sam’s stories follow the character of Butch, a man admired by both men and women for his unapologetic embrace of sexual freedom. The book explores encounters that celebrate human desire, autonomy, and mutual pleasure, offering a refreshing and boundary-pushing perspective on relationships.

You can buy it here.

Find Sam on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sam.l.feldman

One question that often comes up is how to make dating easier for men and women seeking serious relationships.

From my experience, finding a man who wants regular sex and understands female anatomy is far less challenging than finding one who desires a deep, meaningful connection beyond just physical intimacy.

I’ve been a virtual Facebook friend of Shakti Sundari for several years. During that time, I’ve watched her navigate relationships with men who were clearly incompatible, trying to make things work despite the odds. After taking a break due to family responsibilities, she moved to Glastonbury and settled into the community, which required some adjustment.

Recently, over the past three months, she’s been documenting her reengagement with dating on her Facebook profile. She expresses a desire to flirt, have fun, and eventually find a proper adult relationship. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading her long, detailed posts. Shakti has a wonderful curiosity and an open energy. Unlike many women I’ve spoken to who find the online dating scene disheartening and have given up, I can sense that Shakti is still in the process of figuring it all out and wants to help others to find the ‘conscious connection’ they are seeking too.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber to receive sexy stories and sex toy reviews, helping me to support more older people to have pleasurable sex.

While she’s still navigating all of this, and being an educator for a significant period of time, teaching tantra, amongst other disciplines, she has decided to hold a series of workshops to offer women and men, during separate events, the opportunity to share their thoughts on the dating world, their experiences and with the hope of gaining more clarity in themselves and their online profiles in how they express themselves and what they are seeking in a partner.

She’s offering two online introductory events in January (more if there's demand): on Wed, Jan 15th & Sat, Jan 18th, 2025

Both will follow the same format. There'll be a maximum of 20 participants per session. Every woman is warmly welcome

Gathering #1

When: Wednesday, 15th January, 7-9pmWhere: Online via zoom

Registration: £11 via this PayPal link (please select friends & family payment option):

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/shaktisundarilove/11

You can find all the information about the Conscious Dating Collective Workshops here:

In this chat, I had the pleasure of speaking with Sydney Zwicker about the many aspects of pelvic health, especially for women. We explored the emotional and physical connections tied to pelvic health and why women often seek support. It was fascinating to discuss the importance of addressing both physical issues and emotional trauma.

Sydney shared her holistic approach to healing, which includes various bodywork techniques and the vital role of creating a safe space for women to reconnect with their bodies. We also touched on men’s experiences, the significance of communication in intimacy, and the need to rethink societal narratives around menopause and women’s health.

* Pelvic health discussions are vital for women of all ages.

* Emotional stories are intertwined with physical health.

* Women often seek help for physical pain, emotional trauma, or spiritual disconnection.

* Healing requires addressing both physical and emotional aspects.

* Techniques include bodywork, visualization, and somatic coaching.

* Men also experience pelvic health issues and need support.

* Intimacy can exist without sexuality, focusing on connection.

Sound Bites

* "You can't separate a woman from her story."

* "The body is not out to get us."

* "There's no shame in the healing process."

* "Men need this work too."

* "Intimacy doesn't have to involve sexuality."

* "Communication is a practice."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Pelvic Health Conversations

01:23 Understanding Pelvic Health and Emotional Connection

02:36 Pain Points and Reasons for Seeking Help

04:31 The Interplay of Physical and Emotional Health

06:30 Techniques for Healing and Body Awareness

08:11 Expanding the Scope: Working with Men

10:45 The Importance of Emotional Maturity in Healing

12:12 Navigating Touch and Intimacy

15:40 The Need for Non-Sexual Intimacy

18:00 Communication and Intimacy in Relationships

21:45 The Role of Elders and Wisdom in Sexuality

24:28 Menopause: A Rite of Passage

27:56 Reframing the Narrative Around Menopause

30:22 The Purpose of Menopause in Evolution

32:22 The Dangers of Medical Interventions

35:54 The Importance of Body Awareness and Education

https://www.zwickerhealingarts.com/

https://www.instagram.com/zwickerhealingarts

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

In this episode of "Sex Advice for Seniors," I had the pleasure of chatting with Bel de Lorenzo about something intriguing: vaginal gymnastics or pompoir training, as it’s sometimes called. This practice isn’t just about fun; it’s all about enhancing pelvic floor strength and boosting sexual pleasure. And the best news is you don’t need to be an Olympiad or have any special skills to become an expert.

We dove into why understanding the pelvic floor is so important and explored various techniques and exercises that anyone can try, no matter their starting point. Bel highlighted that training can be not only beneficial but also enjoyable—who knew working on your pelvic floor could be so engaging?

We also touched on the importance of rest and recovery in any training regimen and discussed how tools and toys can elevate the experience. It was a fascinating conversation, full of insights that can help boost libido, confidence, and overall well-being. You’ll find a discount code at the end for Bel’s Vaginal Gymnastics programme. I’m curious to try it myself and will be filling you in on how my training goes!

Key Takeaways

* There's always something new to learn about sex.

* Vaginal gymnastics can enhance dexterity and pleasure.

* Kegel exercises are just the beginning of pelvic floor training.

* Using fingers can help understand pelvic floor movements better.

* A strong pelvic floor can alleviate incontinence issues.

* Training can lead to heightened sensitivity and pleasure during sex.

* You can start pelvic floor training at any age or fitness level.

* Rest and recovery are crucial for muscle growth and strength.

* Training can enhance libido and sexual confidence.

* Making training fun is essential for consistency.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Vaginal Gymnastics

05:58 Exploring Techniques and Exercises

12:12 Benefits Beyond Pleasure

18:05 The Connection Between Sensation and Training

24:10 Enhancing Libido and Confidence

29:54 Conclusion and Program Details

www.gohddess.com

Coupon code SA4S gets them 25% off on the program, it is a one-time fee for life.

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@gohddess

Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/pompoir/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@goh.ddess

Sexologist Chris Hands and I met a few months ago but the recording was mangled, so it was great to catch up with him again and talk about the intricate dynamics of men's groups which Chris has run for several years and the pervasive influence of toxic masculinity. Our discussion delved into the cultural perspectives on sexuality, particularly among older individuals, and how these attitudes shape our experiences.

We explored the role of dance as a profound means of connection, highlighting the benefits of practices such as Biodanza and Five Rhythms in fostering intimacy and vulnerability within the realm of dating. It became clear that modern relationships are rife with complexities, especially given the disconnection many individuals, particularly men, experience in today's society.

The impact of the pandemic on our social connections cannot be overstated, as it has prompted a significant redefinition of relationships in later life. We addressed the challenges posed by societal norms in dating, emphasising the emotional dynamics at play. Ultimately, as with most of my conversations with experts, it’s all about learning how to communicate within relationships and the importance of sharing perspectives without attributing blame or anger.

takeaways

* Men's groups have evolved but often become negative.

* Toxic masculinity is pervasive and affects relationships.

* Cultural differences influence perceptions of sexuality.

* Dance can create physical connections and intimacy.

* Biodanza offers a unique way to connect with others.

* Vulnerability in dating is increasingly challenging.

* Older individuals often withdraw from discussions about sexuality.

* The pandemic has exacerbated feelings of isolation.

* Creating a supportive community is essential for connection.

* Engaging in group activities can help bridge gaps in understanding. Many men feel disconnected and lonely in today's society.

* The pandemic has exacerbated feelings of isolation and anxiety.

* Older adults are redefining what relationships look like for them.

* There is a growing desire for non-traditional relationship structures.

* Both men and women are seeking companionship without the constraints of traditional dating.

* Emotional dynamics in relationships require time and understanding to develop.

* Societal expectations often hinder genuine connections between people.

* Communication is key to navigating relationship challenges.

Sound Bites

* "Let's just rewrite the rule book."

* "Men often just want to fix things."

* "I don't do drama anymore."

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Background

02:54 Men's Groups and Their Evolution

05:56 The Impact of Toxic Masculinity

08:59 Cultural Perspectives on Sexuality

11:54 The Role of Dance in Connection

15:08 Exploring Biodanza and Five Rhythms

18:11 Navigating Vulnerability in Dating

21:45 The Disconnect in Modern Relationships

24:06 The Impact of the Pandemic on Social Connections

27:02 Redefining Relationships in Later Life

29:56 Challenging Societal Norms in Dating

33:09 Understanding Emotional Dynamics in Relationships

https://www.linkedin.com/in/christopher-hands-health2fit

It seems obvious, but rarely discussed, is the relationship between how our parents conceive us and how this can significantly influence our sexual energy and development. This topic is important, as it highlights the deep-rooted connections between our childhood experiences and adult intimacy. And yet, I suspect for most of us, considering our parent’s role in how we approach our sexuality is yet another one of those topics that may bring up shame or resentment or a myriad of emotions, which help to suppress feelings of sexual desire or longing.

The Influence of Parents on Sexual Energy

It’s fascinating to consider how shame and guilt from parents can disrupt a child’s natural arousal and sexual development. These early impressions can create patterns that affect relationships later in life. Certain life stages are critical for developing a healthy understanding of sexuality, and disruptions during these times can have lasting effects.

Communication in Relationships

One of the pressing issues we discussed is the lack of communication about sexual needs within relationships. Partners often carry imprints from childhood, yet they may not fully understand how these affect their intimacy. As we noted, “The partner does not know what your imprints are,” emphasizing the need for open dialogue about desires and experiences.

Physiological Changes and Body Awareness

Physiological changes that occur in both women and men can also alter sexual experiences. Understanding these changes is essential for fostering intimacy. Body awareness plays a crucial role in sexual health; grounding therapy, for instance, helps individuals connect their energy flow with their sexuality. “Grounding is down to earth sexuality,” we agreed, highlighting its importance in enhancing intimate connections.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Navigating Survival Behaviors

We touched on how survival behaviors from childhood can hinder adult relationships. These ingrained patterns can manifest as barriers to intimacy, making it essential to recognize and address them. “When women close their vagina, men close their heart,” we noted, illustrating how emotional and physical barriers are intertwined.

Releasing Stress for Improved Intimacy

Lastly, we discussed how releasing stress through body awareness can significantly improve intimacy. By cultivating a greater understanding of our bodies and recognizing the impact of childhood experiences, we can pave the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

https://www.rodeparel.nl/

https://www.facebook.com/maya.kerstan.3

I was incredibly flattered when Joan Price, who wrote the first book about sex over 60, Naked at Our Age, got in touch about coming on the show to publicise the recently relaunched and expanded edition of the award-winning, Sex After Grief: Navigating your Sexuality after Losing your Beloved.

Joan Price is a true trailblazer in the world of senior sexuality and I am very much following in her footsteps when it comes to tackling the taboos around sex in later life.

During our conversation, Joan shared her inspiring journey into writing about senior sexuality, and why she has reworked her latest book, bravely tackling the challenges of navigating grief and intimacy.

She offered some fantastic advice for anyone looking to embrace their sexuality and explore new relationships after a loss. We emphasised how crucial it is to have honest conversations about our desires, boundaries, and the exciting possibilities of reinventing our sexuality later in life. She will definitely be coming back onto Sex Advice for Seniors in the New Year!

Here are some key takeaways from our conversation:

* Grief can deeply affect our sexual desires and relationships, but it doesn’t have to define them.

* The pandemic has changed how we grieve and connect with others.

* Clear communication about what we want and need in new relationships is essential.

* Older people can discover new and fulfilling ways to explore their sexuality after the death of a partner.

* Talking about death can actually help ease guilt for those left behind.

* Approaching dating as a fun experiment rather than a heavy commitment can take the pressure off.

Here’s a quick rundown of the chapters we covered:

00:00 - Introduction to Senior Sexuality06:00 - Navigating Grief and Sexuality11:55 - Understanding Sexual Urges After Loss17:55 - Communicating Desires and Boundaries24:01 - Reinventing Sexuality in Later Life30:07 - Dating in the Modern Age

https://www.joanprice.com

* Newly updated: Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality after Losing Your Beloved

* Author of award-winning Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex

* Now on BlueSky https://bsky.app/profile/joanprice.bsky.social

* For senior sex news and views, subscribe to Joan’s newsletter: https://witty-feather-67285.myflodesk.com/sun5wbx417

Holly’s journey began in a poverty-stricken family in Delaware, where she became the first in her extended family to attend college, earning a full scholarship to Liberty University. After graduating with a degree in Biblical Studies and receiving the Horatio Alger scholarship, she initially aspired to be a missionary but later navigated a 20-year marriage that ended amicably.

Embracing various roles, Holly found her true passion in empowering women and fostering communities that combat loneliness. Through social media, she helps women navigate relationships and promotes self-love, drawing from her extensive personal growth journey. Now living on a farm near Charlotte, North Carolina, she leads a women’s group called Soul Sisters, connecting women in support and sisterhood.

Navigating Love and Self-Discovery: An Empowering Journey

If you follow relationship and dating coaches on any of the social media platforms, then you’ll have come across @Hope with Holly, who delivers straight talking, b******t-free advice, mainly based on her own experience from a restrictive upbringing in a Christian cult to the often chaotic world of modern dating. Holly’s experiences are a testament to the complexities of love, intimacy, and self-discovery, and I could have talked to her for hours!

From Restriction to Liberation

Holly’s background undeniably shaped her views on sex and relationships. She experienced sex for the first time on the first night of her wedding. Growing up in a cult environment, she faced strict limitations that impacted her understanding of intimacy and it was fascinating to hear how she has transformed those early lessons into a journey of exploration and empowerment that has led her to become the superstar she is today.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence

One of the most striking points Holly made was about the critical importance of emotional intelligence in dating. Relationships are not just about chemistry; they require a deep understanding of oneself and one’s partner. Communication about sexual preferences is essential for building fulfilling connections. “You can teach a good man to be a good lover,” she reminded us, highlighting the importance of sharing desires openly.

The Dating App Dilemma

We also discussed the wild west world of dating apps. While they can sometimes feel like a “dumpster fire,” they also offer opportunities for connection - once you know what you want. Holly shared her very amusing anecdotes, navigating the ups and downs with these platforms, and highlighting the need for patience, resilience and, above all, knowing what you want and sticking to your guns until you find a suitable partner.

Friendship as a Foundation

We touched on the idea that friendship can serve as a strong foundation for romantic relationships. Situationships, while often complicated, can provide valuable insights into compatibility and what we truly desire in a partner. Compromise, as Holly emphasised, is key to navigating these particular types of relationships.

Redefining Societal Expectations

Throughout our conversation, we acknowledged how societal expectations can limit personal happiness. Women, in particular, should feel empowered to express their desires and understand what they want in relationships. Physical connection is essential for emotional well-being, and for Holly, that meant holding off on intimacy until she had established a genuine connection with her partner.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Hope with Holly

05:55 Exploring Sexual Awakening and Education

11:54 Finding Emotional Connection in Relationships

18:04 Building a Relationship from Friendship

28:11 The Journey of Self-Discovery

35:06 The Importance of Physical Connection

42:47 Empowerment and Hope in Self-Discovery

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. I can’t keep going without your help to pay for all the work that goes into this, including software subscriptions, editing, and time.

You can also schedule a 1:1 call with her on her website:

https://stan.store/HopeWithHolly

https://www.tiktok.com/@hopewithholly

https://www.instagram.com/hope_with_holly/

https://www.facebook.com/HopeWithHollyCoach/

http://www.youtube.com/@hopewithholly

In a recent conversation, I had the pleasure of interviewing Ena Xena, an orgasmic human design coach, and we delved into the fascinating intersection of human design principles and intimacy. Ena’s insights opened up a whole new perspective on how we can enhance our relationships, particularly for those of us over 50.

Understanding Human Design

Ena introduced the concept of an “orgasmic human design coach.” This unique approach merges intimacy advice with the principles of human design, allowing individuals to better understand their sexual energy and intimacy needs. Each person’s human design chart reveals both conscious and unconscious aspects, providing a roadmap for personal and relational growth.

Enhancing Relationships

One of the key takeaways from our discussion was how understanding human design can improve relationship dynamics and decision-making. Ena explained that analysing intimacy and compatibility through human design connection charts can reveal valuable insights about how partners interact and support each other’s needs.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

The Importance of Sexual Energy

We emphasised that sexual energy is vital for our well-being and should be nurtured throughout life. Ena noted, “We create a third being in a relationship,” highlighting how couples can cultivate a shared energy that enhances their connection. Regular dates and intentional time together are crucial for maintaining the health of a relationship. “Don’t take each other for granted,” she advised, a reminder that intentionality matters.

Workshops and Self-Development

Ena offers a variety of workshops and courses designed to help individuals explore their sexual energy and enhance relational well-being. She articulated how self-development is essential for sustaining long-term relationships. By investing in personal growth, partners can keep their connections vibrant and fulfilling.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Orgasmic Human Design Coaching

03:09 Understanding Human Design and Its Impact

05:58 The Connection Between Human Design and Intimacy

09:05 Integrating Orgasmic Therapy with Human Design

11:55 The Importance of Sexual Energy in Relationships

14:54 Creating a Nurturing Relationship

17:55 Tools for Sustaining Long-Term Relationships

21:02 Workshops and Courses Offered by Ena Xena

You can find Ena Xena here:

https://openwing.weebly.com/

A big THANK YOU to all my subscribers, both paid and unpaid. When I first started this 2 1/2 years ago, I never could have imagined I would now be speaking on panels with academics talking about sexual health in older adults, being asked to participate in TV programmes about Sex over 60.

However, most of this kind of work is completely unpaid.

I don’t like to put my posts behind a paywall because I’m a great believer that good sex shouldn’t be something you have to pay for to learn about although I get that’s the Substack business model.

However, it does take considerable time out of my day to participate in all the activities at which I am being asked to contribute, and that’s where your paid subscription comes in. The more money I can generate from this Substack and brand collaborations, the more time I can focus on Sex Advice for Seniors.

Your £4.99/month or £49.99/year can help me to reach more people who may be wondering how to go about having pleasurable sex in later life.

Suzanne

In every episode, I learn something new and in this conversation with pelvic floor physiotherapist (yup, it’s a thing) Amanda Olson and I talk about pelvic health, especially for women navigating menopause and beyond. It’s a topic that often lurks in the shadows, but it’s about time we confront many of the issues that arise from having a weak pelvic floor that go beyond incontinence!

Understanding Pelvic Health and Intimate Rose

Pelvic health is a vital part of overall well-being, affecting individuals of all genders and ages. Many people don’t realise how impactful pelvic issues can be, but Amanda’s insights about her company, Intimate Rose, and why she started it, were enlightening. They’ve crafted tools like vaginal dilators and pelvic wands that empower people to take charge of their health.

The Importance of Vaginal Dilators

Amanda shared a gem of wisdom: “If you don’t use it, you can lose it.” Vaginal dilators help maintain the elasticity and mobility of vaginal tissue, which is crucial, especially during menopause when our bodies undergo significant changes.

Navigating Menopause and Pelvic Floor Changes

Menopause can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions and physical shifts. It’s a time of transformation, and understanding the changes in pelvic floor health is essential. We talked about how many women are unaware of the resources available to them, which is why education is so vital.

The Role of Psychological Factors in Pelvic Health

We also explored the psychological side of pelvic health. Our bodies can develop deep guarding reflexes due to pain or trauma, making it even more challenging to navigate these issues. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid—“It’s a true issue, and they’re not crazy,” Amanda said.

Addressing Sexual Health Post-Cancer

For those who have faced cancer treatments, the impact on sexual health can be profound. It’s never too late to address these concerns, and tools like dilators can play a crucial role in restoring quality of life.

Empowerment and Quality of Life for Seniors

The overarching message from our discussion was one of empowerment. Quality of life can significantly improve with proper pelvic care, and it’s essential for everyone to feel equipped to manage their health. “These are all quality of life issues,” we agreed, emphasising the importance of proper lubrication for comfortable experiences.

Check out the full range of products here.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Pelvic Health and Intimate Rose

02:57 The Importance of Vaginal Dilators

05:48 Navigating Menopause and Pelvic Floor Changes

09:08 The Role of Psychological Factors in Pelvic Health

11:50 Personal Stories and the Impact of Accidents

14:49 Addressing Sexual Health Post-Cancer

18:10 The Functionality of Pelvic Health Tools

20:48 Misdiagnosis and the Need for Awareness

24:03 The Path to Pelvic Health Care

26:52 Empowerment and Quality of Life for Seniors

Where to find Intimate Rose:

https://www.intimaterose.com/

https://www.facebook.com/IntimateRose

https://www.instagram.com/intimaterose/

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Your subscription not only pays for my bread and butter sandwiches, but goes towards helping to normalise the conversation around sexual pleasure in later life. For only £4.99/month or £49.99/year you can support me to spend more time talking on panels, chasing down guests, writing articles, making videos and spreading the word about how to enjoy sex when you’re older!