It seems obvious, but rarely discussed, is the relationship between how our parents conceive us and how this can significantly influence our sexual energy and development. This topic is important, as it highlights the deep-rooted connections between our childhood experiences and adult intimacy. And yet, I suspect for most of us, considering our parent’s role in how we approach our sexuality is yet another one of those topics that may bring up shame or resentment or a myriad of emotions, which help to suppress feelings of sexual desire or longing.

The Influence of Parents on Sexual Energy

It’s fascinating to consider how shame and guilt from parents can disrupt a child’s natural arousal and sexual development. These early impressions can create patterns that affect relationships later in life. Certain life stages are critical for developing a healthy understanding of sexuality, and disruptions during these times can have lasting effects.

Communication in Relationships

One of the pressing issues we discussed is the lack of communication about sexual needs within relationships. Partners often carry imprints from childhood, yet they may not fully understand how these affect their intimacy. As we noted, “The partner does not know what your imprints are,” emphasizing the need for open dialogue about desires and experiences.

Physiological Changes and Body Awareness

Physiological changes that occur in both women and men can also alter sexual experiences. Understanding these changes is essential for fostering intimacy. Body awareness plays a crucial role in sexual health; grounding therapy, for instance, helps individuals connect their energy flow with their sexuality. “Grounding is down to earth sexuality,” we agreed, highlighting its importance in enhancing intimate connections.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Navigating Survival Behaviors

We touched on how survival behaviors from childhood can hinder adult relationships. These ingrained patterns can manifest as barriers to intimacy, making it essential to recognize and address them. “When women close their vagina, men close their heart,” we noted, illustrating how emotional and physical barriers are intertwined.

Releasing Stress for Improved Intimacy

Lastly, we discussed how releasing stress through body awareness can significantly improve intimacy. By cultivating a greater understanding of our bodies and recognizing the impact of childhood experiences, we can pave the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

https://www.rodeparel.nl/

https://www.facebook.com/maya.kerstan.3

I was incredibly flattered when Joan Price, who wrote the first book about sex over 60, Naked at Our Age, got in touch about coming on the show to publicise the recently relaunched and expanded edition of the award-winning, Sex After Grief: Navigating your Sexuality after Losing your Beloved.

Joan Price is a true trailblazer in the world of senior sexuality and I am very much following in her footsteps when it comes to tackling the taboos around sex in later life.

During our conversation, Joan shared her inspiring journey into writing about senior sexuality, and why she has reworked her latest book, bravely tackling the challenges of navigating grief and intimacy.

She offered some fantastic advice for anyone looking to embrace their sexuality and explore new relationships after a loss. We emphasised how crucial it is to have honest conversations about our desires, boundaries, and the exciting possibilities of reinventing our sexuality later in life. She will definitely be coming back onto Sex Advice for Seniors in the New Year!

Here are some key takeaways from our conversation:

* Grief can deeply affect our sexual desires and relationships, but it doesn’t have to define them.

* The pandemic has changed how we grieve and connect with others.

* Clear communication about what we want and need in new relationships is essential.

* Older people can discover new and fulfilling ways to explore their sexuality after the death of a partner.

* Talking about death can actually help ease guilt for those left behind.

* Approaching dating as a fun experiment rather than a heavy commitment can take the pressure off.

Here’s a quick rundown of the chapters we covered:

00:00 - Introduction to Senior Sexuality06:00 - Navigating Grief and Sexuality11:55 - Understanding Sexual Urges After Loss17:55 - Communicating Desires and Boundaries24:01 - Reinventing Sexuality in Later Life30:07 - Dating in the Modern Age

https://www.joanprice.com

* Newly updated: Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality after Losing Your Beloved

* Author of award-winning Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex

* Now on BlueSky https://bsky.app/profile/joanprice.bsky.social

* For senior sex news and views, subscribe to Joan’s newsletter: https://witty-feather-67285.myflodesk.com/sun5wbx417

Holly’s journey began in a poverty-stricken family in Delaware, where she became the first in her extended family to attend college, earning a full scholarship to Liberty University. After graduating with a degree in Biblical Studies and receiving the Horatio Alger scholarship, she initially aspired to be a missionary but later navigated a 20-year marriage that ended amicably.

Embracing various roles, Holly found her true passion in empowering women and fostering communities that combat loneliness. Through social media, she helps women navigate relationships and promotes self-love, drawing from her extensive personal growth journey. Now living on a farm near Charlotte, North Carolina, she leads a women’s group called Soul Sisters, connecting women in support and sisterhood.

Navigating Love and Self-Discovery: An Empowering Journey

If you follow relationship and dating coaches on any of the social media platforms, then you’ll have come across @Hope with Holly, who delivers straight talking, b******t-free advice, mainly based on her own experience from a restrictive upbringing in a Christian cult to the often chaotic world of modern dating. Holly’s experiences are a testament to the complexities of love, intimacy, and self-discovery, and I could have talked to her for hours!

From Restriction to Liberation

Holly’s background undeniably shaped her views on sex and relationships. She experienced sex for the first time on the first night of her wedding. Growing up in a cult environment, she faced strict limitations that impacted her understanding of intimacy and it was fascinating to hear how she has transformed those early lessons into a journey of exploration and empowerment that has led her to become the superstar she is today.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence

One of the most striking points Holly made was about the critical importance of emotional intelligence in dating. Relationships are not just about chemistry; they require a deep understanding of oneself and one’s partner. Communication about sexual preferences is essential for building fulfilling connections. “You can teach a good man to be a good lover,” she reminded us, highlighting the importance of sharing desires openly.

The Dating App Dilemma

We also discussed the wild west world of dating apps. While they can sometimes feel like a “dumpster fire,” they also offer opportunities for connection - once you know what you want. Holly shared her very amusing anecdotes, navigating the ups and downs with these platforms, and highlighting the need for patience, resilience and, above all, knowing what you want and sticking to your guns until you find a suitable partner.

Friendship as a Foundation

We touched on the idea that friendship can serve as a strong foundation for romantic relationships. Situationships, while often complicated, can provide valuable insights into compatibility and what we truly desire in a partner. Compromise, as Holly emphasised, is key to navigating these particular types of relationships.

Redefining Societal Expectations

Throughout our conversation, we acknowledged how societal expectations can limit personal happiness. Women, in particular, should feel empowered to express their desires and understand what they want in relationships. Physical connection is essential for emotional well-being, and for Holly, that meant holding off on intimacy until she had established a genuine connection with her partner.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Hope with Holly

05:55 Exploring Sexual Awakening and Education

11:54 Finding Emotional Connection in Relationships

18:04 Building a Relationship from Friendship

28:11 The Journey of Self-Discovery

35:06 The Importance of Physical Connection

42:47 Empowerment and Hope in Self-Discovery

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. I can’t keep going without your help to pay for all the work that goes into this, including software subscriptions, editing, and time.

You can also schedule a 1:1 call with her on her website:

https://stan.store/HopeWithHolly

https://www.tiktok.com/@hopewithholly

https://www.instagram.com/hope_with_holly/

https://www.facebook.com/HopeWithHollyCoach/

http://www.youtube.com/@hopewithholly

In a recent conversation, I had the pleasure of interviewing Ena Xena, an orgasmic human design coach, and we delved into the fascinating intersection of human design principles and intimacy. Ena’s insights opened up a whole new perspective on how we can enhance our relationships, particularly for those of us over 50.

Understanding Human Design

Ena introduced the concept of an “orgasmic human design coach.” This unique approach merges intimacy advice with the principles of human design, allowing individuals to better understand their sexual energy and intimacy needs. Each person’s human design chart reveals both conscious and unconscious aspects, providing a roadmap for personal and relational growth.

Enhancing Relationships

One of the key takeaways from our discussion was how understanding human design can improve relationship dynamics and decision-making. Ena explained that analysing intimacy and compatibility through human design connection charts can reveal valuable insights about how partners interact and support each other’s needs.

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

The Importance of Sexual Energy

We emphasised that sexual energy is vital for our well-being and should be nurtured throughout life. Ena noted, “We create a third being in a relationship,” highlighting how couples can cultivate a shared energy that enhances their connection. Regular dates and intentional time together are crucial for maintaining the health of a relationship. “Don’t take each other for granted,” she advised, a reminder that intentionality matters.

Workshops and Self-Development

Ena offers a variety of workshops and courses designed to help individuals explore their sexual energy and enhance relational well-being. She articulated how self-development is essential for sustaining long-term relationships. By investing in personal growth, partners can keep their connections vibrant and fulfilling.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Orgasmic Human Design Coaching

03:09 Understanding Human Design and Its Impact

05:58 The Connection Between Human Design and Intimacy

09:05 Integrating Orgasmic Therapy with Human Design

11:55 The Importance of Sexual Energy in Relationships

14:54 Creating a Nurturing Relationship

17:55 Tools for Sustaining Long-Term Relationships

21:02 Workshops and Courses Offered by Ena Xena

You can find Ena Xena here:

https://openwing.weebly.com/

A big THANK YOU to all my subscribers, both paid and unpaid. When I first started this 2 1/2 years ago, I never could have imagined I would now be speaking on panels with academics talking about sexual health in older adults, being asked to participate in TV programmes about Sex over 60.

However, most of this kind of work is completely unpaid.

I don’t like to put my posts behind a paywall because I’m a great believer that good sex shouldn’t be something you have to pay for to learn about although I get that’s the Substack business model.

However, it does take considerable time out of my day to participate in all the activities at which I am being asked to contribute, and that’s where your paid subscription comes in. The more money I can generate from this Substack and brand collaborations, the more time I can focus on Sex Advice for Seniors.

Your £4.99/month or £49.99/year can help me to reach more people who may be wondering how to go about having pleasurable sex in later life.

Suzanne

In every episode, I learn something new and in this conversation with pelvic floor physiotherapist (yup, it’s a thing) Amanda Olson and I talk about pelvic health, especially for women navigating menopause and beyond. It’s a topic that often lurks in the shadows, but it’s about time we confront many of the issues that arise from having a weak pelvic floor that go beyond incontinence!

Understanding Pelvic Health and Intimate Rose

Pelvic health is a vital part of overall well-being, affecting individuals of all genders and ages. Many people don’t realise how impactful pelvic issues can be, but Amanda’s insights about her company, Intimate Rose, and why she started it, were enlightening. They’ve crafted tools like vaginal dilators and pelvic wands that empower people to take charge of their health.

The Importance of Vaginal Dilators

Amanda shared a gem of wisdom: “If you don’t use it, you can lose it.” Vaginal dilators help maintain the elasticity and mobility of vaginal tissue, which is crucial, especially during menopause when our bodies undergo significant changes.

Navigating Menopause and Pelvic Floor Changes

Menopause can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions and physical shifts. It’s a time of transformation, and understanding the changes in pelvic floor health is essential. We talked about how many women are unaware of the resources available to them, which is why education is so vital.

The Role of Psychological Factors in Pelvic Health

We also explored the psychological side of pelvic health. Our bodies can develop deep guarding reflexes due to pain or trauma, making it even more challenging to navigate these issues. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid—“It’s a true issue, and they’re not crazy,” Amanda said.

Addressing Sexual Health Post-Cancer

For those who have faced cancer treatments, the impact on sexual health can be profound. It’s never too late to address these concerns, and tools like dilators can play a crucial role in restoring quality of life.

Empowerment and Quality of Life for Seniors

The overarching message from our discussion was one of empowerment. Quality of life can significantly improve with proper pelvic care, and it’s essential for everyone to feel equipped to manage their health. “These are all quality of life issues,” we agreed, emphasising the importance of proper lubrication for comfortable experiences.

Check out the full range of products here.

Chapters

00:00 Understanding Pelvic Health and Intimate Rose

02:57 The Importance of Vaginal Dilators

05:48 Navigating Menopause and Pelvic Floor Changes

09:08 The Role of Psychological Factors in Pelvic Health

11:50 Personal Stories and the Impact of Accidents

14:49 Addressing Sexual Health Post-Cancer

18:10 The Functionality of Pelvic Health Tools

20:48 Misdiagnosis and the Need for Awareness

24:03 The Path to Pelvic Health Care

26:52 Empowerment and Quality of Life for Seniors

Where to find Intimate Rose:

https://www.intimaterose.com/

https://www.facebook.com/IntimateRose

https://www.instagram.com/intimaterose/

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. Your subscription not only pays for my bread and butter sandwiches, but goes towards helping to normalise the conversation around sexual pleasure in later life. For only £4.99/month or £49.99/year you can support me to spend more time talking on panels, chasing down guests, writing articles, making videos and spreading the word about how to enjoy sex when you’re older!

In my recent conversation with Marina Gerner, author of ‘The Vagina Business’ we delved into the fascinating and rapidly evolving field of FemTech, a sector dedicated to harnessing technology to enhance women's health. As anyone with a vagina will tell you, trying to raise investment for their business, whether in the world of female health or otherwise, there are myriad challenges such entrepreneurs face.

It's disheartening to see how societal taboos surrounding women's health can hinder investment and innovation, but hardly surprising, as most investors are men.

Marina and I discussed the need to break down these barriers and foster greater awareness and education about women's health issues. This is crucial not just for entrepreneurs but for all of us who care about improving women's health outcomes.

We also touched on significant topics like menopause and sexual health in older age. These are often overlooked areas that deserve much more attention in discussions and the marketplace. The regulatory hurdles that complicate introducing new products only add to the complexity of the landscape, making it even more vital that we advocate for change.

Marina's book, The Vagina Business, serves as an essential guide through the innovations and challenges within this space. She has done a tremendous job of showcasing the range of products and services being developed and the challenges these founders face in bringing them to market. It underscores the urgent need for support and solutions prioritising women's health. I left with the hope that many of these products eventually see the light of day with their ability to transform female health and are not simply left on the page.

You can find out more and buy Marina’s book here.

Website: https://www.marinagerner.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marinagerner/

Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

I’ve been looking forward to this conversation for a couple of months, since coming across Stella Fosse on Substack. A rarity in the world of romance and erotic writing, Stella has a unique perspective, writing for and about older adults. We discuss the challenges and biases in the publishing industry, the importance of representation, and the evolving landscape of self-publishing.

Stella shares her journey into writing, the differences between erotica and romance, and the significance of community and social media in building an audience. Our conversation highlights the joy of writing as a form of play and the potential for older characters to inspire readers.

Takeaways

* The publishing industry often favours younger characters in romance and erotica.

* Older women writing erotica can challenge societal norms and stereotypes.

* Self-publishing has opened new avenues for authors to share their work.

* Erotica focuses on sexuality, while romance centres on character development and relationships.

* Diversity in romance writing is still a work in progress.

* Marketing for indie authors requires a different approach than traditional publishing.

* Social media is crucial for building an audience and credibility.

* Writing can be a playful exploration of fantasies and desires.

* Community support among writers enhances the creative process.

* Older characters in romance can provide relatable role models for readers.

Gift Yourself or Others a Subscription to Sex Advice for Seniors This Christmas!

As the holiday season approaches, consider giving the gift of knowledge and open conversation about sexuality in later life. Subscribing to Sex Advice for Seniors supports the destigmatisation of these important discussions and highlights the incredible individuals I've interviewed who share this passion. Join us in fostering a more open dialogue about sex and ageing!

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Erotic Writing for Older Audiences

02:54 The Journey into Writing Erotica

05:49 Breaking Age Stereotypes in Romance

09:06 The Evolution of Publishing and Self-Publishing

12:10 Understanding the Differences: Erotica vs. Romance

14:54 Diversity and Representation in Romance Writing

17:52 Marketing Strategies for Indie Authors

21:02 The Role of Social Media in Building an Audience

24:04 The Creative Process of Writing Erotica

27:06 Exploring Fantasies Through Writing

29:59 The Importance of Community in Writing

33:01 Conclusion and Future Aspirations

Website:  www.stellafosse.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/StellaFosseAuthor/Twitter: stellafosseLinkedIn:  www.linkedin.com/in/stellafosseInstagram:  @stella.fosseCheck out Stella’s Books and Stories:https://stellafosse.com/stella-fosses-books-stories/Write & Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance:

Launch Your Author Adventure in Late-Life Romance

Vampires of a Certain Age:Five Hundred Years of LovingBrilliant Charming B*****d:Getting Rich is the Best RevengeThe Erotic Pandemic Ball:  Tales of Love in LockdownAphrodite's Pen: The Power of Writing Erotica After Midlife

In this conversation, Indigo Stray Conger and I discuss the complexities of opening up relationships, particularly for those in long-term partnerships. We explore the spectrum of ethical non-monogamy, emphasising the importance of communication, understanding emotional dynamics, and navigating the challenges of swinging and polyamory. The discussion also highlights the significance of finding supportive communities and the potential for personal growth and exploration of sexuality later in life.

takeaways

* Ethical non-monogamy can mean different things to different people.

* Communication is crucial when discussing opening up a relationship.

* It's important to be on the same page about what opening up means.

* Emotions can complicate agreements about non-monogamy.

* Work with a coach or therapist experienced in non-monogamy.

* Take time to discuss and explore feelings before jumping in.

* Workshops can provide a safe space to explore sexuality.

* Older adults can still explore their sexual selves.

* Finding communities for non-monogamy can be challenging.

* It's never too late to have these conversations.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamy

03:00 Understanding the Spectrum of Opening Relationships

05:57 Communication: The Key to Successful Non-Monogamy

08:59 Navigating Emotions in Open Relationships

11:56 The Challenges of Swinging and Polyamory

14:49 Exploring Individual Interests in Relationships

17:59 Finding Communities for Non-Monogamy

20:51 Starting the Conversation About Opening Up

23:58 Final Thoughts on Exploring Sexuality Later in Life

Here's the link to Indigo’s Choosing Therapy article on open relationships and how to talk with your partner if you want to open up: What Is an Open Relationship?

You can find Indigo Stray Conger here:

milehighpsychotherapy.com

In this episode of 'Sex Advice for Seniors', I had the pleasure of chatting with sexologist Heather Howard about the challenges faced by individuals with mobility issues in experiencing sexual pleasure. How do you find the ideal, comfortable position to be intimate with your partner after a hip or knee replacement? How can you transition from perhaps a lifetime of having sex in a position that hits all the right spots to finding a new position that does the same?

We discuss the importance of understanding ergonomic adjustments, the psychological impacts of mobility limitations, and the differences in sexual desire and identity across genders. Because I always encourage my guests to offer practical advice, Heather shares sexual positions for those recovering from surgery and emphasises the significance of mental flexibility in navigating sexual function. This conversation especially highlighted for me the need for accessible resources and open communication about sexuality, especially when your body parts aren’t working like they used to!

If you’re feeling generous and want to show your appreciation for the work involved in creating this podcast, promoting it and, more generally, helping older people to have a happier, healthier, more fulfilling sex life, consider becoming a subscriber.

Takeaways

* Mobility issues can significantly impact sexual experiences.

* Ergo Erotics provides resources for pleasurable comfort.

* Common mobility issues include hip and knee pain and pelvic pain.

* Psychological factors play a crucial role in sexual motivation.

* Sexual identity is often tied to physical capability.

* Mental flexibility can enhance sexual function post-injury.

* Gender differences affect how individuals approach sexuality.

* Practical adjustments can help maintain sexual intimacy after surgery.

* Ergonomics in sexual activity can lead to sustainable pleasure.

* Open communication about sexuality is essential for health providers.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Mobility and Sexuality Challenges

03:07 Understanding ErgoErotics and Its Purpose

06:05 Common Mobility Issues Affecting Sexuality

09:01 Psychological Impact of Mobility Challenges on Sexuality

11:59 Navigating Sexuality After Major Health Changes

15:09 Gender Differences in Sexual Desire and Identity

18:02 Practical Tips for Sexual Positions Post-Surgery

20:48 The Role of Ergonomics in Sexual Comfort

23:57 Exploring Tools and Aids for Enhanced Sexual Experience

26:59 Conclusion and Resources for Further Support

This episode is sponsored by Higher Nature - creators of the Rekindle supplement, which launched today! Nature's sexiest plant-powered blend, Rekindle, has been created to rekindle your passion. I’m currently testing this all-natural libido enhancer, which does what it says on the tin. :)

In this conversation, I enjoyed speaking with tantric teacher Rahasya to explore the intricate world of tantra and sacred sexuality. We delved into our personal journeys, cleared up some misconceptions surrounding tantra, and discussed its relevance for older adults. Together, we navigated the emotional complexities of sexual relationships, emphasising the importance of commitment on spiritual paths and the potential dangers of dabbling in tantra without proper guidance. Our discussion highlighted the necessity for a deeper understanding and respect for the practices involved in tantra, showcasing its transformative power when approached with seriousness and intention.

Takeaways

* I began my journey into sacred sexuality over two decades ago.

* Awakening is just the beginning of a spiritual path, not the end.

* Tantra is often misunderstood and misrepresented in modern culture.

* The emotional side of tantra can be dangerous if not approached correctly.

* Many enter tantra for superficial reasons, but true seekers discover deeper meaning.

* Supporting older adults in their sexual journeys can lead to profound healing.

* Past experiences significantly impact one’s sexual expression and intimacy.

* Dabbling in tantra without commitment can lead to negative experiences.

* True spiritual paths require a level of commitment that many may not be prepared for.

* The serious seeker must navigate the difficult and often uncomfortable path of spiritual growth.

Sound Bites

* "I completed my journey of sexuality by 40."

* "Awakening is really the beginning of a path."

* "Tantra is about learning from spiritual communities."

Chapters

* 00:00 Introduction to Sacred Sexuality

* 02:59 The Journey of a Tantric Teacher

* 05:56 Understanding Tantra: Beyond the Misconceptions

* 09:11 The Role of Tantra in Relationships

* 11:46 Supporting Older Adults in Their Sexual Journeys

* 14:55 The Impact of Past Experiences on Sexuality

* 17:57 The Dangers of Dabbling in Tantra

* 21:00 The Commitment Required for Spiritual Paths

* 23:58 Conclusion: The Path of the Serious Seeker