Have you ever turned down an opportunity in leadership because you assumed that it would just be too much work? Yeah, me too.

Have you ever stopped yourself from applying for a position in leadership because you assumed you weren’t quiiiite qualified? Yeah, me too?

Have you ever shoved a dream to the far back burner because you haven’t seen anyone like you accomplish something similar, so you can’t even imagine how you might make it happen? Yeah, me too.

When it comes to going for the big stuff, stepping up to lead, and showing up in new ways, we often let doubt be our default.

You assume you aren’t qualified and that someone else can do it better. 

You look around and don’t see any examples of people like you who have done it before, so you assume it’s not for you.

You think through what it would look like to be successful in a new role or new space of leadership and you’re immediately exhausted by your own perfectionism and the idea of how hard you’d have to work to be the perfect fit, that you sit down before you even start to stand up.

Let’s take a closer look at why you’re holding yourself back from leading in bigger and bolder ways. It’s likely that your self-doubt default is holding you back - perhaps for good reason. 

Listen in to dive deep into 4 reasons women shy away from leadership and how you can (lovingly) get over yourself in order to stand up in all the places you want to take up space.

Links mentioned:

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Danielle is a mom to three kids and two rescue dogs. She and her husband, Adam, started Marriage and Martinis while going through the most intense, chaotic time in their lives. Their goal is to show a real marriage at its core; one in which both people greatly love each other, but also in which it has been difficult and messy.

Danielle and I connected as newbie podcasters a few years ago. From the moment I learned of her show and started stalking her ridiculously funny Instagram account, I wanted to be friends with her. She is real and raw to the core; she is not afraid to dig into hard, messy conversations; and she is so eager to support others as they wade through all the work that comes with marriage. 

After you listen to this conversation, you are definitely going to want to subscribe to the Marriage and Martinis podcast and go get Danielle’s book, Date Night Questions.

Listen in to hear Danielle share:

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It might sound suspicious to you when I suggest there is a downside to positive thinking. But, hear me out….

Positive thinking serves us well when it’s authentic - because of course, it feels good to feel good. But pushing ourselves into positive thinking does not serve well when it’s inauthentic. If we feel like crap, sometimes we need to honor the crap and embrace the suck - not invalidate it by trying to force a smile and a good attitude. 

In honoring the crap and embracing the suck, we ultimately become more resilient and resourceful. We more deeply understand ourselves as well as the human condition. This creates more space for us to be compassionate and empathetic humans who can survive, cope and thrive under a wider variety of experiences.

Listen in to learn why positive thinking does not always serve you - and how it can be downright dangerous at times. You’ll also learn how to work toward neutral thinking instead of emotionally bypassing hard feelings. This can be a game changer in how you experience emotions and manage your thoughts and feelings in the long run. 

Links Mentioned:

• Join my free workshop, 5 Ways to Shine Like A Mother

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Over the past two decades, Colleen Echohawk has served the most marginalized people living in the Greater Seattle community. As the head of Chief Seattle Club, a non-profit dedicated to the rapid re-housing of urban Natives, Colleen led the effort to create nearly $100 million in new affordable housing in Seattle. Under Colleen’s leadership, Chief Seattle Club has received recognition from the Puget Sound Sage Visionary for Justice Award (2018), the Neighborhood

Builder Award (2017), and the Municipal League of King County’s Organization of the Year (2016).

Colleen is an enrolled member of the Kithehaki Band of the Pawnee Nation and a member of the Upper Athabascan people of Mentasta Lake. Colleen and her family have been proud to call Seattle home for over two decades. In her spare time, she loves to read, sing karaoke, take her dog Rizzo for a walk, listen to National Public Radio, and cook delicious food for her friends and family.

She has been recognized by numerous organizations, including the 21 Leaders to watch in 2021 by Seattle Magazine, the King County Martin Luther King Jr. Medal of Distinguished Service (2020), Seattle’s most influential people by Seattle Magazine (November 2019), and many more. 

I got to hear Colleen speak a couple months ago and I immediately knew I wanted to ask her to be a guest on the show. I was so delighted and honored when she said yes. We could have spoken for hours. She is a powerhouse of a woman and leader and her mayoral platform is extraordinary. I know you will be so inspired by Colleen’s stories and leadership.

Listen in to hear Colleen share:

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In last week’s podcast episode, I called out your negative thought patterns. These are the thoughts that get stuck in your head and keep you spinning in negative spaces - often keeping you totally stuck in your life. 

It’s hard to recognize your negative thought patterns - because they have likely been an unconscious part of you for a very long time. And it can feel really frustrating to acknowledge that some of these very non-productive thought patterns have been a part of you for a long time. 

But, it is in recognizing and owning these patterns, you can start changing them. From there, you can stop staying stuck in your negative thoughts. This can be super liberating!

This week, I’m going to talk you through 5 ways to overcome these negative thought patterns. You have the power to change the way you think, to shift the way your brain works, to evolve your go-to thoughts in order to be more powerful in your life #everydamnday. 

In this episode we will address everything from identifying negative thought triggers to standing up to your inner critic to how to change your state in order to change your brain chemistry. This episode is packed with tools that you can use right away to start using your brain in more productive and positive ways. 

Link mentioned:

• Join my free workshop, 5 Ways to Shine Like a Mother

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Cindi Bright is the President of The Bright Group, a management consulting firm focusing on the ecosystems of corporate America impacting and impeding progress for brown and Black people. She is the Producer and Host of HeartBeat radio, focusing on the “heart condition” of this country impeding diversity progress. With decades of experience in corporate America as a former Human Resources executive in organizations, diversity and leadership, she formerly led HR for three financial services businesses. A former candidate for public office in 2018, her platform has become a highly sought-after show to air the voices of people, and to influence public policy to improve the lives of Black and brown people.

Cindi is a successful plaintiff in a Discrimination lawsuit, where she faced personal discrimination for speaking out on issues of injustice. At the time of her jury verdict, she was the second largest plaintiff verdict for the State of Washington.

I have known Cindi for years, as she was a personal training client of mine some 15 years ago. I invited her on the show to talk about her new book, The Color of Courage, Crushing Racism in Corporate America. This book is a personal story of triumph over obstacles to inspire others to stand in their truths and to challenge corporate America to address the inequities at play for brown and Black people.

Listen in to hear Cindi share:

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I’m not gonna lie, you might feel totally called out by today’s episode. But I think and hope it will ultimately really help you to see how your brain is holding you back at times. 

Here’s the deal… You likely have a bunch of negative thought loops running through your brain all.the.time. Know that you are not alone in this. Not even a little bit. Also, know that these loops that just keep playing on repeat are so dangerous over time. 

They keep you small. 

They keep you quiet. 

They keep you sad and frustrated and exhausted. 

They keep you from enjoying some of the best parts of your life. 

They keep you from seeing what your life could be. 

So, let’s shut them up, shall we?!

In today's episode, I talk you through 7 common negative thought patterns I learned about from Dr. David Burns:

I’ll admit, when I first learned of these I was like, “DAMN, HE LIVES ALL THE WAY IN MY HEAD.” But I also felt a little relief in knowing that the loops in my head are common loops and they can be retrained, or rerouted, if you will. 

Listen in to dig into these common negative thought patterns so you can learn how to retrain your brain in more functional and productive ways.

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Mia Hemstad is a wife and a mom of 2 little kiddos. Mia works as a Paid Family Leave and mental health advocate—writing and speaking online and advocating at the policy level for systemic change. After surviving postpartum depression and anxiety twice, and later being diagnosed with PTSD and depression, Mia is passionate about helping mothers leave the burnout cycle behind through her writing, speaking and coaching to support moms in navigating self-care and mental well-being in motherhood.

Mia was one of the speakers during the Shameless Mom Con Collective this past spring. As she gave her impassioned talk, all of our attendees saw parts of themselves - the parts that most folks don’t talk about. The messy parts. The ugly parts. The parts full of tears, anger, and even rage. The parts that might lead to a diagnosis of depression or anxiety. The parts that might require medication. 

Mia’s talk was so powerful and also full of tactical advice, so I decided I had to share it here - where more of you who struggle with mom burnout can put her tips into action in order to start healing the parts of yourself that might have you feeling like you’re barely hanging on by a thread.

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You have anywhere from 6,000-60,000 thoughts per day, depending on which research study you trust most. 

Let’s just take the low estimate of 6,000 thoughts per day and consider the impact of that many thoughts on the course of your day.

We know that our thoughts determine our feelings & emotions which then determine our actions. 

Therefore, at least 6,000 times per day, you have a thought that makes you take action - or not.

Some of our thoughts make us brave and bold. They give us permission to take courageous action and then we bask in the glory of proving our strength and power. 

Other thoughts make us take rash action - sometimes causing harm to ourselves or others. This can send us into a downward spiral of negative follow up thoughts:

What was I thinking?

I can’t believe I was so stupid.

I’m so embarrassed.

I am completely ashamed. 

And other thoughts make us freeze. We decide that we aren’t ready or qualified to be courageous. Not yet. Not today.

New awareness of your 6,000 - 60,000 thoughts per day might feel overwhelming, if not downright daunting. But, here’s the thing…

You are 100% capable of becoming a better thought manager. This means you can manage your thoughts in order to manage your actions. YAY. 

Listen in to hear how your thoughts determine your actions and how you can become a better thought manager starting right now.

Links mentioned:

• Download my Shameless Motivational Coloring Book

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Delphine Carter is the Founder and CEO of Boulo Solutions, a career matching service that helps women stay in and return to the workforce. Boulo has now helped over 1,000 women and has generated over $1M in revenue. Delphine was able to fund Boulo’s $500,000 seed stage while working and raising children during the pandemic.

I asked Delphine to join me on the show because of the massive shift we are seeing around moms and the workplace right now. Millions of moms have left the workforce in the last year. Many millions more have had to navigate new terms of working from home or working in other creative ways during the pandemic. 

We are at a critical time for moms in the workplace. There is the chance to totally renegotiate what work looks like for everyone and moms are poised to work in more flexible ways than ever before. Delphine is helping make that happen.

Listen in to hear Delphine share:

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