Shutdown Fullcast

Because we cannot agree on whether Week 7 was good or bad, we broke it up into its constituent parts.

GOOD:

- Ohio State and Wisconsin, even though only one of them could win

- ACC Lead Detective Mitch Trubisky

- A bear eating hot dogs at a casual yet alarming rate (there's a connection here, don't worry)

- Papa John being as Papa John as possible

- Dino Babers and the Syracuse offense

BAD:

- Referees (see Tulsa v. Houston; In re Luke Falk Pass Attempt)

- Spencer's attitude towards Florida

- Kliff Kingsbury and the Texas Tech offense

- Attempting to out-motivate P.J. Fleck

- Georgia running the ball with a 5'8 wide receiver on 4th and 1

- Against Vanderbilt

- Georgia lost to Vanderbilt

NEITHER GOOD NOR BAD BUT MERELY FACT:

- A lot of meanness concerning Notre Dame

- Historic Purdue accomplishments

- Arkansas 34, Ole Miss 30, a game we barely mentioned but please don't take it to mean anything, sometimes we just get distracted and stupid

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--Some exciting pre-show banter definitely not left unintentionally in the audio

--Reminder that Ole Miss/Arkansas is on this week, and unless it involves converting a 4th and 25 on a backwards pass it probably can't top last year

--A definitive discussion of who gets purpler: Alex Jones or Brian Kelly?

--Also a diversion into the oldest software in use to discuss college football on the internet, aka ND NATION, and a look at just how bad the rest of the season could be for Notre Dame. Put on Stanford/Notre Dame on the screen on your fridge! Let it simmer there for a while, like a fine reduction.

--This is not a short conversation, we mock Notre Dame for at least ten minutes

--MICHIGAN WE KNOW YOU'RE SMART, YOU TELL YOURSELVES AND US THAT ALL THE TIME

--

--Who in the top ten is secretly assy, and about to display said assedness in the second half of the season? (Baaaaaadgers)

--More desperate thrashing to create an argument against Alabama winning their game against Tennessee this week

--Reader Kenny probably totally hates Ryan, but we let him stay at the party anyway and answer his question about Baylor probably hiring Sonny Dykes

--This leads to noticing the Big 12 is pretty much loaded with gun-toting mascots, or those who need them immediately

--Why Ohio State will play just fine this weekend against Wisconsin and still get dinged for it

--Teams that don't have live mascots who need live mascots, like the Indiana Hoosiers, who just need a regular guy from Indiana to sit on the sidelines in a sweatshirt and cheap jeans

--West Virginia's only played four games? Cool, on that throwback schedule

--WAKE FOREST PLAYING FSU WITH A BETTER ACC RECORD ON THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY OF 30-0 IN TALLY ALL IN LET'S GO DO IT FOR GHOST ARNOLD PALMER

--Jim Harbaugh drinking milk, it's just gross, man

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Week six is done, and so is Rutgers football after losing 78-0 to Michigan.

Topics!

--The Notre Dame/NC State game, a.k.a. THE BEST 10-3 GAME EVER and MORE PROOF YOU SHOULD JUST PUNT AND HOPE YOUR OPPONENT DOES SOMETHING STUPID

--"Will Notre Dame make a bowl game?", a question we actually have to ask at this point

--Notre Dame could miss a bowl game this year

--How many points can we make about Notre Dame being horrible and Brian Kelly being a wretched man, well, how many points ya got

--A SALUTE TO RUTGERS SURVIVING AN EPIC DEFEAT SO BAD IT BECAME NEAR-NOBLE

--A discussion of what did and didn't make sense in Tennessee/Texas A&M. Tennessee had seven turnovers and almost won! Guess which category this falls into here!

--A deep analysis of how the LSU/Florida game played out

--The Count of Monte Cristo Game, which you may also call the Washington/Oregon game, or also call the most thorough debacling of a rival this year (unless you call Rutgers/Michigan a rivalry) (

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THE FULLCAST RIDES FOR WEEK FIVE, which hits status as “a pretty good week” because it contains both “college football” and “passably good college football.” We tried to be quick about it, which went about as well as that usually does.

TOPICS:

--Spencer gets very excited about the best noon slate of the year, while Ryan and Jason remind him that it is still a noon slate

--Why Tennessee suddenly can’t lose football games, aka “the Butch Jones cashes in a decade of collected football karma skymiles all at once” stratagem

--Ryan finds a matchup so repellent even he cannot hate-watch it (good god, y’all)

--Did you know Maryland is undefeated, and could very realistically beat Penn State this weekend? That won’t be awkward at all for anyone, especially you, person who just realized Maryland is undefeated.

--Miami and FSU might be playing in a hurricane, which would be cool

--Georgia and South Carolina might be playing in a hurricane, which really wouldn’t be any different since South Carolina always looks like they’re playing in a stiff wind and driving rain even in clear skies and bright sunshine

--The Red River Rivalry is happening this weekend! Abandon hope, wake up early, and just see how nothing you anticipated happening happens again for the 111th time in a row

--Ryan leaves the podcast early, a la Mack Brown in the middle of the Toledo/BYU game

--Jason and Spencer answer reader questions as fast as they can, including the all-important question of what game is better for freakish weather than the 2000 Independence Bowl where it snowed in Shreveport? (A: nothing, ever)

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Florida State now has the same conference record as Boston College. This is just a fact we're offering you, and not in any way a commentary on the quality of the 2016 Seminoles. Other facts we discuss this week include:

- Tennessee's smart decision to spend all its bad luck in 2015 so this year can be nothing but amazing comebacks

- Washington making Stanford look Walt Harrisian

- Identifying the secret, true El Assico

- We're seriously asking if Oregon is going to make a bowl game, what the hell has happened to you Oregon

- Mike Gundy's not going to T. Boone's graduation party and we heard they're not even friends on Facebook anymore

- Spencer kind of sort of propositions Mack Brown for group sex

- I know, again

- Cal's defense won a game, Colorado is ranked, USC embarrassed someone else, and none of us know a single thing about UCLA-Arizona

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Okay, so we recorded the preview episode for week five during a thunderstorm and that went about as well as it could during a thunderstorm. That is, it went badly, even by the already low audio standards of the Fullcast.

The topics. covered through difficult conditions because we are GRITTY:

--Tennessee/Georgia playing a game that if the SEC East made sense would end with a decisive Tennessee victory, meaning it probably won't

--How you kind of have to watch every game Houston plays even though they're playing overmatched teams like UConn, because they somehow managed to lose to UConn last year, and you wouldn't want to miss that even though they're probably still going to pummel them in revenge for that? Because they're a national power with an iffy schedule?

--A lengthy discussion of offensive lines, including the absurd lengths the Stanford offensive lines will go to make you dig a hole to get lower then they are

--We discuss how far Wake Forest has to go into an undefeated season before we start to realize this as a real thing and not some error of math and fate

--Memphis/Ole Miss! A.k.a. THERE'S GONE BE A FIIIIIIIGHT

--A reflection on the raw thrill of seeing Lamar Jackson playing real football again, and how Dabo will put 50 points on Louisville if he can to redeem Bobby Petrino's soul

--Huh, what game was USC playing when they fired Lane Kiffin, hey look, that was Arizona State, who's USC playing with a 1-3 record this week, oh hey that's undefeated Arizona State, that's weird and not at all ironic--

--A plea for someone to Periscope the Hawaii game for us, and the world at large

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This week Jason and I are joined by new SB Nation recruit Richard Johnson for what is mostly an hour plus of commiseration over the following:

--The immense hole in our hearts the departure of Les Miles has left, and who can attempt to fill it but fail

--Who will end up taking the LSU job, and why they won't be as cool as Les Miles, even though they might be a better coach and win more games and stuff, but won't have interesting press conferences or make GIFs of himself Dikembe-blocking his daughter's jump-shot

--WHY DID YOU FIRE LES MILES okay we know, we know, but we're still going to yell about it because our hearts hurt

--Richard and I mumble about Florida being trash for a minute

--Wisconsin seems mean, that's something we talk about for a second or two

--The only really joyous discussion in this whole podcast comes around the 52 minute mark when we discuss Chad Kelly's bliss at getting the opportunity to throw the ball downfield with zero regard for what's waiting for it when it lands.

--Oh look, Mark Richt's ranked ahead of Georgia

--Look, we're just going to admit that we've all watched Washington at least twice now and can't figure out why people keep ranking them

--WAIT IS ARIZONA STATE GOOD, THIS IS NOW A SITUATION AND WE HAVE TO START TALKING ABOUT IT

--A salute to Jabrill Peppers of Michigan to make a business decision and not get trucked by Penn State's giant kicker

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Did we need to drop a 15 minute express SPITECAST for Florida/Tennessee? No, but if we told you we got Holly Anderson for it? THEN IT BECAME ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. Holly and Spencer talk about the essentials of the rivalry, which is now basically about fear and a mutual hatred of what this has turned us into after 15 years of enforced mutual hatred. WE ARE MONSTERS. BORED, HATEFUL MONSTERS.

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The theme for week four -- which we decided after an arduous twenty seconds of thought --- is that there is nothing but pain in every direction, and that every team playing this weekend can only lose. There are no victories to be had, and only losses of varying degree.

Topics explaining this bold thesis!

--Oregon playing Colorado, a team they can't beat by enough point to feel good about after a shaky loss to Nebraska

--The entire SEC West playing games where someone will lose badly and edge closer to total disaster, and another team will kick the aforementioned team into a canyon

--Amazing Gus Malzahn facts that should horrify even a non-Auburn fan!

--A vicious hypothetical spin around the SEC coaching carousel that ends with Hugh Freeze at Auburn! We did it, and it didn't even take the introduction of natural disasters or anything like that into the storyline

--BYU and West Virginia are playing a football game at FedEx Field. Why? Whyyyyyyy?

--A real inquiry into whether Vanderbilt needs to have a football coach or not

--USC has already replaced its quarterback, which is a great thing going into a game against Utah on the road. We hope Max Browne transfers, and in the meantime enjoys his stay at USC as irresponsibly as possible.

--Why Florida is the Atlanta airport of college quarterbacks

--A despondent preview of the Florida/Tennessee game, so: the usual

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