Single Minded

Things are gonna go a little differently this week! Every day from Thursday to Sunday, we will be releasing a quickie episodes, which will answer one listener question.

Thanks to Audrey Claire from My Wingwoman. Check out her upcoming workshops:
https://mywingwoman.com.au/workshops/

Things are gonna go a little differently this week! Every day from Thursday to Sunday, we will be releasing a quickie episodes, which will answer one listener question.

Thanks to Audrey Claire from My Wingwoman. Check out her upcoming workshops:
https://mywingwoman.com.au/workshops/

I contacted journalist Bibi Lynch after reading some of her stories online about sex and dating over 50... Little did I know the direction this interview would take and how it completely would change my (and Linda's) perspective on involuntary childlessness. 

Bibi Lynch is a  journalist, writer, and broadcaster, she co-hosts the podcast Good Sex Bad Sex and is the proud creator of the acronym WHIPs (Women who are Hot, Intelligent and in their Prime). Bibi joins me to chat about dating and sex over 50, accepting your body as you get older, not feeling invisible in her 50s, dating on Twitter and she very openly and honestly shares her grief about not having children.

You can read more of Bibi's work on her website:
https://bibilynch.com/

Bibi's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bibilynch/
Gateway Women: https://gateway-women.com/

And if you'd like to added to my close friends on Instagram to follow my Bachelorette updates, send me a DM here: https://www.instagram.com/hannahfurst/

How did Linda and I get onto the topic of male sex robots? Don't ask me... Linda has officially gone rogue, and I'm here for it.

I follow clinical sexologist Naomi Hutchings on Instagram, where she posts hilarious memes under the handle @australiansexologist, and I reached out to her to chat about a completely different topic. She wrote back: "I loved my single time and remember it fondly,  I consciously took time to date myself. I even took a year off of sex during that single time." 
 
So, I ditched all my questions and asked if we could instead chat about her experiences of consciously choosing to take time of sex and dating. 
 
We cover the following questions: 

• Why did you decide to take a year off sex and dating?
• Do you think there’s a lot of pressure for both couples and singles to have more sex?
• There’s almost a stigma around not having enough sex - what’s normal and what’s not? 
• What were other people’s reactions to you choosing not to have sex for a year?
• Was it hard to come back into the dating scene after a year off dating?
• Is there a difference between consciously choosing to be celibate for a period and feeling like you’re “not having any luck”?
• As a sexologist, what are the most common issues you see come up for single women? Or women in general?

If you'd like to learn more about Henry (not my sister's boyfriend Henry, the other Henry):
https://www.wired.com/story/henry-the-sexbot-wants-to-know-all-your-hopes-and-dreams/  

And if you'd like to added to my close friends on Instagram to follow my Bachelorette updates, send me a DM here: https://www.instagram.com/hannahfurst/

Guest: Naomi Hutchings
Website: https://www.naomihutchings.com.au/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/australiansexologist/

Do you often think your finances are your future self's problem? Well, you're not alone... I also struggle to keep to my budget and, yes, I like to spend my money on trips to Thailand, so it was time to bring in a financial expert.

Victoria Devine is a financial advisor and the host of Australia's leading business podcast She's On The Money. We chat about budgeting, why it's okay to spend money on lifestyle (but not alllll your money), how to start investing in shares, buying your first home and why it's okay to ask dad for help.

Mum and I also did a little activity today: we wrote down our ideal partner for me, and luckily both of us agreed on one crucial characteristic.

Guest: Victoria Devine
Website: https://www.shesonthemoney.com.au/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/victoria_devine/

"The “fun” part of being single isn’t dating. The fun part of being single is no different than the fun part of living life any other way. The fun part is what makes you happy, what gives you purpose. You will never convince me that married people have more purpose in being alive than I do."

I read these words by Shani Silver and instantly knew that I needed to meet her (under the guise of interviewing her, obvi).

Shani is 38, a writer and a podcaster, living in Brooklyn. She's been single for 12 years, and she's not ashamed of or upset about that. She is also on a mission to help single women change the stigma and shame around single women. Her attitude to single life is so infectious that even Linda doesn't give a flying fuck if I stay single forever. 

Okay, maybe she gives one tiny, little fuck. BUT, of her own volition, she's decided to stop making excuses for my single status when well-meaning friends ask Soooooo, has Hannah met someone yet?

We cover off the following questions: 

• You've mentioned one of your top values is freedom - me too, I did a whole episode on it - what does freedom mean to you? 
• Why is there so much shame around being single? How have you flipped the script for yourself?
• In one of your articles, you said "The fun part of being single is no different than the fun part of living life any other way. The fun part is what makes you happy, what gives you purpose. You will never convince me that married people have more purpose in being alive than I do." - I just love and relate to this so much; there's not one path in life that leads to happiness. What's the best part of being single? 
• You have a whole community of single women - what kinds of themes come up in your conversations with them?
• You go to Paris every year alone - I go to Thailand - what do you love about it? Are you a big holiday romance person like me? 

 

This was one of the most enlightening interviews I've done, and I wish we could've covered all bases in 30 mins. Do yourself a favour and check out her Single Girl Syllabus, it's the perfect resource to feel better about being alone:
https://www.shanisilver.com/home/2020/3/17/the-single-girl-syllabus-reading-for-feeling-better-about-being-alone

Guest: Shani Silver
Website: https://www.shanisilver.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shanisilver/

Why do people cheat? And how do you recover if you've been cheated on?

There's a lot of statistics around who is more likely to cheat, but WHY do people cheat? Linda and I discuss one of the most viewed videos on infidelity by Esther Perel, with over 9.5 million views. You can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q&ab_channel=TED

Esther Perel says, "When we seek the gaze of another, it isn't always our partner we're turning away from but the person we ourselves have become. We aren't looking for another person but looking for another self."

But what about the person being cheated on? I first discovered Jess' story on the Love Etc podcast, and I really wanted to know what happened in the aftermath of her story. How was her self esteem affected? How did she get back into the dating scene? What does she love about being single now? And I was happy to hear it's a happy ending for Jess. Spoiler alert: she is living her best life! I hope this gives hope to anyone out there who has recently been cheated on. 

Guest:  Jess Rae King

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jessraeking/

Dear listeners, we love your dating stories! Submit your weirdest, wildest, worst or most wonderful dating stories via Instagram DMs @hannahfurst or email a voice memo to [email protected]

WELCOME TO A BONUS EPISODE OF SINGLE MINDED... BECAUSE I'M A BIT OF A "MOVIE BUFF".  Please note there are spoilers throughout so if you haven't seen Promising Young Woman, either skip it or take yourself out on a solo date and see it!  

Today I'm joined by Dr Janice Loreck to discuss Promising Young Woman. We chat about complicated female characters, women expressing rage on screen, the cinematic joy of watching men bumping and grinding on a dancefloor in their suits and I also ask some hard-hitting questions like, is going to the movies a good first date idea? We also chat about our shared love of going to the movies alone, and why you should definitely take yourself on a date to the movies ASAP.

Janice is a lecturer in Screen and Cultural Studies at Melbourne Uni; she has a PhD in Film and Screen Studies, and her research expertise centres on cinefeminism & women's filmmaking. She is the author of the book Violent Women in Contemporary Cinema and has published in numerous international journals on feminist film theory. 

Dr Loreck is also a co-organiser and founding member of the Melbourne Women in Film Festival (MWFF), a not-for-profit festival aimed at celebrating and supporting the work of women filmmakers and creatives. 

You can find find her on Twitter here: https://twitter.com/janiceloreck

WHEN I GET THAT FEELIN' I WANT SENSUAL HEALIN'

Today we get to the bottom of Hannah versus Hena with Instagram's Queen Of Sensuality. Our lives are all GO, and not enough FLOW. So, how do we allow ourselves to slow down and go with the floooooow (even when we're not on holidays)?

Linda thinks that massaging her tennis elbow will get her more in touch with her body lol.

This is Single Minded, the podcast flipping the script on being single. Because being single is awesome.

On today's episode, I chat to Eleanor Hadley, who describes sensuality as 'Mindfulness 2.0'. Eleanor is a Sensuality Coach, Sex Educator and Founder of Sesualista Flow, a uniquely feminine movement practice designed to empower students to reclaim their innate sensuality. And she is on a mission to help you embody your femininity, enhance your sex-life and elevate your relationships.

We also touch on how to slow down and live a little more simply, even when you're not in Thailand. So (as Linda recommends), it's time to put some Barry White on and slow dance your way through the chores!

Guest:  Eleanor Hadley
Website: https://www.eleanorhadley.com/
Instagram: http://instagram.com/eleanorhadley

Dear listeners, we love your dating stories! Submit your weirdest, wildest, worst or most wonderful dating stories via Instagram DMs @hannahfurst or email a voice memo to [email protected]

Have you ever been so stressed at work that you start watching really random YouTube videos, like "The 21 Hour Work Week" and "Quitting The Day Job & Starting Van Life" and "A Rich Life With Less Stuff" and "Man Quits $80k Job to Work in Grocery Store Part-Time"?
In my YouTube rabbit hole, I came across a Ted Talk titled "How Stress is Killing Us (And How You Can Stop It)", which, as it happens, was  how I discovered today's guest. So, I decided to interview Thijs Launspach for my podcast to help myself (and anyone listening) to manage our stress in more productive ways.
In other words, "How Not To Quit Your Job Via Email After Not Sleeping For Three Days". Hey, that'd be a pretty good Ted Talk topic?
This is Single Minded, the podcast flipping the script on being single. Because being single is awesome.
The reason this topic is so important to me is that the media seems to think women have only three choices in life: Children, career or trying to balance both. When people my age started getting married and having families, I felt like I had no other choice but to throw myself 1000% into my career, which eventually led to chronic stress and insomnia.
Thijs is a Dutch psychologist, an author and an expert on stress management, burnout and millennials. And he’s written books on these very subjects: Fokking druk (‘Effing busy’), Het Millennial Manifest (‘The Millennial Manifesto’, 2017) and Quarterlife (2012).
So if you're fokking over being fokking stressed, then you'll really enjoy this episode.

Guest:  Thijs Launspach
Website: https://www.thijslaunspach.nl/
His Ted Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyyPZJrDfkM&ab_channel=TEDxTalks

Dear listeners, we love your dating stories! Submit your "the worst, the weird and the wonderful" stories via Instagram @hannahfurst or email a voice memo to [email protected]