The Three Phases of Sobriety: From Foundation to Lasting Change

Sobriety isn't just about putting down the drink—it's about building a life that supports staying sober. In this episode of Sobriety Reset, I broke down the three phases of getting sober: building a foundation, uncovering and discarding old patterns, and creating lasting change.

Phase 1: Building a Foundation

The first step in sobriety is setting yourself up for success. This begins with looking at your family history and early survival strategies, which often don't serve us well in adulthood. From there, it's about learning new skills:

• Setting boundaries: Learning what you can and can't tolerate, and teaching others how to treat you.

• Clarifying your values and goals: Aligning your daily actions with what you truly care about.

• Preparing your environment: Removing alcohol, stocking healthy snacks (especially protein for willpower), and setting up positive supports like books, podcasts, and tools.

• Building a sober toolkit: This can include journaling, meditation (even just 12 breaths), supportive community, and strategies for managing emotions.

• Identifying triggers: Noticing what sparks the urge to drink and creating plans for how to respond.

Phase 2: Uncover, Discover, Discard

This phase is about doing deeper inner work to clean house. Using journaling, inventories, or therapeutic methods, you uncover resentments, discover the root causes, and discard what's no longer serving you.

• Make a list of resentments and the specific causes.

• Notice the patterns—especially how coping strategies like people-pleasing or anxious attachment may actually recreate the very situations you fear.

• Clarify what's truly your responsibility and what isn't.

• Get support from a sponsor, coach, or therapist for deeper trauma-related work.

Phase 3: Creating Lasting Change

Long-term sobriety rests on consistent self-care and connection. It's about turning healthy practices into lifestyle habits.

• Morning practice: Gratitude lists, journaling, meditation, and movement.

• Physical self-care: Hydration, regular exercise (start small if needed), nourishing foods.

• Spiritual practice: Whether it's prayer, meditation, or simply connecting with energy and love, find what sustains your spirit.

• Community: Surround yourself with sober people. Science shows we adopt the behaviors and beliefs of those closest to us.

Sobriety lasts when you layer tools, heal root causes, and stay connected. These three phases give you a roadmap not just to get sober—but to make sobriety stick.

Action Items

1. Journal about your family history and early survival strategies.

2. Write down your top 5 values and compare them to how you actually spend your time.

3. Prepare your environment: remove alcohol, stock healthy snacks, and add sober resources.

4. Start a sober toolkit: include journaling, meditation (try 12 breaths), supportive podcasts, and people you can call.

5. Identify your triggers by looking back at your last few drinking episodes. Make a plan for how to respond.

6. Make a resentment list: name the person, the cause, and how it affected you.

7. Get clarity on what's your responsibility and what isn't. Seek professional support for trauma-related issues.

8. Begin a daily gratitude list (5–12 items).

9. Commit to consistent self-care: exercise, hydration, meditation, and journaling.

10. Join or re-engage with a sober community, online or in person.