Would your life really have been better if the bad thing had not happened? Three things that keep me steady, and the first is that the alternative might have been worse.

People tell me I would have had a wonderful career and a family if I had not broken my neck. They cannot know that. That year I had been kicked out of sixth form, run away from home and taken an overdose. My trajectory was not brilliant. Second, negative thoughts are not bad thoughts. Round a campfire at night, the pessimist who says stop the music and listen is the one who saves you. Third, you cannot change this moment. Only the next one.

One thing to try: Next time you catch yourself on if only, finish the sentence honestly. You do not know the other version was better. Nobody does.

• (0:09) Saying goodbye to HMS Tamar, and being told off for calling it a boat
• (2:42) The three things, and why these are the ones I live by
• (4:04) The year of the overdose, and why the alternative was never safe
• (5:03) The traffic jam that might have been saving you
• (6:51) Negative thoughts are your mind doing its job properly
• (7:56) The campfire, the bang in the dark, and who survives
• (11:39) You cannot change this moment, only influence the next
• (13:48) The one thing you are genuinely in control of

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

• Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
• Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

Which two words are quietly framing your whole life wrong? Good and bad. I swapped them for healthy and unhealthy, and it took the harshness off everything, anger included.

Nothing is simply good or bad. Everything has a healthier and an unhealthier version, and you usually have to go through the unhealthy one to reach the other. A teenager needs a bit of narcissism. Anger is a perfect emotion, and there are children starving, so I should be angry. The only question is which version I am running. I recorded this after a fortnight off, because I had been genuinely poorly.

One thing to try: Take one thing you do and ask which version you are running. Not good or bad. Healthy or unhealthy.

• (0:08) The two words I have been dropping out of my vocabulary
• (2:48) Two weeks off, and being more unwell than I let on
• (3:53) Working through what we call healthy and unhealthy
• (7:48) Ego, and admitting I have one
• (9:01) Why every teenager should be a little narcissistic
• (11:29) Kicking the washing line, and the unhealthy version of anger
• (12:44) The unhealthy version of empathy, and what comes after it
• (15:01) Taking the prickliness off, and still being angry about the right things

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

• Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
• Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

If I am grateful for what I have, am I still allowed to want more? Yes, and pretending otherwise is its own trap.

Happiness is not a good experience. Happiness lives in the mundane. But I still look at the numbers every week, and I still want the podcast to reach more people. Eckhart Tolle gave everything away and ended up on a bench wanting a sandwich. Of course he did. He is human. A man I heard being asked about losing it all said he had had nothing and knew he could be content with nothing, so the rest is nice but not load bearing. Have the dreams. Just do not hang your peace on them arriving.

One thing to try: Name one thing you want. Then ask honestly whether you need it to be alright today.

• (2:43) Happiness is in the mundane, not in the good experience
• (4:19) Mayor, councillor, coach, and still checking the numbers
• (5:21) Two different things that are also the same thing
• (6:28) The extension, two years on, and what it did not fix
• (7:42) Even if I get more, that will be enough
• (9:12) Eckhart Tolle on a bench, wanting a sandwich
• (11:16) I have had nothing, so I know I can be content with nothing
• (13:52) Have the desires. Just do not attach to them

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

• Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
• Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

Why does happiness keep moving the moment you reach it? Because you are chasing an experience and calling it a state.

My whole life ran on once I get this. A better microphone, a better chair, a better whatever. Then you get it and the bar moves, because the goal was only ever a slight improvement on right now. The universe did not look at me and think, he is paralysed, we will let him off the bills. A concert is an experience. That last encore is not what life is, it is one wonderful thing that ends. When you stop trying to make the encore permanent, you stop being disappointed by the rest of it.

One thing to try: Name the last thing you were sure would make you happy. Notice where the bar moved to afterwards.

• (1:29) Currently the Mayor of Truro, and a busy life
• (2:48) Once I get this, I will be happy
• (4:11) The goal is always a slight improvement on now
• (5:16) The universe did not let me off the bills
• (6:50) The concert, the new songs and the oldies
• (7:47) This feeling. This is happiness. Except it is not
• (10:26) Life as a collection of experiences
• (11:50) Everybody tells you their highlights, never their Tuesdays
• (15:21) The faster you go, the faster the carrot goes

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

• Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
• Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

What are you actually searching for? I joined the clubs, the forums and the groups, and none of it delivered.

I was looking to reduce my suffering. That much I knew. What I did not see was that I was also looking for permission to be a lump on a chair who does not have to do anything. Comfort is not somewhere you retreat to. It is somewhere you grow into. You were already in it as a child and you left. And you have to lose something before you know what it was. Think how many people you only understood once they had gone.

One thing to try: Sit for one minute with nothing to do and nothing to fix. Notice how hard that is.

• (1:22) Do not take my journey as yours
• (2:34) What I was looking for was less suffering
• (4:05) Clubs, forums, groups, and the letdown
• (5:40) Masculine, feminine, and a broken neck
• (7:49) Nobody was asking me to be that. I believed it anyway
• (9:18) Just a lump sat here who has to do nothing
• (10:04) Comfort is somewhere you grow into
• (11:30) You have to lose something to know what it was

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

• Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
• Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

Does what doesn't kill you really make you stronger? Partly, and it also annoys me. Strength is the ability to deal with change, not the ability to jump out of aeroplanes.

The older I get the more I think strength is just leaning in a bit. It is not parachutes and mountains. And there is a weakness worth naming, which is the inability to say no. Wanting to please everybody sounds generous and it does not end well for you.

One thing to try: Say no to one small thing today that you would normally agree to.

• (0:04) What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and why it annoys me
• (2:45) Strength as the ability to deal with change
• (5:03) Strength is just leaning in a bit
• (7:29) Showing a weakness by fearing the other person's strength
• (10:13) The inability to say no, and wanting to please everybody

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

• Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
• Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

What would today look like if you met it the way your seven year old self would?

It is day two of being Mayor of Truro and I woke on Monday feeling sick. Not ill. Nervous. A seven year old tells you about their day like it is the most extraordinary thing that ever happened, because to them it is. I am meeting people today and I am excited like a kid going on a school trip. And underneath that, the thing I keep coming back to is that we are all the same. Alcohol, takeaway, Netflix, whatever it is, everybody is just trying to improve their moment.

One thing to try: Do one thing today with a seven year old's enthusiasm and an adult's skill. Both. Not one or the other.

• (1:26) Two things I want to say, and the first is we are all the same
• (2:36) Everybody is just trying to improve their moment
• (4:09) How a seven year old tells you about their day
• (5:09) Excited like a kid on a school trip
• (6:24) The sick feeling before the mayor making ceremony
• (7:33) Be brave, but bring some skilful wisdom with you
• (9:08) Do not let me say I am fine. Ask me properly

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

• Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
• Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

How can I say I love you to somebody I have never met? Because your suffering is the same as my suffering, and once you see that there is nothing else to say.

Your hopes and your dreams are mine with the details swapped. If you want to understand my suffering, look at your own. That is what loving yourself actually means, because once you accept that suffering is part of you, you stop needing other people to be different. Some have built walls out of fear, and it is harder to see in them. It is still there.

One thing to try: Look at one person who irritates you and find the bit of their suffering you recognise.

• (0:05) How can I look up and say I love you?
• (2:37) Your suffering is the same as mine
• (5:04) Want to understand my suffering? Look at your own
• (8:02) This is what learning to love yourself means
• (10:09) You have probably been where they are, differently
• (12:09) The walls people build out of fear

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

• Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
• Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

Where does the pressure actually build up? Not in the big things. In the notifications and the small unanswered stuff, in a cooker nobody thinks to let out.

A river with no rocks and no twists in it is not a river anybody stops to look at. Some days I do not want to meditate or do anything useful. I want to sit and let the moment settle, and that is allowed. We all have our vices and nobody is without them. The cooker keeps building until you notice it, which is why nature works so well. It asks nothing of you.

One thing to try: Notice when the cooker is building, rather than when it goes off. The noticing is most of the release.

• (0:07) Preparing for the quiet before life gets loud
• (1:40) The chair, the weather, and April doing all three things
• (3:22) A river with no rocks is not worth stopping for
• (5:12) Some genuinely good news, for once
• (7:54) Wanting to sit and do nothing. Not meditate. Nothing
• (9:06) We all have vices, and nobody is without them
• (10:51) The pressure cooker, and the notifications feeding it
• (12:19) Why nature gives you peace. It asks nothing of you

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

• Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
• Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk

If you could teach the whole world one thing, what would it be? I asked Twitter and read out every answer. Not one person said maths.

To fish. Be kind. Communication. Gratitude, which took a surprisingly long time to come up. Your ego is not your amigo. And my favourite, crochet, because it is relaxing, therapeutic and you end up with a blanket. I read out some genuinely good news first as well, because the world is not only going downhill, whatever it feels like.

One thing to try: Answer it yourself. One thing, for everybody. See what actually comes out.

• (0:04) Doing something a bit different this week
• (1:28) The world is not only going downhill, and here is the proof
• (3:17) Hydrogen planes, and a fifty seater on the way
• (5:46) The Twitter question, and the answers starting to come in
• (7:19) To fish, and why we need all sorts of teachers
• (10:39) Your ego is not your amigo
• (13:01) Be kind, do not be an idiot, and crochet
• (15:56) Not one answer was a school subject

Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk

Thank you for listening.

Steven

Links to Steven Webb's podcast and how you can support his work.

• Donate paypal.me/stevenwebb or Coffee stevenwebb.uk
• Steven's courses, podcasts and links: stevenwebb.uk