Taboo to Truth: Life & Sex After 50

By Karen Bigman

Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the int... more

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The podcast currently has 223 episodes available.

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Number 1: Why Your Marriage Went Sexless — And How to Talk About It Again | Ep. 200
In this episode, I'm kicking off season 7 — and marking 200 episodes of Taboo to Truth — with one of the topics that comes up in my practice more than almost anything else: sexless marriages. From the outside, a relationship can look completely fine — you're raising kids, running a household, laughing together — while almost nothing is happening behind the bedroom door, sometimes for months or years. I break down five real reasons marriages and long-term relationships go sexless, and why it's almost never as simple as losing attraction. I start with what happens when one partner shuts the conversation down completely rather than simply saying no to sex in the moment, and how that silence lets both partners write their own, often painful, story about what it means. I get into the mental load that quietly kills desire, in women and in men, and why "why don't you want me?" is usually the wrong question to ask. I talk about what it looks like when someone has lost touch with their own erotic identity so completely they can't answer what turns them on anymore, and why exploration, not pressure, is the way back in. I also get honest about porn, sex toys, and AI companionship: when they expand a sex life versus when they quietly start to replace it, and what I call the "secret garden," the private sexual world a partner can build without the other ever knowing. I close with why the sex talk can never be a one-time conversation, my framework for balanced sexuality — sensation, relationship, and fantasy — and why a sexless relationship is not automatically a loveless or a doomed one. ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. In This Episode: 0:00 – When Sex Just Stops 0:38 – Welcome to Season 7: Today's Topic, Sexless Marriages 1:20 – What Sexless Looks Like From the Outside 1:52 – Consent, Entitlement & Why This Still Matters 2:19 – Reason 1: When One Partner Shuts Down the Conversation 4:07 – Reason 2: Mental Load, Stress & Hormonal Changes 5:39 – Reason 2 Continued: Low Desire in Men 6:31 – Reason 3: Losing Touch With Your Own Pleasure 7:30 – Exploring Desire Without Pressure + Sponsor: ARIA 8:44 – Reason 4: Porn & Sex Toys as a Crutch 9:54 – Reason 4 Continued: AI Companionship & Intimacy 10:39 – Reason 5: Treating the Sex Talk as a One-Time Conversation 11:16 – Why Sexual Communication Has to Be Ongoing 12:32 – The Balanced Sexuality Framework 13:40 – Sexless Doesn't Mean Loveless: Final Thoughts 14:11 – Final thoughts To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! 🔗 The antidote to a boring sex life isn't trying harder, it's trying something new together — Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code: TRUTH15 for 15% off their guided intimacy subscription at https://arya.fyi/start?rfsn=8333683.c9f861 About The Host:Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase.This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook. LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F
September 12, 202615min
Number 2: The Secret to Reconnecting in a Sexless Marriage with Coach Mike Elliott | Ep. 198 (Part 2)
In part two of my conversation with men's coach Mike Elliott, we get into how couples actually reconnect and rebuild intimacy after a sexless marriage, low desire, or years of disconnection in midlife. Mike walks me through the nervous system work, attachment science, and couples practice he uses to help men move past shame and disconnection in their relationship. Part two is where Mike gives us the actual practice. If you haven't watched part one yet, start there, since everything here builds on it directly. Mike walks me through his golden rule: move at the pace of connection, not the pace of friction. We get specific about what that looks like between two people, breathing together, gazing at each other before anything else happens, slowing down instead of rushing toward the end goal, and why so many men only find their way into this work once a marriage is already breaking. He talks about the "little boy" still running the show in a lot of grown men, why erectile difficulty is almost never really about the body, and why he believes healing happens in proximity to other men who've already done the work themselves. We also get into why a sexless marriage is never one partner's problem to fix alone, what happens to a relationship once the early hormone rush fades around the 18-month mark, and the "we language" Mike and his partner Courtney built their entire practice around. I close it out with my three rapid-fire questions: his definition of sex, his best orgasm, and the one fantasy he hasn't lived out yet. In This Episode: 0:00 – The Six-Figure Life With a Silent Bedroom 0:10 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:36 – Welcome Back to Part Two 1:32 – The Golden Rule: Move at the Pace of Connection, Not Friction 4:25 – Why Sex Is the Most Vulnerable Place We Go 5:10 – Radical Transparency: How Men Actually Start This Work 8:55 – When She Feels His Energy Leaking Somewhere Else 9:43 – It's Never a "You Problem," It's a "We Problem" 11:16 – The Honeymoon Hormones (And Why the Real Work Starts After) 12:16 – Learning "We Work": Moving Toward Instead of Pulling Away 13:49 – Can You Really Stay With One Person for Life? 14:33 – The Sacred We: Building a Language for the Long Haul 17:30 – Sacred Relationship and the Maturity That Creates Real Attraction 18:50 – Mike's Closing Advice: Pace of Connection, Not Pace of Ambition 20:53 – Three Rapid-Fire Questions: Sex, Best Orgasm & Unfulfilled Fantasy 23:07 – Where to Find Mike & Wrap-Up To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! 🔗 The antidote to a boring sex life isn't trying harder, it's trying something new together — Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code: TRUTH15 for 15% off their guided intimacy subscription at https://arya.fyi/start?rfsn=8333683.c9f861 ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. About The Guest:Mike Elliott is a Relational Leadership Mentor and Men's Initiation Guide, working with men who want to have it all. He guides them to lead with Relational Authority™—anchored in initiation, integration, and inspiration. Having been adopted twice and walked through the dark night of divorce, he rebuilt his life from the inside out. Now co-host of "The Sacred We," he helps men transform their relationships—starting with themselves—and create legacies of love, presence, and purpose.Connect with Mike Elliott:Website: www.itsmikeelliott.comInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/mikeelliott.relating/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/itsmikeelliottYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thetogetherpodcastThe Sacred We Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/7EqHPtL9DovzPtazag8QO1?si About The Host:Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase.This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F
September 08, 202624min
Number 3: The Impact of Sexual Rejection: What It Does to Your Brain, Body & Relationship | Ep. 199
Chronic sexual rejection in a relationship doesn't just cause hurt feelings, it rewires how a person feels about themselves, their body, and their worth. In this episode I break down what's actually happening in the nervous system when a partner is turned down again and again, why rejection activates some of the same brain regions involved in physical pain, and how "not tonight" starts to feel like proof you're not wanted. I get into the real difference between a mutual dry spell and a unilateral shutdown, why low desire is never manipulation, and how weaponizing intimacy is a distinct and more damaging pattern. Then I trace the predictable spiral: pursue, withdraw, keep score, and eventually contempt — which Gottman identifies as the clearest warning sign a relationship is breaking down. I close with what actually helps: small daily check-ins instead of relationship summits, physical affection with genuinely no expectation attached, and letting go of the idea that fixing your sex life means going back to exactly how it used to be. In This Episode: 0:00 – The Man Who Kept a Rejection Chart 0:14 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:32 – Today's Topic: When Intimacy Quietly Disappears 1:19 – Consent, Entitlement & Why This Still Hurts 2:09 – The Nervous System's Response to Rejection 2:47 – The Pursue-Withdraw Cycle Begins 3:48 – What Rejection Really Asks: Am I Wanted? 5:09 – Touch, Oxytocin & the Stress Spiral 6:04 – Consent vs. Weaponized Intimacy 8:04 – Criticism, Contempt & the Four Horsemen 9:39 – Sponsor Break: ARIA 10:01 – The Other Side: Why the Lower-Desire Partner Shuts Down 11:32 – Rebuilding Starts Here: The Daily Check-In 13:00 – Rebuilding: Affection With No Expectation 14:08 – Redefining Intimacy for Who You Are Now 15:39 – When to Get Outside Help, Final Thoughts & Outro To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! 🔗 The antidote to a boring sex life isn't trying harder, it's trying something new together — Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code: TRUTH15 for 15% off their guided intimacy subscription at https://arya.fyi/start?rfsn=8333683.c9f861 ‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. About The Host:Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase.This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F
September 04, 202617min
Number 4: The Secret to Reconnecting in a Sexless Marriage with Coach Mike Elliott | Ep. 198 (Part 1)
Every conversation about a sexless marriage gets pointed at the woman. Low desire, hormones, resentment, the mental load, she's the one who's supposed to explain herself. Nobody asks what happens on the other side of the bed, and today I sat down with men's coach Mike Elliott to find out. Mike works with high-performing men who look successful on paper and feel quietly disconnected underneath. In this conversation we get into why she rejects him and he assumes she doesn't want sex anymore, when the real story is closer to this: she doesn't feel seen, and her body has been scanning for safety the whole time. We talk about the difference between yang sex and yin sex, the exact instruction Mike gives every man he coaches (slow down, three times), and why a man who can't hold his own feelings can't hold hers either. Mike also gets personal. He tells me about the night in Whistler when he lost his erection with his own partner and spiraled into a shame he'd been avoiding his whole adult life, and what happened when she refused to let him run from it. If you have ever gone quiet in your own marriage, present in the house and absent in the relationship, this conversation names exactly what's happening in his body and gives you language for it. Part two is coming, so stay close. Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. In This Episode: 0:00 – He's Not Pursuing Her, He's Pressuring Her 0:10 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:37 – Today's Topic: The Sexless Marriage Conversation From His Side 1:35 – Why This Exact Fight Keeps Happening 4:32 – What's Really Happening When She Rejects Him 6:52 – Yang Sex vs. Yin Sex: Why Men Default to Friction 9:53 – The Pushback: Masculine Enough vs. Emotionally Available 13:15 – It's Not a Libido Problem, It's a Polarity Problem 13:47 – Why Men Want the Quick Fix: Give Me the Pill 14:49 – Mike's Story: Chasing "More" Instead of Feeling More 16:53 – The Whistler Story: Losing His Erection Mid-Intimacy 19:08 – The Shame Spiral and the Moment He Stopped Running 20:51 – Holding the Shame: How His Body Finally Let Go 22:23 – Wrap-Up: Part Two Is Coming To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Guest:Mike Elliott is a Relational Leadership Mentor and Men's Initiation Guide, working with men who want to have it all. He guides them to lead with Relational Authority™—anchored in initiation, integration, and inspiration. Having been adopted twice and walked through the dark night of divorce, he rebuilt his life from the inside out. Now co-host of "The Sacred We," he helps men transform their relationships—starting with themselves—and create legacies of love, presence, and purpose.Connect with Mike Elliott:Website: www.itsmikeelliott.comInstagram:https://www.instagram.com/mikeelliott.relating/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/itsmikeelliottYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thetogetherpodcastThe Sacred We Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/7EqHPtL9DovzPtazag8QO1?si About The Host:Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase.This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F
September 01, 202623min
Number 5: Dating After Divorce: What Nobody Tells You About Starting Over After 50
Dating after divorce isn't a downgrade. It's the first time you get to pick a partner with your eyes wide open, and that's exactly what I'm digging into this episode. I walk through what's genuinely different about dating in midlife: the full history you're carrying, the fact that your intentions have shifted from figuring yourself out to actually knowing what you want, and why a smaller dating pool raises the stakes on every single date. I get into my biggest pet peeve, texting standing in for real conversation, the physical changes that change how intimacy actually works, and why the terrain feels rougher this time, from rebuilding a social circle from scratch to navigating kids, exes, and logistics that never existed the first time around. I also get into the part nobody prepares you for: dating later in life comes with real advantages. No ticking clock. No pressure. The ability to filter for character instead of potential, because you've watched enough people over enough decades to spot the patterns early. And a bonus round of tips for anyone braving the apps, including the photos that help you and the ones that hurt you. If you're dating after divorce right now, approach it with excitement instead of fear. Yes, there are moments that suck. There are also more moments of meeting new people, learning new things, and trying activities you never would have imagined earlier in life. Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE. In This Episode: 0:00 – Dating After Divorce Isn't a Downgrade 0:09 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth 0:24 – Today's Topic: What's Really Different About Dating After Divorce 0:57 – Full History, New Intentions & a Smaller Pool 1:59 – More Baggage, Texting & Physical Changes 2:47 – Why the Terrain Feels Rougher (Rebuilding, Grief & Logistics) 3:43 – Newsletter Break 4:00 – Rejection Hits Different — Then the Real Advantages 4:34 – Filtering for Character, Better Sex & Choosing Connection 5:11 – Bonus: Online Dating & Profile Tips 6:38 – Approach It With Excitement To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube! About The Host:Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider. Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here: Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook. LINKS, RESOURCES, EXCLUSIVE VIP DISCOUNTS & FREEBIES 🪄 Head to Mystery Vibe for award-winning devices that deliver precise vibrations to support erectile function and more! 🛒 Link: https://tidd.ly/4mePTpF 🥰 If you want her to want you more — start by understanding her body better. Free resources → https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources 💋 Hotter, Wilder, Wiser | You’ve mastered everything else in life — now master pleasure! https://www.taboototruth.com/hotter-wilder-wiser 🔥 Ready to spice things up? This Yes/No/Maybe list is your permission slip for pleasure. https://www.taboototruth.com/free-resources-1/yes%2Fno%2Fmaybe%3F
August 28, 20268min