



Tend The Tender is a phrase that invites us all to bring more loving attention to our most tender places, and to allow others to care for us when we are feeling a bit raw. To be tender is to be human, and yet many of us struggle to ask for care when we need it most. If we learn how to tend the tender, we can bring more compassionate care to ourselves and those we love the most. 



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Continue The Conversation With These Speaking of Sex Episodes




* Episode 423: Just Hold Me



* Episode 467: Touch Hunger




Tend The Tender

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Our brand new course is ready for you to devour! Join us for guided immersive exploration of oral pleasure for ALL bodies! 



You can explore the self-paced online course or join us for the group coaching cohort – be one of the Lucky 69 participants to join us as we come together to dive deep into this course, offering you our personalized support every step of the way. 







Oral is one of the most beloved erotic experiences for so many, and yet it is something that many people struggle to enjoy.



Many find it to be the MOST intimate of expressions, and end up shutting it down out of vulnerability, shyness or shame. 



If you are someone who struggles with giving or receiving oral sex you are not alone, and this course is for you. It is designed to invite you into a more authentic erotic relationship with your own mouth, and from there discover what exquisite oral pleasures look like, specifically for you and your lover right now. 



You’ll gain skills in both giving and receiving oral, strategies to overcome common roadblocks and communication techniques to get to your Best. Oral. Ever. 



Ready for mind blowing oral pleasures and life changing erotic confidence? 



Join Us – either in the self-paced course or as one of the Lucky 69 members of our Group Coaching Journey





Open Wide: Your Invitation To Oral Mastery





It’s time to stop dick shaming in all of its forms – from small dick jokes to cruel comments to the hypersexualization of some men and emasculation of others, it is time to call an end to a culture that normalizes dick shaming. 



Thanks to Hims.com/Pleasure for sponsoring this episode. If you want to start the conversation about ED medications and options, head to Hims.com/Pleasure to get started for free. 



This episode was a response to the incredible, vulnerable, honest responses to our Shame Slayers presentation – thank you. For this 25 minute video presentation on Erotic Shame, join the Pleasure Pod for free (and stick around as a sustaining member if you love what we do and want to support our work!)



Continue the Conversation with more Speaking of Sex Podcast episodes




* Reclaiming Soft Penis Pleasures



* Your Body Is Good Enough



* Cockwarming, Docking & Engulfment


Stop Dick Shaming


After peak life experiences, there is often Drop: a physical and emotional experience of let-down, depletion and weariness. Knowing about Drop we can better plan for it and tend to it – so we can get ready for our next peak experience! Tune into this episode to learn about Drop, how we can prepare for it and start developing your own personalized Drop Care plan. 



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Dealing with Drop





Shame Slayers, Unite! For the all-new 25 minute video teaching on how to effectively slay the shame and reclaim fearless belonging, please join us for free in the Pleasure Pod! 



Participate in our Shame Slayers Survey here



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Shame is one of the most common sexual struggles. Shame is a social experience of feeling unworthy, unlovable, not belonging or lesser than. Shame tells us we have to hide parts of ourselves to fit in, get along or avoid rejection. Shame tells us we are broken, sinful, gross or otherwise unworthy of belonging.



Shame tells us if we were to be truly ourselves, we wouldn’t belong. Shame lies to us, and holds us all hostage in an invisible web-like grip of cultural myth and misinformation.



While not all shame is sexual shame, almost all of us struggle with some form of sexual shame – from body shame to faith-based shame, from kink shame to genital shame, almost everyone holds some form of shame around their sexuality.



A goal of shame resilience is to help those who feel shame feel empathy, connection, power, and freedom instead, emotions that can be considered the opposite of shame.

Shame Slayers Unite!


Mapping your Peak Erotic Experiences is a powerful practice to mine your personal history for clues to creating a better sex life for your future! 




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The Peak Erotic Experiences Practice comes to us from the late great Dr. Jack Morin, author of The Erotic Mind, who suggests that we use our own Peak Erotic Experiences, our sexual “highlight reel” to look for clues about who we are as erotic beings. He proposes that what worked best for you in the past is very likely to work again in the future. This simple but powerful tool puts you in control of naming what turns you on most authentically.



In this exercise, we invite you to use memories of your Peak Erotic Experiences to create a map of the elements of what makes sex hot and memorable for you specifically.



This is a quick interactive experiment that will help you reveal the landscape of your authentic desires. We recommend repeating this exercise at least once a year, and anytime you feel stuck or unsure of what you are craving from your lover.



Map Your Peak Erotic Experiences



1. Spend some time and scan through your erotic history. Then pick one or two Peak Erotic Experiences – these are the moments when sex was the hottest, most satisfying, most fulfilling for you. Allow yourself to focus on those “off the charts” memories – even if they were with an ex, even if they were a long time ago.



2. Remember these experiences in vivid detail. Recall the situation that led up to the encounter, the environment, the mood, the smells. What were you wearing? What language did your lover use? What happened? The more vivid your memory, the more effective your map will be to creating more sex like this in the future.



3. Pick 3 qualities that you want to experience more of. Write them down. Then, you can share with your lover or not, your choice. What is important now is to actively create the conditions that will allow more fulfilling sex in the future. By naming what worked for you in the past, you are poised to recreate those turn-ons in the future.




Now you are ready to begin examining your peak erotic experiences. Think of them using two seemingly mismatched metaphors. Peak turn-ons are precious jewels. To fully appreciate their glittering facets, it is necessary to gaze at them from different angles. Yet peak experiences are also onionlike. As each layer is peeled away you uncover additional information not visible on the surface ~ Dr. Jack Morin, The Erotic Mind


Tend The Tender

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