The road to recovery after a relationship ends with a narcissist or psychopath is filled with crazy ups and downs, victories and defeats. People often say, "Healing is not linear." I know I have battled with my best effort to stay alive and put myself back together, better than before. But sometimes, we do some crazy stuff. This triggering tale tells of my post discard decision to remove the parts of my body that he oh so delicately tortured me with. But it was torture and abuse and shame and degradation and hurt. The surgeon's knife was so much less painful than the way my narcopath carved me up. Needless to say, there is quite a bit of regret and a warning to everyone not to jump out of the plane without a parachute.