The brain has two modes- connection or protection.

Protective behaviors include opposition, defiance, aggression- basically, any behavior that doesn't invite connection.

If we want to help shift our children's oppositional behaviors, we must first help their brain shift out of protection and into protection!

You can read more on my blog! 

robyngobbel.com/connectionorprotection/

An article about felt-safety: robyngobbel.com/feltsafety

An article about oppositional behavior: robyngobbel.com/oppositiondefiancecontrol

Free masterclass on the three reasons children demonstrate behaviors of protection: www.RobynGobbel.com/masterclass

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

In a word...EVERYTHING.

I talk about regulation constantly.  So let's take a moment (or 25 minutes) and really define what that even is.

This episode defines regulation and then defines why it even matters.

When we can see how regulation is underneath behavior challenges, we can prioritize supporting regulation and not just stopping a behavior.  This leads to long-term change, not just a short term band-aid solution.

Seeing our children's behavior challenges as regulation challenges means we see them for who they really are.  It allows us to stay more regulated and to see them as a child struggling with regulation- not a bad child.

Because changing how we see people changes people!!

To go further into the discussion on Regulation, head over to my free resources and watch the free, 45 minute video series on Regulation, Connection, and Felt-Safety.

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

OOOOH...y'all are in for such a treat because Anne is just that.  A treat.  Anne is an author, writing coach, and adoptee.  Her memoir, "You Don't Look Adopted" is pure gold.  It's heart-wrenching and funny and raw and life-changing.  You should read it.

But first listen to our little conversation today about the importance of figuring out how to say the unsayable.  The thing is...whatever is unsayable is always THERE.  We just need to find a way to say it.  And you know what...you don't even have to say it with words. 

You can read all the details about our course The Story Under the Story at robyngobbel.com/thestory

You can find more Anne at www.AnneHeffron.com

You can find more Anne AND Robyn at robyngobbel.com/dearadoptiveparents (free, hour-long webinar where Anne talks about how her parents could have shown up for her the way she needed)

And of course even more free resources at RobynGobbel.com/freeresources

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

The key to true, long-lasting behavior change is actually to stop focusing on behaviors.  Stop trying to change them.  Stop the charts.  Stop the behavior modification.  Stop the rewards. Stop the punishments.

Read that again.  How does that feel?  Like a relief?  Like terror??

Both?

Staying focused on behaviors, rewards, consequences, charts, stickers….it’s all just so exhausting.  It’s exhausting because it doesn’t really work and because it’s pulling us out of integrity with what’s true.  I think all of us have a place inside of us- maybe realllllly buried under a culture of behaviorism- that knows we are really missing the mark when we focus on behaviors.

But, if we stop focusing on behaviors- what do we do instead???  Behavioral techniques offer a bit of safety to the enforcer.  They are such clear guidelines, and we like that!!

If we shift our focus on tracking the energy and arousal that underlies the behaviors, we still get to have the safety and structure that a more behavioral approach offered, while also the relief of finally focusing on the real problem.

This episode introduces the concept of tracking arousal instead of behavior.

Read the original blog article and download the arousal tracking PDFs: https://robyngobbel.com/focus-on-arousal-not-behaviors-part-1/

Watch the original Facebook Live: https://robyngobbel.com/course/facebooklives/

New to parenting through the lens of the relational neurosciences?  Watch my free, 45-minute introductory video series! https://robyngobbel.com/course/regulationconnectionfeltsafety/

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

There is no such thing as maladaptive.

No. Behavior. Is. Maladaptive.

Sure, there are LOTS of behaviors that have pretty big negative consequences…for ourselves and others.

But the way the human mind is so brilliantly working all the time leaves me with an unwillingness to negotiate the truth that all behavior is adaptive.

This core, unwavering belief creates my personal and professional foundation.  It's based on neuroscience- and I explain it in this episode!

Watch the original Facebook Live: Facebook LIVES

Read the original blog post: No Behavior is Maladaptive

If you are new to the relational neurosciences approach to parenting, you'll want to watch my FREE 45-minute introductory video: Regulation, Connection, & Felt-Safety Video Series - Robyn Gobbel

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

Brain-based parenting with connection and coregulation doesn’t mean boundary-less parenting. In fact, if you are parenting a child who is a little delayed with regard to developing self-regulation, this type of parenting actually means MORE boundaries.

But boundaries aren’t consequences or punishments.

Boundaries are the supports your child needs to be successful.

It’s a little like toddler proofing. Toddlers aren’t untrustworthy, misbehaving, or sneaky because they explored the stairs and then fell down. Toddlers are just doing their toddler thing with their toddler brain. It’s our job as the adults to provide the boundaries and co-regulation they need to support their developmental task (exploration) without getting hurt!

So we provide lots of supervision and baby-gates. And we support their safe exploration of the stairs- holding their hands as they go up and down, or sitting one step below them while they play.

If we remember a few important tenets of brain-based parenting:

• Connection is a biological imperative
• Behavior is an externalization of inner experience
• Regulated, Connected, Kids who Feel Safe Behave Well

Then we can feel confident that when our kids are struggling (lying, stealing, manipulation, opposition, etc.) that they need more support.

Read my blog article about Boundaries with Connection here: Boundaries with Connection

Watch the original Facebook Live video on Boundaries with Connection: Facebook LIVES

If you are new to the the relational neurosciences or this approach to parenting, you'll want to watch my FREE 45-minute video series on Regulation, Connection, and Felt Safety.  You can watch that on my website: Regulation, Connection, & Felt-Safety Video Series

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith

Welcome!!

Parenting after Trauma is the most spontaneous, least frills podcast on parenting children who have experienced trauma.  

In November 2020, I started doing Facebook Lives so I could quickly and easily connect with parents struggling to raise children who have experienced trauma.  Almost immediately I realized I could turn the audios from those Lives into podcast episodes!  I know I would much rather listen to a podcast than watch a video- especially if I have to be online to watch it- and I figured that might be true for you, too.  

This is a no-frills podcast- which means there is almost no editing.  I did this intentionally so I could focus on getting you content as fast as possible- not on learning fancy software.  You may hear me say something about "checking the comments" and that's because these episodes originally aired live on Facebook and I was putting resources in the comments.  I'll do my best to put those resources into each episode's show notes!  

Enjoy!

Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors: A FREE audio-only training for professionals who work with the families of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Yes! FREE! You'll listen on your own time, right in your podcast app.

RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviors for all the details and to sign up!

It starts May 5 and will be available to listen to until May 12. But don't wait to sign up!

:::

Buy Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBook

Join The Club (or get on the waiting list!) over at RobynGobbel.com/TheClub

Hop on the waiting list for Being With- an immersive professional training program exploring the neurobiology of big, baffling behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/BeingWith