The Big Silence

Alyson Charles, rock-star Shaman and author of Power Animals, started running as a toddler, with her dad as her coach. Making the decision at a young age to suppress her true soul's purpose and calling to maintain a relationship with her dad, she went on to become a national champion athlete and D1 college coach. 

But as she describes it – she was winning, but lost.

Realizing that she had been allowing her physical vessel to be dishonored for almost two decades, her spiritual awakening began with leaving a toxic long term relationship, one wrought with sex addiction, and processing the grief that followed. 

She surrendered to a higher power and was shown the way.

We talk about creating a sacred altar space, listening to the whispers of your heart, and how Alyson’s path of healing brought her to her husband, Luke, and helped her find unity and trust where she thought she might never find them again.

We then dive into the whole-soul experience that is her breathtaking book, Animal Power, and the deep natural and ancestral energetics behind it. An initiatory labor of love that took many years to write, the book’s dynamic illustration work was done by an artist from Brazil, William Santiago, who tragically passed away soon after completing the book. 

We close with two pulls from the Animal Power Deck, visits from the Clam and the Kangaroo, as Alyson explains deeper meanings behind each being – their significance in this moment and the many to come.

Even if you’re just listening to the podcast today, Alyson’s presence can be felt in such a powerful and mystic way. We’re so glad she shared her frequency of evolution and perseverance with us. And if you’re watching on YouTube, you get a double dose of Animal Power – with special guest appearances by Tiki the Pomeranian. 

• Instagram: @iamalysoncharles
• Website: alysoncharles.com
• Read: Animal Power: 100 Animals to Energize Your Life and Awaken Your Soul
• Podcast: Ceremony Circle
• Read: The Big Silence: A Daughter's Memoir of Mental Illness and Healing 
• Follow Karena Dawn on Instagram: @karenadawn
• Follow The Big Silence on Instagram: @The.Big.Silence
• Subscribe: The Big Silence YouTube Channel
• Therapy For All: Resources for those in need

Donate to The Big Silence thebigsilence.com/donate to be a part of the movement to break the silence and make noise with us!

“The Big Silence” theme song written and performed by James Nicholas Kinney.

Executive Handyman, Bobby Goldstein.

The Big Silence is produced by Crate Media.

You may know today’s guest from iconic shows like Malcolm In The Middle, The Big Bang Theory, and Arrested Development. I know her as my new BFF. Alessandra Torresani is a beaming light of positive energy and healthy outlook; she joins the show to talk about being diagnosed with Bipolar 1 Disorder and thriving as an on-screen sensation and mental health advocate. 

Moving to Hollywood at eleven, her story of child stardom touches on early symptoms that confused her family and doctors. She’d bang her head on the wall. She’d refuse to cross thresholds and enter doorways. As a teen, antidepressants made her highs, higher, and her lows, lower – leading to suicidal thoughts and rage.

It wasn’t until she was twenty one that she received a Bipolar 1 diagnosis, a shift that changed her life for the better, forever. We unpack what that realization meant for her career, her dating life, and later on – her pregnancy and journey as a new mom.

We talk about breaking the stigma, the courage it takes to tell your story for the benefit of others, and how a healthy combination of meditation, medication, movement, nature, and emotional support has allowed her to live her best life.

Don’t forget, Alessandra and I did a podcast swap – so you can catch my conversation with her, on her show’s feed, Emotional Support.

• Instagram: @alessandratorresani
• Podcast: @emotionalsupportpod
• Emotional Support: Emotional Support with Alessandra Torresani
• NAMI: nami.org/Home
• NAM Family-to-Family Learning: 8-session educational program
• Tone It Up January Challenge: Box & Burn
• Read: The Big Silence: A Daughter's Memoir of Mental Illness and Healing 
• Follow Karena Dawn on Instagram: @karenadawn
• Follow The Big Silence on Instagram: @The.Big.Silence
• Subscribe: The Big Silence YouTube Channel
• Therapy For All: Resources for those in need

Donate to The Big Silence thebigsilence.com/donate to be a part of the movement to break the silence and make noise with us!

“The Big Silence” theme song written and performed by James Nicholas Kinney.

Executive Handyman, Bobby Goldstein.

The Big Silence is produced by Crate Media.

Dr. Elisa Hallerman is another gracious guest whose story mirrors some of my own. She’s the author of Soulbriety: A Plan to Heal Your Trauma, Overcome Addiction, and Reconnect with Your Soul (released just last month!) and the founder of her own mental health modality by the same name.

In this episode, we go deep on the complex interwoven concepts of sobriety and addiction recovery, discussing her own journey with addiction, beginning with drinking at seventeen and progressing to drugs, specifically cocaine.

Experiencing relational trauma as a child stemming from her mother's own addiction issues and her father's lack of presence – she then went to California, where she suffered the loss of a close friend to suicide, triggering the onset of anxiety, OCD, and panic attacks. 

Addiction is never as simple as saying “yes” or “no” – we talk about the underlying issues such as trauma, predisposition, and environment that impact addiction and a person’s ability to overcome.

Soulbriety is all about factoring in your soul when it comes to healing. Our very being, our essence, is so much more than skin deep; bringing our depth of personality and experience into these painful journeys is the only way we can ever get honest with their root causes and begin to heal them.

• Read: Soulbriety: A Plan to Heal Your Trauma, Overcome Addiction, and Reconnect with Your Soul
• Website: https://drhallerman.com
• Instagram: @drelisahallerman
• Read: The Big Silence: A Daughter's Memoir of Mental Illness and Healing 
• Follow Karena Dawn on Instagram: @karenadawn
• Follow The Big Silence on Instagram: @The.Big.Silence
• Subscribe: The Big Silence YouTube Channel
• Therapy For All: Resources for those in need

Donate to The Big Silence thebigsilence.com/donate to be a part of the movement to break the silence and make noise with us!

“The Big Silence” theme song written and performed by James Nicholas Kinney.

Executive Handyman, Bobby Goldstein.

The Big Silence is produced by Crate Media.

Today, we’re joined by Aija Mayrock, a bestselling author, poet, and performer who was bullied as a child and lives, now, to help alleviate that pain from future generations.

Her story starts with her most impressionable years spent suffering in silence, mocked for speech impediments, a lisp and a stutter, and experiencing cyberbullying and harassment seeded by a social post by someone she’d never even met. We learn that even her teachers sometimes took part in the abuse. The starting blocks of her pain-to-purpose journey illustrate the extreme toxicity of mob mentality alongside the dangers of social media exposure. 

Aija talks about how she was hesitant to stand up for herself, and that her mother encouraged her to be brave and share her story – leading to her first book, The Survival Guide to Bullying – to help other kids who were struggling as she had.

She encourages parents to recognize the signs of bullying in their kids, such as changes in eating habits, downward trending grades, withdrawn behavior, and altered body language. She suggests asking questions to help kids open up and start communicating more freely and openly.

But first, we open up this episode with a poem that Aija wrote and recites so eloquently. It's called, Who Do You Want to Be? And it is a powerful note to remember.

Learn more about childhood adversity and trauma, and find resources for those who have experienced Adverse Childhood Experiences, at NumberStory.org.

• Follow Aija Mayrock on Instagram: @aijamayrock
• Follow Aija Mayrock on TikTok: @aijamayrock
• Follow My Number Story on Instagram: @mynumberstory
• Website: aijamayrock.com
• Read: The Survival Guide To Bullying (Revised Edition): Written by a Teen
• Read: Dear Girl
• Read: The Big Silence: A Daughter's Memoir of Mental Illness and Healing 
• Follow Karena Dawn on Instagram: @karenadawn
• Follow The Big Silence on Instagram: @The.Big.Silence
• Subscribe: The Big Silence YouTube Channel

Donate to The Big Silence thebigsilence.com/donate to be a part of the movement to break the silence and make noise with us!

“The Big Silence” theme song written and performed by James Nicholas Kinney.

Executive Handyman, Bobby Goldstein.

The Big Silence is produced by Crate Media.

It’s time to get this ship in tip top shape, as we’re joined by international leader, speaker, and beloved super yacht Captain, Sandy Yawn. Building upon humble beginnings and overcoming addiction, Captain Sandy retells her story of self-leadership, draws the line between forgiveness and resentment, tells some incredible seas-going stories, and previews her new book – Be the Calm or Be the Storm: Leadership Lessons from a Woman at the Helm.

Listening to her, it’s clear she’s at the helm of her own life. And she’s committed to helping others make the same journey she did, through her own charities and by investing in young people she believes can make a positive difference in the maritime industry. 

Our conversation is an insightful look into a fan-favorite television character that so many have grown to respect and admire from a distance – and a refreshing truth to find that the real Captain Sandy is even more self-aware and thoughtful in real life. Here’s to wishing her luck on her continued voyage.

• Read: Be the Calm or Be the Storm: Leadership Lessons from a Woman at the Helm
• Website: captainsandyyawn.com
• BravoTV: bravotv.com/people/sandy-yawn
• Instagram: @captainsandrayawn
• Twitter: @captsandyyawn
• Read: The Big Silence: A Daughter's Memoir of Mental Illness and Healing 
• Follow Karena Dawn on Instagram: @karenadawn
• Follow The Big Silence on Instagram: @The.Big.Silence
• Subscribe: The Big Silence YouTube Channel

Donate to The Big Silence thebigsilence.com/donate to be a part of the movement to break the silence and make noise with us!

“The Big Silence” theme song written and performed by James Nicholas Kinney.

Executive Handyman, Bobby Goldstein.

The Big Silence is produced by Crate Media.

Bobby is back to help us kick off this energetic interview with keynote speaker, motivational coach, and professional storyteller, Kindra Hall. Known for her dynamic stage presence for all of the world’s top brands, she’s also the author of Stories That Stick and released Choose Your Story, Change Your Life just about a year before this episode is set to air.

Seeing herself an outcast as a child, she made her own way in the world – finding her place as a creative communicator and coach. Now a mommy of two, she aligns her learned lessons with powerful parenting tips on relatability and connectedness.

We also go deep on the power of mindset, confidence, and finding (and sharing!) your voice. As someone who had to summon a lot of courage to tell my own story, on stage and on paper, I can attest to Kindra’s lessons being legit.

She teaches us to embrace our unique gifts, the bumps in the road, the twists and turns that make you, you. It’s this kind of vulnerability that invites others in.

If you’re thinking… Don’t we all have a story? Yes, exactly! Kindra’s career has been dedicated to empowering people to share their truths, to spin negative self-talk, and to build trust with the people around them – whether they’re friends, family, potential customers, employees, their audience, or the rest of the world.

• Website: kindrahall.com
• Instagram: @kindrahall
• YouTube: @kindrahall
• Read: Kindra Hall on Amazon
• Read: The Big Silence: A Daughter's Memoir of Mental Illness and Healing 
• Follow Karena Dawn on Instagram: @karenadawn
• Follow The Big Silence on Instagram: @The.Big.Silence
• Subscribe: The Big Silence YouTube Channel

Donate to The Big Silence thebigsilence.com/donate to be a part of the movement to break the silence and make noise with us!

“The Big Silence” theme song written and performed by James Nicholas Kinney.

Executive Handyman, Bobby Goldstein.

The Big Silence is produced by Crate Media.

Amber Valdez is a spiritual awakening guide and bestselling author. She’s also one of my very best friends, someone I’ve connected with here in Austin over hikes and long conversations about our shared backgrounds and experiences.

She grew up in a mentally and physically abusive home with a single mother who was mentally ill. As a young girl, she was creative and entrepreneurial, selling cookies and lemonade, and hosting a TV show with her cousin – sound familiar? 

We talk about her struggles with disordered eating and body dysmorphia, particularly during her time as a cheerleader in the NFL, where she was heavily pressured to look a certain way. She speaks from the heart on the act of punishing herself by not eating, and the internal pain it caused. 

Connecting the dots between exercise addiction and self-worth issues; difficult transformation and ultimate fulfillment; and even recommending easy non-negotiable practices for your morning routine – this episode is like a late night chat with a girlfriend, inviting and accepting of what is and has been while building deeper meaning into the gaps between.

We even offer a challenge, of sorts, to go touch a tree today and look up at its branches – to take two minutes and soak in your own existence. (Tag me on Instagram to tell me how it felt!)

In the end, Amber encourages us to take control of our lives and find happiness, whatever our size or shape, and reminds us that we are all learning to love and accept our own shadows as part of our ongoing personal growth journeys.

• Website: ambervaldez.com
• Work with Amber: ambervaldez.com/work-with-me
• Follow Amber Valdez on Instagram: @iamambervaldez
• Read: The Big Silence: A Daughter's Memoir of Mental Illness and Healing 
• Follow Karena Dawn on Instagram: @karenadawn
• Follow The Big Silence on Instagram: @The.Big.Silence
• Subscribe: The Big Silence YouTube Channel

Donate to The Big Silence thebigsilence.com/donate to be a part of the movement to break the silence and make noise with us!

“The Big Silence” theme song written and performed by James Nicholas Kinney.

Executive Handyman, Bobby Goldstein.

The Big Silence is produced by Crate Media.

Our ever-elusive co-host joins the show again today, this time, in the captain’s chair as Bobby Goldstein interviews his wife, New York Times bestselling author, and founder of The Big Silence, Karena Dawn. After all, it’s been nearly forty episodes since we caught up with our fearless host.

We learn how Karena has processed her mother’s passing, just over a year after the loss, unpacking her evolving experience with grief and trauma. She’s an open book from the jump in this one, tears included, admitting that she doesn’t miss her mom in a traditional sense, and the stress her presence brought about, but does miss her as a soul. 

Her healing remains complicated – the work, ongoing.

Naturally woven throughout the conversation, exactly as intended, are the main tenets and mission of The Big Silence Foundation. Karena takes this opportunity to delve further into the inspiration behind the organization and how it, and writing her book, have been therapeutic practices for her own soul. 

Of course, her troubled past comes into focus once again. She adds new lenses to the experience – some learned through interviews on this podcast, and some picked up in her own mental health journey.

Don’t miss a fun AMA session to bring us home as Karena and Bobby hash out celebrity hall passes, what to do with a messy boyfriend, compromise in relationship, and favorite romantic memories.

• Read: The Big Silence: A Daughter's Memoir of Mental Illness and Healing 
• Follow Karena Dawn on Instagram: @karenadawn
• Follow The Big Silence on Instagram: @The.Big.Silence
• Subscribe: The Big Silence YouTube Channel

• Not Alone Challenge: Bid on experiences with me and singer/songwriter, Jewel, in support of The Big Silence and the Inspiring Children Foundation, from now until January.

Donate to The Big Silence thebigsilence.com/donate to be a part of the movement to break the silence and make noise with us!

“The Big Silence” theme song written and performed by James Nicholas Kinney.

Executive Handyman, Bobby Goldstein.

The Big Silence is produced by Crate Media.

Frolicking nude in nature, giggling, sweating, even crying – there are a few things we can do as humans that deeply connect us to our inner child magic. My guest today, Christine Olivia, grew up in a toxic and unsafe environment. Shaped by that experience, she has learned to treasure the frolicking, to savor the laughter, and to always embrace the playful side of things.

Daydreaming as a kid that she’d be picked up by another family and taken in, her idea of family was broken once more at 22, when her estranged father committed suicide. Spending the rest of that decade numbing and distracting herself, she found yoga.

The peace she found on her yoga mat led her to become a teacher herself, to Bali, and to cacao – a superfood plant that she feels a deep connection to through her Guatemalan ancestral roots. Now, she’s devoted her life to ceremonial cacao practices, facilitating its spiritual healing properties.

Her new book is called A Child of Magic, and it goes deep into the critically important child work that we talk about so often on the show. Christine brings a calmness and warmth to this conversation that, contrasted with the traumas of her early experiences, give us all hope for what’s on the other side of what we might be going through.

• Read: A Child of Magic by Christine Olivia
• At-Home Ceremony Guide & Cacao Recipes: iamchristineolivia.com/gifts
• Website: iamchristineolivia.com
• Read: The Big Silence: A Daughter's Memoir of Mental Illness and Healing 
• Follow Karena Dawn on Instagram: @karenadawn
• Follow The Big Silence on Instagram: @The.Big.Silence
• Subscribe: The Big Silence YouTube Channel

• Not Alone Challenge: Bid on experiences with me and singer/songwriter, Jewel, in support of The Big Silence and the Inspiring Children Foundation, from now until January.
• Spiritual Reset: Sign up for The Big Silence newsletter to learn how you can experience this intimate workshop on Karena’s property, January 6th, 2023. 

Donate to The Big Silence thebigsilence.com/donate to be a part of the movement to break the silence and make noise with us!

“The Big Silence” theme song written and performed by James Nicholas Kinney.

Executive Handyman, Bobby Goldstein.

The Big Silence is produced by Crate Media.

The truth is, life’s not black and white. Today, we’re embracing the greys. And this means so much more than your favorite muted fall fashion tones.

Mary Lawless Lee is a mother, writer, entrepreneur, and creator. She’s the author of Happily Grey, a book about in-between living – and she’s our guest on today’s episode of The Big Silence. We start by unpacking the inspiration and meaning behind her catchphrase, the moment she realized she was stuck, and how that realized truth led to a divorce, and evolution, at the age of twenty-six.

This one’s all about self-discovery, as Mary describes her path back to writing, how the practice serves as a meditation in her daily routine. In the spirit of writing, we also reframe some weighty language – as we agree that bringing adventure into your life doesn’t need to mean traveling the world, and that mom-guilt has no place in an honest reality. 

• Read/Book Tour: shophappilygrey.com/pages/mybook
• Nēmah Skincare: nemah.com
• Instagram: @marylawlesslee
• Website: happilygrey.com
• Read: The Big Silence: A Daughter's Memoir of Mental Illness and Healing 
• Follow Karena Dawn on Instagram: @karenadawn
• Follow The Big Silence on Instagram: @The.Big.Silence
• Subscribe: The Big Silence YouTube Channel

• Not Alone Challenge: Bid on experiences with me and singer/songwriter, Jewel, in support of The Big Silence and the Inspiring Children Foundation, from now until January.
• Spiritual Reset: Sign up for The Big Silence newsletter to learn how you can experience this intimate workshop on Karena’s property, January 6th, 2023. 

Donate to The Big Silence thebigsilence.com/donate to be a part of the movement to break the silence and make noise with us!

“The Big Silence” theme song written and performed by James Nicholas Kinney.

Executive Handyman, Bobby Goldstein.

The Big Silence is produced by Crate Media.