What happens when you grow up learning that someone else’s needs, emotions, or version of reality matter more than your own?

In this episode, I’m joined by Amy Marlow-MaCoy, MEd, LPC, to talk about narcissistic abuse and its relationship to complex trauma. We unpack narcissistic family systems, gaslighting and DARVO, the roles children can take on in these families, and why survivors may struggle with self-trust, perfectionism, overfunctioning, guilt, and boundaries long after childhood.

We also talk about what happens when you begin changing these patterns, the complexity of low and no contact, and what it can look like to rebuild a relationship with yourself after years of learning to question your own experience. 

About Amy

Amy Marlow-MaCoy, MEd, LPC, is an internationally known clinician and trainer specializing in gaslighting, narcissistic abuse, and complex developmental and relational trauma. She is the author of The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook and co-author of The Clinician’s Guide to Treating Adult Children of Narcissists. Amy is also the founder of The Courageous Heart Institute, a learning community for clinicians specializing in treating survivors of narcissistic abuse.

Amy has advanced training in Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, Brainspotting, and other trauma treatment approaches, and provides therapy, consultation, supervision, and continuing education for clinicians working with narcissistic abuse and complex relational trauma.

Follow Amy on Instagram and Facebook!

Check out her website here

Thanks for listening to The Complex Trauma Podcast!

Be sure to follow, share and give us a review on your favorite podcast platform.

Follow on Instagram: @sarahherstichlcsw 

Follow on TikTok: @sarahherstichlcsw

Learn more about EMDR & trauma therapy in Pennsylvania with Reclaim Therapy

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or nutritional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Remember, I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. Nothing in this podcast is meant to replace actual therapy or treatment. If you're in crisis or things feel really unsafe right now, please reach out to someone. You can call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, text them, or head to your nearest ER.

The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not represent the opinions of any organizations or institutions. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.

You’re functioning. You may even be the person everyone relies on. But inside, you feel stuck, distant, or like you aren’t fully there for your own life.

In this episode, I'm answering a listener’s question: Is functional freeze actually real, or is it something the internet picked up and oversimplified?

We explore what trauma clinicians mean by functional freeze, why it isn’t a formal diagnosis, and how mixed patterns of activation and shutdown can make you look capable while everything inside feels stalled. I also explain why functional freeze and dissociation aren’t interchangeable and why difficulty getting started can have many possible contributors, including complex trauma, chronic stress, depression, ADHD, exhaustion, and executive-function challenges.

You’ll also learn:

• Why you may mobilize instantly during a crisis but struggle to begin a simple task
• How childhood emotional neglect and complex trauma can give you more practice responding to others than initiating from within yourself
• Why urgency, pressure, and responsibility may organize you more easily than desire
• Why stopping doesn’t always make rest feel restorative
• How small choices, movement, pleasure, and everyday acts of agency can help build greater nervous-system flexibility

Functional freeze can be useful language for a real experience. But it was never meant to become the whole explanation for you.

Thanks for listening to The Complex Trauma Podcast!

Be sure to follow, share and give us a review on your favorite podcast platform.

Follow on Instagram: @sarahherstichlcsw 

Follow on TikTok: @sarahherstichlcsw

Learn more about EMDR & trauma therapy in Pennsylvania with Reclaim Therapy

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or nutritional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Remember, I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. Nothing in this podcast is meant to replace actual therapy or treatment. If you're in crisis or things feel really unsafe right now, please reach out to someone. You can call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, text them, or head to your nearest ER.

The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not represent the opinions of any organizations or institutions. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.

You finally understand something about yourself. Something that took months of therapy to even name. And now you need someone else to get it too.

This week we're talking about that longing, where it comes from, why it can feel so urgent with certain people, and what happens in your body when the conversation doesn't go the way you hoped. We'll cover emotional flashbacks, the fight flight freeze fawn response, and the difference between being understood and being agreed with. Plus, what's actually yours to hold onto when someone doesn't meet you where you're at.

This episode is for anyone who has ever tried to explain their trauma response to a friend, a partner, or a family member and walked away feeling more alone instead of less.

Thanks for listening to The Complex Trauma Podcast!

Be sure to follow, share and give us a review on your favorite podcast platform.

Follow on Instagram: @sarahherstichlcsw 

Follow on TikTok: @sarahherstichlcsw

Learn more about EMDR & trauma therapy in Pennsylvania with Reclaim Therapy

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or nutritional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Remember, I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. Nothing in this podcast is meant to replace actual therapy or treatment. If you're in crisis or things feel really unsafe right now, please reach out to someone. You can call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, text them, or head to your nearest ER.

The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not represent the opinions of any organizations or institutions. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.

Why can you handle a crisis without blinking but completely blank when someone asks what you want for dinner?

Brain fog, forgetfulness, trouble focusing, difficulty starting tasks, and executive dysfunction can all show up alongside complex trauma. But “trauma changed your brain” is a much more complicated story than the internet often makes it sound.

In this episode of The Complex Trauma Podcast, we’re breaking down what may actually be happening when your brain feels scattered, slow, forgetful, or wildly inconsistent.

Instead of another tour of the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, we’re looking at three things that can help make sense of cognitive struggles after trauma: priority, capacity, and access.

We’ll talk about how trauma can shape what gets your attention, how rumination, hypervigilance, perfectionism, and people-pleasing can take up cognitive bandwidth, and why memory, focus, and decision-making may change depending on stress, dissociation, and emotional context.

We’ll also unpack working memory, processing speed, executive functioning, the overlap between ADHD and trauma, and why being incredibly capable doesn’t mean your brain won’t struggle sometimes.

Because maybe the better question isn’t “What’s wrong with my brain?”

It’s “What is my brain trying to do right now?”

This episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth! I’m so excited to have them supporting The Complex Trauma Podcast. Head to Cozy Earth and use code RECLAIM for 20% off your order.

Thanks for listening to The Complex Trauma Podcast!

Be sure to follow, share and give us a review on your favorite podcast platform.

Follow on Instagram: @sarahherstichlcsw 

Follow on TikTok: @sarahherstichlcsw

Learn more about EMDR & trauma therapy in Pennsylvania with Reclaim Therapy

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or nutritional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Remember, I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. Nothing in this podcast is meant to replace actual therapy or treatment. If you're in crisis or things feel really unsafe right now, please reach out to someone. You can call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, text them, or head to your nearest ER.

The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not represent the opinions of any organizations or institutions. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.

Maybe you barely remember your childhood. Maybe you've done years of trauma work, you're finally feeling better, and now you're wondering, was it really that bad? Did I make it all up?

This episode is about trauma, memory, and self-trust. 

Why memory isn't a recording, why gaps and fragments don't prove or disprove anything, why healing itself can create distance from a memory, and why I don't remember doesn't have to become I can't trust myself.

You don't have to make yourself hurt again to prove that you once hurt 🧡.

Thanks for listening to The Complex Trauma Podcast!

Be sure to follow, share and give us a review on your favorite podcast platform.

Follow on Instagram: @sarahherstichlcsw 

Follow on TikTok: @sarahherstichlcsw

Learn more about EMDR & trauma therapy in Pennsylvania with Reclaim Therapy

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or nutritional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Remember, I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. Nothing in this podcast is meant to replace actual therapy or treatment. If you're in crisis or things feel really unsafe right now, please reach out to someone. You can call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, text them, or head to your nearest ER.

The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not represent the opinions of any organizations or institutions. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.

This week's episode is  a little different. Instead of something super polished, I'm giving you the real time version of my own messy middle. What dysregulation actually feels like in my body right now, why regulation isn't the absence of activation, and what's actually helping me stay steady in a hard season of my life, from a walk around the block to finally asking for help.

If you're a complex trauma survivor in your own hard season, this one's for you. It's okay to lower a standard, ask for the help, and let the tears come if they want to come.

Grab the free Dysregulation Toolkit, an interactive tool with real techniques for whatever you're feeling in the moment here

If you haven't listened to the episode about why nervous system regulation can feel impossible with CPTSD, tune in here. 

Thanks for listening to The Complex Trauma Podcast!

Be sure to follow, share and give us a review on your favorite podcast platform.

Follow on Instagram: @sarahherstichlcsw 

Follow on TikTok: @sarahherstichlcsw

Learn more about EMDR & trauma therapy in Pennsylvania with Reclaim Therapy

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or nutritional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Remember, I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. Nothing in this podcast is meant to replace actual therapy or treatment. If you're in crisis or things feel really unsafe right now, please reach out to someone. You can call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, text them, or head to your nearest ER.

The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not represent the opinions of any organizations or institutions. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.

Why does connection feel so hard after complex trauma?

You want closeness, but when someone gets too close, you pull away.

You want support, but "I'm fine" comes out before you've even thought about it.

You want to trust people, yet asking for help, receiving kindness, or staying present during conflict can feel surprisingly difficult.

If you've ever wondered why relationships feel so complicated after childhood trauma or emotional neglect, this episode is for you.

Today, we're exploring how your earliest relationships taught your nervous system what to expect from connection and why those expectations can continue shaping your adult relationships long after childhood is over.

Rather than focusing on attachment styles we'll look at the relational experiences that teach us whether it's safe to have needs, depend on others, receive care, repair after conflict, and be fully ourselves in relationship.

We'll also talk about:

•  Why receiving help can feel uncomfortable 
•  Hyper-independence and why depending on others feels so risky 
•  Why conflict can feel like the end of the relationship 
•  People-pleasing and the fear of authenticity 
•  The difference between managing relationships and actually experiencing them 
•  Why you can still love people who hurt you 
•  The difference between love and emotional capacity 
•  Grieving the relationship you needed but may never have 
•  How healing happens through new relational experiences 

If you've ever felt like your nervous system wants connection while another part of you is pulling away, I hope this episode helps you understand why.

Thanks for listening to The Complex Trauma Podcast!

Be sure to follow, share and give us a review on your favorite podcast platform.

Follow on Instagram: @sarahherstichlcsw 

Follow on TikTok: @sarahherstichlcsw

Learn more about EMDR & trauma therapy in Pennsylvania with Reclaim Therapy

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or nutritional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Remember, I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. Nothing in this podcast is meant to replace actual therapy or treatment. If you're in crisis or things feel really unsafe right now, please reach out to someone. You can call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, text them, or head to your nearest ER.

The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not represent the opinions of any organizations or institutions. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.

What is the real impact of growing up with emotionally immature parents? Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of the bestselling Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, joins the show to explain what it costs a child over decades, and how to parent differently.

In this conversation, we get into:

• What actually makes a parent emotionally immature
• Why the love can be real and the harm can be real at the same time
• What this can cost a child over years, including a shaken sense of trust in their own perception of reality
• What a healthy relationship with an emotionally immature parent can look like in adulthood
• The fear so many carry, that we'll become our parents, and why Lindsay says that fear itself might be a good sign
• The four essential jobs of parenting: protection, nurturance, guidance, and limits
• Her seven parental mindsets for maturity, and the chapter she calls The Absolutes

Dr. Gibson's new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child, is out now. Order a copy on Amazon or Barnes and Noble

Find her at lindsaycgibson.com and on Instagram @dr.lindsaygibson.

Thanks for listening to The Complex Trauma Podcast!

Be sure to follow, share and give us a review on your favorite podcast platform.

Follow on Instagram: @sarahherstichlcsw 

Follow on TikTok: @sarahherstichlcsw

Learn more about EMDR & trauma therapy in Pennsylvania with Reclaim Therapy

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or nutritional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Remember, I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. Nothing in this podcast is meant to replace actual therapy or treatment. If you're in crisis or things feel really unsafe right now, please reach out to someone. You can call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, text them, or head to your nearest ER.

The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not represent the opinions of any organizations or institutions. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.

If you've ever caught yourself wondering who you actually are underneath the anxiety, the people pleasing, or the version of you that shows up to keep everyone else comfortable, this episode is for you.

I break down what a sense of self actually is, why complex trauma gets in the way of building one, and what it looks like to start forming it now, as an adult. That means looking at three capacities trauma tends to disrupt: knowing yourself, expressing yourself, and experiencing yourself, and a few grounded, body-based ways to start reconnecting with each one.

In this episode:

• What a sense of self actually is, and why it's built through experience, not something you're born with fully formed
• Why survival responses like fight, flight, freeze, or fawning aren't fixed personality traits, they're predictions your nervous system learned to keep you safe
• The three capacities complex trauma most often disrupts: knowing yourself, expressing yourself, and experiencing yourself
• Why healing this is often less about finding yourself and more about forming yourself

Thanks for listening to The Complex Trauma Podcast!

Be sure to follow, share and give us a review on your favorite podcast platform.

Follow on Instagram: @sarahherstichlcsw 

Follow on TikTok: @sarahherstichlcsw

Learn more about EMDR & trauma therapy in Pennsylvania with Reclaim Therapy

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or nutritional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Remember, I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. Nothing in this podcast is meant to replace actual therapy or treatment. If you're in crisis or things feel really unsafe right now, please reach out to someone. You can call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, text them, or head to your nearest ER.

The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not represent the opinions of any organizations or institutions. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.

Sometimes a hobby amplifies whatever relationship your nervous system has with uncertainty.

If you've ever found yourself staring at a blank page, putting off a creative project, or feeling tense doing something that's supposed to be relaxing, this episode is for you.

Today we're exploring why perfectionism can turn creativity into a performance, how complex trauma changes our relationship with uncertainty, and why your hobbies may feel more like a test than a source of joy.

We'll talk about the connection between self-worth and perfectionism, predictive processing, why healing in relationships doesn't always translate to creative expression, and gentle somatic practices to help your nervous system reconnect with curiosity and play.

Whether your "painting" is art, writing, dancing, cooking, starting a business, or trying something new, this episode will help you understand why perfectionism runs much deeper than wanting to get it right.

It might just be your nervous system trying to make sure you still belong.

Thanks for listening to The Complex Trauma Podcast!

Be sure to follow, share and give us a review on your favorite podcast platform.

Follow on Instagram: @sarahherstichlcsw 

Follow on TikTok: @sarahherstichlcsw

Learn more about EMDR & trauma therapy in Pennsylvania with Reclaim Therapy

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or nutritional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Remember, I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. Nothing in this podcast is meant to replace actual therapy or treatment. If you're in crisis or things feel really unsafe right now, please reach out to someone. You can call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, text them, or head to your nearest ER.

The views expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not represent the opinions of any organizations or institutions. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.