The controlling Attachment Personality Pattern Most of the articles you read about a controlling person will actually be describing an abusive person. And that’s simply because all abusive people are controlling. But the fact is, all-controlling people aren’t abusive. So, if you are in an abusive relationship where you are being hurt in any way, please call the national abuse hotline. www.Thehotline.org Today, I’m not necessarily outlining abuse. I’m simply giving a perspective of a controlling person as it relates to attachment patterns. I created the patterns as a way to describe what happens when we grow up in dysfunctional, toxic abusive homes. When we’re born, we find a way to thrive, survive, connect, or cope in that family. I call these Attachment Personality Patterns or APPS. Today, we are taking a look at the Controller. Before I write about the 5 core traits of a controller, you must know that there are many more traits, especially if we are discussing an abusive person. For the sake of this discussion, I’m speaking of a person that does NOT cross the line of abuse, but whose behavior is still dysfunctional and codependent. The controlling pattern is a codependency pattern. And we can work to get healthy from codependency by understanding how to have healthy, mutually beneficial, and respectful relationships. Personality is not fixed. We can change. Personality disorders however are different. I am not diagnosing anyone nor am I dealing in Personality Disorders. I am coaching on patterns, not pathology. I am looking at these patterns through a compassionate lens and assuming the best about the controller. I’m going to assume they are not consciously or maliciously trying to hurt anyone. I’m choosing to believe this pattern is unconscious and that they desire to change when the pattern is made conscious. I’m attempting to foster understanding and empathy by explaining the traits of the pattern and likely their point of origin. That said; let’s look at the 5 core traits of the controller. Please like and subscribe. You can find me over at www.LoveCoachHeidi.Com to inquire about working together.