It’s common in our culture for people to sleep together almost as soon as they meet. And people act like that’s fun and easy, and only foolish people can’t handle it, or think it should be avoided, in favor of something better. So for people who grew up neglected and abused, there’s a contradiction – their attachment wound is crying for someone to love them and STAY and not leave, but the culture of casual sex tells them this is too much to expect. In this video, I share four of my most popular videos, where I respond to letters from people who were neglected in childhood. Learn the common signs that neglect is driving self-sabotaging relationship choices, and steps you can take to heal.

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Children are brilliant at rationalizing how a parent could simultaneously LOVE them, but also hurt, punish and abandon them. As children we had to make it all fit in our minds but if you’re STILL doing this as an adult – and a lot of us get stuck in that pattern – you may have gotten stuck in "cognitive dissonance. "That’s the psychology term for the mental disturbance and stress you feel when you vaguely realize that what you’re experiencing – and the story you TELL yourself about what you’re experiencing -- don’t line up at all. Like someone is treating you horribly and making your life miserable, and YOU keep finding ways to believe it’s the best relationship ever. But when you’re IN cognitive dissonance, it can be hard to think clearly, or take sane action to protect yourself. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who is describing a horrible relationship, and struggling to see that it's a horrible relationship.

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A huge problem for many of us with CPTSD (definitely for me) is that we end up with too many MEAN people in our lives. These can be friends, relatives, co-workers, relatives, neighbors, bosses and partners. They criticize you, they ridicule you, they ostracize you, underestimate you and they say terrible things about you that turn people against you. It may feel like you have no control over how you get treated. And while you might complain about their terrible treatment of you, you may need to do more to change your pattern. In this video, I talk about the reasons people who had abuse and neglect in childhood may be surrounded by mean people today -- and what you can do to heal.

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There’s this trauma-driven behavior where you go through life without ever quite investing in permanent or even long-term things -- relationships, jobs, groups you belong to and even your own home may all feel like a stepping stone, a rest stop – a temporary thing. And a lot of us who lived through abuse and neglect in childhood have been walking around like this, thinking it was a personal failure of some kind. My letter today is from a woman I’ll call Marti, and she's trying to break through this weird but common trauma symptom.

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Growing up in a chaotic and dysfunctional family can leave you with a wounded ability to connect. And while some traumatized people respond to things that trigger connection wounds by clinging to relationships, you might respond by running away. This is AVOIDANCE. And If you've ever fled from a partner, or a friend or family member who cared about you, you know how painful this is -- how intense the need is in the moment, and how terrible it feels later. In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos on avoidance, and the signs that it may be blocking your ability to have relationships.

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It’s a no brainer to stay away from people who have betrayed you and drained you of the love you used to feel. But sometimes, there are reasons why you might think twice about returning to someone who’s decidedly NOT the love of your life. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who thinks it may be time to settle down with an ex who mistreated her.

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You might THINK you are ready for real love but if you’re pouring ALL your emotional and romantic energy into someone who is stringing you along, not available, and has been clear they DON’T want a relationship, it’s time to wake up. My letter today is from a woman who is aputting a giant wall between herself and the possibility of love.

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“Productivity Crash” is a term I made up for a phenomenon I see over and over again, where those of us who lived through trauma as children demonstrate a capacity for huge accomplishments -- but then they're followed by collapses in our ability to focus, be on time, or get anything done. It feels like someone took our batteries out! What is that? I’m bringing back here one of my most popular videos about why our productivity goes up, and then goes DOWN - and what you can do to get off the roller coaster, and function well every day.

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If you grew up with trauma, there's a high probability that you've become emotionally attached to people who bring trouble into your life. Either they are unavailable, not into you, inappropriate, or abusive. But the trouble with childhood PTSD is that it can leave you with a broken "red flag detector." Nervous system changes caused by early abuse and neglect can leave you with difficulty reading the intentions of people you meet, or whether they are safe. In this 4-video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos about the relationship between past trauma and the difficulty many of us experience seeing red flags before we get attached to others -- and what you can do to heal.

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Living with your own self-defeating behaviors goes on so long sometimes, that when you even THINK of changing your life, you feel panicked. Many of us see what we need to change before we feel ready to take action. But be careful you don't stay frozen and stuck, waiting until you feel "ready." Soon your future starts to pull on you, drawing you forward, showing you what you must face, whether you feel ready to see it or not. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who grew up with trauma, and now, filled with a mix of hope and anger, is preparing to transform her life.

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