A high-demand system is any structure that requires a significant amount of your time, energy, and identity in exchange for belonging. We often think about high-demand religions, workplaces, families, or cultures, but there is one system that is hard to recognize because it’s so ingrained in society that it just feels like the way things are supposed to be: the good girl rules. The unspoken expectations women absorb throughout their lives function like any other high-demand system. They reward compliance, create fear around stepping outside the rules, and keep us so focused on being good enough that we never get the chance to fully discover who we are. But understanding the systems we live in is the first step toward finding our way back to ourselves. Here’s what I cover:

• The characteristics that most high-demand systems have in common
• How high-demand systems reward compliance and discourage deviation from the rules
• Examples of high-demand systems and the ways they shape identity and belonging
• Three of the biggest things women lose when living by the good girl rules
• Questions to help you examine the systems you live in and what they may cost you

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Most women learn to experience their bodies through other people’s eyes before they ever learn how to truly live inside them. I’ve had a few conversations recently that brought up things I wish I had known about bodies when I was younger, and things I wish I had talked about with my own daughter. In this episode, I’m unpacking everything from the unspoken rules women absorb from a young age to the patriarchal systems that keep those rules in place. There is such a rich conversation here for mothers to have with their daughters, but also for us to have with the younger versions of ourselves who grew up inside these same systems of sexual objectification, shame, and discomfort in our bodies. Here’s what I cover:

• 5 examples of good girl rules that shape the way women think about and experience their bodies
• The book More Than a Body and the “instrument versus ornament” reframe that changed how I think about self-objectification
• How girls develop shame around their bodies when they don’t have anyone to talk to about what they are experiencing
• The hidden trade women are offered between male attention and connection to themselves
• What it can sound like to have important conversations with girls about their bodies

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There is a version of people-pleasing that hides behind competence, ambition, professionalism, and being the person everyone can count on. In this episode, I’m unpacking the patterns that show up in high achievers and what happens when competence becomes part of your identity. If the traits that brought you success are slowly starting to feel exhausting, it doesn’t mean you need to stop striving completely. It means there is a different way to experience achievement, one where you can be highly capable while also being supported, loved, helped, and truly known in reciprocal relationships. Here’s what I cover:

• Why people pleasing in high achievers is often brushed off as “just being professional”
• The childhood experiences that teach women that being useful is what makes them lovable
• How competence can become a cage that leaves high-achieving women feeling lonely and resentful
• The invisible contract women believe in when they keep overfunctioning and overdelivering
• The sneaky ways people pleasing shows up through perfectionism and emotional responsibility
• How to start supporting the younger part of you that learned that needing things was unsafe

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Patriarchy asks mothers to hold themselves to impossible standards and then blames them when they struggle. In this episode, I’m revisiting the patriarchal double-bind through the lens of motherhood and unpacking the expectations women are expected to follow all at once. We’ve become accustomed to policing others and ourselves based on the rules we’ve been taught a “good mother” should follow, while the realities of exhaustion, isolation, grief, resentment, and needing help are treated as personal failures. But motherhood is beautiful and hard, and acknowledging that both things can exist simultaneously is what begins to set women free. Here’s what I cover:

• Why motherhood is such a clear example of the patriarchal double-bind
• How social media often pressures women to hide the difficult parts of motherhood
• Why women are taught that needing help means failure and how that isolates mothers
• The realities of parental leave and childcare that reveal how unsupported mothers actually are
• How fear keeps women silent about motherhood and why telling the truth feels so risky

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There are almost always two things happening when hard conversations feel impossible, and understanding the difference can change everything. In this episode, I’m introducing what I call the two communication buckets—clarity and vulnerability—and why they so often lead women into silence, self-protection, and disconnected relationships. You’ll hear why confusion between the two buckets is one of the biggest reasons hard conversations stay stuck, and how the relationships that feel most alive and nourishing are built on both the willingness to say the true thing and the willingness to let yourself truly be seen. Here’s what I cover:

• A story about an emotional moment with my husband when I finally admitted something I had been terrified to say out loud
• How years of communication struggles and independence caused me to armor up in my relationship
• What the clarity spectrum looks like from softening and hedging to direct and honest communication
• What vulnerability really is and how the “glass wall” keeps people from truly knowing you
• Questions to ask yourself and tiny first steps that help you move toward the conversations you want to have

Find Sara here:

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There’s one sentence I hear more than any other from the women I work with when we’re talking about hard conversations. It usually sounds like, I know I need to say something… but what if they get upset, what if they don’t like it, what if they push back? Underneath all of it is the same fear: what if I jeopardize the relationship? In this episode, we’re looking at where that fear comes from and how it’s really impacting your relationships, because resentment, anxiety, and disconnection don’t go away when you stay quiet; they just build over time. Here’s what I cover:

• Why the relationship is already being affected when you don’t say what’s true
• The different ways fear can show up when you have something difficult to say
• Why staying quiet creates an edited version of you in relationships instead of real connection
• How loneliness builds when you’re in relationships where you aren’t fully seen or known
• A practical way to begin speaking up in your relationships, including a phrase to open the conversation

Find Sara here:

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The reason you feel stuck is not because you’re weak or broken, even though your brain may be telling you that. You’re stuck because you’ve gotten so good at being fine for so long that you and everyone around you don’t know anything different. Even when you can understand that, there’s often another layer underneath it: this pattern is so ingrained that you don’t even know what you want anymore. In this episode, I’m breaking down why your “no” has become so loud, and how you can start to find your way back to your “yes” and the life you actually want. Here’s what I cover:

• Why your brain is already listing reasons something won’t work before your “yes” can fully form
• How years of deferring to everyone else can disconnect you from yourself and what you want
• How a part of you has learned to shut down your “yes” to protect you from disappointment
• Why you can’t logic your way past these patterns and what it looks like to build a relationship with them instead
• How learning to hear your “yes” again is a skill you can build by starting small and practicing over time

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If you’ve been curious about what it looks like to say what you need to say in practice, today you’ll hear from someone who found her outside voice and is using it to create the life she wants. Jessica Carlson has spent years serving others—as a pastor’s wife, a mom, a teacher, and now supporting college students in getting the resources they need. Jessica and I first connected over our shared background in high-demand religion, and since we began working together, I’ve watched her life transform. She learned to speak up messily and imperfectly, and to support herself through hard conversations that once felt impossible. Jessica’s journey is a powerful example of how everything can shift when women use their voices, not just for themselves, but for the kind of change they want to see in the world. Here’s what we cover:

• What Jessica’s life looked like when she first joined the Stop People Pleasing group
• The power that comes from realizing you get to choose the kind of discomfort you feel in relationships
• Why the goal isn’t always to say no, but to understand you have that option when you need it
• How a simple step-by-step process helps you find the right words and practice speaking up
• Jessica’s journey of running for public office and the changes she has made by working on this skill

Jessica Carlson is a university career coach and former high school teacher. She lives in the midwest with her husband of 23 years and 2 children, both in college. She has a bachelor’s in English and secondary education and a master’s in education. She was raised in a fundamentalist high-demand religious context and then married a Christian pastor through which church experiences compounded the people pleasing she learned at an early age.  At her core, she serves people but that service as a wife, mom, teacher, and community member caused her to lose herself. Jessica is a reflective thinker and someone who cares deeply about connection and meaning but has only recently realized that her voice matters and that it is powerful and she can impact systems. She is especially drawn to conversations about how we unlearn the pressure to be everything for everyone, and what it looks like to choose ourselves, sometimes for the first time.

Find Jessica here:

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Save your spot for my upcoming workshop HERE!

How to Find Your Outside Voice is a miniseries leading up to my free workshop, Say What You Need to Say. This series is driven by my deep belief that when women learn how to speak up in ways that feel safe and doable, it can change everything. In this episode, we’re talking about the life of freedom, confidence, and empowerment that is waiting for you on the other side of developing this skill.

Register for Say What You Need to Say, a free one-hour workshop for women who are ready to finally ask for what they want and need in their relationships.

• You have three options to join me LIVE: Thursday, April 9th at 5:00pm PT | Monday, April 13th at 12pm PT | Friday, April 17th at 9am PT 
• You’ll get three steps you can use this week to find your yes or no — and say it out loud.
• This workshop is free. No catch.

Find Sara here:

sarafisk.coach

pages.sarafisk.coach/difficultconversations

instagram.com/sarafiskcoach

facebook.com/SaraFiskCoaching

tiktok.com/@sarafiskcoach

youtube.com/@sarafiskcoaching1333

Save your spot for my upcoming workshop HERE!

How to Find Your Outside Voice is a miniseries leading up to my free workshop, Say What You Need to Say. This series is driven by my deep belief that when women learn how to speak up in ways that feel safe and doable, it can change everything. In this episode, we’re unpacking the two biggest things that will try and stop you from saying what you need to say.

Register for Say What You Need to Say, a free one-hour workshop for women who are ready to finally ask for what they want and need in their relationships.

• You have three options to join me LIVE: Thursday, April 9th at 5:00pm PT | Monday, April 13th at 12pm PT | Friday, April 17th at 9am PT 
• You’ll get three steps you can use this week to find your yes or no — and say it out loud.
• This workshop is free. No catch.

Find Sara here:

sarafisk.coach

pages.sarafisk.coach/difficultconversations

instagram.com/sarafiskcoach

facebook.com/SaraFiskCoaching

tiktok.com/@sarafiskcoach

youtube.com/@sarafiskcoaching1333