For those of you who are skeptical about whether therapy is effective, I get it. Who’s to know whether what goes on behind closed doors does any good? And isn’t it in the interest of the therapist to excavate all sorts of problems to keep those checks coming? Therapists actually share those sorts of suspicions. We want to know about the truth and about motivation. In this episode I explore some of the reservations people have about therapy, and how we can actually work with those concerns for your benefit.  

There’s an increasing amount of research which suggests that spending at least two hours each week engaging with nature improves our well-being. And because of the epidemic of Nature Deficit Disorder (yes, it’s a real thing), an increasing number of healthcare professionals are even prescribing time in nature. This research implies that it’s beneficial for everyone, but there's good reason to believe that it can be particularly beneficial for people who are driven, Type A, and obsessive-compulsive, because they’re faced with certain mental and physical challenges that being in nature can help with. Spending time in nature can help to balance a personality that is weighted far too heavily on the side of control, planning, perfecting, achieving and fixing.

Life is not easy, and we actually make it harder if we imagine we can sashay through it effortlessly. But we can also make life more difficult than it needs to be by imagining that the path forward is steeper than it really is. In this post I explore the effect of "Mountain Mirage," its causes and its cures. 

To have a good relationship we need to learn to speak the love languages that our partner can understand and feel. This can be particularly uncomfortable for people who are obsessive-compulsive, because they are most familiar with one particular language. But learning a new language is always good, and the energy and determination that come with being obsessive-compulsive can help you to learn it.

Whatever the motivation for withholding forgiveness, it often hurts the holder more than it hurts the offender. And as I’ll show in this episode, not forgiving may be part of a larger mindset which blocks not just connection with that one person, but also a more fulfilling life.

Living like no-one is watching is a rewarding but somewhat risky approach to life. While not caring what others think can allow us to be authentic, it may also put us in harms way, or lead us to hurt others. This episode explores how to be real in a realistic way. 

Some of us live by our lists. We do whatever they tell us to do. Others dig their heels in and rebel against whatever chores have been assigned there. But who makes the list? Whoever does determines the power of lists to make our lives miserable or fulfilling.

How do you help a partner, relative or friend who feels suicidal? The situation is disturbing for anyone, and can be even more difficult for people who take too much responsibility and need to have things fixed and resolved. There are limits to what is within our control. And many of us feel too much responsibility in a situation like this. We like to think that there must be a solution to any and all problems—if we could just figure it out and work hard enough to execute that solution. But that’s very idealistic, if not naïve. But your connection and listening can make more difference than you might think. Ideally, hearing themselves as they talk to you, and hearing you mirror their feelings empathically and simply, will help them realize that what needs to die is not they themselves, but their inner Dictator, Tyrant, or Judge, along with their unrealistic standards, black and white thinking, and self-attack. 

It might feel right at times to be all fired up and plowing through a messy house as if it were about to be condemned as inhabitable by the town, fixing errors in a discombobulated spreadsheet like your life depended on it, or planning every detail of your daughter’s 10th birthday party so that she’s guaranteed a spot on the social registry. But if you can’t turn that fire down, you’re going to burn up and burn out. I mean this physically and medically. Engaging in urgency on a regular basis will take it’s toll on your physical health. Join me in this episode as we look at the effects of obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior on your physical well-being, and what you can do about it. 

It’s human nature to have standards and to compare, but this tendency can go rogue and unleash harsh judgments on others—with results completely contrary to the original intentions. I have found it helpful to explore what triggers our judgment and to see what impact it has on the other person and ourselves as well. If we can learn to identify our motivations, acknowledge our shadow, try to understand what others go through and look at the impact judging has, we will be better equipped when we are tempted to judge others.