The Human Intimacy Podcast

Bridging the Divide:

How Seeing Each Other Can Heal Relationships

n this episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis dive into the timely topic of conflict, both on the political stage and in personal relationships. As election season stirs emotions and divides deepen, they explore how viewing others with empathy, even in times of disagreement, can open doors to meaningful connection. Reflecting on the human tendency to see others as "they" rather than recognizing them as individuals with unique stories and struggles, Dr. Skinner shares insights on the importance of civil discourse and the healing power of truly seeing each other. With examples from their lives and professional experiences, they discuss tools for navigating conflict in a way that fosters understanding, compassion, and ultimately intimacy. This episode encourages listeners to embrace the multifaceted nature of people around them, whether at home, in politics, or in society at large.

Unlearning: Breaking Patterns

That Prevent Us from Connection and Intimacy

Outline and Resources:

1. Understanding Patterns and the Need for Change

2. Steps for Effective Change: Identify, Act, Evaluate  

3. Tools for Change and Resilience Building  

4. Conflict Patterns in Relationships  

5. Creating a Supportive Community and Accountability  

6. Introducing the "Change 2.0" Course

Breaking the Silence: Addressing Abuse as a Barrier to Human Intimacy

In this powerful episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis tackle one of the most difficult topics in relationships—abuse in its various forms. They explore how abuse, whether emotional, verbal, physical, psychological, or financial, acts as a significant barrier to human intimacy. The conversation delves into why people may minimize or avoid labeling abusive behaviors and emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns for relationship healing. Both hosts offer practical insights, real-life examples, and resources for individuals who may be experiencing abuse or engaging in harmful behaviors. The episode also touches on the psychological impact of abuse, such as gaslighting, and the challenges of breaking free from abusive cycles.

Key Points:

1. Understanding Abuse in Relationships:

2. The Cycle of Abuse:

   - Dr. Skinner describes the cycle of abuse, where abusers often promise change after an incident, leading to a temporary honeymoon period before the cycle repeats.

3. The Role of Gaslighting:

   - Psychological abuse, particularly gaslighting, is highlighted as one of the most insidious forms of manipulation.

4. Red Flags in Relationships:

   - Common signs of abuse include control, manipulation, isolation, and secrecy. 

5. Hope and Healing:

Resources Discussed:

1. National Domestic Violence Hotline:  

2. Books:

3. Therapeutic Approaches:

When We Freeze: Understanding and Healing from Traumatic Shutdowns

In this episode, MaryAnn Michaelis and Dr. Kevin Skinner discuss the profound impact of freezing as a response to trauma. They explore how life events, particularly those involving emotional or physical trauma, can leave individuals stuck, carrying the weight of unresolved experiences for decades. This discussion highlights how freezing, more than fight or flight, can be especially traumatizing, as it leaves the individual feeling helpless or numb. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn delve into the psychological and somatic aspects of freezing, emphasizing the importance of creating a safe environment for healing and the steps necessary to get unstuck.

Key Concepts Discussed:

Resources Discussed:

1. Books:  

2. Therapeutic Techniques:  

3. Tools for Self-Regulation:  

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own experiences with freezing, consider professional support, and take small steps toward action and healing.

Breaking Through Barriers:

How to Create Lasting Change in Life and

In this solo episode of The Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner shares insights into the change process, drawn from his experiences as a therapist. He addresses common questions such as, "Why can't I change?" and "Why is this so hard?" and explores why we often feel stuck in life and relationships. Dr. Skinner outlines the four core elements we can change—thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and beliefs—offering practical strategies for creating lasting change. He shares a personal story about overcoming health challenges, emphasizing the importance of preparation, unlearning negative patterns, and adopting new habits. Through concepts like habit stacking and accountability, he provides actionable steps for listeners to create breakthroughs in their personal and relational lives. Dr. Skinner also introduces his Change 2.0 course, encouraging listeners to join him in a transformative journey to start the new year with purpose and clear goals.

Resources Discussed in This Episode:

1. Change 2.0 Course: Dr. Skinner’s online course designed for individuals, couples, and families looking to create sustainable, positive changes in their lives. The course includes goal setting, habit formation, and accountability to foster lasting growth.  

2. Habit Stacking: A strategy where you build new habits by attaching them to existing positive habits. For example, listening to audiobooks while walking, or flossing right after brushing your teeth.

3. Accountability: Emphasizing the importance of sharing your goals with others—such as family members or in group settings like 12-step programs—to increase your likelihood of success.

4. Journaling and SMART Goals: Tools to increase awareness of your progress and create clear, actionable plans. SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) help you stay focused and on track.

5. Recommended Green Smoothie Recipe:  

6. Wendy's Apple Pecan Salad: One of Dr. Skinner’s go-to meals for maintaining a healthy diet while creating change in his life.

Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own change journey, considering what they need to unlearn, how to implement new behaviors, and the importance of changing core beliefs to sustain long-term progress.

Navigating the Early Stages of Sexual Betrayal Trauma: Understanding, Healing, and Support

Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn emphasize the importance of recognizing and addressing betrayal trauma, providing validation for those suffering from overwhelming emotions such as confusion, anxiety, and shame. They share insights from personal experiences, research, and clinical practices, highlighting the significance of qualified therapeutic support and proper disclosure processes.

Key strategies for coping include gathering information, orienting oneself to the new reality, setting boundaries, and seeking trauma-informed therapy and support groups. Dr. Skinner also introduces the 100 Days to Healing course, designed to provide education, validation, and practical steps toward recovery from betrayal trauma.

Resources Mentioned:

1. Books:

• Opening Up by Dr. James Pennebaker (on the effects of keeping trauma and stories hidden)

• What Can I Do About Me? by Rhyll Croshaw (on navigating the shame and isolation caused by sexual addiction and betrayal)

• The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes (on understanding and healing from betrayal trauma)

• Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal by Dr. Kevin Skinner (on healing from the trauma caused by sexual betrayal)

2. Therapeutic Tools:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

3. Courses and Support:

• 100 Days to Healing Course (available at humanintimacy.com): A video-based course offering education and strategies to cope with betrayal trauma.

4. Podcast Contact:  

• Email: [email protected] (for listener advice and sharing experiences).

In this episode of The Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and his colleague MaryAnn Michaelis explore the concept of confession as a means of healing relationships and releasing personal burdens. They discuss how fear, shame, and secrecy can create emotional and physiological stress, often leading to isolation. By sharing deeply held secrets and engaging in radical honesty, individuals can experience relief, connection, and personal growth.

The conversation emphasizes the importance of being vulnerable and honest in relationships while acknowledging the complexities and need for thoughtful preparation, particularly in situations of betrayal. They highlight the benefits of confession for emotional healing, how it can improve physiological well-being, and its potential to strengthen relationships. Both hosts stress the importance of creating a safe, empathetic space for such disclosures, cautioning against impulsive revelations that could cause further harm.

The episode concludes with practical advice for listeners on how to approach confession, emphasizing that true healing comes when individuals are willing to be fully seen and supported.

Resources Discussed

Here is a list of resources discussed in the podcast:

1. Dr. James Pennebaker's Book – Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions

2. Brené Brown’s Work on Shame and Vulnerability

3. Anna Lembke’s Book – Dopamine Nation

4. Gavin de Becker’s Book – The Gift of Fear

5. HumanIntimacy.com

These resources offer further reading on vulnerability, shame, honesty, and their impact on healing and relationships.

The Power of Being Seen:

Cultivating Connection and Attunement in Relationships

In this episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the importance of being "seen" and "felt" in relationships. They discuss how modern life often hinders deep connection and emphasize the need for self-awareness and attunement to others' emotions. Using stories and insights from experts like Dan Siegel, they highlight how to genuinely connect through eye contact, active listening, and emotional presence. The episode concludes with an assignment for listeners to practice tuning into others, fostering deeper relationships in the process.

Key Concepts Discussed:

- Discusses the impact of modern technology on human connection and the desire to be "seen."

-

The Secrets of Successful Couples: Bid Attempts, Communication, and Emotional Connection

In this episode of the “Human Intimacy Podcast”, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores the secrets of successful couples, sharing key insights from relationship researchers like Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Sue Johnson. Dr. Skinner delves into the importance of recognizing and responding to "bid attempts"—those small gestures couples make to seek connection—and highlights how couples can either turn toward, away from, or against their partner's bids, affecting the relationship's overall health.

He continues by explaining that successful couples practice effective communication, managing conflict respectfully, offering emotional support, and incorporating healthy physical touch. These couples are also emotionally attuned to each other’s needs, express appreciation and gratitude, and prioritize connection through small, everyday actions.

Dr. Skinner encourages listeners to reflect on their own relationships, scoring themselves on their ability to turn toward bid attempts, communicate effectively, offer emotional support, and express gratitude. The episode emphasizes that these core principles, when practiced consistently, can significantly improve relationship satisfaction and help couples overcome challenges together.

Resources Mentioned:

https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/test-your-relationship-extra

A special thanks to McKay Hatch for allowing us to share his musical talent.

Facing the Fear of Intimacy:

Understanding and Overcoming the Barriers to Connection

In this heartfelt episode of The Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and co-host Amy Andrus dive into the common emotions surrounding the fear of intimacy. They explore how past experiences, childhood memories, and critical self-talk can create blind spots that hinder our ability to connect deeply with others.

Throughout the discussion, they provide insights into identifying and addressing these fears, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion and vulnerability. Whether you're navigating trust issues in a current relationship or seeking to understand your own reluctance to connect, this episode offers practical advice and emotional support to help you take the first steps toward meaningful human intimacy.

Assignment: After listening to this episode, take some time to reflect on your own experiences with fear of intimacy. Grab a piece of paper and write down the earliest memories you have related to feeling disconnected or fearful in relationships. What thoughts or emotions come up for you when you think about these moments? Consider when you first started feeling this way and how these fears may be impacting your current relationships. This self-reflection exercise can be a powerful first step toward understanding and overcoming the barriers to deeper connections in your life.