Feeling anything after infidelity can feel impossible.

As the unfaithful, you may believe you don't deserve feelings—or that if you let yourself feel, you'll drown in shame, grief, fear and more compounding failure.

As the betrayed, your world has exploded into rage, panic, hypervigilance, and a kind of pain that feels like it will never stop. In today's episode, I'll do my best to slow all of that down and make room for both stories—without excusing harm and without minimizing anyone's trauma.

I'll begin by naming a hard truth many unfaithful partners never say out loud: most of them have no idea what to do with their emotions after disclosure. They often believe they've lost the right to feel sad, scared, or confused because "I caused this." So they shut down. Go numb, intellectualize, perform apologies, or rush into doing tasks and checklists—anything but actually feel the weight of what they've done and what's been lost.

I'll also unpack how this shutdown is rarely new; it's usually a survival strategy learned in childhood in homes where big feelings weren't safe, welcomed, or understood.

At the same time, the betrayed partner is often living in a body that feels hijacked by massive, relentless emotion. I'll discuss the difference between ordinary hurt and the PTSD/CPTSD many betrayed partners face: flashbacks, intrusive images, startle responses, spiraling thoughts, and a nervous system that never truly rests. Their feelings are valid and necessary—but without boundaries, that raw rage and pain can become a second layer of trauma in the relationship. I'll also walk you through why honoring the betrayed partner's experience is essential and why creating limits around verbal explosions, threats, or self‑destruction is part of genuine care, not selfishness.

A key theme of the episode is this: your spouse, no matter how remorseful or supportive, cannot do enough work to heal you. Their repair efforts are important—they matter deeply—but they will never substitute for your own internal work.

I'll help both parties: to the betrayed who long for true transformation, transparency and changed behavior to finally feel okay again; and to the unfaithful who secretly hope that if they just do "all the right things," they can avoid facing their own story, their own childhood wounds, and their own capacity for harm.

I'll also unpack a powerful and necessary reframe: no one is coming to save you except the healed version of you. That doesn't mean white‑knuckling alone or rejecting help; it means recognizing that no coach, therapist, pastor, podcast, or partner can feel your feelings for you.

Healing requires massive personal courage: learning to sit with grief instead of outrunning it, to name shame instead of hiding behind defensiveness, and to allow anger and fear to move through the body instead of freezing into numbness or exploding onto everyone around you.

"Healing is feeling" isn't just a catchy phrase—it's an invitation: to stop outsourcing your healing, to stop waiting for someone else to fix what's broken, and to start becoming the version of you who can hold the full truth of what happened and move toward a different future. There is hope.

To Healing,

Sam

If there's one question almost everyone asks after infidelity or betrayal it's this: "Can I or we ever really heal from this devastation?"

In todays episode, I share the one real guarantee that exists in recovery—not a gimmick or quick fix, but a way of showing up to your own healing that works whether you were betrayed or you were the one who did the betraying.

This is the same approach that helped me rebuild my own life after my own worst failures and has supported countless clients walking through the wreckage of affairs and deception.

You can't control what your partner chooses to do next—but you do have a say in how you respond to the devastation, even if it's devastation you helped create. In today's honest and direct conversation, I gently walk you through a practical, hope‑filled path you can start following today, no matter where your relationship stands.

To Healing,

Sam [email protected] @samuel_healing

To Book a Session with me please click here: https://linktr.ee/affair.recovery?utm_source=linktree_profile_share

Today you'll meet Judith Nisenson, a certified coach and expert in dealing with unfaithful women. She's also Adam Nisenson's wife whom many of you will also know as The Betrayal Shrink who has appeared on the podcast multiple times.

Judith Nisenson is the founder of Women'sWRK, a Certified Life Coach (ICF-ACC) and Betrayal Trauma Coach (APSATS-CPC) specializing in helping women who have betrayed their partners. Her work focuses on guiding women to face the truth of their actions, dismantle denial and rationalizations, and step into authentic accountability and transformation.

Judith's compassionate but direct approach is reshaping the conversation around infidelity. By supporting women betrayers through the difficult process of accountability and repair, she is helping to bring balance, truth, and healing to a space that has long been overlooked.

Women betrayers remain one of the most underserved populations in betrayal recovery. Cultural narratives often frame infidelity as something men do, leaving women who cheat without support, resources, or a clear path to healing. Judith's work is groundbreaking in that it creates space for women to take ownership of the harm they've caused while also understanding the deeper wounds, unmet needs, and impaired thinking that contributed to their choices.

To Healing,

Sam

How can someone betrayed by infidelity and/or addiction ever begin to make sense of the experience?

When your world is turned upside down by something as devastating and disorienting as betrayal, it's natural to wonder: How do I even process this loss? Where do I turn for answers? How do I make sense of something so nonsensical?

In this episode, Dr. Jake Porter—renowned counselor, trauma specialist, educator, and creator of the Couple–Centered Recovery® model—offers practical wisdom and clear, trauma-informed guidance for those seeking to understand both the betrayed and the unfaithful. Dr. Porter explores the mindset and decision-making behind infidelity and addiction, breaking down the mechanics of grief and the emotional aftermath for everyone involved.

What you'll gain from this conversation:

*Expert insight into the psychology of the unfaithful partner

*Clear, actionable insight for betrayed spouses navigating the shock and turmoil

*A deeper understanding of grief, trauma, and the path forward after relational betrayal

Dr. Porter's compassionate approach, clinical expertise, and innovative model have helped countless couples heal and rebuild after infidelity. If you're searching for clarity, validation, and hope, this episode will guide you through understanding the seemingly inexplicable—and illuminate your journey toward healing.

It's not as impossible as it may seem.....

To Healing,

Sam [email protected]

How does the betrayed understand the heinous choices of the unfaithful?

"If my unfaithful truly cared about me, how could they make the choices they have made to be unfaithful and go outside the marriage?"

How does the betrayed work through the understanding of why the unfaithful had such a flurry of activity for their affair partners, but NOT for the betrayed spouse themselves? How could they and how DID they work so hard for the affair partners but yet so little on the marriage and for their spouses?

Sharon Rinearson—an expert therapist with 30+ years of experience treating infidelity and addiction, co-founder of Hope for Us, host of "Ask the Betrayed," and wife of one of my closest friends and colleagues James Annear—offers pointed insight and true hope for these painful questions.

Sharon shares both her clinical wisdom and real-world perspective on how the actions of the unfaithful impact betrayed spouses, helping both betrayed and unfaithful understand the underlying patterns and behaviors that drive infidelity.

What you'll find in today's honest conversation:

*Thoughtful guidance for making sense of your partner's choices

*Honest discussion on the emotional impacts of betrayal

*Practical and tangible insight on rebuilding self-respect, boundaries, and healing after infidelity

You'll love Sharon's compassion for both betrayed and unfaithful spouses—and her straightforward, no-nonsense approach to facing the realities of life after infidelity.

To healing, Sam 📧 [email protected] Instagram: @samuel_healing

If you're a betrayed partner, you know: infidelity can feel like a death. The death of a marriage. The loss of the life you planned. The shattering of what you thought you were living.

For those who haven't faced it, that comparison might sound dramatic—but for survivors, it's reality. The grief and pain after discovering infidelity or addiction can be overwhelming, and "moving on" can feel impossible. Yet, in today's episode, you'll meet Joanie—a client and survivor—who bravely shares her journey for the first time.

Joanie's story is raw, honest, and ultimately hopeful:

Years ago, her rage and heartbreak were almost unimaginable.

Each new disclosure felt like an emotional atom bomb—reshaping her world again and again.

But today, Joanie and her husband have stepped out of the ashes and into a season of healing, growth, and new momentum.

Can you heal from infidelity? For many couples, yes—you can get your life (and mind!) back. The marriage may not look the same, but many discover a new, rewarding partnership—imperfect, but worth the journey.

Let Joanie's story fill you with hope, validation, and encouragement.

Watch now and remember: recovery isn't just possible—it can lead to a life richer and more fulfilling than before.

To healing, Sam 📧 [email protected] Instagram: @samuel_healing

Have you ever wondered if you or your partner was truly a sex addict? Perhaps you're wondering if you or your partner are maybe dealing with sexual compulsivity?

What in fact is this 'sexual compulsivity?'

Today you'll meet Dr. Matthew Hedelius Psy. D., LCSW, CSAT-S who has been a regular guest on the podcast over the years and is the Director of Paradise Creek Recovery Center.

Dr. Matthew Hedelius earned a B.S. degree in Family Sciences, a Masters Degree in Clinical Social Work and a Doctor of Psychology Degree. He has provided treatment for both men and women who are suffering from trauma and problematic sexual behaviors for over 26 years. He utilizes principles of neuroscience and interpersonal neurobiology to help individuals achieve the healing they are capable of. He has specialized training in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist.

To Healing,

Sam [email protected]

Today's episode of Sam's Healing Podcast features a courageous and deeply empathetic interview with Amanda Asproni as we confront the raw realities of infidelity and betrayal trauma.

Together, we examine why so many unfaithful partners desperately want those they've betrayed to show up for them—longing for their partner to absorb and manage their shame, rescue them emotionally, and shoulder responsibility for healing, even after breaking trust. Amanda offers clear, compassionate insight into the tangled mix of guilt, regret, and helplessness that often overwhelms individuals who cheat, highlighting their yearning not to be cast as "the villain," but as someone still worthy of grace and second chances.

In parallel, the episode speaks to the devastation suffered by betrayed partners—especially those who are also survivors of childhood sexual abuse. With frank honesty, Amanda shares how the pain of abuse and infidelity can "murder the soul," leaving a person gasping for air in a world of devastation, confusion, and total loss of safety. The heartbreak does not end with the exposure of the affair; it ripples through every part of a survivor's life, sometimes reopening ancient wounds and triggering a cascade of trauma responses. This profoundly destructive impact is named, respected, and never minimized in our conversation. The episode also speaks directly to the devastation suffered by betrayed partners, whether or not they are survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

Yet, the heart of today's show is hope and practical help for both sides of these complex relationships. For the unfaithful, Amanda outlines the importance of facing shame head-on—not expecting the betrayed partner to fix or soothe what only the unfaithful themselves can resolve.

Through self-reflection, accountability, and a commitment to genuine repair, the unfaithful learn that true healing starts only when they stop seeking rescue and start taking ownership for their choices and consequences.

For betrayed partners and abuse survivors, today's episode sends a powerful message of validation. You will hear a call to honor your pain, protect your boundaries, and pursue the kind of healing that puts your needs first—whether or not the relationship survives. Amanda and Sam discuss how survivors can reclaim their sense of safety and worth, refusing to be defined by betrayal or tragedy.

With a direct but compassionate approach, today's episode stands as a guide for moving honestly through pain, confronting shame together, and beginning the work of lasting recovery—no matter which side of infidelity you're on.

To Healing,

Sam [email protected]

On today's episode of "Moving from Not It to Got It," Sam takes listeners on an honest journey through the pivotal moment when an unfaithful spouse chooses to stop deflecting and starts owning their actions. The episode opens by breaking down the psychological reality of the "Not It" phase—where self-protection, avoidance, and justification keep an individual stuck, unable to truly connect with their partner or heal the damage from infidelity.

The reality is, "Not It" causes a significant amount of collateral damage including but certainly not limited to:

• blocking all forward progress
• minimizing and justifying the affair(s)
• blame shifting
• subconsciously expecting the betrayed partner to handhold the unfaithful into the most basic recovery work

The heart of today's episode centers on what it takes to shift from "Not It" to "Got It" not only earning self respect but simultaneously the respect of the betrayed partner.

This means facing the hard truths head-on and making the conscious choice to drop the defenses and problematic patterns which may have created the acting out in the first place.

The transformation can be palpable: when an unfaithful spouse authentically claims responsibility, they lay the foundation for rebuilding trust, self-respect, and hope for their relationship.

Note: This episode is educational, not therapy. Please reach out for professional guidance at [email protected] to learn more about coaching or intensive options.

To Healing, Sam

In the aftermath of betrayal trauma, many adults turn to alcohol or other substances in search of relief. It might feel like a way to escape, to quiet pain and overwhelm, or simply to get through another day. What's really happening is "numbing out"—using alcohol and drugs to suppress painful emotions, calm anxiety, and insulate from distressing memories. The urge to numb out is understandable, but over time, relying on substances creates new problems and blocks authentic healing.

As a clinician, Dr. Jill Manning is seeing a troubling increase in alcohol use among those suffering betrayal trauma. This isn't just a passing trend—it's now a daily topic in her practice, and it's changing the way we approach recovery. Healing requires the brain and body to metabolize and sort through overwhelming emotional information. Alcohol doesn't help; it makes this process harder.

Recent health data from WHO, CDC, and SAMHSA show rising rates of problem drinking, especially among women. Alcohol-related deaths and other consequences are climbing, prompting many professionals to use the AUDIT (Alcohol Use Disorder Identification Test) as a standard intake screen. This is a clear public health concern.

Let's look at betrayal trauma symptoms: -Anxiety and hypervigilance -Troubled sleep -Depression and hopelessness *Irritability and anger -Cognitive fog -Somatic symptoms (GI distress, headaches, fatigue) -Relationship sensitivity and conflict

Alcohol intensifies every one of these symptoms. It keeps anxiety stuck by destabilizing neurotransmitters, fragments sleep and reduces restorative REM, worsens depression by lowering serotonin and dopamine, and increases irritability and aggression. Alcohol impairs memory and focus, disrupts hydration and gut health, and makes relational conflict more likely by reducing judgment and emotional control. The very symptoms survivors are trying to escape only get worse with drinking.

What does alcohol really do to the brain and body? Imaging research by Dr. Daniel Amen shows alcohol reduces blood flow to key brain areas, leading to atrophy.

Alcohol's numbing effect keeps the nervous system dysregulated and locks people into cycles of shame and avoidance—preventing the full processing of trauma and blocking real recovery.

The good news: reducing or eliminating alcohol speeds healing and dramatically lowers health risks. Start with honest tracking—use the AUDIT screener—and try a 30-day break to observe changes in sleep, mood, and clarity. Replace drinking with restorative habits—herbal teas, breathwork, grounding rituals. Prioritize sleep hygiene, hydration, and connect with trauma-informed therapy or support groups.

Leading voices like Dr. Amen, Dr. Huberman, and global health agencies urge caution: alcohol impedes recovery from trauma. Every step toward cutting back is a powerful investment in your healing journey.

Here is the Alcohol Use Disorders Test: https://auditscreen.org/

For further help during the holidays you can also see this link: https://drjillmanning.com/product/navigating-the-holidays-after-betrayal/

To Healing, Sam