How does the betrayed understand the heinous choices of the unfaithful?

"If my unfaithful truly cared about me, how could they make the choices they have made to be unfaithful and go outside the marriage?"

How does the betrayed work through the understanding of why the unfaithful had such a flurry of activity for their affair partners, but NOT for the betrayed spouse themselves? How could they and how DID they work so hard for the affair partners but yet so little on the marriage and for their spouses?

Sharon Rinearson—an expert therapist with 30+ years of experience treating infidelity and addiction, co-founder of Hope for Us, host of "Ask the Betrayed," and wife of one of my closest friends and colleagues James Annear—offers pointed insight and true hope for these painful questions.

Sharon shares both her clinical wisdom and real-world perspective on how the actions of the unfaithful impact betrayed spouses, helping both betrayed and unfaithful understand the underlying patterns and behaviors that drive infidelity.

What you'll find in today's honest conversation:

*Thoughtful guidance for making sense of your partner's choices

*Honest discussion on the emotional impacts of betrayal

*Practical and tangible insight on rebuilding self-respect, boundaries, and healing after infidelity

You'll love Sharon's compassion for both betrayed and unfaithful spouses—and her straightforward, no-nonsense approach to facing the realities of life after infidelity.

To healing, Sam 📧 [email protected] Instagram: @samuel_healing

If you're a betrayed partner, you know: infidelity can feel like a death. The death of a marriage. The loss of the life you planned. The shattering of what you thought you were living.

For those who haven't faced it, that comparison might sound dramatic—but for survivors, it's reality. The grief and pain after discovering infidelity or addiction can be overwhelming, and "moving on" can feel impossible. Yet, in today's episode, you'll meet Joanie—a client and survivor—who bravely shares her journey for the first time.

Joanie's story is raw, honest, and ultimately hopeful:

Years ago, her rage and heartbreak were almost unimaginable.

Each new disclosure felt like an emotional atom bomb—reshaping her world again and again.

But today, Joanie and her husband have stepped out of the ashes and into a season of healing, growth, and new momentum.

Can you heal from infidelity? For many couples, yes—you can get your life (and mind!) back. The marriage may not look the same, but many discover a new, rewarding partnership—imperfect, but worth the journey.

Let Joanie's story fill you with hope, validation, and encouragement.

Watch now and remember: recovery isn't just possible—it can lead to a life richer and more fulfilling than before.

To healing, Sam 📧 [email protected] Instagram: @samuel_healing

Have you ever wondered if you or your partner was truly a sex addict? Perhaps you're wondering if you or your partner are maybe dealing with sexual compulsivity?

What in fact is this 'sexual compulsivity?'

Today you'll meet Dr. Matthew Hedelius Psy. D., LCSW, CSAT-S who has been a regular guest on the podcast over the years and is the Director of Paradise Creek Recovery Center.

Dr. Matthew Hedelius earned a B.S. degree in Family Sciences, a Masters Degree in Clinical Social Work and a Doctor of Psychology Degree. He has provided treatment for both men and women who are suffering from trauma and problematic sexual behaviors for over 26 years. He utilizes principles of neuroscience and interpersonal neurobiology to help individuals achieve the healing they are capable of. He has specialized training in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist.

To Healing,

Sam [email protected]

Today's episode of Sam's Healing Podcast features a courageous and deeply empathetic interview with Amanda Asproni as we confront the raw realities of infidelity and betrayal trauma.

Together, we examine why so many unfaithful partners desperately want those they've betrayed to show up for them—longing for their partner to absorb and manage their shame, rescue them emotionally, and shoulder responsibility for healing, even after breaking trust. Amanda offers clear, compassionate insight into the tangled mix of guilt, regret, and helplessness that often overwhelms individuals who cheat, highlighting their yearning not to be cast as "the villain," but as someone still worthy of grace and second chances.

In parallel, the episode speaks to the devastation suffered by betrayed partners—especially those who are also survivors of childhood sexual abuse. With frank honesty, Amanda shares how the pain of abuse and infidelity can "murder the soul," leaving a person gasping for air in a world of devastation, confusion, and total loss of safety. The heartbreak does not end with the exposure of the affair; it ripples through every part of a survivor's life, sometimes reopening ancient wounds and triggering a cascade of trauma responses. This profoundly destructive impact is named, respected, and never minimized in our conversation. The episode also speaks directly to the devastation suffered by betrayed partners, whether or not they are survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

Yet, the heart of today's show is hope and practical help for both sides of these complex relationships. For the unfaithful, Amanda outlines the importance of facing shame head-on—not expecting the betrayed partner to fix or soothe what only the unfaithful themselves can resolve.

Through self-reflection, accountability, and a commitment to genuine repair, the unfaithful learn that true healing starts only when they stop seeking rescue and start taking ownership for their choices and consequences.

For betrayed partners and abuse survivors, today's episode sends a powerful message of validation. You will hear a call to honor your pain, protect your boundaries, and pursue the kind of healing that puts your needs first—whether or not the relationship survives. Amanda and Sam discuss how survivors can reclaim their sense of safety and worth, refusing to be defined by betrayal or tragedy.

With a direct but compassionate approach, today's episode stands as a guide for moving honestly through pain, confronting shame together, and beginning the work of lasting recovery—no matter which side of infidelity you're on.

To Healing,

Sam [email protected]

On today's episode of "Moving from Not It to Got It," Sam takes listeners on an honest journey through the pivotal moment when an unfaithful spouse chooses to stop deflecting and starts owning their actions. The episode opens by breaking down the psychological reality of the "Not It" phase—where self-protection, avoidance, and justification keep an individual stuck, unable to truly connect with their partner or heal the damage from infidelity.

The reality is, "Not It" causes a significant amount of collateral damage including but certainly not limited to:

• blocking all forward progress
• minimizing and justifying the affair(s)
• blame shifting
• subconsciously expecting the betrayed partner to handhold the unfaithful into the most basic recovery work

The heart of today's episode centers on what it takes to shift from "Not It" to "Got It" not only earning self respect but simultaneously the respect of the betrayed partner.

This means facing the hard truths head-on and making the conscious choice to drop the defenses and problematic patterns which may have created the acting out in the first place.

The transformation can be palpable: when an unfaithful spouse authentically claims responsibility, they lay the foundation for rebuilding trust, self-respect, and hope for their relationship.

Note: This episode is educational, not therapy. Please reach out for professional guidance at [email protected] to learn more about coaching or intensive options.

To Healing, Sam

In the aftermath of betrayal trauma, many adults turn to alcohol or other substances in search of relief. It might feel like a way to escape, to quiet pain and overwhelm, or simply to get through another day. What's really happening is "numbing out"—using alcohol and drugs to suppress painful emotions, calm anxiety, and insulate from distressing memories. The urge to numb out is understandable, but over time, relying on substances creates new problems and blocks authentic healing.

As a clinician, Dr. Jill Manning is seeing a troubling increase in alcohol use among those suffering betrayal trauma. This isn't just a passing trend—it's now a daily topic in her practice, and it's changing the way we approach recovery. Healing requires the brain and body to metabolize and sort through overwhelming emotional information. Alcohol doesn't help; it makes this process harder.

Recent health data from WHO, CDC, and SAMHSA show rising rates of problem drinking, especially among women. Alcohol-related deaths and other consequences are climbing, prompting many professionals to use the AUDIT (Alcohol Use Disorder Identification Test) as a standard intake screen. This is a clear public health concern.

Let's look at betrayal trauma symptoms: -Anxiety and hypervigilance -Troubled sleep -Depression and hopelessness *Irritability and anger -Cognitive fog -Somatic symptoms (GI distress, headaches, fatigue) -Relationship sensitivity and conflict

Alcohol intensifies every one of these symptoms. It keeps anxiety stuck by destabilizing neurotransmitters, fragments sleep and reduces restorative REM, worsens depression by lowering serotonin and dopamine, and increases irritability and aggression. Alcohol impairs memory and focus, disrupts hydration and gut health, and makes relational conflict more likely by reducing judgment and emotional control. The very symptoms survivors are trying to escape only get worse with drinking.

What does alcohol really do to the brain and body? Imaging research by Dr. Daniel Amen shows alcohol reduces blood flow to key brain areas, leading to atrophy.

Alcohol's numbing effect keeps the nervous system dysregulated and locks people into cycles of shame and avoidance—preventing the full processing of trauma and blocking real recovery.

The good news: reducing or eliminating alcohol speeds healing and dramatically lowers health risks. Start with honest tracking—use the AUDIT screener—and try a 30-day break to observe changes in sleep, mood, and clarity. Replace drinking with restorative habits—herbal teas, breathwork, grounding rituals. Prioritize sleep hygiene, hydration, and connect with trauma-informed therapy or support groups.

Leading voices like Dr. Amen, Dr. Huberman, and global health agencies urge caution: alcohol impedes recovery from trauma. Every step toward cutting back is a powerful investment in your healing journey.

Here is the Alcohol Use Disorders Test: https://auditscreen.org/

For further help during the holidays you can also see this link: https://drjillmanning.com/product/navigating-the-holidays-after-betrayal/

To Healing, Sam

When infidelity or addiction has shaken a relationship, couples often turn to coaching or therapy for healing. These tools are designed to help people rebuild trust, understand pain, and create healthier patterns. At their best, they provide safety, empathy, and clarity. But when the language and frameworks of therapy or coaching are misused, they can become weapons. Instead of supporting healing, they deepen wounds, reinforce blame, and prevent genuine repair.

After cheating or addiction, emotions are raw. One partner may grasp at therapy concepts to regain control or avoid accountability.

Common misuses include:

Pathologizing: Labeling the hurt partner as "codependent" or "trauma-bonded" instead of acknowledging their pain. Playing therapist: Acting like the "expert" in recovery rather than an equal participant. Gaslighting with therapy-speak: Saying, "This is just your trauma—it's not about me," to minimize betrayal. Misusing boundaries: Declaring boundaries as a way to dodge hard conversations, e.g., "I won't discuss the affair again—it's crossing my boundary." Exploiting disclosures: Using what a spouse revealed in therapy (such as past wounds) as ammunition during conflict.

These tactics shift focus away from accountability and silence the betrayed partner's voice, halting healing before it can even begin.

Infidelity and addiction often leave the offending partner flooded with guilt and shame, and the hurt partner overwhelmed by anger and grief. In this fragile space, weaponizing therapy language can become a defense mechanism. The unfaithful spouse may use it to deflect responsibility. The betrayed spouse may use it to label and control. Both can misuse "healing" jargon as armor against vulnerability.

When therapy language is weaponized in recovery:

Trust erodes further—the betrayed partner may feel manipulated or dismissed instead of heard. Shame deepens—labels like "damaged goods" or "triggered" or "once a cheater always a cheater" can compound existing pain and keep couples stuck. Repair stalls—genuine accountability and empathy get replaced by analysis and argument. Emotional safety collapses—the relationship becomes a battleground of diagnoses rather than a place for healing.

What couples need most after betrayal is compassion and honesty, not one-sided, weaponized expertise.

Therapy and coaching can be transformative in recovering from cheating or addiction—but only when used with humility.

Healthier approaches include:

Speaking from feelings: "I feel hurt and unsafe," rather than diagnosing a partner's reactions. Taking responsibility: The betraying partner owning their actions without hiding behind jargon. Seeking mutual support: Using therapy to create shared language, not to score points. Protecting vulnerability: Ensuring that disclosures in therapy remain safe, never weaponized.

In this context, therapeutic tools become bridges to understanding instead of barriers.

Couples healing from infidelity or addiction can protect their recovery by:

Agreeing that therapy insights are for healing, not for argument. Practicing humility—both partners are learners, not experts, in the process. Honoring disclosures—treating shared vulnerabilities as sacred. Focusing on accountability and empathy over diagnosis or control. Working with a neutral guide—a therapist or coach who holds space fairly for both sides.

Infidelity and addiction test relationships at their core. Coaching and therapy can provide the tools to rebuild, but only if used with care. When weaponized, they become tools of avoidance and control, keeping wounds open. When applied with honesty, humility, and empathy, they foster the safety needed for real healing. True recovery comes not from labeling or diagnosing, but from the hard work of accountability, compassion, and rebuilding trust—together.

To Healing.....

Sam [email protected]

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Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].

Why does the unfaithful cheat or act out? What allows them to go against their moral compass and engage in an extramarital affair? How do they justify it to themselves?

The truth may challenge what you've come to believe about some unfaithful partners.

For some it's anger and getting their needs met. For others it can even be subconscious retaliation for the perceived rejection by their partner or spouse. For others it's an exit affair.

Today you'll hear from Ryan who shares his own individual story of why he acted out and what was going on inside his mind. It's hard hitting but it's insightful for those who have always wondered just how the unfaithful justifies their affair both to themselves and everyone else around them.

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Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].

Have you ever wondered what goes through the mind of an unfaithful when they are about to lose everything? Have you considered that maybe, just maybe there are those who sober up, realize what they are about to lose and actually do recovery work?

Today you'll hear from Ryan again, a former unfaithful who shares more of his compelling journey to healing as an unfaithful spouse who finally GOT IT.

He's no rock star. He's no superman or super human. He's simply one of so many who have chosen to do the work and do whatever it takes to save his family.

Maybe he is special?

Maybe he chose to bottom out, hit rock bottom and listen to the many voices of healing, confrontation and sobriety that were placed in his life?

Today you'll hear more about how he was on the verge of losing all that he cherished and all that he held dear....

I don't know where you're at or what you're facing as an unfaithful or betrayed. What I do know is that there is hope for YOU and your own recovery and I hope you'll listen to another courageous soul who chose to do the work.

To Courage and to Healing....

Sam

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Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].

What does the betrayed do when they feel as though the unfaithful just won't do the work? Yet, the unfaithful, seemingly showed all sorts of effort to pursue their affair partner?

What choices does the betrayed male have in understanding the heart and mind of the unfaithful woman? Are there parallels between the unfaithful male and unfaithful female?

Today you'll hear from returning guest Adam Nisenson, AKA The Betrayal Shrink, as he answers these tough questions and more.

Adam combines his extensive clinical skills with a deeply empathetic heart in his role as a Betrayal Trauma Coach. Licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Adam is dedicated to guiding men through the complex emotions and challenges of betrayal trauma.

His methodology is deeply influenced by his intimate grasp of the trials faced by men confronting a partner's infidelity. Leveraging his extensive clinical background and personal insights of being a betrayal partner himself, Adam creates a supportive and understanding environment, where clients are led through their journey of healing with compassion and wisdom.

​Holding a degree from Pacifica Graduate Institute with a focus on Marriage and Family Therapy, Professional Clinical Counseling, and Depth Psychology, Adam has committed his career to addressing critical issues such as betrayal, infidelity, sex addiction, and the myriad life challenges that accompany them. With Adam, the journey is not just about recovery; it's about embarking on a path of profound personal growth and rediscovery.

To Healing,

Sam

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Sam's Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery's most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma's founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].