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Sex is sometimes a taboo topic. Not today! Intimacy expert Ita O’Brien tells us all about the new normal in the bedroom, and how she’s introduced it to Hollywood.
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In 2017, Ita O’Brien changed how Hollywood approached sex scenes when she pioneered intimacy co-ordination on the hit Netflix show, Sex Education, by introducing the framework, “Intimacy On Set Guidelines”. She went on to on productions for Netflix, BBC, HBO, Hulu, Amazon, including Sex Education and Normal People, founding her own company Intimacy on Set.
And now she’s here.
Ita chats with the guys about what sex scenes were like before Intimacy Co-ordination, and all the lies movies taught us about sex. She explains the mysterious orgasm gap, why consent is the foundation of all intimacy, and maybe most importantly of all… the male and female anatomy of arousal! That bit’s at the 16min mark if you’re really in a hurry. 😉
00:00 – Meet Ita O'Brien, the World's First Intimacy Coordinator
01:32 – Inside Her Work on Normal People, I May Destroy You & Sex Education
04:17 – What Intimacy Actually Means (It's Not Just Sex)
07:34 – The Untold Story of the First-Ever Intimacy Coordinator Job
09:35 – What Sex Scenes Were Like Before Consent Guidelines Existed
12:27 – Why On-Screen Intimacy Shapes How We See Ourselves
14:33 – The Hidden Lie Movies Taught Us About Sex
16:00 – The Male Anatomy of Arousal, Explained
18:33 – The Female Anatomy of Arousal, Explained
23:17 – Why Desire Fades in Long-Term Relationships
25:59 – The Power of Touch (and Why We're Losing It)
30:39 – How Screens Are Rewiring Kids' Ability to Connect
34:08 – The Truth About the Orgasm Gap
40:30 – Why Consent Is the Foundation of All Intimacy
43:10 – Filming the Iconic Birth Scene in We Live in Time
49:52 – How to Talk to Kids About Consent and Bodies
52:24 – "Consent Is Sexy": A Call to Writers and Filmmakers
54:33 – Sex, Menopause and Intimacy at Every Life Stage
📖Things to read
Intimacy: A Field Guide to Finding Connection and Feeling Your Deep Desires by Ita O’Brien - https://www.penguin.com.au/books/intimacy-9781529954043
📺 Things to watch
Sex Education (Netflix) - https://www.netflix.com/title/80197526
Normal People (BBC/Hulu) - https://www.hulu.com/series/normal-people
I May Destroy You (BBC/HBO) - https://www.hbo.com/i-may-destroy-you
Catastrophe - https://www.amazon.com/Catastrophe-Season-1/dp/B00YGB8UYK
We Live in Time (Film4/A24) - https://www.a24films.com/films/we-live-in-time
🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode
Esther Perel — Let's Be Better Lovers - https://open.spotify.com/episode/1BantQso5Ef3xPn4PWNG2I
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Could you live without your phone for a month?
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Patreon - www.patreon.com/theimperfects
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This week it's just the three of us. And like Odysseus before us, we embark on a life changing epic.
Where he fought the trojans, monsters, cannibals, sirens, the oceans, a cyclops and ACTUAL GODS!!
We will do something even ‘EPIC…ER’.
We’re tackling our phones.
Each of us take on a month-long challenge to fix our worst phone habits, inspired by the ‘god of no phones’ - Christopher Nolan and the release of THE ODYSSEY (if that wasn’t obvious already, but we promise this episode isn't an ad).
We then share some of our favourite bits from behind the pay wall, from our Patreon/Subscriber community. Ryan has an unplanned, very generous on-air hair donation; Josh shares a bit from a book which changed his life a bit; which leads to one of the most honest conversations he and Hugh have ever had on (or off) the show, about comparison, self-esteem, and growing up idolising your older brother.
This is one epic journey.
00:00 — The Phone Odyssey Begins
08:54 — Our Phone-Free Pledges
19:11 — Modelling Better Habits at Home
25:29 — Hairing is Caring
37:57 — A Bit From a Book That Changed Josh’s Life a Bit
48:18 — The Conversation Between Brothers That Needed to Be Had
🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode
📖 Things to read
📺Things to watch
💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/shop/
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/shop/
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
To be jealous is to be human. It is what you do with that feeling that counts.
💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy
Our resident psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove is in the studio to talk about THAT podcast moment: the one where Ryan admitted he was jealous of Hugh and Hamish Blake’s relationship. The one that lives in Imperfects history.
According to Dr Em, we develop the emotion of jealousy at just 9 months old, and it shows up everywhere; family, work, school, friends.
Feelings around jealousy can be extremely painful, especially if it is accompanied by shame.
In this episode, Dr Emily explores why jealousy can be so dangerous when not listened to, and why our jealous behaviour can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
See you on the other side.
If you want to watch this full video on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/dlufNQ7iXCc
00:00 - The Day Has Arrived
02:48 - When Ryan Revealed He Was Jealous of Hugh & Hamish
7:45 - Shame Tells You Not To Speak It
10:02 - Harry Styles Walks Into a Super Market
15:54 - You’re Making My Dog Jealous
22:31 - Feeling Jealous vs Being Jealous
43:49 - Hugh, Ryan & Hamish: 4 Years Later
47:50 - How To Have The Conversation (And Build Trust)
59:32 - You Can Feel Jealous AND Still Trust
🫖 Episodes mentioned in this episode
💻Things to check out
🎵Songs to listen to
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Want can you learn from playing with a child?
In today's Academy of Imperfection, Bluey creator Joe Brumm joins us (for real life), with Hamish Blake stepping in as guest host.
💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy
In this episode we dig into the world of play - ”the voluntary overcoming of unnecessary obstacles”, we find out what makes a ‘good’ player and why kids' imaginative play tends to fade around age 12.
Josh and Hugh take the chance to wax lyrical about their favourite Bluey episodes, Rain, Fruit Bat, Born Yesterday, The Decider (to name a few). And all three dads also share some moments of parenting shame as we discuss the constant battle for attention between our phones, and our kids.
00:00 - Hamish Blake from Rove
08:13 - Bluey, The Most Streamed TV Show of All Time
11:51 - The Best Definition of Play You've Ever Heard
21:00 - It’s All Improvising
38:02 - Permission to Pretend Again
51:20 - My Kids Wouldn’t Have The Dad They Have Without Bluey
54:00 - Doing Something Just for Fun Is a Valid Reason
58:07 - Being Present In a World of Distractions
01:22:00 - The Bluey Episode That Made a Room Full of Footballers Cry
01:27:16 - Let Them Lead and See What Happens
If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/eMigxjhCkcs
🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode
📺 Things to watch
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcast http://apple.co/theimperfects
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
How do you raise a child whose brain works differently?
This episode is for parents of kids with ADHD. And parents who have ADHD. And people who don’t have a diagnosis, but would consider themselves ‘fast and loose’. And for everyone who knows someone who fits the above criteria.
💌Join 8,300+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy
Janelle Booker, a psychologist who specialises in ADHD, is BACK, this time, to talk to parents of ADHD kids, and how to parent when you yourself have ADHD.
And also, ADHD-curious Hamish Blake is here too.
We look at the role of dopamine, energy vs stressors, and how to make your mornings less chaotic and more compassionate.
Hamish and Janelle. What a duo.
0:00 – A dynamic duo: Hamish and Janelle
5:58 – The penny drop moment for Hugh
11:35 – ADHD or Fast and Loose?
19:56 – The beauty and beast of ADHD brains
22:38 – The life of an ADHD kid
27:16 – A crash course on dopamine
37:26 – Structure, sleep and school
44:38 – Identity and diagnosis
55:13 – ADHD kids and friendships
1:02:50 – Parenting WITH ADHD
1:16:29 – Finding and supporting regulation
1:23:13 – Slo-pamine
1:28:54 – Let’s talk about the strengths
1:34:35 – Get ‘em outside!
If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/WwEBTIMohwg
🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode
💻Things to check out
📖Things to read
🎧Things to listen to
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
How do you choose who to trust? And how do you show others that you are trustworthy?
💌Join 8,100+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy
In this Academy of Imperfection, we are joined by Jimmy Wales, co-founder of Wikipedia. No biggie (BIG biggie).
And if there’s one thing Jimmy knows, it's how to garner and imbue the trust of millions.
You’re right in feeling like the general level of trust globally is low right now, but this episode is here to step through Jimmy's 7 rules which will help you build, rebuild, and solidify what is in our innate human behaviour.
Trust is important, and so is this conversation.
0:00 – BIG deal on the internet
8:41 – The heart behind it all
14:57 – Trust is always personal
20:22 – It’s human nature
23:33 – Good guys of the internet
30:35 – Don’t take sides
38:23 – The circle of trust
40:15 – Own up
46:03 – Let’s call them a civil person
If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/Z1SPClxSfYI
📖 Things to read
🎧Things to listen to
🏆Competitions to enter
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Do you think you have grit?
💌Join 8,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy
Research has shown that the most common characteristic of elite performers and high achievers is grit.
Understood as the passion and perseverance for very long term goals, Grit is not about natural ability or talent, but rather how we choose to grow.
Your favourite resident psychologist, Dr Emily Musgrove, is back in the studio this week to talk about how you can become a grittier person!
We also look inward, as Josh asks how to maintain grit when it feels like your inner critic is overwhelmingly loud.
Dr Em, so great to have you back.
0:00 – Down with the nonchalance!
5:43 – Talent vs Excellence
10:40 – Interested in finding your interests
16:42 – For the non-naturals in the room
24:22 – Effort is essential for excellence
32:17 – Practicing, kindly
35:01 – Hope is earned
42:06 – The good and bad criticism
53:45 – Encountering pain and discomfort
59:54 – For the greater good
1:06:09 – The dark side of perseverance
If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, click here - https://youtu.be/JmcLV7DGL4k
🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode
📚Things to read
📺Things to watch
⭐️Things to donate to
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
At just 16, Ellyse Perry was the youngest person to ever debut for the Australian International Cricket team. 13 days later, Ellyse debuted for the Matildas.
💌Join 7,800+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy
Arguably one of the greatest athletes of our time, Hugh, Ryan and Josh chat to Ellyse about how she stays so grounded amidst her incredible success, and whether she is able to separate who she is from what she does.
Ellyse chats to the guys about her relationship with her dad (Josh and Hugh furiously take notes), and how both her parents were able to instil a love of trying rather than winning.
And then we get onto social anxiety; what it feels like for Ellyse, why she loves silent retreats, and how she manages it in front of her fans.
Ellyse, you are a literal ray of sunshine. Please come back anytime.
If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/xAZeLzcG43Y
0:00 – Is THAT AI?
5:05 – Running (and bowling) it’s natural course
11:24 – The feeling of not trying
17:18 – Parents: Be A Good Sport
29:22 – Prepare to be disappointed
40:23 – Bitter sweet World Cup
46:48 – The complexity of ego
1:03:54 – Practicing presence
1:10:30 – Hugh’s advice for big moments
🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode
📖 Things to read
📺Things to watch
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
We have a BIG announcement.
August 19. Balwyn Cinema. Our first ever live podcast recording. With Hugh, Ryan, Josh, Dr Emily, and you?
ARE YOU AS EXCITED AS WE ARE?!
And you could win your way there! THE ULTIMATE GOLD CLASS DOUBLE PASS includes: 2 x tickets, flights or a limo if you're already in Melbourne, accomodation for the night, popcorn, choc top, sparkling wine and a personal escort to your seats by former Balwyn Cinema employee Hugh van Cuylenburg!
🏆 Enter here NOW - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/balwyn-entry/
Tickets will go live Monday June 8.
🎟️ Buy here - https://bit.ly/4ecYtTw
BUT to enter the competition OR buy tickets, you need a codeword (lowercase). And the only way you will hear the codeword is to be a Little More Imperfects subscriber and listen to the latest episode!
So quick, subscribe here!
🩵Patreon - patreon.com/theimperfects
🩷Apple Podcast - http://apple.co/theimperfects
We can’t wait to see you there x
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
We can’t control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond. At least, that’s what the Stoic’s say.
💌Join 7,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy
Today we are joined (deep breath Hugh) by Stoic philosopher Ryan Holiday.
Using the wisdom of the past to appreciate the present, Ryan’s work is dedicated to communicating how the practicalities of stoic philosophy can help us lead more present, mindful and resilient lives today.
In this incredible chat, Hugh, Josh and Ryan (our Ryan), each present Ryan Holiday with something they have been struggling with in their own lives. Through the lens of Stoic philosophers Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus, Ryan Holiday talks to how stoicism can really help us to live into our values, prioritise presence, and deal with existential dread.
We discuss with Ryan the importance of understanding what will actually make you happy (spoiler: it’s not a billion dollars), and how to reframe death as a reminder that we must appreciate every moment (or not waste anymore with shame and guilt).
This episode, and its practical take-aways (which you can find listed in our newsletter), has been a long time coming.
Ryan, what an absolute honour.
0:00 – What is Stoicism?
13:26 – For the Josh’s of the world
17:07 – Time and Energy of Worrying
27:01 – The illusion of freedom
33:50 – Am I a bad friend?
38:58 – Practicing what you preach ft. presence
45:42 – If today was your last day
50:22 – 5 quotes for a Stoic life
If you’d like to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link -
🫖 Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode
📖 Things to read
✍️Journals to journal
🎟️ Things to get tickets to
💻Things to check out
🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz
🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW
🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu
🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects
The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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