The Intimate Marriage Podcast, with Intimacy Doctor Alexandra Stockwell, MD

​​The most common relationship advice all over the world is to compromise. If you want a bland, conflict-free companionship, then yes. If you want the spice and spark of an intimate marriage, you need to make your desires known.

DESIRES: Awaken the WOMAN within https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/desires/

As women, we are conditioned to disconnect from our desires. When I came to understand the importance of bringing my feelings into my marriage so all of me can be alive in the dynamic I share with my husband, it felt lonely. The problem wasn't that my husband didn't want me to have my desires; the problem was the way I was speaking to him about it. He wanted me to be kind.

Learning how to be kind isn't a very simple thing. I have a module in my Aligned & Hot Marriage program on exactly that. Many women have gotten used to speaking with a sting or acidity, and/or wait until the resentment builds up to the boiling point.

I'd really love to hear what came up for you in this episode. Contact Alexandra https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/contact/

Season 1, Episode 42 "Uncompromising Intimacy" https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/uncompromising-intimacy/id1548060690?i=1000536253485

ALIGNED & HOT MARRIAGE www.alignedhotmarriage.com

DESIRES: Awaken the WOMAN within https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/desires/

Contact Alexandra https://www.alexandrastockwell.com/contact/

If you're ready to create the deliciousness and joy of a growth-oriented, passionate relationship, visit www.alexandrastockwell.com

Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy" https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

https://www.facebook.com/alexandrastockwellcoach

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

The second key to an intimate marriage is Embrace Honesty. In this episode I won't be addressing the major dishonesties such as infidelity, hidden bank accounts, et cetera. I'm talking about the small resentments that build up over time, knowing that your relationship is pretty good but things could be a lot better.

Whenever you answer "how are you?" with "I'm fine," and you're not, it builds a wall between you. By dampening your responses you're training your partner to be less responsive to your subtle signals and less sensitive to what is happening in your soul.

In order to share this level of honesty, it takes a lot of bravery, self-awareness, and willingness to express what is happening.

I got rid of my resentment "straight jacket" in 2 ways:

• I learned to clear my resentments, which we cover in my Aligned & Hot Marriage program
• I learned how to speak up so I wasn't building resentment in the first place.

First, you have to embrace honesty with yourself, then the smallest honest communications with your partner will transform so much more than you can imagine.

ALIGNED & HOT MARRIAGE www.alignedhotmarriage.com

If you're ready to create the deliciousness and joy of a growth-oriented, passionate relationship, visit theintimatemarriagepodcast.com.

Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy" https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

https://www.facebook.com/alexandrastockwellcoach

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

The first key to an intimate marriage is: Cultivate Curiosity.

Early in a relationship, it's easy to be curious about everything from scars, favorite foods, wild stories, spirituality and beyond. Then, as a relationship matures, the curiosity fades and you become more comfortable. You already know how they'll order their coffee or how they'll answer a question before you even ask. It's beautiful to be so familiar and to free your energy to focus on other things.

The problem is that when we become so comfortable and secure in this way, we end up missing out on the growth that we're each going through. The drop in curiosity leads to being disconnected from one another's internal experiences.

Curiosity also helps when you're in the middle of a conflict. If it's intense, the most helpful thing you can do is to stop, take a breath, and ask a curious, open-ended question. Then listen to the answer with an open mind and an open heart.

If you're focused on being right, and no longer open to your partner's point of view, it creates disconnection. On the other hand, when you cultivate curiosity, it builds collaboration, creativity, and connection.

If you are currently in a phase of disconnection and distance in your relationship and/or having conflict, cultivate curiosity! Ask open-ended questions and then listen generously to the responses.

If you're in a strong, solid, connected relationship, it's still essential to cultivate curiosity in order to make your relationship even stronger, and more joyful.

If you're ready to create the deliciousness and joy of a growth-oriented, passionate relationship, visit theintimatemarriagepodcast.com.

Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy" https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

https://www.facebook.com/alexandrastockwellcoach

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

If you're just joining the podcast now, I recommend going back to the beginning of Season 2 to gain some context for what I'm about to cover in this episode.

We have an epidemic of conflict-free, passion-free relationships going on right now. My prescription for an intimate marriage evolved out of my medical training, years of experience coaching other couples, my own anecdotal research, and what I have learned in my own marriage.

I have codified it all in the 6 Keys to an Intimate Marriage. They are:

• Cultivate Curiosity.
• Embrace Honesty.
• Be Kind.
• Choose Happiness.
• Take Responsibility.
• Seek Growth.

I have seen these 6 keys work in many different kinds of relationships and many different kinds of situations. The results are wonderful!

We'll go into more depth with each of the keys in upcoming episodes.

If you're ready to create the deliciousness and joy of a growth-oriented, passionate relationship, visit theintimatemarriagepodcast.com to get started.

Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy" https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

https://www.facebook.com/alexandrastockwellcoach

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Compromise is by far the most common relationship advice that's given. In order to have a happy marriage you have to be good at compromising, right? Wrong!

What really happens when you compromise is that you're holding parts of yourself back from your relationship, and that doesn't bode well.

When you stop compromising and bring your entire self into your relationship, when you learn to accept all parts of one another, you will be able to create solutions that you couldn't imagine on your own.

Uncompromising intimacy is the opposite of compromise. It's glorious, and it takes intentionality.

The main reason to compromise is to avoid conflict, not rock the boat, and not mess with something that's working well.

There are many problems with this approach:

• Eventually, you get so skilled at compromise that you don't even realize you're doing it.
• You get so used to turning away from what you want, it becomes difficult to find your desires again.
• Unmet and uncommunicated desires often lead people to turn elsewhere.

Uncompromising intimacy is the opposite of compromise. It's glorious, connecting, and it takes intentionality.

You're not doing yourself any favors to compromise on your desires. The number 1 way to avoid divorce is to know what you want and know how to ask for it.

Do you know what you want? Do you know what you desire within your relationship? Do you know how to bring it up in a way that's respectful of the relationship?

If you're ready to create the deliciousness and joy of a growth-oriented, passionate relationship, visit theintimatemarriagepodcast.com to get started.

Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy" https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

https://www.facebook.com/alexandrastockwellcoach

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Do you want to spend more time with your partner, believing it will contribute to you both feeling desire, and feeling desire for one another? Are you feeling numb, disconnected, and lacking the intimacy your marriage once had?

Newsflash: going on a fancy vacation, getting new lingerie, getting your hair done, and/or losing a few pounds will NOT fix the problem. Those are short-term, external, temporary adjustments which won't make a big difference.

If you want to revive your connection, it's necessary to make changes on the inside. Personal development, self-awareness, noticing when you're being reactive, being more accepting of yourself and your partner–that's what' it takes to create the juicy connection and intimacy you're looking for.

What is it that creates happiness in relationships?

What do you need to put your attention on in order to experience more happiness?

Those are the questions I'm exploring in season 2 of The Intimate Marriage Podcast.

Explore them with me by considering for yourself:

• What are your own thoughts about being happy in your relationship?
• What are your assumptions about how it works?
• What have you been telling yourself you need, in order to be happy?

Once you identify the stories you've been telling yourself, it's much easier to dismantle them and step into what you really need in order to enjoy your life.

If you're ready to create the deliciousness and joy of a growth-oriented, passionate relationship, visit theintimatemarriagepodcast.com to get started.

"Uncompromising Intimacy" the book: https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business page: https://www.facebook.com/alexandrastockwellcoach

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

If you're having trouble in your relationship, it's probably because you believe one of the prominent lies that are commonly accepted as de facto truth.

If you're not feeling the sexual chemistry you used to feel, very often people will believe they married the wrong person.

• More likely, you both just haven't learned how to be with each other through each phase of your relationship.
• This is a learnable skill!

If you're treating your relationship as something transactional, doing something for your partner in the hopes that they'll do something for you, it may work a little in the short term but that is not a long term solution.

• Are you doing things because you enjoy making your partner happy?
• Or are you doing things to get your partner to notice you and give you what you want?

Stop compromising!

• If you want a passionate marriage, compromise is not the way to get there.
• Instead, bring all of who you are (your desires, emotions, thoughts, and feelings) to the relationship and stop diminishing yourself.

If things are challenging in your relationship, that doesn't mean you're with the wrong person. It just means it's time to grow, and learn how to be a better spouse to one another.

If you're ready to create the deliciousness and joy of a growth-oriented, passionate relationship, visit theintimatemarriagepodcast.com to get started.

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business page: https://www.facebook.com/alexandrastockwellcoach

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

It's fitting that I'm launching Season 2 on the day of my 26th wedding anniversary. Part of my celebration is to share with you what an intimate marriage really is.

My mission is to change the cultural narrative that long-term relationships are where passions go to dwindle off and die. On the contrary, I want the collective world at large to see that in a long lasting relationship, there is the most tender, gratifying, expansive, vulnerable, delicious intimacy available.

When I first got married, I was deeply in love and very happy but on the other hand, I was also convinced we would end up divorced and I mentally prepared myself for that inevitability. I didn't believe that it could be fantastic for the long haul.

Now, I absolutely believe that a fantastic relationship is possible, you just need to make a point of creating it.

What happens when you create an intimate marriage?

• You'll be happier
• You'll have more professional success
• You'll have the pleasure of being in a partnership where you're both thriving
• Your children will learn how to create it for themselves

We don't know what the future holds, but we're willing to lean in and discover it together.

Email me at [email protected] and let me know if this resonates for you!

If you're ready to create the deliciousness and joy of a growth-oriented, passionate relationship, visit theintimatemarriagepodcast.com to get started.

​​Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Connect with Alexandra:

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business page: https://www.facebook.com/alexandrastockwellcoach

I hope you had a really wonderful Valentine's Day that was special, delicious, and sensual. I hope you were able to use what you learned in Episode 61 to connect with your partner.

If it did not go as planned, this episode is for you!

A client of mine has a wonderful relationship most of the time, but in February they fight and get on each other's nerves a lot. They've come to dread February because of the pressure to have a "perfect" Valentine's Day to match their wonderful marriage.

If you're feeling resentment or disappointment towards your partner, there are a few steps you can take in order to reconnect.

1. Journal, exercise, meditate, find a way to clear the resentment so you can show up neutral and present
2. Focus on what did go well
3. Have a calm, respectful conversation with your partner about what happened
4. Ask what your partner needs for this to be enjoyable, then share yours
5. If you'd like, schedule a Valentine's Day redo using what you've learned

Email me at [email protected] and let me know if this resonates for you!

If you're ready to create the deliciousness and joy of a growth-oriented, passionate relationship, visit theintimatemarriagepodcast.com to get started.

​​Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Connect with Alexandra:

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business page: https://www.facebook.com/alexandrastockwellcoach

A Podcast Launch Bestie production

Welcome to Part 2 of our Valentine Bonus Series! In the last episode we talked about setting yourself up for a great day. Now Valentine's Day is here, and I want to talk about how to really enjoy the day, no matter what happens.

• Plan time to prep yourself. Not just getting dressed, but really relaxing with a hot bath, some meditation or yoga, or even a strip tease for yourself before the date.
• Look for opportunities to share with more depth, not just focusing on logistics and kids. The best conversations lead to the best sex!
• Share favorite "frames," snapshots of meaningful moments, even as they're happening.

I hope you have a magnificent celebration and get to know yourself and your partner in new ways.

I want to hear all about your plan, and how it turns out. Email me at [email protected] and let me know!

If you're ready to create the deliciousness and joy of a growth-oriented, passionate relationship, visit theintimatemarriagepodcast.com to get started.

​​Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Connect with Alexandra:

IG: https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business page: https://www.facebook.com/alexandrastockwellcoach

A Podcast Launch Bestie production