The Intimate Marriage Podcast, with Intimacy Doctor Alexandra Stockwell, MD

Valentine's Day is often painted as a rosy, beautiful, romantic, fairytale time. Sometimes that's true, but often it's much more complicated.

Today, I'll share some ways to set yourself up for a Happy Valentine's Day. This is not theoretical- it really will help!

1. Spend some time thinking about what Valentine's Day really means to you. Journal about it if you want. Notice if you are bracing yourself for a disappointing time? Are you fantasizing about a gorgeous romantic evening? Explore all of your dreams, disappointments, and other associations with the holiday.
2. Envision what you want your Valentine's Day to be like. How do you want to feel? What do you want to experience?
3. Get together with your partner and reminisce with each other about Valentine's Days in the past. Keep it light. Then talk together about how you both want to celebrate this year, and plan it together.

Don't expect your partner to read your mind! Take the time to create a win-win Valentine's celebration for both of you. You'll be glad you did.

I want to hear all about your plan, and how it turns out. Email me at [email protected] and let me know!

If you're ready to create the deliciousness and joy of a growth-oriented, passionate relationship, visit theintimatemarriagepodcast.com to get started.

​​Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Connect with Alexandra:

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business page: https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

Today's episode of The Intimate Marriage Podcast marks the end of Season 1. As I look back at the richness of the season, it's clear that there is no specific formula for a happy marriage. Each couple that I interviewed shared different things that contribute to their happiness. It's a creative process unique to the individuals involved in terms of how they pursue and cultivate more joy, more pleasure, more connection, and more self-expression in their relationship. Listen as I highlight key moments from Season 1 and look ahead to Season 2!

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:15] The rules, or lack thereof, for happy and unhappy families
• [04:06] Analogy: Teaching someone to fish and creating a fantastic marriage
• [06:58] Key takeaways from Season 1 couples
• [08:18] Taking risks in your relationship and tracking relationship goals
• [11:30] The connection between vulnerability and stress in marriage, and the importance of getting your children's perspective about marriage and family
• [16:08] Prioritizing your partner's experience and finding success in life and marriage despite the chaos around your
• [19:42] Reflection and looking forward to Season 2

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• There is no specific formula for a happy and growing relationship. It's a creative process and unique to the individuals. It is intrinsically motivated and having a happy family is really a unique achievement.
• How we handle our money, especially in interacting with our spouse, is heavily influenced by emotional content that may not be completely clear to each other. It may feel obvious to us, but when you actually express it to your partner, it will ease miscommunication and frustration.
• You can totally love and support your spouse without being interested in the things that they are interested in.

Links Mentioned:

Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Follow Alexandra:

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business: https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

In today's episode of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, I am joined by Jonathan and Sascha Schlossberg who got married, started a business, and had their first child all at the same time. How do they do it? How do they cultivate a healthy balance between work and family? Is it possible for a relationship to be both disciplined and chaotic? Listen in as this dynamic duo shares insight into what it is like working with your spouse, how they handle disagreements, and what they have learned from their relationship over the years.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [01:53] Jonathan and Sascha share they have worked together since they met waiting tables, and have had lots of different roles and positions while always working together since.
• [06:50] How do Sascha and Jonathan balance competition and their relationship?
• 11:26] Here are a few examples of how Sascha and Jonathan work through disagreements to be on the same page.
• [17:48] What Sascha and Jonathan have learned about themselves as a result of being married to one another.
• [21:19] How did 2020 affect Jonathan's way of thinking? How did that affect their relationship?
• [25:07] How do Sascha and Jonathan manage a business and their relationship while homeschooling four children under the age of seven?
• [30:18] How to connect with Jonathan and Sascha.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• When it comes to growing in a relationship, self-work is just as important as working on your relationship.
• Who we were, who we are, and who we are becoming are constantly shifting. It is possible to become the greatest version of yourself by doing the work.
• Learning how you and your partner both communicate is crucial for communication to be healthy and effective.
• In a long-term relationship, everything that isn't sex is foreplay. How you interact day to day determines the quality of the connection when an intimate moment arises.

Links Mentioned:

Join Jonathan and Sascha's Facebook group

www.group.unconventionallywealthy.co

Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Follow Alexandra:

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business: https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

BIO

Jonathan and Sascha are a dynamite team. Jonathan's innate ability to connect intimately and powerfully with others as well as Sascha's undying determination and eloquent brand messaging skills make them unbeatable. Together, they homeschool their four kids (with a little bit of help) and are teaching them day by day how to lead unconventionally successful lives. Originally, the couple met as actors waiting tables in Hollywood and they now live in Phoenix, Arizona, USA.

On this episode of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, I speak with Ryan and Dr. Carly Crewe about raising twin girls, traveling the world, and managing their full-time family businesses. Carly is a family doctor & MD psychotherapist, author, podcast host and CEO of a virtual mental health clinic for women. Her husband, Ryan, is a stay at home dad and helps support their family businesses. They have been married for 10 years. We discuss how Ryan chose to be a stay at home parent and how Carly's virtual clinic grew seemingly overnight. We discuss how they prioritize their marriage in the midst of busy and full lives, their unique view on education, and their future travel plans. Listen as we talk about marriage, family, and how to navigate conflict with healthy communication.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [00:50] Introduction of Ryan and Dr. Carly Crewe
• [04:07] Ryan's decision to be a stay at home dad
• [06:39] Stay at home dad experience
• [08:03] Growing Carly's virtual mental health clinic
• [10:30] Their dynamic with work and travel
• [12:50] How they prioritize their marriage
• [17:22] Where to next on their travels
• [19:07] Carly - What have you learned about yourself from being married?
• [21:32] Receiving criticism and navigating conflict
• [23:16] Ryan - What have you learned about yourself from being married?
• [25:33] Contacting Carly and Ryan

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• As a stay at home dad, Ryan has been surprised by the stereotypes of how other men view being a stay at home parent as not a full time job.
• A challenge to being a traveling family is not always having childcare readily available. Carly and Ryan have to rely on each other to watch the twins and alternate when they set aside designated work hours for their family business.
• Healthy conflict resolution and navigating arguments means staying focused on the issue rather than the person.
• A significant ritual that Carly and Ryan practice is their strategic life meetings on Sundays. They sit down to look at the upcoming week and prioritize their exercise, nutrition and children's educational activities.
• Weekly "planning" meetings as partners helps to develop amazing communication skills because it creates a context where you learn to honor and speak up for your own needs, as well as honor the other person's wants and needs.

Links Mentioned:

Carly's Website - https://carlycrewe.com/

Podcast - https://carlycrewe.com/podcast/

Book - https://carlycrewe.com/yanya-1

Carly's Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/carlycrewe/

Family Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/fulltimecrewes/

Websites: carlycrewe.com & eunoiamedical.ca

Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Follow Alexandra:

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business: https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

BIO:

Carly Crewe, MD is a mom to twin toddlers, modern day nomad and MD Psychotherapist specializing in women's mental health. Dr. Crewe is the CEO and Owner of Eunoia Medical Clinic, an innovative and dynamic virtual clinic that provides comprehensive treatment of mental health disorders in women by an extraordinary team of female family doctors.

Ryan Crewe is the Chief Financial Officer of Eunoia Medical and an incredible stay-at-home parent to twin girls. Ryan is a retired power engineer and previous manager who now helps manage the Eunoia Medical Clinic alongside his wife Carly.

Carly and Ryan now call a 31 foot RV "home" along with their twin girls and 2 rescue dogs.

On this episode of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, I speak with Gail Bruce, a wise, spunky, honest, articulate, vivacious 80 year old woman. She speaks as a friend, a student of life, and a crone as Gail discusses her 50-year marriage to the love of her life and talks about the ways each new decade brought more growth and more depth to their relationship. After a surfing accident left her late husband in a neck brace, paralyzed from the waist down, many things changed and Gail describes in detail the impact it had on their physical connection. Gail is the founder of HipSilver, a curated resource company designed to connect the Silvers, those in her generation, with one another. Listen as we talk about life, love, and how she makes her life more rich and full with each passing year.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [03:21] Gail talks about how she met her late husband and about their beautiful 50 year marriage
• [07:47] What is it like being in love after 35 or 40 years of marriage, and how is it different from being in love early in a marriage?
• [13:00] After a surfing accident left her husband in a neck brace, Gail shares how their emotional and physical relationship changed during the almost 5 year recovery
• [23:36] The importance of finding all of the ways that there can be physical connection and pleasure within a life long relationship
• [32:39] Gail talks about founding HipSilver and her plans to grow the resource and show the world that the Silver Age is hip

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• There is a connection between having a fantastic relationship and our ability and willingness to be more self-expressed and receive more of our partners' full self-expression.
• Touch, non sexual and sexual alike, is a major part of everybody's life and very crucial to our wellbeing. We suffer when there is a lack of physical touch, like during the pandemic.
• HipSilver is an online resource that focuses on Gail's generation. It's about new possibilities for a more rich and full life focused on community, information, and curated products.

Links Mentioned:

https://hipsilver.com/pages/about-hipsilver

https://www.linkedin.com/in/gailhbruce/

Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Follow Alexandra:

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business: https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

BIO

Gail Bruce is a woman of experience and some notoriety. Born Gail Hire in Chicago, she was raised on the beaches of California, educated at numerous institutions, and enriched by the exciting experiences of life: sports, cars, modeling, acting, design, marriage, painting, childbirth, non-profit development, and business. All of which contributed to who she is today and how she will move into the future.

Gail believes the reason we are born into this time and existence is to move our level of "consciousness" one step further to the next level. Everything is a life lesson; everything is enriching.

On this episode of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, I speak with Travia Steward about the many steps she took on her quest to be ready for, and find, her partner. Travia and her wife have been together for 15 years, married for 7 years. We talk about Travia's journey to accepting her sexuality and how she experiences reinvention through her marriage. Travia is a transformation and reinvention coach who helps inspire and empower people to live the highest vision of their lives. Listen to learn about love languages and the tools they use to keep their love alive and grow their relationship.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [00:50] Introduction of Travia
• [03:31] Travia shares her journey of finding her wife
• [07:35] What Travia learned from her marriage
• [10:53] What she wanted to feel in a relationship
• [14:00] The power of love languages
• [18:25] Personal reinvention
• [21:37] Tools for reinvention
• [20:20] Initiating check ins
• [30:47] How to keep feeling in love
• [35:35] How to connect with Travia

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Travia uses her awareness of her partner's love language to successfully express love for her wife, and her wife does the same knowing Travia's love languages are touch and words of affirmation.
• Being aware of the intentions behind your actions and having a loving intent with your partner will go a long way in showing your partner love.
• Travia was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2020 and had a double mastectomy. Following the surgery, she became more aligned with her body and was able to reinvent herself in a more authentic form, which made her a better partner because she was no longer hiding.
• Reinvention is finding a new gear for who you are today, so that you can become the person your goals require you to be.
• One reinvention tool Travia uses in her marriage is a regular check-in with her wife. They remove distractions and answer a series of vulnerable questions such as asking how well they are meeting each other's needs. It requires honesty, vulnerability, and listening.

Links Mentioned:

Travia's Podcast Episode with Alexandra: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-74-creating-more-intimacy-in-your-relationship-with/id1514964939?i=1000536608865

www.traviasteward.com/

Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Follow Alexandra:

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business: https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

On this episode of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, I'm speaking with Alisa DiLorenzo about marriage, intimacy, and the effect of pornography on a marriage. Alisa and her husband, Tony, co-host the #1 rated ONE Extraordinary Marriage Podcast. They have been married for 25 years and have recently released their latest book, The Six Pillars of Intimacy. Today, we discuss the six forms of intimacy: emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, recreational, and sexual, and how each one is vital to create a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship. Alisa also shares how she and her husband navigated a pornography addiction together and how they now help coach other couples through similar situations.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [00:50] Introduction to Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo
• [05:01] Pornography and marriage
• [11:35] How secrets affect marriage
• [16:08] The Six Pillars of Intimacy
• [19:00] Emotional intimacy
• [20:29] Physical intimacy
• [24:01] Recreational intimacy
• [29:03] What Alisa has learned through being married to Tony

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Marriages need role models of other healthy and fulfilling marriages. Alisa and Tony DiLorenzo are role models for many couples as they encourage others, coaching them with wisdom gained from their mistakes, experiences, and depth of marital knowledge.
• When a married person is engaging in pornography, it impacts both people.
• If something is kept a secret within a marriage, it will still impact the entire dynamic in the marriage. The longer a secret is kept, the more damage that will be done.
• The six pillars of intimacy help create a strong and beautiful marriage that can carry the weight of challenges, because life does still happen to all of us. The pillars create an internal strength that fosters working together as a team.

Links Mentioned:

oneextraordinarymarriage.com

The Six Pillars of Intimacy: https://www.amazon.com/Pillars-Intimacy-Secret-Extraordinary-Marriage/dp/0578991454

instagram.com/oneextraordinarymarriage

https://www.facebook.com/groups/oneextraordinarymarriage

Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Follow Alexandra:

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business: https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

BIO:

As co-host of the top marriage podcast in Apple Podcasts, the ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show, Alisa DiLorenzo speaks to a worldwide audience about sex, love & commitment, and challenges every listener to make their relationship a priority. Their 6 Pillars of Intimacy have transformed countless marriages. Its ideas are simple, practical, and powerful. You'll be inspired to look at your marriage through a new lens and be encouraged by how common sense it is.

Oftentimes, when we ask our spouses for something, it can lead to disappointment, frustration and feeling that your spouse doesn't care about your wants and needs. On this episode of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, I'm sharing four steps to use to improve communication when asking your partner for what you want, using the example of couples coaching. This is not a method to manipulate your partner. Rather, it's a way to improve communication by respecting your partner's experience while simultaneously establishing the importance of your desires, and ultimately getting what you want.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [00:48] How to ask for what you want
• [03:56] Scenarios when a partner is seeking couples coaching
• [10:30] Step 1: Start with an opt-in
• [13:18] Step 2: Affirm your marriage
• [14:48] Step 3: Share areas of improvement within your marriage
• [16:27] Step 4: Introduce Alexandra and couples coaching
• [16:51] Tips for how to communicate with your spouse
• [18:23] Another option for improving communication and your marriage
• [20:59] Reviewing the four steps plus how these steps can improve other conversations your and your partners have about your life together

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Today's episode discusses how to tell your spouse what you want. I specifically talk about how to communicate about couples coaching, but the tips shared can be applied to many other areas in marriage.
• Start by getting an opt-in, meaning you want your partner to have a choice in starting the conversation.
• Affirm your spouse and marriage in a genuine way. Share specific things that you enjoy about your spouse and your marriage.
• Transition to asking how your marriage could be better. Share specific areas that you think need attention or improvement, and ask your spouse if they agree.
• Share that couples coaching is a good way to create positive change.
• If your spouse still says no to couples coaching, try asking if they will participate in a 15 minute call with me. Oftentimes, a quick call will show them that I'm not committed to doing things the way you've described. I'm committed to doing things in a way that works for both of you..

Links Mentioned:

Desires: Awaken the Woman Within: https://desires.alexandrastockwell.com/desires/

Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

The Aligned and Hot Marriage program: https://www.alignedhotmarriage.com/

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Follow Alexandra:

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business: https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

On this episode of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, I'm speaking with Nick and Dr. Elaine Stageberg about how they re-energized their marriage and the ways it has drastically improved their family and business. They own a very successful real estate investment company although they believe that they invest not in just property, but in relationships. Nick and Elaine have learned to invest in each other and that flows over into how they use their business to invest in other people. Together, we talk about the energy within marriage, how they have chosen to put one another's needs above their own, and the positive impact that conflict can have on your relationship.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [00:46] Introduction of Nick and Dr. Elaine Stageberg
• [02:55] What's it like to work with your spouse
• [04:40] Marriage as a source of energy
• [08:42] How to energize your marriage
• [14:38] Being accommodating of your spouse
• [20:36] How to use conflict to create more energy
• [27:51] Investing in relationships
• [33:40] What ways have you grown through marriage

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• The Stageberg's believe that taking responsibility for your partner's needs and feelings will transform your relationship for the better because you will both be thinking of each other's happiness.
• Your marriage can and should be a source of energy and light.
• When you try to avoid conflict or a problem in your marriage, it can be harmful. It's better to lean into the conflict and as there you'll discover a deep reservoir of energy.

Links Mentioned:

www.alexandrastockwell.com/holiday

Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Follow Alexandra:

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB business: https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

Bio

Nick & Dr. Elaine Stageberg have been married for 10 years and are parents to three amazing children, ages 6, 4, and 18 months, and another baby on the way! After having grown their real estate investments to reach financial freedom, they left their respective careers to jointly run their real estate investment business, Black Swan Real Estate. One of the most common questions they get is "How do you work with your spouse everyday?" They love to share what has worked for them to create a close, vibrant, loving, intimate marriage - which is the ingredient that they consider the ticket to all of their other successes!

https://blackswanteam.com/

On this episode of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, I'm talking about how high achieving women can access more joy during the holidays – without all of the stress! Instead of dreading all the tasks associated with this time of year, I want to show you how to have fun and discover new delights in the season, because it is possible!

In my new program, "Uncompromising Intimacy--How High Achieving Women Access Joy During the Holidays" I'll be sharing how to bring more intentionality, more ease and more meaningful connection during this time of year. Learn more about the program in today's episode, hear an amazing testimonial from a woman who participated last year, and sign up here: www.alexandrastockwell.com/holiday

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [00:46] The stress of the holiday season
• [06:00] Living with intentionality
• [08:15] Details about "Uncompromising Intimacy: How High Achieving Women Access Joy During the Holidays" www.alexandrastockwell.com/holiday
• [09:42] How do you feel during the holidays
• [10:18] How to communicate expectations with loved ones
• [13:00] How to make meaningful memories
• [13:25] The art of reflection
• [14:30] Testimonial from a participant in last year's program

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Alexandra's coaching program, "Uncompromising Intimacy: How High Achieving Women Access Joy During the Holidays" helps women enjoy their holiday through increased intentionality, clarity and communication.
• Program begins with a bonus call on December 1, 2021. Details at www.alexandrastockwell.com/holiday.
• Along with the joy of the holiday season comes an exceptional amount of stress and pressure for high achieving women who strive to create fun and meaningful experiences for their families.
• Living with intentionality during the holidays means learning to have balance between serving your family and honoring your own experience. Prioritize what really matters to both you and the people you love.
• Alexandra's coaching program, "Uncompromising Intimacy: How High Achieving Women Access Joy During The Holidays" helps women enjoy their holiday through increased intentionality, clarity and communication.
• We'll start by focusing on how you feel during the holidays, how you felt in prior years, and how you feel anticipating this one.
• One of the first steps to accessing joy during the holidays is discovering your (often pushed aside) feelings and desires for. When you achieve that clarity you have a much better chance of making those hopes and desires come true.
• Next we'll talk about how to successfully communicate with loved ones about how you want to do things so they are better for everyone.
• Instead of just delegating, learn how to collaborate and co-create with your family. This will bring a beautiful new energy to the holidays.
• Then we'll focus on making meaningful memories.
• And in the final week of the program, we will learn the art of reflection: ending the holidays by looking back and examining your experiences so as to be ready for next year.

Links Mentioned:

Uncompromising Intimacy: How High Achieving Women Access Joy During the Holidays: www.alexandrastockwell.com/holiday

Read Alexandra's book "Uncompromising Intimacy": https://amzn.to/2ymI3Hl

Join THE INTIMATE MARRIAGE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage

Follow Alexandra:

IG: @alexandra.stockwell.intimacy - https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/alexandra.stockwell.7

FB page: https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/