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Notes:

• Just two years into Amy's work as a therapist, her mother passed away unexpectedly. Exactly three years to the day later, her 26-year-old husband, Lincoln, died of a heart attack. So she set out on a personal journey to learn as much as she could about grief, mental health, and mental strength. Amy decided that she would live life to the fullest. She rode mules into the Grand Canyon, went skydiving, took flying trapeze lessons, spent the night in 49 states, got 6-pack abs in 28 days, and started driving a motorcycle
• Amy’s daily challenge: She pushes herself to run a mile as fast as she can. It forces her outside of her comfort zone and ensures mental and physical growth.
• Pleasant activity scheduling. Put them on the calendar. Block out time for pleasant experiences together with your partner, your family, and your friends. You then look forward to those moments, get to experience those moments, and then create memory dividends that you’ll have for life. Schedule pleasant activities. 
• Don’t take your partner for granted. I think this goes for any relationship, but especially for those of us who are in committed long-term relationships with a spouse. Think of the Tony Robbins story: For the past twenty years, each day when he gets home from work, he has a “Honey I’m home” routine where they share a big embrace and a kiss and they both bring positive energy to the interaction. This sets the tone so that their relationship doesn’t get boring.
• What Mentally Strong Couples Do:
  • They don't ignore their problems. - Whether they face a sudden financial hiccup or experience issues related to intimacy, mentally strong couples address their problems head-on. They engage in difficult conversations and confront their issues, regardless of the discomfort it might bring. By working together to find solutions early on, they prevent their problems from escalating.
  • They don’t keep secrets. - Mentally strong couples respect each other's privacy, like allowing one another to have private conversations with friends. However, they draw the line at keeping secrets. They’re honest about everything, whether it’s how much they really spent on an item or the fact that a co-worker has been flirting with them. They prioritize open discussion over potential discomfort because they understand that trust is the foundation of their relationship.
  • They don’t hesitate to set boundaries - Mentally strong couples know the importance of setting boundaries with each other. For instance, one partner may need to refrain from responding to text messages during the workday as it interferes with their job. But they also set boundaries to shield their relationship from external influences, like an overbearing mother-in-law or a relative who asks to borrow money. Together, they establish financial, physical, emotional, social, and temporal boundaries that enable them to function at their best.
  • They don’t become martyrs - Mentally strong couples understand that while sacrifices are part of a relationship, it doesn't mean giving up everything to the point of self-destruction. They steer clear of bitterness and resentment for the things they've done for the family. Instead, they set boundaries, voice their needs, and take care of their well-being.
  • They don't use their emotions as weapons - It’s healthy to experience and express a wide variety of emotions. But mentally strong couples don’t weaponize their emotions. For instance, a strong individual won’t cry to avoid a tough conversation, and they won’t raise their voice to get their way. Their focus is on managing their emotions, not controlling their partner's actions.
  • They don't try to "fix" each other - While they work toward bringing out the best in each other, mentally strong individuals don't try to "fix" their partners. They strive to be a positive influence but respect their partner's autonomy to make personal choices—even when they don’t agree with those choices. They support their partner’s attempts at self-improvement but understand that they can't do the work on their partner's behalf.
  • They don’t communicate with disrespect - While most couples understand that name-calling or belittling each other can harm their relationship, mentally strong couples also pay attention to the subtle aspects of communication that can make a significant difference (like looking up from their devices to hold a conversation). They prioritize active listening, understanding each other's perspectives, and expressing their feelings in a healthy manner.
  • They don't blame each other for their issues - A mentally strong individual doesn't pass the buck by saying things like, "I'd be happier if my partner changed." Instead, they take ownership of their happiness. They refrain from blaming their partner for their struggles, acknowledging that everyone has the power to bring about change.
  • They never lose sight of why they fell in love - Mentally strong couples ensure their love endures even as circumstances evolve. Career advancements, parenthood, and shifting responsibilities may make their lives look different from when they first met, but they never forget why they chose each other. Remembering why they fell in love helps them stay committed to resolving issues and working things out.
  • They don't expect their relationship to meet all their needs - These couples don't subscribe to the notion that their partner will "complete" them. They understand that they each have to fulfill some of their own needs. Whether it's spending time with friends for recreational companionship or pursuing personal hobbies, they realize they have the agency and flexibility to meet their needs in various ways.
  • They don't neglect their partnership - Mentally resilient couples understand that while there will be multiple demands on their attention—children, extended family, work—they can’t neglect their relationship. They discuss their priorities and collaborate to maintain their connection, even during phases of life when they're being pulled in different directions.
  • They don't take each other for granted - The strongest couples don’t overlook the kindness, love, and affection their partner provides. They express gratitude and appreciation for each other regularly. Frequent conversations about what they value, tokens of appreciation, and genuine gratitude are integral to their partnership.
  • They don’t stop growing and changing - Mentally strong couples strive for personal growth but also ensure they don't grow apart. They aren't intimidated by their partner's individual progress. As they secure new jobs, take on fresh responsibilities, and change their viewpoints, they make sure their relationship evolves accordingly.
• It's inspirational when both partners are invested in strengthening their relationship. However, often one partner may be more focused on building mental strength and strengthening the relationship than the other. The good news is that one person can significantly impact the overall health of the relationship. You can start improving your relationship by giving up any unhealthy habits that could weaken your relationship. When you make the decision to change your habits, you can grow stronger as an individual while also strengthening your relationship, even if your partner isn’t invested in building their own mental strength right away.

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Rob Henderson has a Ph.D. in psychology from the University of Cambridge, where he studied as a Gates Cambridge Scholar. He obtained a B.S. in psychology from Yale University and is a veteran of the U.S. Air Force. He's the author of Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class

• Self-discipline beats motivation. Often, people say they need to feel “motivated” to perform a task. Motivation, though, is just a feeling. Self-discipline is “I’m going to do this, regardless of how I feel.”
• Air Force Training – "My favorite part of training was the camaraderie. I especially enjoyed drill and marching. The synchronized movement with others, moving as a single element, instilled a feeling of belonging." – The military provided a structured environment.
• Rob said that whenever he felt like an outsider, he sought refuge in helping others. Because of that, he volunteered at New Haven Reads near Yale. While there, he met a kid named Guillermo. There, he learned how to relate with others by sharing his story.
• Writing: Rob was accepted into the War Horse Writing Seminar at Columbia University. The program was designed to help veterans write about their experiences.
• External Achievement: "Upon obtaining a few totems of achievement, I came to realize that they are flawed measures of success. External accomplishments are trivial compared with a warm and loving family. Going to school is far less important than having a parent who cares enough to make sure you get to class every day."
• Two of Rob's mom’s friends came to him for advice. They were talking about their 6-year-old son and they were concerned with how “smart” he was. They asked, “Should we be reading to him more?” And Rob responded, “Yeah, but not because it will expand his vocabulary. Read to him because it will remind him that you love him.”
• The best and worst things about Yale:
  • Best
    • Students work ethic
    • Focused
    • Unique pursuits
  • Worst
    • Self-censorship
• One of his instructors at Sheppard Air Force Base in Texas asked the class one Friday afternoon if they had any questions. Rob asked, “If you could do it all over again, would you still have enlisted?” – “Understand that the Air Force is going to ask a lot from you. Just remember that you can get a lot in return from it, as well.”
• Luxury beliefs - Rob coined the term to describe beliefs that mark the believer as holding the approved opinion while harming those less privileged.
• Lessons Learned The Hard Way:
  • You are what you do. Not what you say or what you believe. People use words to strategically justify their actions and blind you to who they really are. Don't be fooled by cheap talk. Pay close attention to how people actually spend their time and effort.
  • Good conversations are made up of questions. Avoid speaking for longer than three minutes without asking one.
  • When seeking advice, ask people in a different life station than you—ahead or behind, older or younger. People in the same position are often biased by envy, and this can color the advice they give.
  • One of the most common life regrets people report is “I wish I had let myself be happier.” You'll never be happy if you continue thinking that you’ll be happy one day.
    • “The study of happiness often sounds like a sermon for traditional values. The numbers show it is not the rich, privileged, robust, or good-looking who are happy; it is those who have spouses, friends, religion, and challenging, meaningful work” - Steven Pinker (How The Mind Works)
• 35% of people in America graduate with a bachelor's degree, 11% of people from poor families graduate from college. And just 3% of foster kids graduate from college. When you think about Rob’s story, it’s hard not to be inspired. He’s beaten almost impossible odds to not only graduate from college, but he served our country, then went to Yale, graduated, and got his PhD from Cambridge. It’s awesome to see what he’s done and he’s still so young and at the beginning of his career. I love it when good things happen to good people.
• Life/career advice - “Be a fish out of water. Do something hard. Be uncomfortable.” That was advice for a recent grad, but I think it’s useful for all of us.

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For the past 40+ years, Tony Robbins has been known worldwide as one of the most impactful business and life coaches in the world. He’s hosted millions of people at his events, written 6 international best-selling books, he’s involved in more than 100 businesses that have done more than 7 billion dollars in revenue, and as part of his work with Feeding America, Tony has provided more than 850 million meals to those in need. He’s personally coached President Bill Clinton, Serena Williams, Connor McGregor, Marc Benioff, Usher, the Golden State Warriors, and many others.

Notes:

• The advice Tony received from Jim Rohn. "Your job is to become more valuable. We are all equal as souls, but not equal in the marketplace."
  • “If you want things to get better, you’ve got to get better.”
• Commonalities among leaders who sustain excellence: They find something they care about more than themselves, they have a hunger for it, and they work amazingly hard at it. “You’re rewarded in public for what you practice in private.” Steph Curry has taken far more practice shots than game ones. He’s rewarded in public for what he does in private.
• How to build confidence: Preparation creates certainty. 
  • “Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.” The essence of building confidence is this: If you go into a situation knowing that you can handle it – whatever it is – then that's exactly what you'll do.
• “A belief is a poor substitute for an experience.” You might believe it’s something you’re going to love, but you don’t fully know until you do it. Get in the arena and do it. See what it’s like. That’s when you’ll learn.    
• Tony learned NLP from John Grinder (founder of NLP). Neuro-Linguistic Programming. is an approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy, that first appeared in Richard Bandler and John Grinder's 1975 book The Structure of Magic I. NLP asserts that there is a connection between neurological processes, language, and acquired behavioral patterns, and that these can be changed to achieve specific goals in life.
• “The path to success is to take massive, determined action.”
• “Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards.”
• “The power of positive thinking is the ability to generate a feeling of certainty in yourself when nothing in the environment supports you.”
• "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."― George Bernard Shaw
• Tony interviewed a dozen of the world’s most successful investors in private equity, private credit, private real estate, and venture capital. He wanted to learn everything he could about the private markets and investing. 
  • Ray Dalio - Apply diversification across 8-12 uncorrelated investments. 

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William Ury is the co-author of Getting to Yes, the world’s all-time bestselling book on negotiation with more than 15 million copies sold, and co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation. Bill has devoted his life to helping people, organizations, and nations transform conflicts around the world, having served as a negotiator in many of the toughest disputes of our times, taught negotiation to tens of thousands, and consulted for dozens of Fortune 500 companies, the White House, the State Department, and the Pentagon. Based in the mountains of Colorado where he loves to hike, Bill is an internationally sought-after speaker and has two popular TEDx talks with millions of viewers.

Notes:

• Your life’s work: “If you had to boil your life’s work down to just one sentence you could leave behind, what would it say?” This is a great question for us to ask ourselves to gain clarity on our purpose and what we were put here to do. What is your life’s work?
  • On one of Bill's hikes with Jim Collins in Boulder, Colorado, he asked, “When did you first discover your interest in and instinct for what became your life’s work?”
• Be trustworthy AND trust willing. Become known as a person who trusts others first without making people earn it. Yes, you’ll get burned every once in a while, but I’ve found it’s worth it. Leading with trust seems to attract the type of people you want to be around.
• On a freezing night in January 1977, the phone rang at 10:00 pm. Bill was living in a little rented room in the attic of an old wooden house in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He was 23, writing term papers, and studying hard for graduate school exams in social anthropology. Bill picked up the phone…
• “I was particularly struck by Bill’s rare ability to bring calm and optimism to seemingly intractable conflicts and by his blend of intellectual clarity and practical wisdom.” - Jim Collins
• Go to hardest places: Instead of sharpening his intellect and insights by doing research sitting in a plush faculty office at some Ivy League institute, Bill decided to “go to the hardest places first,” throwing himself into political negotiations in the Middle East.
• “𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒏𝒆𝒈𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒔, 𝑰 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆, 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒐 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒍𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒚, 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒅 𝒂 𝒈𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒏 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒈𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒐𝒃𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒛𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒅 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓, 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆. 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒕, 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝑩𝑩𝟑.”
• “The only book to write is the one you cannot not write.”
• What are the 3 victories on the path to possible? The story of the wise old woman and the camels...
• The story of Vasili Arkhipov and Sub B-59 (the pause, calm, reactive to proactive).
•  
• Bring your spirit of play. That’s one of the things about Bill that I couldn’t help but notice from the second we connected. He was smiling, laughing, and enjoying himself the entire time. He was having fun. What’s the point of doing all of this if we don’t have some fun along the way?

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• What do leaders who sustain excellence do? They have the ability to be present for an extended period of time. They are here now. They live a life that creates a sustainable presence.
  • They are fully present. Be here now. Fully here. This makes you available for this creative moment.
  • Play the long game. Excellent leaders play the long game. "Live a life that creates sustainable presence."
• Space and Place: It's important to know your soul's home:
  • For Jim: Northern Michigan. Quiet, still, simple, in nature... "It's recharging for me."
• Lead and live intentionally to get to your flow state.
• Ask: What is it that creates the most "alive-ness" in you?
  • Do an energy audit. Look at your calendar for the last week. What events make your energy go up, stay neutral, or go down?
  • Maximize for people and events that make your energy go up. "Populate your life with what you love."
• Are you willing to be fully alive? What are you willing to risk to make that happen?
  • Get rid of energy downers. You can do that in 3 ways.
    • Dump it,
    • Delegate it
    • Do it differently
• Responsibility – By me: I commit to taking full responsibility for the circumstances of my life, and my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. I commit to support others to take full responsibility for their lives.
  • I have to = Victim mindset
  • I choose to = Ownership mindset
• To me = At the effect of other things. Outside my locus of control.
• By me = Inside. I am the cause of the experience. Radical responsibility. How am I causing the experience?
• Josh Waitzkin - Make weather what it is. Play in the rain.
• Curiosity is everything as a leader.
• The opposite of curiosity is always needing/wanting to be right.
  • Deconstruct all the places where you want to be right.
  • Most of it stems from fear. There are three fears:
    • Approval
    • Control
    • Security
• Curiosity - I commit to growing in self-awareness. I commit to regarding every interaction as an opportunity to learn. I commit to curiosity as a path to rapid learning.
• Candor - I commit to saying what is true for me. I commit to being a person to whom others can express themselves with candor.
• Accountability and Responsibility: Responsibility is not something that can be assigned, it is something that has to be taken. Responsibility lives in the world of integrity and impeccable agreements. Speak truth in love.
• “We often describe unconscious leaders as reactive. They react from a “story” about the past or an imagined future, and their personality, ego, or mind takes over.”

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• “Rejection is a test if you really want something. The upside of asking is unlimited.”
  • "People are afraid of asking. The people who make it happen are willing to ask, be rejected, and keep going."
• One of the biggest lessons learned from working with Mark Zuckerberg? Pick one goal. Then focus relentlessly on reaching it. His was 1 billion users on Facebook. This is how Noah has grown App Sumo to $80m in revenue. Focus on one big goal and the system implemented to make it happen.
• Noah's parental influence:
  • Fearlessness - Ask for everything. Set rejection goals. You learn that selling copiers door to door.
  • His mom is very disciplined. Always working out in the gym. She follows through. She's persistent. She grinds. His mom also hated her job.
• "I don't want to live a 'what-if' life"
• "Are we getting what we get or are we getting what we want?"
• The law of 100 -- Do the thing 100 times before you quit.
• Get going, get started. It's about now, not how.
• Create an exciting vision: "What are we looking forward to?"
• Million Dollar Weekend:
  • Start it
  • Build it
  • Grow it
• Noah's philosophy on interviewing:
  • 1) Talk with people you're genuinely interested in
  • 2) Tell them how they’ve positively impacted your life. People love genuine compliments. And they loved to hear that they’ve helped others.
  • 3) Tell them what's in it for them. Create questions that make your guests excited to answer (set them up to tell interesting stories)
• Entrepreneurship is not risky. Risky is spending your life at a job you hate, with people you don’t like, working on problems you don’t care about.
• Freedom is about gaining control of your schedule. Money is the tool, not the goal.
• This trip was one of my highlights of the fall. Nothing like biking across America. So much good time to think and reflect. Reminds me that whenever you’re in a funk, just get moving. (Helps to be surrounded by beautiful landscapes)
• The future of big business is small teams. One person. No employees. Everything automated. Solopreneurs are the future.
• Acknowledgements:
  • Adam Gilbert for our bike ride ten-plus years ago where I shared a dream to put my knowledge into a book for other people. And for always always being my guardian angel.
  • Tahl Raz - I dreamed for years of the chance to work with you on a book. Thank you for taking a chance on me. Somehow you were magically able to take all my adventures/theories/ideas/antics and put them together in a helpful narrative better than I could have ever dreamed. Thank you! Also for being a mutual lover of schvitzing.

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• Ariel wants to be the "Howard Cosell of MMA". “I got the interview skills from my mom, who my friends would always call for advice, and the work ethic from my dad, who never gave an excuse or took a sick day."
  • "So one of the things that early on, before I became a dad was I want to be omnipresent. I believe in this quote from Woody Allen "80% of success is just showing up." I want to be at every single event. I want to be the guy that people when they think of big fights, they think of me. Howard Cosell, of MMA, all that stuff and more."
• Ariel's Parents:
  • "My mom still watches my show every week, and it's a long show about a topic she doesn't know a hell of a lot about. But she does it because she loves and supports me."
  • "She's the mom that a lot of my brother's girlfriends and stuff would stay in touch with, even after they broke up. Because she just had that connection with people. She asks questions, she listens, she has a good mind and eye for things."
  • "My dad is a workaholic, and he'd be the first to tell you that. He's the kind of guy who, every day, I'd see him Monday through Friday, wake up, go to work at around seven, come home at around seven. He would have this massive box of papers, he would sit at the dinner table, and he would work on all the papers. He would take his shower at like 9:30, go to bed, and start over again, and he couldn't have been happier."
• Syracuse: In 9th grade, he was reading Sports Illustrated and learned that the U.S.’s top sportscasting degree is earned at Syracuse. Bob Costas went there. Marv Albert went there. So he went to Syracuse.
  • Being homesick and full of anxiety in college: "I wouldn't want to go to the dining hall to eat, so I just stocked up on Blue Diamond almonds. Which I have a hard time eating till this day because it reminds me of those days. Chef Boyardee, Alphagetti, that's what I was eating. I was watching sports in my room, by myself, I had a single room, and I was just crippled with this anxiety. And every time I would leave home to come back to school, like Thanksgiving break was over, and whatnot, Christmas break, I was sad. I was down."
• When he knew he wanted to cover MMA – back home in the fall of 2006 when he found himself in Champs Sports Bar, on Saint Laurent Boulevard, where the TVs were tuned to a UFC pay-per-view special. When the Quebec-born fighter Georges St-Pierre beat up Matt Hughes and scored a TKO to win the welterweight championship, “the place explodes like the Canadiens just won the Stanley Cup. And I’m like: ‘I want to be a part of this sport.’”
• Being the Heel – He learned from Howard Cosell, who was known as a heel, the pro wrestling term for the bad guy who people tune in to see fall.  “Heelwani”
• What does it take to be a great interviewer? Be prepared. Ask thoughtful questions. Don’t script the conversation. LISTEN. Ask better follow ups. Make it feel more like a conversation.
• Feuds with Dana White: "I'm the type of person who doesn't back down, in large part because of my parents and my family, and they never back down, so how could I? And why should I? Especially if I'm not doing anything wrong. So I would say I never sought it, I always try to diffuse it, privately. I don't try to get into Twitter wars and things like that, with other people. Where it seems like they spend their life over there trying to go back and forth. That being said, to your point, which is a great point, having an understanding of pro wrestling, and storylines, and feuds. And I come out of my ESPN chapter as Helwani, and punching back, and it's "High road Helwani, no more" and all that. Yes, sure, there's a little bit of pro wrestling in there, and I love pro wrestling. And I believe that there are a lot of elements in pro wrestling in a lot of different walks of life, including politics and whatnot. Good guy/bad guy, heel/face, all that stuff."
• How conduct a great interview?
  • "You have to listen, you have to be ready to open your mind, open your heart, and not feel, again, like you're just coming out guns blazing, and hitting someone with haymakers. Listen to them, be soft, be gentle, be welcoming. But, again, Howard Stern, no one did it better, he breaks you down to the point where you think that you're just two guys sitting around, or a girl and a guy sitting around, and there are not even cameras or microphones. They forget that they're on a show, if you're empathetic, if you're warm, if you're welcoming, that's the best result."
• Make the ASK - Ariel knocked on the door of a senior executive at ESPN. The guy didn’t even know who he was. And he asked to be a sideline reporter at basketball games. The senior exec said nobody had ever done that in 20 years. If you want something, ASK for it. Steve Jobs said the difference between the people who dream about stuff and the people who make it happen is the willingness to ask. You gotta ask.
  • "I walked into his office, and there's a lesson, I think, here, for a lot of people. And I was like, "Hey, I have no credibility in the world of basketball, very few people know who I am. I don't have many sources. But if you ever need someone, in the 11th hour someone gets sick, someone gets hurt, I'll be your guy. I'll be your sideline reporter. I know to do that. And he said, "I'll be honest; I've never heard of you. I've never seen MMA. I've never seen your work. But I've been here 20 plus years, and no one has ever done what you just did, so I'll keep you in mind." Which was an amazing thing to hear, and mind-blowing that no one does that. All the offices are right there, just knock on the door."

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This is episode #563 of The Learning Leader Show. My guest is Dr. Mike Massimino.

• The 3 Trusts - Trust your gear, trust your training, trust your team… And the 4th: trust yourself.
• Mike persisted through 3 rejections over 7 years on his way to becoming an astronaut, including overcoming a medical disqualification by training his eyes and brain to see better.
• Mike participated in a mission that significantly increased Hubble’s discovery potential and led to the award of a Nobel Prize in physics for the discovery of dark energy during a spacewalk.
• Why Mike was chosen to be an astronaut: Mike has a great combination of competence (he knows his stuff) and high character. He’s the type of guy that can get along and work with anyone. He’s honest, humble, and authentic.
• The power of having a deep passion for what you’re doing. Mike watched Neil Armstrong walk on the moon when he was six years old and then did whatever he could over the rest of his life to become an astronaut. His desire to become an astronaut led him to go to prestigious universities, earn his Ph.D., become a pilot, become scuba certified, develop great communication skills, and so much more. All of that work led to him accomplishing what he set out to do when he was just 6 years old.
  • “I knew right then that I wanted to be a part of something that meaningful. I wanted to have something I was so passionate about that I'd be willing to risk everything for it. I wanted to know that if I ever got killed, I got killed doing something worthwhile. The kid who looked up at the moon and wasn't afraid to dream - I decided that part of me deserved a chance. I sat there in that reception area, watching the crash footage play over and over again on the television, and that was when it hit home for me: you only have one life. You have to spend it doing something that matters.”
• What Mike learned from Alan Bean: The most important lesson is to care for and admire everyone on your team.
  • “My favorite lecturer was Alan Bean, who flew on Apollo 12 and is one of the twelve guys who walked on the moon. After retiring from NASA, he became a painter. Alan's lecture was called "The Art of Space Exploration." He talked about the mistakes he'd made and how he learned to fix them. One lesson that took him a while to learn was that at a place like NASA you can only have an effect on certain things. You can't control who likes you. You can't control who gets assigned to flights or what NASA's budget is going to be next year. If you get caught up worrying about things you can't control, you'll drive yourself nuts. It's better to focus on the things right in front of you. Identify the places where you can have a positive impact. Concentrate there and let the rest take care of itself. The last thing Alan said to us was 'What most people want in life is to do something great. That doesn't happen often. Don't take it for granted. Don't be blasé about it. And don't blow it. A lot of times, believe it or not, people blow it.
• “Kennedy’s address announcing the Apollo program was one of the great presidential speeches of all time. He challenged us. He excited us. We reach for impossible things, he said, “not because they are easy, but because they are hard.” 
• Competence + Character = Trust.
• The Right Stuff - The Original 7 Astronauts.
• If you have a bad boss, what should you do:
  • Stay the course
  • Lead by example
• “Life is funny. I'd applied to the wrong graduate program, but that eventually led me to the right grad program. I'd taken what I thought was the wrong undergraduate major, and that was the thing that set me apart and allowed me to find my niche. I don't know if there are any lessons to take from that except to realize that the things you think are mistakes may turn out not to be mistakes. I realized wherever you are, if you make the most of what you've got, you can find a way to keep moving forward.”
• “If you can learn to live with indignities in life, you can go far.”
• “That's how a team works. You help the people around you, and everybody's better off for it. The crazy thing is that most of those guys wanted to be astronauts, too, but they never saw it as a competition. We were on the same team, where you want everyone around you to be as successful as possible, because in some way or another their success will become your success. It's good karma - what goes around comes around.”
• “Right after we launched, I realized that all the training we'd on what to do if something went wrong during launch-how to bail out , how to operate the parachutes, how to make an emergency landing-I realized that all those years of training were completely pointless. It was just filler to make us feel okay about climbing into this thing. Because if it's going down, it's going down. It's either going to be a good day or it's going to be a bad day, and there is no in-between.”
• “The camaraderie that firefighters have, that brotherhood that forms among them - my father was a part of that, and it came from having a shared sense of purpose. He told me that whatever you do in life, it can't just be about making money. It's important that you work to make the world a better place, that you help improve the lives of the people around you.”
• Perspective: Mike shares how looking down on Earth from space changed his perspective and filled him with deep gratitude.

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Full show notes at www.LearningLeader.com

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Nikki Glaser is one of the funniest female voices in comedy today. For nearly two decades at clubs across the country, stand-up comedian, actress, podcaster, and TV host. In July of 2022, she headlined her first HBO comedy special, GOOD CLEAN FILTH, which has been nominated for a Critics Choice Award for Best Comedy Special. Nikki was a standout at the Comedy Central Roasts of Alec Baldwin, Bruce Willis, and Rob Lowe, which led to her guest-hosting JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE! Nikki is currently on her nationwide and international comedy tour, THE GOOD GIRL TOUR, which kicked off in January 2023. Before coming on The Learning Leader Show, Nikki has done in-depth interviews with Howard Stern, Marc Maron, Conan O'Brien, and Joe Rogan.

Notes:

• When Nikki is bombing on stage, she has a great method to reset. "Just say what's true." "Everyone is putting on a mask. Everyone is trying to present in a different way. If you just say what’s true, it’s the funniest.”
• Nikki is a professional “noticer of things.” This is why I think great stand-ups are modern-day philosophers. They notice things and then have a way to share them in a unique and funny way with all of us. We laugh because they’ve said what’s true, but have done it in a way that we haven’t thought of before. As leaders, we should be more aware and notice things more often.
• The writing process:
  • "You need to pay attention constantly to everything to see what could potentially be a joke. Sometimes, in the middle of a conversation with a friend, I'll tell them to hold on because I need to take out my phone and type something funny that I just saw. If you don't write it down, you won't remember it."
• Just get started. What advice for someone who wants to do something? You have to do it. The way to get good is to get going. Nikki has become one of the premier comedians in the world because she’s pushed past her fear and signed up for the things that she’s not sure she can do. Last comic standing at age 20, celebrity roasts, hosting TV shows. She wasn’t necessarily ready for any of the work she agreed to do, but she did it anyway and then figured it out. We all can learn from that.
• Nikki is the voice of Dave Matthews Band radio on Sirius/XM Radio.
• She had terrible stage fright when she was younger. Nikki would have insomnia for weeks before a classroom presentation and shake the entire time.
• Her first TV appearance was on Last Comic Standing when she was 20. Nikki waited in line at open auditions in Chicago in the snow.
• “I always wanted to be a singer. But I think that I’m also someone who’s not very comfortable with sincerity and emotions." (She placed third on her season of The Masked Singer)
  • Nikki is starting her own Taylor Swift cover band.
• Meeting Jerry Seinfeld – “We’re walking through the bowels of the casino, and I get over to his greenroom and he greets me,” Glaser said. “And he was like, ‘I’m such a fan, I’ve watched everything you do. I pull up your YouTube clips all the time whenever I want a laugh. And you’ve got it, girl, you have the voice...’
  • Jerry Seinfeld identifies “taste and discernment” as the ultimate skill of great artists. In every creative field, Seinfeld says, the dividing line between those who succeed and those who fail is the ability to discern good and bad: “It’s one thing to create,” Seinfeld says. “The other is you have to choose. What are we going to do, and what are we not going to do?’ This is a gigantic aspect of artistic survival. It’s kind of unseen, what’s picked and what is discarded, but mastering that is how you stay alive.”

Order our new book, The Score That Matters, now! 

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Full show notes at www.LearningLeader.com

• Commonalities of leaders who sustain excellence:
  • Curiosity (ask lots of questions)
  • Willingness to try something new
  • Compassion - Assume you don't know others' struggles 
• Bob worked with Ed Catmull (Pixar)
  • He was one of the best at combining curiosity, willingness to try new things, and having compassion for people
• Good Boss vs. Bad Boss
  • Good bosses ask lots of questions and then make the call (John Hennessey, Stanford President) 
• The Jumbo Grocery Stores in Holland created “slow lanes” for those who wanted to talk… They didn’t want efficiency or speed, they wanted a conversation. It’s a good reminder that sometimes we should slow down and enjoy our surroundings and the people we’re with…
• Curiosity and Compassion are skills we can build. Take the experiment where they counted the number of questions versus statements and your talking time. Surround yourself with people who will give you direct feedback about your level of curiosity and compassion… When conversing with someone else, how often are you asking questions versus talking about yourself? Think about that…
• It’s not always right to be efficient… Bob shared the Jerry Seinfeld story… The network was considering bringing in McKinsey to help Jerry become more efficient when making his show. He asked, “Are they funny?” They said, no that’s not what they do. And he said, “Then I don’t need them.” It’s not always supposed to be efficient. Sometimes, the hard way is the right way… To get the best result, it usually is.
• Some things Bob believes (we should all post an essay about what we believe):
  • Indifference is as important as passion.
  • The best leaders know what it feels like to work for them. They overcome the urge to focus attention on powerful superiors rather than their followers
  • The best leaders think and act as trustees of their employees' and customers' time. They are "friction fixers" who hold themselves and others responsible for making the right things easier and the wrong things harder. That might mean, for example, reducing friction by eliminating and revamping meetings.
  • "Am I a success or a failure?" is not useful. It is better to ask “What am I learning.”
• Noam Bardin (from Waze)
• Laszlo Bock - For hiring, "If you need to interview someone more than 4 times, then you must get written approval." This helped speed up the process.
• One of the roles of the leader is to be the editor-in-chief. Great leaders are great communicators. You must become a good writer and speaker if you want to lead. 
• Life/Career advice:
  • Seek variation each day
  • A chief of staff job could lead to big things (if you work for the right person)
  • Be kind