The Marriage Life Coach Podcast

Here's something I want you to know: you already have more tools than you think you do.

In this episode, I'm talking with one of my best friends and favorite humans again, the brilliant Lindsay Dotzlaf, about how to use the coaching tools you already have on yourself, especially in your relationships. Lindsay is a master coach's coach who helps coaches master the craft of coaching, and she's the host of the Mastering Coaching Skills podcast.

She did an episode for coaches about using your coaching skills on yourself, and I told her she had to come talk about it with me. Because here's the thing: if you listen to this podcast at all, you have coaching skills. Pausing and breathing. Asking a better question. Asking "what's the root cause?" Thinking on purpose about your partner. You use these skills at work all the time. Then we go home and forget we know how to troubleshoot.

At the heart of this conversation is a simple but powerful choice: in any charged moment, you can spiral or you can pivot. The spiral is the loop of beating yourself up, blaming your partner, going in circles and never moving forward. The pivot is one tiny step in a different direction. And the more you practice it, the stronger that muscle gets.

We talk about internalized blame (and the difference between "I am wrong" and "I did something wrong"), why building self-trust is what lets you pivot more and spiral less, and one of Lindsay's favorite tools for getting unstuck: putting the thought on the shelf.

Here is the scoop on what we talked about —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• Why you already have coaching tools at your disposal, even if you don't call them that
• The moment of choice in every charged interaction: spiral or pivot
• Why "developing the muscle" of awareness matters more than any single tool
• How high emotions lower your access to your own resources (and how the pause changes that)
• "I have choices" — the sentence Maggie repeats, even in the most dire situations
• Internalized blame, and the freeing difference between "I am wrong" and "I did something wrong"
• The secondary wound: when we shame ourselves for spiraling in the first place
• Building self-trust as a muscle, one tiny pivot at a time
• Trading all-or-nothing thinking for the "dimmer switch"
• Lindsay's favorite tool: put the thought on the shelf and ask "if that wasn't allowed to be true, now what?"

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• The Questions for Couples Journal
• Private Coaching with Maggie
• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap
• Marriage Mindset Makeover
• Visit Lindsay's Website: https://lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com/
• Listen to The Mastering Coaching Skills Podcast: https://lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com/podcast/
• Episode 1 of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast: How to Have a Better Marriage
• Episode 2 of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast: Power Questions
• Episode 152 of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast: The Most Valuable Thoughts for Your Marriage Mindset

Have you ever been in something you care about deeply, whether it's your marriage, your career, or a long friendship, and quietly felt uncomfortable, like it was a sweater that no longer fit, but you weren't sure why or what to do about it?

Almost anything we do for a long time will have a season, or more than one, that can feel like a grind. And of course that happens in marriage too.

That's exactly what this episode is about: how to decide whether it's time to recommit or release, and the things to consider when you're not sure whether to stay or go.

I'm joined by one of my absolute favorite humans, the brilliant Lindsay Dotzlaf, a master coach's coach who helps coaches master the craft of coaching, and the host of the Mastering Coaching Skills podcast. Lindsay originally explored this idea through the lens of business and a long-term career, and we realized it applies just as powerfully to marriage and any long-term commitment.

We talk about putting the question "does this still work for me?" on the table, and talking about why we're often too afraid to even ask it.

The drifting apart that happens when we stop turning toward each other on purpose, coming off autopilot to make intentional decisions, why doubt and ambivalence are signals to collect data instead of rushing into action, and what it looks like to recommit and reimagine.

Here is the scoop on what we talked about —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• Why "is this still working for me?" might be the most powerful question you need to ask on a regular basis to have a life that reflects who you are now.
• How simply giving yourself permission to ask the question is the first step to everything after it
• What "The Drift" in marriage is, and why you naturally float apart unless you turn toward each other on purpose
• Coming off autopilot: the decisions we made 20 years ago for people we no longer are
• Orienting toward "am I capable?" instead of "am I safe?", and how that can help release the pressure of seeking safety in what is often an inherently unsafe world.
• Why doubt and ambivalence are signs to collect data, not to rush into action
• "What is unclear?", the question that gives you the next thing to look at
• Making the "exit plan" as an empowering exercise, even when you're staying
• Releasing what no longer serves the relationship vs. releasing the relationship itself
• Recommitting AND reimagining: it's not all-or-nothing
• Why doing new things together rekindles connection

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

• The Questions for Couples Journal
• Private Coaching with Maggie
• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap
• Marriage Mindset Makeover
• Visit Lindsay's Website: https://lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com/
• Listen to The Mastering Coaching Skills Podcast: https://lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com/podcast/
• Ep 205: Understanding Divorce Part 1: 10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know
• Ep 206: Understanding Divorce Part 2: Exit Plans, Legal Structures, and Building Your Support Team

When you're in a relationship that feels stuck, where you love your partner, you chose this person, and yet something feels off, disconnected, or like you're going through the motions, there's a question that often lives in your mind: Can this actually be different?

In this greatest hits episode of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast, I'm sharing one of my favorite teachings—the power of one. It's a teaching that comes up all the time in so many conversations I have with the women I work with, and when I ask people what's one of their favorite things they learned from me, the power of one comes up over and over again.

Here's what I want you to know: The only way to find out if your relationship can be different is to do the work. You have to think differently, do differently, and then see how you feel, see how your partner responds. That's the experiment. You collect data. You try stuff. You evaluate and iterate. The scientific method applied to marriage.

So many of us get stuck in this loop of "Why should I be the one to change?" or "It takes two to tango." I get it. I totally hear you. But those thoughts keep you stuck in a holding pattern where nothing moves forward because you keep waiting for somebody else to take action.

The power of one—which is completely based on systems theory—tells us that when one element of a system changes, the rest of the system responds to that change. You go first. You lead with love, lead with intention. And then you see what happens. Your partner either meets you there or they don't. Either way, that's information you want to have. You either get closer or you get clear. And both of those outcomes serve you to move forward.

Here is the scoop on what's included —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• Why "going first" doesn't mean doing all the work

• What happens when you practice gratitude on purpose

• The importance of showing up for what you want

• How one person can change a relationship (yes, even you)

• Pattern interrupts and why they're important

• The impact of emotional leadership in your marriage

• Why small tweaks lead to quantum leaps over time

• The power of a do-over when things go sideways

• How to express appreciation to yourself today

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• The Questions for Couples Journal

• Private Coaching with Maggie

• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap

• Marriage Mindset Makeover

• Episode #49: Fresh Starts & Do Overs

Heated Rivalry is is one of my favorite love stories ever told & I cannot get enough of reviewing, analyzing & talking about it. I am so excited to share Part 2 of my conversation with the amazing Laura Jurgens!

SPOILER ALERT! This is not a spoiler-free zone.

We go deep on specific scenes & episodes, so if you haven't watched it yet & you care about spoilers, save this for another day.

And if you haven't heard Part 1 yet, go back & start there as we set up so much context about why this show matters so much to me and what themes we think can help you see your own relationship differently.

In Part 2, Laura Jurgens, PhD & I pick the conversation right back up.

This time we go into the cultural phenomenon of Heated Rivalry and what it reveals about women's desire & why vulnerability is the real game-changer in relationships.

We also get into the episode-by-episode moments that stopped us in our tracks, & the creative lessons from writer-producer Jacob Tierney about trusting your vision.

A quick note on where we're each coming from: I'm a cisgender heterosexual woman, & Laura is a bisexual woman bringing her own lived experience to this.

We're both speaking from our specific lenses, & that feels especially worth naming here in Part 2, where we talk about desire & women's sexuality.

As a person who loves love both in real life & on TV, I have LOTS OF THOUGHTS — & I'm so grateful for the deep joy this celebration of queer love has brought to my life.

A second quick note: we talk about sex & sexual situations, so if you're listening somewhere with people who shouldn't be hearing this, save it for later.

Here is the scoop on what we talked about —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• Why "women don't like sex" is a cultural myth — & what's actually true

• The response to this show as a phenomenon, & what it's revealing about women's desire

• Why so much of our cultural sexual script is written for & around men

• The pizza analogy that completely reframes "low libido"

• Why the show works as inspiration, not a manual

• "Stop guessing, start asking" — the coaching homework hiding inside the love story

• Rose, & why we all need allies who help us see ourselves

• What episode four teaches us about letting fear run the show

• The Russian monologue & the relief of finally saying it out loud

• Trusting your vision: the creative bravery of writer-producer Jacob Tierney

• Why being deeply specific is exactly what makes a story (or a relationship) universal

• What collaborative leadership on set teaches us about co-creating in our relationships

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Part 1 of this conversation: Heated Rivalry — Courage, Shame & Being Seen with Laura Jurgens

• The Polarity Episode: Masculine, Feminine & Repackaged Patriarchy with Laura Jurgens — www.maggiereyes.com/podcast/203

• The Questions for Couples Journal

• Private Coaching with Maggie

• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap

• Marriage Mindset Makeover

• Visit Laura's website: www.laurajurgens.com

• Follow Laura on Instagram: @laura.jurgens.coach

• Listen to Laura's podcast: The Pleasure Uprising Podcast

Are you already obsessed with Heated Rivalry like I am? Or am I going to convince you with this podcast episode? It is one of my favorite love stories ever and I can't get enough of reviewing, analyzing and talking about it, so you know we had to do not 1 but 2 podcast episodes on it!

And obviously as a cisgender heterosexual woman I will never fully understand the experiences of the gay and bisexual characters in this show, but as a person who loves love both in real life and on TV, I have LOTS OF THOUGHTS.

(One thing to know going in: this is not a spoiler-free zone. If you haven't watched it yet and you care about spoilers, save this for another day.)

I'm joined by one of my favorite colleagues and friends, the brilliant Laura Jurgens, PhD—a Somatic Sex & Intimacy Specialist and Master Certified Intimacy & Relationship Coach who works at the intersection of attachment and sexuality. You may remember her from our conversation on the patriarchy and masculine-feminine myths, and I'm so happy to have her back.

This is two relationship coaches talking about Heated Rivalry—what it shows us about courage, shame, vulnerability, and what happens when we can finally say what we actually want out loud.

This is Part 1 of a two-part conversation, and in this episode we dig into the emotional core of the story: the courage it takes to listen to your inner voice and put yourself out there, why shame is a social wound that only heals when we let ourselves be seen, what it means to keep turning toward each other, and why vulnerability—not invulnerability—is what actually creates trust and safety.

A quick note: we talk about sex and sexual situations, so if you're listening somewhere with people who shouldn't be hearing this, save it for later.

Here is the scoop on what we talked about —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• Why Heated Rivalry is so much more than a smutty, sexy hockey romance

• The courage to listen to your inner voice and put yourself out there first

• Why putting yourself out there isn't equally easy for everyone—and why that matters

• Shame as a social wound—and why being seen is what actually heals it

• What the coming-out-to-parents scene shows us about having someone "stay with you"

• Turning toward each other—and why it's one of the most underrated relationship skills

• Why invulnerability is so rewarded, especially for men—and the "plastic person" it creates

• Why Scott & Kip move faster by being honest: "Can I be too much with you?"

• Male affection and how under-touched men are in our culture

• The power of being direct from day one—and the 20-year marriage it created

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

• The Questions for Couples Journal

• Private Coaching with Maggie

• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap

• Marriage Mindset Makeover

• The Polarity Episode: Masculine, Feminine & Repackaged Patriarchy with Laura Jurgens — www.maggiereyes.com/podcast/203

• Visit Laura's website: www.laurajurgens.com

• Follow Laura on Instagram: @laura.jurgens.coach

• Listen to Laura's podcast: The Pleasure Uprising Podcast

Today's episode is a little bit different because I'm sharing a conversation I had with my dear friend, Lindsay Dotzlaf, on her podcast Mastering Coaching Skills.

When Lindsay asked me to come on her show and talk about coaches and mental health, specifically sharing about my mental health journey—I said yes immediately.

Here's the thing: We talk a lot on this podcast about doing the inner work, about taking responsibility for your half of the relationship, about choosing who you want to be and what values you want to express.

And I 100% believe in everything I teach and in using my own tools on myself on a regular basis. And I also believe that sometimes the inner work is something we can do individually and sometimes the inner work requires us to get support.

In this season of my life, when I am getting a lot of support, I wanted to share what it was like, what I was going through. And in my case, part of being supported involved speaking to a psychiatric nurse, starting therapy, and starting a medication that genuinely changed my life and how I live day to day.

This episode is me being the kind of coach I want you to have, the kind of coach I want to be in the world—someone who models that there is such a thing as toxic hyper-individualism, that trying to do it all by yourself is absolutely not it.

A quick note: In this episode, I share how I got diagnosed with depression and what my journey has been to get support around that. If hearing someone share their mental health story will feel useful and nourishing, please listen and share with anyone who could be comforted by it. At the same time, if it's something that is a little too close to home, I have over 200 podcast episodes, just go back into the feed and pick one that calls to you today.

Here is the scoop on what's included —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• How I got diagnosed with depression (and what that journey looked like)

• Why I started therapy and medication—and how it changed my life

• The myth of "I should have this figured out by now"

• Toxic hyper-individualism and why we need support

• How to reconcile your self-concept with a mental health diagnosis

• The difference between therapy and coaching (and when you need both)

• Why Googling "successful people with depression" at midnight matters ;-)

• How to look for a therapist or coach who aligns with your values

• Permission to do what you need to do to take care of yourself

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

• The Questions for Couples Journal

• Private Coaching with Maggie

• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap

• Marriage Mindset Makeover

• Visit Lindsay's Website: https://lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com/

• Listen to The Mastering Coaching Skills Podcast: https://lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com/podcast/

Today we're talking about a topic that I think we are under-educated on as a society and that we need to have a better understanding of in order to thrive. And that topic is consent.

I think you will find this conversation fun, interesting, and useful.

When you hear the word consent, it could feel uncomfortable or a little heavy.

But my guest today, the brilliant Marcia Baczynski, has a principle called "embrace the awkward" that we dive into in this episode.

Marcia is a sought-after coach, writer, and internationally known facilitator who helps people talk about the things they were told to never talk about: sex, boundaries, consent, desire. Her work sits at the intersection of embodiment, consent culture, and unlearning "good girl" conditioning.

We talk about consent in ways that go beyond the bedroom - in friendships, family, and everyday life. These principles, once you understand them, are important in so many different arenas.

A quick note: We talk about sex and sexual situations in this episode. If you're listening in the car with people who shouldn't be hearing this, save it for later to come back to.

Here is the scoop on what's included —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• What consent really is (hint: it's not just permission)

• The agreement model vs. the gatekeeper model

• Why the gatekeeper model is dehumanizing for everyone

• How to embrace the awkward in conversations about sex and desire

• Why saying yes doesn't mean you're signing a contract forever

• How to make clear agreements (from airport pickups to what happens in bed)

• The myth that your partner should "just know" after 20 years

• Why consent is actually the sexiest thing ever

• How to create freedom and full self-expression in your relationship

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

• The Questions for Couples Journal

• Private Coaching with Maggie

• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap

• Marriage Mindset Makeover

• Field Guide to Consent (PDF) by Marcia Baczynski

• Creating Consent Culture: A Handbook for Educators by Marcia Baczynski

• Marcia's Website: https://www.askingforwhatyouwant.com/

• Follow Marcia on Instagram: @askmarciab

Welcome to Part 2 of my conversation with the brilliant Annie M. Henderson—a transformational life coach, educator, and former licensed professional counselor who specializes in whole-brain approaches that work with the subconscious and nervous system—about The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

If you haven't listened to Part 1 yet, I highly recommend listening to this one first as you're here and then go back and listen to Part 1. In Part 1, we covered the fable about how we're all made of light, breaking generational curses, and the first two agreements: Be impeccable with your word and don't take anything personally.

Today in Part 2, we're picking up with Agreement 3: Don't make assumptions, and Agreement 4: Always do your best.

These last two agreements really build on the first two. And Annie points out something so interesting—how breaking one agreement kind of triggers breaking the others, like a domino effect. And how practicing any one of the agreements strengthens the others.

We dive deep into what "your best" actually means, especially for those of us with perfectionist tendencies who hold ourselves to impossible standards.

Annie also shares about a modality I have never heard of before called Regenerating Images and Memory (RIM). It's one of those tools that could be useful if you've tried a bunch of things in therapy or coaching and you haven't made the progress you want to make yet.

And we have so much fun with the Questions for Couples Journal. Annie showed up with her own copy and had a question for me!

Here is the scoop on what we talked about —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• Agreement #3: Don't Make Assumptions—and the courage to ask questions

• Agreement #4: Always Do Your Best—and what "your best" actually means

• How the four agreements work together like dominoes

• What RIM (Regenerating Images and Memory) is and how it works

• How RIM gives you the experience of a psychedelic journey without psychedelics

• The levels of awareness and how they shift

• Questions for Couples Journal fun with Annie

• Why social media can be a tool for liberation (even when it's designed as a weapon)

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

• The Questions for Couples Journal

• Private Coaching with Maggie

• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap

• Marriage Mindset Makeover

• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

• Visit Annie's website www.anniemhenderson.com

• Follow Annie on IG @life_coach_annie

• Follow Annie on TikTok @Anniemhenderson

The Four Agreements. I read this book over 20 years ago. It change the way I move through life on a daily basis and I hope it does the same for you. Whether this is the first time you hear about it or it's one of your classic favorites too.

I just had an amazing conversation about the book with the brilliant Annie M. Henderson—a transformational life coach, educator, and former licensed professional counselor who specializes in whole-brain approaches that work with the subconscious and nervous system.

We had such a deep and in-depth conversation that it ended up being a longer than usual episode.

So I wanted to cut it into two sections to make it easy to reflect on the first part, easy to reflect on the second part, and to digest the lessons we're talking about—what we learned from the book, how to put it into practice.

It was so rich that I just wanted to give it space to breathe.

In this episode, Part 1, we walk you through the fable at the beginning of the book. If you're not familiar with the book, don't worry. You don't need any prior knowledge. We walk you through everything.

Then we do a deep dive into the first two agreements: Be impeccable with your word and don't take anything personally. Annie brings such a beautiful perspective to being impeccable with your word and how to think about it. I had never heard it explained quite like she did.

In Part 2, our next episode, we will cover agreements three and four: Don't make assumptions and always do your best. Annie is also a specialist in a really fascinating modality called RIM—Regenerating Images and Memory. And we're going to tell you all about it in Part 2.

Here is the scoop on what's included —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• The fable from The Four Agreements about how we're all made of light

• What the "fog" is made of—all the agreements we've absorbed about who we are

• Breaking generational curses by making new conscious agreements

• Agreement #1: Be Impeccable with Your Word—and how we talk to ourselves

• Agreement #2: Don't Take Anything Personally—and what to ask instead

• The movie analogy for reconciling divinity with difficult people

• Why domestication keeps us in an unconscious pen

• How to use "What if it's not about me?" in your marriage

• The power of one: How you shift first and they react to that shift

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

• The Questions for Couples Journal

• Private Coaching with Maggie

• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap

• Marriage Mindset Makeover

• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

• Visit Annie's website www.anniemhenderson.com

• Follow Annie on IG @life_coach_annie

• Follow Annie on TikTok @Anniemhenderson

I am so excited to share this week's conversation with you.

I had the joy and honor of being a guest on the Money, Manifestation, and Business podcast with my friend, former life coaching client, and brilliant coach Jamie Berman.

We had a deep conversation about navigating money and manifestation in your relationships. And when I say manifestation, it's really just about managing different values and approaches, no matter what you're talking about with your partner.

In this episode, Jamie and I dive into my Soul-Centered Communication framework — Solution-focused, Open-hearted, Uncomplicated, and Loving.

We talk about stress cycles and how to recognize when you're in fight, flight, freeze, or appease mode. And we explore the concept of psychological safety and how to create it in your money conversations.

This conversation is practical, strategic, and will shift how you approach not just money conversations, but all the harder conversations in your marriage.

Here is the scoop on what's included —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• The Soul-Centered Communication framework: Solution-focused, Open-hearted, Uncomplicated, Loving

• Why our entire life happens inside of a conversation

• The three elements of connected conversations

• How to recognize stress cycles: fight, flight, freeze, appease

• Why someone saying "yes" but never following through is actually a stress response (not lying)

• What psychological safety is and why it matters in money conversations

• How the words we use create and inspire feelings and results

• The difference between "we have a problem" vs. "we have an opportunity"

• Why loving yourself equally matters in conversations about money

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

• The Questions for Couples Journal

• Private Coaching with Maggie

• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap

• Marriage Mindset Makeover

• The Money, Manifestation & Business Podcast with Jamie Berman