The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

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The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast episodes

March 31, 2013 Trusting the process – Episode 17
What does it mean to “trust the process?” What is “the process?” Is it meetings? The Steps? Working with a sponsor? Reading the literature? Swetha, Spencer, and special guest Anne H share our experience, strength, and hope on these questions and others.
1 hr 17 min
March 25, 2013 Blame – Episode 16
We talk about blame — how we blame others, how we take blame on ourselves and how we can move past blaming. We have learned that blaming is often a result of black and white thinking, and that we can have healthier relationships when we can look at our part in a conflict realistically, rather...
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1 hr 7 min
March 25, 2013 Blame – Episode 16
We talk about blame -- how we blame others, how we take blame on ourselves and how we can move past blaming. We have learned that blaming is often a result of black and white thinking, and that we can have healthier relationships when we can look at our part in a conflict realistically, rather than assuming that one party must be totally at fault. Understanding that most people are doing the best they can most of the time lets us detach from, forgive, or accept others behavior rather than blaming them for what they did “to us.”
1 hr 7 min
March 18, 2013 Asking for Help – Episode 15
We talk about asking for help. When we came in, we did not have experience asking for help in a healthy way. We didn’t want to impose on people we barely knew, we still thought we could do it ourselves. How did we come to understand that reaching out was not weakness, that others gained...
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1 hr 16 min
March 18, 2013 Asking for Help – Episode 15
We talk about asking for help. When we came in, we did not have experience asking for help in a healthy way. We didn’t want to impose on people we barely knew, we still thought we could do it ourselves. How did we come to understand that reaching out was not weakness, that others gained as much as we did by being asked, and that asking for help did not mean giving up? How do we feel and respond when someone asks us for help and support?
1 hr 16 min
March 11, 2013 Step 3: turning it over – Episode 14
Step 3, Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God. How do we understand and use it in our lives?
The post Step 3: turning it over – Episode 14 appeared first on The Recovery Show.
1 hr 5 min
March 11, 2013 Step 3: turning it over – Episode 14
Swetha, Spencer, and Kelli talk about our experience and understanding of Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.” Spencer kicks off the discussion by with his initial problem with that step. He did not grow up with an image of a God that he was willing to turn his life over to. Kelli’s initial reaction was “how can I get around this step?” Swetha also talks about her disbelief in the God of her parents. We all wanted to retain control of our lives.

The question then arose, how did we get around our resistance to Step 3? Spencer points out that the step talks about turning our lives over to the care of our higher power, which he took to mean that he could agree to accept the guidance of his Higher Power or not. He also came to an understanding of a loving God, to whom it was much easier to conceive of turning his will and his life over. For Kelli, the key was to have an honest completion of Step 2, to recognize that her Higher Power could restore her to sanity. Another help was to listen to others share at meetings about how step 3 worked in their lives. Swetha suggests that she was almost working Step 3 out of spite, to “show” us that it would not work for her! She shares a story where she turned a “little” thing over, and had a good outcome. Experiences like that helped her to accept Step 3 in her life.

How do we hear the voice of our Higher Power in our daily lives? Spencer relates a story where he heard that “still, small voice” that guided him to a good outcome in a conflict he was having with his wife. More frequently, he needs to reach out by going to a meeting, or by calling his sponsor or another Al-Anon friend. Kelli commonly hears her Higher Power through other people, and finds prayer and meditation helpful. She spent the previous week travelling for business with her husband, a situation in which she needed to call on her Higher Power for help, and was happy that she could. Swetha sends multi-page texts to her sponsor when she needs help. Frequently, she finds that by just writing out her problem, she finds a solution. Just the act of asking for help can be sufficient to get the guidance she needs.

Spencer had been at a workshop, Loving Sober, the day before. The presenter said that his only responsibility in his relationship was to “see his partner as the expression of God that she is.” For Spencer, this illuminated another aspect of really accepting God into his life. That is, that everybody is part of, and an expression of God. If he is to turn his will and live over to the care of his Higher Power, he must work to see other people as God sees them, and when he can do that, he can let go of his resentments and expectations, and to love them.

Swetha grew up in a mixed religious environment and felt surrounded by it, and couldn’t run away from it, so she started taking what she liked and left the rest. It turns out that a lot of the things she took were things we talk about in Al-Anon. She reflects on coming to trust other people, very gradually, in the program, breaking through her fear of vulnerability. She thinks she felt the same about developing a relationship with her higher power. As that relationship developed, she started reconnecting with what she had learned in her childhood.

We end with a letter from a friend who grew up in relation with a loving God. When she came into Al-Anon, she felt that Step 3 was a “gimme” for her. But later, she found that she was having issues that needed a “3rd step” solution. She uses the AA 3rd step prayer to turn over her life to God daily, just “getting out of God’s way.”
1 hr 5 min
March 03, 2013 Shame – Episode 13
Spencer, Swetha, and guest host Nic talk about shame – what it is, how we feel it, how we used to deal with it, and how we deal with it in recovery. We start by looking at the difference between shame and guilt. When we do something wrong, we feel guilt, and we can deal...
The post Shame – Episode 13 appeared first on The Recovery Show.
1 hr 10 min
March 03, 2013 Shame – Episode 13
Spencer, Swetha, and guest host Nic talk about shame – what it is, how we feel it, how we used to deal with it, and how we deal with it in recovery. We start by looking at the difference between shame and guilt. When we do something wrong, we feel guilt, and we can deal with it by making amends. When we feel shame, the message we are hearing is “I am a bad person”. We react to shame by hiding it and internalizing it and stuffing it down. We feel that we are not worthy, and that we will lose our friends, be ostracized if we reveal the thing that caused us to feel shameful.

Spencer refers to a TED talk (“Listening to Shame”) by Brené Brown, where she says that shame “plays two tapes”. The first is “you’re not good enough”. The second is “who do you think you are?” We all identify with these messages. Swetha reflects that when she gets a compliment, she thinks “Oh! I fooled them! If they only knew the real me, they wouldn’t say that.” Nic hears “you’re never good enough”, that she could never live up to expectations.

One source of our shame is self-judgement, where we judge ourselves more stringently than we judge the people around us. A big part of that is comparing our insides to other people’s outsides. Spencer reflects on a new role he’s taken on at work, where he continually hears the “who do you think you are?” message, because he is still learning the new skills he needs to do that job up to his own expectations of himself. Nic’s core shame issue is perfectionism. She has felt that “competence equals perfection”, and is trying to learn that “competence equals competence”. Swetha recalls an episode from her childhood, where she came home with a 99.36 grade in her class, with a highly complimentary note from the teacher. Her mother’s first reaction was “where’s the other 0.64%?” Ever after, if she didn’t make 100%, she felt that she was underachieving and not being who she should be.

Being honest and open is something we learn by example in the program. Swetha’s first reaction to hearing people talking in meetings was “they are so brave!” Her fear, before the first time she did a meeting lead, was “what if I’m too sick and they tell me not to come back?” Her sponsor assured her that the worst that could happen was that we would say “wow, you are really sick, please keep coming back!” She has come to realize that feeling vulnerable, sharing in meetings, doing the podcast, is really a source of strength for her. When others reveal their struggles, their failures, and their fears, it means that we can identify with them, because we have those same struggles, failures, and fears. And that means that maybe we can also identify with their victories and believe that they could come true for us, too.

How do we move out of shame? By opening ourselves up, by being vulnerable, and by sharing our shameful moments and actions. Because, as Nic notes, shame needs secrecy, silence and judgement to thrive. By breaking through the silence and secrecy in a safe place, one without judgement, we can start to destroy the shame itself. Swetha reflects back to the Al-Anon closing, where we say “you will come to love us in a very special way, the same way we already love you”. She didn’t understand this at first, but now really finds it to be true. As Brené Brown says, “the two most powerful words when we’re in struggle are ‘me too’”.
1 hr 9 min
February 24, 2013 Detachment – Episode 12
Kelli hosts Swetha and Spencer as they share their experience, strength, and hope about detachment. Kelli opens with a reading that links detachment to self-acceptance and self-care. The first time that Spencer heard about detachment was when his uncle told him, “I hear that you’re supposed to ‘detach with love’”. Spencer had NO idea what...
The post Detachment – Episode 12 appeared first on The Recovery Show.
53 min

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12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly…