The Save The Marriage Podcast

By Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

What's The Save The Marriage Podcast about?

Learn how to save your marriage and improve your relationship. Stop your divorce and restore a loving relationship. Join Dr. Lee H. Baucom for this impactful podcast that can save your marriage.

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The Save The Marriage Podcast episodes:

04.03.2024
Dealing With an Indifferent Spouse
For awhile, I have been answering listener-submitted questions, and continue to do so in this episode (if YOU want to ask a question, send it to [email protected]). This week, I respond to a couple of questions about a spouse's indifference and/or...
03.27.2024
3 Failpoints You Face
Where could your efforts fail? Those are the failpoints. They can trip you up and make you think nothing will work in your efforts. But let me be clear. They are potential failpoints. They are not inevitable. Failpoints, in engineering, is caused by...
03.21.2024
Milestones and Markers — 500 Episodes!
When I started this podcast over 10 years ago, I wondered how far we would go. Well, here we are on episode 500, with over 5.25 million downloads to far. And at the same time, I celebrate 58 years on...
03.13.2024
The Trick to Saving Your Marriage
Let's just say that the bumper sticker, "I used to be cool," has nothing to do with me. I was not cool. I was more the nerdy kid. And to be honest, I'm not sure I have really outgrown that. In...
03.07.2024
Facing FACTs
Sometimes, just a hint or trick will do it. Maybe you want a trick or hint for an online game. Or even a trick for a better pancake. A hint for a better pushup. But hints and tricks won’t work for...
02.28.2024
How to Get Help for Your Marriage… and Mistakes To Avoid
Your marriage is in trouble, and you know you need help. But what type of help? And how do you know if it is the right help for your marriage? Tough question. And I can't answer it. But I can help...
02.21.2024
The Connection Trap
I know. I say it all the time. Connection is crucial -- even critical -- for the health and survival of your marriage. But what if there is a trap... a Connection Trap? Guess what? There IS! On this week's podcast, I answer "D's"...
02.14.2024
The Pause Problem
The Pause Button. You didn't know you hit it. But you probably did. "We'll get back to each other after the kids/ promotion/ travels/ hobbies/ events/ friends... (well, you get the idea)." AFTER life, we will get back to love. There is only...
01.24.2024
7 Complicators to Your Efforts to Save Your Marriage
Saving your marriage is important. But not always easy. Isn't that a truth in life, though? What is easy is rarely important. And what is important is worth the effort. There are some things that can make your process of saving...
01.17.2024
Dealing with Depression and a Marriage Crisis
Many people are struggling with depression. And they find themselves in the midst of a marriage crisis. So, what does depression mean for those situations? How does depression affects a marriage. Does depression cause a crisis? Or do people get...
12.20.2023
The Ghosts of Your Relationship Past
Do you settle down with a good book you have read over and over this time of year? I read my kids the exact same Christmas book every single year. And many years, I re-read a classic for myself… like...
12.13.2023
Stuck in the Negative
Several podcast listeners have asked why a spouse only remembers the negative, or only dwells on the negative. Why don't they remember the good times or see the good things? Why does it feel like they only see the negative? Over...
12.06.2023
Dealing with Disrespect and Boundaries
"A" has been trying to set boundaries with her husband. Trying to get the treatment she deserves. Trying to get the relationship to a healthy spot. But then, her spouse throws a little shade her way... rolling eyes, using a demeaning...
11.29.2023
Why You Can’t Force Connection
Surely you can convince your spouse to work on your marriage… right? Yes, your marriage is in crisis. But if you say the right thing… or say it in the right way… or convince, beg, cajole, argue, and somehow shift...
11.21.2023
Dealing with a Heavy Holiday — in the midst of a marriage crisis
When life is hard, Holidays can feel heavy. When there is a marriage crisis, it can be tough to muster the energy to even move forward — especially when all the commercials and movies push the “merry and bright” of...
11.15.2023
How the Created Past Hurts Your Marriage
Sounds so philosophical, doesn't it? Your "created past." What is that? We all do it. We remember things based on our emotional state, not on what happened. When someone hurts us, we think back on the other times they hurt us....
11.08.2023
Are Things Improving?? How do you know??
Phil asked, "How do you know you are making progress?" And perhaps fearing that the signs point the other way, he also asked, "how long is long enough to be trying before it is unhealthy for me." Those are two great,...
10.30.2023
Take These 3 Steps To Save Your Marriage
You want to save your marriage (or you wouldn't be here, right??). But you may not know what to do. Most people don't. I mean, let's face it: most people don't do a lot to prepare to be married. Maybe a...
10.12.2023
Why Your Spouse Can’t See A Way Forward
We all have limiting beliefs. You... me... and your spouse! I always work to change my limiting beliefs. You are probably doing the same. But you can't just change your spouse's limiting beliefs! What is a limiting belief? It is a...
10.04.2023
The Road to Divorce: 8 Stops
Just to be clear, people don't simply end up divorced. They don't go from a loving, connected marriage to a painful, hurting divorce. There are some stops along the way. As people progress along the path to divorce, they have some...
09.27.2023
The 7 Stages of Disconnection
The shift from connection to disconnection happens when people (inadvertently) hit the Pause Button on their marriage. It isn't ill-intended. It usually just happens in the busyness of life. Still, relationships, in general (and marriages, in particular), do not do...
09.20.2023
Why You Aren’t Getting Started
Many people tell me how they WANT to save their marriage (they really, really do), but they aren't DOING it. They can't seem to get started with their efforts. Yes, they know the clock is ticking. Yes, they know it...
08.16.2023
Are You Showing Up??
We all "show ourselves" in our interactions with others. Sometimes, we truly Show Up, bringing our best self to the relationship. Other times, we bring an angry/resentful presence to the table. Other times, it might be a cold/distant presence. And still...
07.19.2023
When Your Spouse Has Lost Hope
Has your spouse lost hope in your marriage's future? You want a warm and loving relationship, but it has had a rough patch. You see a way forward, but your spouse can't see it. If that is the case, then you...
07.12.2023
The Perception/Connection Trap
It is not about "communication," no matter what you hear (from friends or a therapist). Most people communicate just fine. They have another issue: perception. How they perceive each other, that is the bigger issue. And then the trap is laid. Perception...
07.05.2023
Apology ≠ Forgiving
We all have hurts from close relationships -- and especially in marriages. It is impossible to be in such an intimate relationship and not bump into each other (in hurtful ways) over and over. The problem is when the hurts...
06.28.2023
The Blame – Shame Trap
Do you ever feel like you are dancing with your spouse... and not a fun dance?? Most of the time, couples get into habits. They both know the steps, and they just keep going through them, 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3.... No, the dances...
05.31.2023
Derailed? Why and what to do…
When a marriage crisis hits, people kick into gear! They dig in and work on their relationship. Many times, they start to see results. Things are turning for the better. The relationship is warming. Things aren't quite so hostile. But then.... They...
05.17.2023
Saving your marriage… 2 dangerous approaches
I just googled, “how to save your marriage.” There were 607,000,000. Over 1/2 a billion results! How do you sort through them? How do you find a real approach, from someone who knows what they are doing? It’s like looking for...
04.26.2023
Changing… and proving it
Things hit a bad spot in your marriage… and your spouse isn’t sure about staying or leaving the marriage. Sure, it may have been a relationship issue, but you may be feeling blamed. It’s pretty common to go looking for the...
04.12.2023
Finding the Energy to Continue
“I’m just out of energy,” she told me, “I don’t think I can even try to save my marriage. Besides, what is the point?" Let’s face it: right now, many people are feeling exhausted and drained. And working to save a...
03.29.2023
“I need space!” — that’s tough!
So many marital crises start with this phrase, "I'm not happy." In panic mode, a spouse reacts and things get worse. The next step is often, "I need space." But that is even scarier! And in panic mode, a spouse reacts...
03.22.2023
Enemies, Victims, or….
Roles. We all have them. We all play them. Some are "identity roles." They identify us in the role. For example, I am "son," "father," "brother," "husband." Some are "function roles." They identify what we do. For example, I am "coach," "therapist,"...
03.15.2023
Dragged Under
Every marriage crisis starts as a crisis of an individual. As it expands into the marriage, the question is whether you, the spouse, will get pulled under by the crisis. Have you ever tried to save a drowning person? This can be...
03.01.2023
4 Failing Fears
You've decided to save your marriage. You start the process, maybe even make some progress. Then, BAM! You hit a wall. A wall of fear. Fears that sabotage your efforts, pull you back from your plan, get you to give up. But those...
02.15.2023
It Isn’t Just About Romance
Since Valentine's Day is passed and the hearts have come down in the stores (except in the clearance area), we can face a reality that confuses many people. “Our marriage is broken,” she told me. “We don’t have the passion anymore,...
02.08.2023
Is a Marriage Intensive for You?
Recently, more and more people have been asking about "Marriage Intensives." If you aren't familiar, these are often week-end (and sometimes week-long) events with lots and lots of (usually therapy) sessions. The theory is that an intensive treatment is needed...
02.01.2023
The Marriage Murdering Myth
There are lots of myths about marriage. But there is one myth that comes up over and over. In fact, the trap for this myth is set at the very early stages of every relationship. The question is whether you step...
01.18.2023
Sharing Power
It’s a partnership. Right? Right? Well, in any partnership, there has to be a way to make decisions. And how a couple makes decisions reveals how they balance power (or don’t balance it). Not every couple will balance it in the same...
01.04.2023
Helping or Hurting??
You've been working on saving your marriage... and you aren't seeing the traction you want. Or maybe is just isn't moving as fast as you would like. Sometimes, it can take more time than you think or want. But are there times...
12.14.2022
A-ha Moment or Slow Turn-Around?
You’ve been following my 4 C’s to work on the 3 C’s of saving your marriage, right? (Hang with me if that seems like gibberish — just me trying to make it simple. I explain it in this episode/) Maybe you...
12.07.2022
Staying Together for the Wrong Reasons??
I’ve been answering listeners’ questions on the Save The Marriage Podcast. And in this episode, I pull together a repeating question about “Should we stay together because of this Insert Bad Reason Here?" Several people told me they were still married,...
11.30.2022
Your Spouse Isn’t…
Many times, I have someone telling me what their spouse should be. How they should act, what they should do… and what they should do, particularly, for the spouse. Rarely are they telling me what a spouse is, but should...
11.16.2022
The Next Phase: Chronic or Thriving?
Has the crisis in your marriage passed… but you aren’t sure where things are now? Well, that would put you in good company! I have been asking for listener questions, and noticed this was the theme for quite a few. What’s the...
11.09.2022
Is It Too Toxic??
You probably know that I'm on the side of your marriage. I'm all about saving a marriage. But does that mean that EVERY marriage will be saved, or even should be saved? No. First, there are times when BOTH people want to leave...
11.02.2022
The Dangers of Emotions and Decisions
It's a false belief in our culture that we need to "trust our gut" and "follow our emotions." Emotions change. Feelings shift. And we can't even say what our emotions are, much of the time. Sure, you can feel an emotion....
10.26.2022
Why “Limbo” is a Lie
Do you feel like you are stuck in limbo? That crazy spot where you can’t move forward, but aren’t ending things? Is it a spouse who has you stuck there? Well, that was the situation for “J.” He wrote me because...
10.05.2022
Midlife Marriage Crisis and Connecting
Mid Life Crisis… the butt of many jokes. And a crisis for many marriages! I have seen several studies that challenged whether there is such a thing as a mid life crisis. I don’t find many of my therapist or...
09.28.2022
Stuck in Questioning??
Are you stuck questioning whether your spouse is the RIGHT spouse, whether your love is REAL, whether there is someone ELSE, or maybe your spouse is being unfaithful? That is often very normal. To a degree. It is entirely normal for people in...
09.21.2022
Mistakes Were Made (Now What?)
I don’t know about you, but I just don’t do things perfectly. I make mistakes. Okay, I’ll admit it: I DO know about you. You make mistakes, too. And how do I know?? We ALL make mistakes! Especially when we are doing...

What's The Save The Marriage Podcast about?

Download our free app to listen on your phone

The Save The Marriage Podcast episodes:

Dealing With an Indifferent Spouse

3 Failpoints You Face

Milestones and Markers — 500 Episodes!

The Trick to Saving Your Marriage

Facing FACTs

How to Get Help for Your Marriage… and Mistakes To Avoid

The Connection Trap

The Pause Problem

7 Complicators to Your Efforts to Save Your Marriage

Dealing with Depression and a Marriage Crisis

The Ghosts of Your Relationship Past

Stuck in the Negative

Dealing with Disrespect and Boundaries

Why You Can’t Force Connection

Dealing with a Heavy Holiday — in the midst of a marriage crisis

How the Created Past Hurts Your Marriage

Are Things Improving?? How do you know??

Take These 3 Steps To Save Your Marriage

Why Your Spouse Can’t See A Way Forward

The Road to Divorce: 8 Stops

The 7 Stages of Disconnection

Why You Aren’t Getting Started

Are You Showing Up??

When Your Spouse Has Lost Hope

The Perception/Connection Trap

Apology ≠ Forgiving

The Blame – Shame Trap

Derailed? Why and what to do…

Saving your marriage… 2 dangerous approaches

Changing… and proving it

Finding the Energy to Continue

“I need space!” — that’s tough!

Enemies, Victims, or….

Dragged Under

4 Failing Fears

It Isn’t Just About Romance

Is a Marriage Intensive for You?

The Marriage Murdering Myth

Sharing Power

Helping or Hurting??

A-ha Moment or Slow Turn-Around?

Staying Together for the Wrong Reasons??

Your Spouse Isn’t…

The Next Phase: Chronic or Thriving?

Is It Too Toxic??

The Dangers of Emotions and Decisions

Why “Limbo” is a Lie

Midlife Marriage Crisis and Connecting

Stuck in Questioning??

Mistakes Were Made (Now What?)