The Scummy Mummies Podcast

What's the best advice for new dads? Who will win X-Factor? What kind of toilet paper does Nigella use? We attempt to answer all these questions and more in this episode of The Scummy Mummies Podcast. 

Our guest is Stuart Heritage, who live blogs The X-Factor for The Guardian and co-hosts his own podcast, Luv and Hat. He tells us how he feels about becoming a dad and why he may name his child after Noel Edmonds.

Then there's some daft chat about X-Factor as we reveal our favourite contestants of all time and predict this year's winner. It's Ellie's turn to talk about the state of her sex life, and of course there's a stupid quiz.

Stu's Luv and Hat podcast is FREE to download via Audible and you can follow it on Twitter. We're on Twitter too - @scummymummies - and on the Facebook. Do email your confessions to [email protected], and visit scummymummies.com to find previous episodes.

EXCITING SHOW NEWS: due to popular demand, we have added an EXTRA DATE for our Christmas show! You can come and see us LIVE at The Hob in Forest Hill, south-east London on Friday 19 December. The show starts at 8pm and it's just a fiver. It's our last performance before Ellie's baby arrives. All our previous shows have SOLD OUT, so book now via We Got Tickets!

Thank you for listening!  

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This episode covers a wide range of topics, from Roald Dahl and chocolate to Catford and Helen's sex life. Our special guest is Guardian columnist Lucy Mangan, who tells us what her husband really thinks about being called Toryboy.

We play a stupid quiz and Helen tells her most uninspiring celebrity anecdote to date. Lucy tells us all about her new book, Inside Charlie's Chocolate Factory, and discuss our favourite Wonka.

You can follow Lucy on Twitter - @lucymangan. We're @scummymummies, and on the Facebook. Do email your confessions to [email protected], and visit scummymummies.com to find previous episodes.

If you'd like to see us live, come to one of our stage shows! They're every month at The Hob in Forest Hill, south-east London. Tickets are a fiver from We Got Tickets. Our November show is sold out, but we're also performing on 17 December. Get your tickets now!

Thanks for listening! 

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What are the best apps for entertaining kids? How much screen time is too much? Which exciting gadgets are coming soon? When do we get hoverboards? All these questions and more are answered in this TECH SPECIAL!

Our guest is Jemima Kiss, head of technology at The Guardian. She tells us about her favourite gizmos and how she manages tech time in her house. Ellie presents her brand new Retro Audio Quiz and we even have a proper jingle.

Most excitingly of all, the Scummy Mummies are coming to you from INSIDE THE GUARDIAN! Specifically, The Guardian's podcast studio, which they let us use to record this episode. So for once, we almost sound professional! Almost.

You can follow Jemima on Twitter - @jemimakiss. We're @scummymummies, and on the Facebook. Do email your confessions to [email protected], and visit scummymummies.com to find previous episodes.

If you'd like to see us live, come to one of our stage shows! They're every month at The Hob in Forest Hill, south-east London. Tickets are a fiver from We Got Tickets. Our next show (Weds 26 November) is nearly sold out, but we're also performing on 17 December. Get your tickets now!

Thanks for listening! 

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This episode features Dawn Isaac, award-winning gardener, author and perhaps most excitingly, FRIEND OF MR BLOOM.

It's like Scummy Gardener's Question Time as we find out how to get rid of weeds and what to plant if you're lazy. Dawn chats about her book, 101 Things for Kids to do Outside, and we learn an interesting fact about bunting. No, really.

Then Dawn tells us about her experience of working on one of CBeebies' most popular shows, Mr Bloom's Nursery. We find out what the man himself is really like, and Helen's voice goes all wibbly.

But she recovers enough to present our brand new section, A Walk in the Lady Garden, before we round off with some Scummy Mummy Confessions. This time there's a PRIZE for the best one!

Dawn's book, 101 Things for Kids to do Outside, is out now. You can find her blog at littlegreenfingers.com.

We're on Facebook and Twitter - @scummymummies. Do email your confessions to [email protected], and visit scummymummies.com to find previous episodes.

If you'd like to see us live, come to one of our stage shows! They're every month at The Hob in Forest Hill, south-east London. Tickets are a fiver from We Got Tickets. Our next show (Weds 29 Oct) is nearly sold out, but we're also performing on 26 November and 17 December. Get your tickets now!

And finally, this Thursday 23 October you can catch us at the Bangkok Bar, Manchester. Tickets are available via the Women In Comedy Festival site.

Thanks for listening! 

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Episode 30: Comedy Special with Kerry Godliman

The Scummy Mummies are 30! In their dreams. Joining us to celebrate our 30th episode is a very special guest - comedian Kerry Godliman, off the telly.

Kerry stars in the Ricky Gervais sitcom Derek. She has also appeared in Michael McIntyre's Roadshow, Miranda and most recently on Kevin Bridges: Live at the Referendum.

We talk about comedy, fame and what it's like to go on Just A Minute. Kerry discusses her love of camping and why she wishes they served wine at soft play centres. There's some chat about the joy of making lists, and Ellie talks about the time she nearly married Richard Branson's son.

We round off with a debate about hospital versus home births, because that's always such a light topic, and of course Scummy Mummy Confessions. And finally, Helen embarrasses herself in front of our guest with a comedy song to end all comedy songs. Hopefully.

It's a very exciting week for the Scummy Mummies as we're also launching our LIVE monthly comedy night at The Hob in Forest Hill, south-east London. The first show is on Wednesday 24 September and there are only a few tickets left, so if you want one head over to We Got Tickets.

If you do miss out we're doing another show every month, each with brand new jokes, songs and guest comedians. They're on 29 October, 26 November and 17 December. All those dates are Wednesdays and the shows start at 8.30pm. Tickets are a fiver from We Got Tickets.

You can find out when Kerry's next gig is via Chortle. She has a website and she's on Twitter: @KerryAGodliman.

We're on Twitter too: @scummymummies. We love getting reviews on iTunes and reading your Scummy Mummy Confessions - please send in via Facebook or email [email protected]. Thanks for listening!  

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We celebrate all things paternal on this episode with the help of stand-up comedian Kent Valentine, plus a special cameo by Ellie's dad.

Kent reveals his strategies for coping with three children under the age of five. There's a chat about meditation, and Helen reveals some strong opinions about Russell Brand.

Then it's time for a new section, the pretty self-explanatory Dad Jokes, followed by the return of an old favourite with a new twist - it's Manbag Surprise! And of course we round off with some Scummy Mummy Confessions. Kent probably won't be letting his children listen to this bit.

**NEWSFLASH** We're shortly launching a new monthly show at The Hob in Forest Hill! Come and see us live on Wednesday 24 September, then 29 October, 26 November and 17 December. Every show will be different, with brand new songs, sketches and silliness. And each one will feature brilliant stand-up from top comedians who have been on telly and everything. Tickets are just a fiver from We Got Tickets. Our London shows often sell out so get yours now!

Check out Kent's website for more from him or follow him on Twitter: @kentvalentine. The mindfulness meditation app we discuss is called headspace. There's more information about transcendental meditation over at tm.org, and it's well worth reading the Seinfeld-Baldwin chat.

We're on Twitter too: @scummymummies. We love getting reviews on iTunes and reading your Scummy Mummy Confessions - please send in via Facebook or email [email protected]. Thanks for listening!  

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The Scummy Mummies podcast reaches new lows this episode as we insult our guest's children, spend ages talking about poo and debate whether it's OK to show your husband your "bum grapes".  

Joining us on the DFS sofa is Tracey Davies, travel writer and mum of three. She gives us her top tips for getting cheap holiday deals, which include having identical twins so you can defraud Premier Inn. 

Helen reveals the part she played in solving The Troubles, while Ellie bangs on about Mexican jungle fires, Muhammad Ali and Center Parcs.

Do tune in! And if you'd like to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE, we're doing the Camden Fringe - Sat 23 and Sun 24 August at the Hen and Chickens, Islington. The show starts at 3pm and costs £7. Tickets are on sale now via the Fringe website.  

Feel free to follow us on Twitter, like us on

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It's our birthday! And we have a very special guest joining us to celebrate.

One year ago, on the first ever episode of The Scummy Mummies Podcast, we reviewed Viv Groskop's brilliant book I Laughed, I Cried. Now we get to chat with Viv herself, live from the Latitude festival.

We talk about what it's like to do a hundred stand-up gigs in a hundred days and find out what Viv's been up to since then. We get some great recommendations for summer reading and answer the age-old question of whether they have badgers in Australia. Plus there is a surprise cameo by another special guest.  

Many thanks to the lovely people from the New Statesman who let us record in their backstage area. Sorry the sound quality's not so great - it's festival ambience,  innit.

If you'd like to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE, we'll be at Camp Bestival this Friday 1 August, performing in the Guardian Literary...

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This episode covers everything from lesbianism to Leerdammer. Our special guest is Kerry Leigh, comedian, poet and cheese impressionist.

She tells us all about her rainbow family and how she got her start in stand-up. Helen gets confused about the correct way to pronounce "labia", and Ellie tries her hand at misogyny.  

Plus we have not one but TWO cheese-themed games. Do feel free to play along at home!

Send your own cheese impressions and Scummy Mummy Confessions to [email protected]. Or you can find us on Facebook and Twitter. If you like the podcast, please tell your friends!

We're performing LIVE at Camp Bestival on Friday 1 August, and at the Camden Fringe on Sat 23 and Sun 23 August. Tickets are available from the Fringe website. 

Handy links:

Kerry Leigh

Laughing Cows

Women in Comedy Festival

Follow Kerry on Twitter

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Dancing, shouting, mud baths, raw sewage - in many ways, music festivals are just large-scale children's parties. So we're celebrating the start of the season with DJ Amanda Gettrup, who'll be appearing at Camp Bestival next month.

Ellie explains why she thinks all festivals are rubbish actually, and Helen looks forward to attending three with her this summer.  We address important topical questions like how relevant Five Star are today and whether happiness really is the truth. Plus, we find out our DJ names and take part in what must be the first ever rap battle to feature the word "taramasalata". It may be the worst thing we have ever done.

Thanks for listening! And if you'd like to see the Scummy Mummies LIVE, come on down to the Caversham Festival near Reading. We'll be performing there on Sunday 13th July. It's FREE!  

Or you can see us at Camp Bestival, along with Amanda. And finally there's our Camden Fringe show - Sat 23 and Sun 24 August at the Hen and Chickens, 3pm. Get your tickets now!

Amanda's on Twitter (@amandagettrup) and so are we (@scummymummies). Please feel free to Like us on Facebook and if you'd like to leave us a review on iTunes, that would be lovely. Ta!  

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