I first found Amanda White on Instagram, as she's the therapist behind Therapy For Women - a popular Instagram mental health group. But then I learned more about her. Her book came out early in 2022:  NOT DRINKING TONIGHT: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love, where she calls herself a retired-party-girl-turned-therapist. She became sober herself in her early 20's, but speaks candidly how frightened she was to do so - that suddenly she'd be the one left out, the one that's weird or simply not "fun." She encourages others to consider how any addiction you might have, but especially alcohol addiction, may be creeping up on you. The pandemic has certainly caused many to find escape in booze - with many drinking more than 14% of their normal, and women's drinking increased by 41%.

Amanda also has many years of treating those who are trying to decrease or stop their drinking completely, having founded The Therapy For Women Center in Philadelphia. Her work has been featured in dozens of publications including The Washington Post, Forbes, Shape, Women's Health, and more  She wants you to not only figure out the true "why," and more importantly, when and how to set boundaries around your choices - maybe even how to be the one "not drinking tonight."

Her book is NOT DRINKING TONIGHT: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love, retired-party-girl-turned-therapist Amanda White does just that. I've read it and heard wonderful wisdom.

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

This is a very personal episode of SelfWork, as I tell the story of my mother's intense struggles with anxiety - and her turning to prescription drugs to help her cope. Sadly, doctors in the 1960's brushed off women with "nerves" and handed out medications that were not only strong, but addictive. And some women, like my mother, developed a prescription drug addiction. This is the story of how the mother that I knew - that many people loved and admired - became a shadow of herself, as we all watched the woman we knew disappear.

I think she would want you to know her story. She once told me, "I wish I'd known what I was doing to myself." Maybe her story can help you or someone you love. For it still can happen, although the medical profession has realized the damage of opioid overprescription - and are hopefully analyzing anxiolytics and other addictive medications closely for abuse, over-dependence, and prescriptive issues.

BetterHelp has sponsored this episode - and I so wish that my own mother had sought therapy. Maybe that's why I became a therapist. Who knows...

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

New York Times article on racial and ethnic inequalities and abuse by the medical community

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Warning: There are references made in this episode to childhood abuse and suicidal thoughts/attempts. Please listen with caution. Here are international suicide prevention hotlines and resources.

Lyn Barrett is a guest you'll never forget. She suffered from DID (which used to be called multiple personality disorder) and now manages a fully functional life, As part of her healing process with an eye to helping others with DID, Lyn Barrett wrote her own memoir. This retired teacher, school principal, and pastor was diagnosed with DID in 1992 and, after very intense therapeutic work, lives a happily integrated life. In her book, Crazy, Reclaiming Life From The Shadow of Traumatic Memory, Barrett takes us through her journey from happy wife and mother to internally living with more than ten distinctive personalities or “alters.”

Her opening quote is: “Trauma freezes the memory narrative. It is the task of survivors of early childhood trauma to thaw it out and turn it into story.” The term “dissociative disorders affect about 2% of the US population. It is a persistent mental state that is marked by feelings of being detached from reality, being outside one’s own body or experiencing memory loss (amnesia). Often misdiagnosed, DID is known predominantly to be caused by severe childhood trauma combined with a disorganized attachment style When long-term child abuse occurs before a child’s typical personality integration around age 9, the healthy state of a singular self may be disrupted. The experience of memory loss of time, people and events can result in two or more distinct and separate identities that serve as a coping mechanism to function within the abuse.

So, in this episode sponsored by BetterHelp, sit back and learn how intensive abuse can be lived through - and healed - and how your wonderful mind acts to protect you.

 

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

One of the hardest even most cruel things about depression is the very darkness of your thoughts – the hounding of your mind and heart with feelings that seem to have the power at times to wipe all rationale from your consciousness and bury you with shame and worthlessness, distrust, and complete disbelief that anything might ever change. So today we’re going to talk about those vicious lies that depression tells you. .

The listener email is from someone whose therapist, with whom she’d been working for over five years, terminated their work together because of retirement. The issue seems to be that she let people know only a couple of months before she stopped doing therapy. Now the patient is saying, “Why should I do this again? Why should I go into therapy again? This hurts too much.” So, I’ll try to help her with those questions, and that sorrow.

Today’s episode is sponsored by BetterHelp – and I’m happy to say that they’ve been a sponsor of SW now for two years – and many of you have written in that their services have been more than helpful. Virtual therapy has become normal now – and BH offers many ways for you to get therapy conveniently and easily, while also doing the important work you need to do. Let’s talk today about depression’s lies… and of course, what you can do about it when you hear them.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

William Styron's Vanity Fair Article

Fantastic new website and article on the lies depression can tell you!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today we’re doing something new! And it's the brainchild of the woman you're about to meet!

Ashley Stahl is a counterterrorism professional turned career coach, spokesperson, and author of the bestselling book, You Turn: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, Design Your Dream Career. Through her two viral TEDx speeches, her online courses,and her podcast, the You Turn Podcast, she’s been able to support clients all over the world in discovering their best career path, upgrading their confidence, and landing more job offers. She maintains a monthly career column in Forbes, and her work has been also featured in outlets such as The Wall Street Journal, CBS, SELF, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, and more.

Those are the facts about Ashley Stahl. But let me tell you what it’s like to talk with her. She’s quick, bright, compassionate – quick to laugh. And her advice and guidance about choosing a career or moving into a career that uses your core values, skills and very nature – where your particular brand of of energy can have the chance to be naturally expressed every day and bring you fulfillment – is refreshing to hear. Her book isn’t a checklist of to-do’s about getting the perfect job for you – but is chock-full of personal stories that give her message context and power. I changed careers in my late 20’s and it took nine years to do so but was so very worth that time. I wish I’d had her book as I realize I stumbled around looking for the direction she provides.

So now we’re introducing each other’s work to our own podcast audiences – and I chose her interview with Tatyana Rae – who's been Ashley's mentor as a personal inspiration consultant. Here is some of Tatyana's heritage: "I come from a family lineage of Shaman on my Father’s side, who was Apache I received my earliest training at the feet my paternal Great Grandmother. The skills associated with Shamanism were passed on to my Father, myself, and now my son, Zachary, who is being groomed in the Remembering." She's a fascinating guest and I so enjoyed their discussion!

So here are Ashley Stahl and her interview with the revolutionary expert in the art of loving. Tatyana Rae.

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Three times this week I was asked, "Just how do I interview a therapist?" So... I'm going to give you fifteen very specific, concrete, and legit questions to ask a potential therapist. It's important of course to note how that therapist is answering you and does their manner of talking with you seem warm and engaging? I hope this helps with any confusion  you might have, or at least, now you have ideas of what to ask.

The listener voicemail today is from a woman who’d read one of my blogpost articles on challenging or working through the shame that you've carried around, quite without rational or reason, because you felt invisible to others, and thought it was somehow your 'fault.'

So, in this episode, sponsored by Athletic Greens, we’ll focus on the very tangible and concrete topic of approaching a potential therapist. Sit back, relax, and hopefully learn how to talk to someone about becoming your therapist – what to ask, how to ask it, and other important facets of creating this very unique relationship in your life.

Important Links:

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

The podcast episode also talking about the problem of feeling invisible. 

An Unquiet Mind written by Kay Redfield Jamison,

My first podcast episode on What Is Good Therapy?

An Open Counseling article explaining licensure and training differences between therapists

My podcast on whether to terminate therapy

The different family roles that you can adopt and play

You can hear more of many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then clickhere and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And here's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

What's a mental health day? Why should you take one? And how to answer the question, “What good will it do anyway? I just have to go back tomorrow….And I need the money.”  I’m going to give you some ideas of how to really use a mental health day to your advantage – and the problems inherent in many work places in “admitting” or ‘revealing” that’s what you’re doing. Of course, here at SelfWork, we’re doing our best to challenge that thinking and are so grateful when you share the podcast with others or leave a review!

Our listener email is from a young woman who grew up in a chaotic home where she'd to become an adult far too soon. Now as she begins to address the pain of that, she’s feeling as if the changes she’s trying to make are going unnoticed by those around her. I’ve had many people tell me the same thing. “I feel like so much is going on inside me – but no one says anything to me. It’s like I’m changing inwardly but I’m frustrated it’s not showing externally.”

So, today’s post, sponsored by BetterHelp, we’ll talk about the ins and outs of mental health days. How do you know when you need one, and how do you create a day that meets whatever needs you have – on that particular day.

Important Links

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

New York Times article on mental health days

Forbes article on how the brain processes emotional and physical pain

All about "sick days" in the USA

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

This past month, I heard from a woman who identifies herself as manifesting covert narcissism and she’s looking for both support and information on how she could best address what she so desperately and sincerely wants to change in herself. She talks about the extreme lack of help out there- and she’s right. Sometimes we can forget as a culture that those we “label” as having a personality disorder are often living very difficult lives. So, today we’ll talk about covert narcissism: I’ll offer recent research and as usual, add my own ideas about healing. Our listener email for this week – or basically another listener email! – is from a young woman who asks what the relationship is between perfectionism and social anxiety and she’s struggling with her progress not going faster – as she says she wants to get “rid” of her anxiety.

BetterHelp is sponsoring this podcast today – and I’ve been made very aware during the pandemic (because I myself moved to only doing virtual work) how convenient and effective virtual therapy could be,  especially for those not quite ready to walk into a therapist’s office. So please do whatever it is you like to do when you listen, and let’s talk about covert narcissism, what it is, how you can spot it in yourself or others, and as always, what you can do about it.

Important Links:

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Scientific American article on narcissism and imposter syndrome

MindBodyGreen article on covert narcissism

InStyle article on covert narcissism

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Here's today's You Get The Gist! 

If you’ve been watching March Madness recently, hopefully you’ve seen the new commercials, sponsored by Powerade, supporting the power of pause. They feature premiere such as Simone Biles, Premier League soccer manager Antonio Conte and Olympic Gold diver Tom Daley as they take pause to relax and enjoy unexpected hobbies. Also featured are former NBA stars Chris Webber and Jason Williams.

Let me quickly say that I have no relationship with Powerade; my fascination is with the power of this campaign – not only for athletes but for driven perfectionists  - no matter what their field.

“I’ve come to recognize the power of the pause and the Powerade brand’s campaign is a timely reminder to take a moment when we need it—whether for a deep breath, a timeout or even a season out,” Biles said in a statement. “We push ourselves hard physically and emotionally to achieve our dreams but if we are not our best mentally, then we are not maximizing our full potential. I want to help encourage everybody to be kinder to themselves, because that’s when we’re at our strongest and we can achieve the most.

Here's the commercial!

Important Links:

Adweek Article talking about The Power of Pause

You can hear more of many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then clickhere and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And here's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

 

This question came up in a couple of scenarios this week. So, I decided to go with the synergy of that and focus on the decisions surrounding self-revelation - or telling your story. Here's the question: “How do I talk to someone about what’s really going on with me? I’m scared they’ll feel like I’m dumping on them, I’m feeling sorry for myself. Or even worse, I’m scared they’ll take it on like it’s their problem.” I know some of you rarely if ever do that; some of you may do it too much. So, what’s a middle ground? How can you filter your own need to be listened to, to be understood, so that you set up a situation where you get what you want and need?. Or for those of you who stay completely away from sharing parts of your story, how can you begin to do it at all??

The listener email is from someone who saw my Pinterest feed – and more specifically the pin on PHD – took my questionnaire and was shocked by her score. So ,what should or could she do now? This is a question I get a lot so wanted to bring it to the forefront again today.

You’ll also hear from Athletic Greens, or AG1 – about their conservation commitment and how you can not only benefit from their product, but how they trying in turn to benefit the world.

So sit back and relax -as we focus together on sharing – the why, how, what, when and where of sharing. And how do you know whether you’re venting, dumping, or simply sharing your story…

Important Links:

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens - now AG1 - with bonus product with your subscription!

A great article on the difference between venting and dumping

The USA Today article on trauma dumping

My SelfWork episode (008) on how to be a good listener

You can hear more of many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then clickhere and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And here's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands