Here's one way you make your depression worse: should-ing on yourself.

A should statement is a cognitive distortion. It’s based on an overly rigid rule inside your head that you aren’t able to live up to. Shoulds generate a lot of shame. This way of talking to ourselves is like having a little shoulder angel constantly finding fault and criticizing you. But shoulds just aren’t that helpful in actually creating change - they mostly just make us miserable and discouraged.

Is this what's making you depressed? Are shoulds making you feel like you're never good enough? Shoulding is a bad habit that sends a message to your brain that you’ll never be good enough. It creates hopelessness, which leads to depression.

So how do we stop shoulding on ourselves? How can we stop making ourselves more depressed? In order to resolve these shouldy feelings, we’re going to use the emotion processing model: Notice, Pause, Explore, Clarify and Act.

So the two shoulds we’re going to look at for our example are “I should always be happy” and “I should spend more time with my kids.”

Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=12312021

Looking for affordable online counseling? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional for $65/week. Try it now for 10% off: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell

Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell

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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC 

Trauma is very common. But despite how common it is, trauma treatment is complicated, and complex trauma, stemming from years of abuse, really impacts the brain in long-lasting ways. So I’m not going to pretend that I can just teach you how to fix it in one short video. But we can break trauma treatment down into practical steps. It’s not that hard to learn how to release trauma in the body. So let’s talk about that.

In my previous video I talked about how trauma gets trapped in the body- the FFF response gets kicked on over and over, it doesn’t get resolved, and it become habitual, essentially a muscle memory that turns on that physiological response. Adrenaline and cortisol flood the body, the pupils narrow, the muscles tense, the heart and lungs pump faster, the immune system and digestion turn off.

When it comes to trauma, our body is not only reacting to the present moment's sense of danger or safety, but the memory of past danger that has basically been stored in our nervous system. This activated, stressed-out, hypervigilant response becomes habitual, and when it’s chronic, the toxic stress harms your body and makes it difficult to function mentally and emotionally.

But your beautiful, brilliant body is not designed to just leave you trapped there; it’s designed to heal, to repair, to connect, to restore its sense of safety.

Want to work on past trauma with a licensed therapist? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional for $65/week. Try it now for 10% off: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell

Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=12132021

Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell

Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapynutshell.com?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=podcast

Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC 

Buy the full, ad-free Emotion Processing course now for only $147 https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/emotion-processing?utm_campaign=Nov%2026,%202021&utm_medium=Description&utm_source=podcast

Just “stopping it” often doesn’t work, and it has negative side effects. If “just stop it” worked for every problem, then you wouldn’t be taking this course and no one would ever come to therapy.

If we could just willpower our way to change then none of us would feel stuck or need help to grow. Almost everyone who comes to me for therapy has already tried “just stop it” and it’s not working. Nothing they are trying is working.

One way of looking at that is, “They just haven’t tried the “right” behavior yet. Try a different diet, try a different way of forcing your kids to do stuff. But what if the “solution” is the problem? What if focusing on behavior change is, at best, a waste of energy and, at worst, it’s making things worse?

This lesson is #30 from the How to Process your Emotions course. 

Looking for affordable online therapy? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional for $65/week. Try it now for 10% off: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell

Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=11262021

Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell

Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapynutshell.com?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=podcast

Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books 

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

Buy the full, ad-free Emotion Processing course now for only $147: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/emotion-processing?utm_campaign=Nov%2024,%202021&utm_medium=Description&utm_source=podcast

We often try to change ourselves by beating ourselves up. But you can't hate yourself into a version of yourself that you can love. In this video, I teach how self-compassion can be the greatest source of change and growth. You'll learn three simple ways to stop beating yourself up and what to do instead.

Looking for affordable online counseling? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional for $65/week. Try it now for 10% off: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell

Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=11242021

Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell

Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapynutshell.com?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=podcast

Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

Buy the full, ad-free Emotion Processing course now for only $147: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/emotion-processing?utm_campaign=Nov%2022,%202021&utm_medium=Description&utm_source=podcast

Most people don't even realize that they have a fixed mindset in regards to their mental health. A fixed mindset can keep you stuck feeling depressed or anxious.

In this video you’re going to learn how to tell if you have a growth or a fixed mindset, how to develop a growth mindset in regards to mental health, and why having a growth mindset can completely change how you feel about your mental health.

Carol Dweck, the author of Mindset (which this video is based off of) said “In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work - brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.”

The opposite of a growth mindset is a fixed mindset - a belief that you were either born talented or defective. That your skills are due more to luck or chance than effort.

Looking for affordable online counseling? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional for $65/week. Try it now for 10% off: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell

Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=11222021

Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell

Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapynutshell.com?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=podcast

Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

Ready to change your life? Buy the full, ad-free Emotion Processing course now for only $147: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/emotion-processing?utm_campaign=Oct%2025,%202021&utm_medium=Description&utm_source=podcast

In this video you’re going to learn how to let go of self-limiting beliefs, how to stop labeling yourself, how to stop getting stuck hating yourself, and how to find a healthy sense of self. The labels you give yourself, whether you call yourself broken, stupid, bad, or even if you give yourself positive labels, these are just like painted-on cattle guards: they are self-imposed limits. And today, I’m going to teach you one way to let go of them.

Looking for affordable online counseling? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional for $65/week. Try it now for 10% off: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell

Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=10252021

Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell

Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapynutshell.com?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=podcast

Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services. Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

Ready to change your life? Buy the full, ad-free Emotion Processing course now for only $147: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/emotion-processing?utm_campaign=Oct%2022,%202021&utm_medium=Description&utm_source=podcast

Clarifying your core values is essential to fighting depression and anxiety. You can learn to identify and act on your core values as an antidote to constantly struggling against your emotions. In this episode we’re going to talk about how to create a life where you feel a sense of peace and integrity. You’re going to get a chance to clarify your values and see how striving towards them is the key to a fulfilling life, which is what I call happiness.

Russ Harris' Video on Values vs. Goals: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-lRbuy4XtA

Learn to stop intrusive thoughts with this course: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/managing-intrusive-thoughts?utm_campaign=Oct%2022,%202021&utm_medium=Description&utm_source=YouTube

Looking for affordable online counseling? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional for $65/week. Try it now for 10% off: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell

Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=10222021

Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell

Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapynutshell.com?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=podcast

Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services. Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC 

Ready to change your life? Buy the full, ad-free Emotion Processing course now for only $147: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/emotion-processing?utm_campaign=Oct%2020,%202021&utm_medium=Description&utm_source=podcast

We’ve been duped into thinking that happiness is the goal of life. Happiness may be the outcome of a good life, but if you put all your efforts into happiness, you may end up feeling miserable. People who live rich and fulfilling lives focus on their purpose and their direction - their values - instead of putting all their effort into being happy.

Perfectly unhappy comic: https://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy

Looking for affordable online counseling?My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional for $65/week. Try it now for 10% off: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanuts...

Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=10202021

Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanut...

Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapynutshell.com?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=podcast

Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/bes...

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/c... If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services. Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC ---- Music licensed from www.Bensound.com or Artlist.io Images from Freepik.com (premium license), Pixabay, or Wikimedia commons

https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/emotion-processing?utm_campaign=Oct%2018,%202021&utm_medium=Description&utm_source=podcast

Ready to change your life? Buy the full, ad-free Emotion Processing course now for only $147: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/emotion-processing?utm_campaign=Oct%2013,%202021&utm_medium=Description&utm_source=podcast

Self-deception is the problem of not knowing that you have a problem. If you don’t know you have a problem, is it possible to change it? Yes, it is. And in this post I’ll show you how.

My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional for $65/week. Try it now for 10% off: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshell

Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=10132021

Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell

Sign up for my newsletter: https://www.therapynutshell.com?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=podcast

Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books

Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

About Me: I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC ----

Music licensed from www.Bensound.com or Artlist.io Images from Freepik.com (premium license), Pixabay, or Wikimedia commons