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We tell women to speak up, set boundaries, advocate for themselves, negotiate for more, and stop waiting for permission. Great advice. But there's one tiny problem: What the hell are we actually supposed to say?
Because knowing what you want and knowing how to ask for it are two very different skills. Especially when your brain decides to take an unscheduled vacation right when you need it most.
Joining This Is Woman's Work is Emily Lampkin, author of Duct Tape and White Lies, founder of the Women Leader series, and a speaker and advisor with more than 25 years of experience helping women lead, succeed, and get what they want.
In this episode, we explore:
How to ask for what you want without overexplaining, oversharing, or apologizing
What to say when you freeze in a difficult conversation and can't find the right words
How to set boundaries and say no without feeling guilty or needing to justify yourself
Why self-advocacy and self-promotion aren't bragging, and how to confidently communicate your value
Practical strategies for asking for a raise, negotiating a promotion, and creating career opportunities
Why every woman needs a "swimsuit friend" who will tell her the truth
How to handle rejection, follow up when you're ghosted, and stop taking every no personally
Why taking action before you feel ready is the secret to building confidence and getting what you want
Because confidence doesn't come from getting every conversation right. It comes from trusting yourself enough to have the conversation.
Thank you to our sponsors!
To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans
Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year
Connect with Emily:
Website: https://www.emilylampkin.com/
Book: https://www.emilylampkin.com/author
FB: https://www.facebook.com/emily.k.lampkin
LI: linkedin.com/in/emilylampkin
Related Podcast Episodes
201 / How To Find The Right Words When Creating Boundaries with Amy Green Smith
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Women are taught to be agreeable, accommodating, self-sacrificing, and well-behaved. To stay quiet, make everyone comfortable, and take up as little space as possible.
Yeah, no thanks.
What if the goal isn't to become a better-behaved woman, but to reclaim who we were before the world taught us to shrink?
Avril Millar, author of Feral: A Grown Woman's Guide to a Free and Ferocious Life, joins Nicole Kalil to challenge societal expectations keeping women small. After five careers, losing everything in her 40s, and starting over at 50, Avril is now 74 and has plenty to say about confidence, self-love, reinvention, and refusing to be tamed.
We explore:
What it means to be feral and reclaim your authentic self
How societal conditioning teaches women to be agreeable and self-sacrificing
Why midlife and menopause can be opportunities for reinvention
How to recognize the expectations and "shoulds" holding us back
Why trusting your intuition starts with learning to pause
How to stop worrying about what other people think
Why self-awareness is essential to confidence and personal growth
How to build a healthier relationship with yourself and practice unconditional self-love
What Avril has learned about resilience, starting over, and embracing life at 74
Being feral isn't about being reckless or selfish. It's about questioning the rules we've been following, trusting ourselves, and deciding which expectations no longer deserve our obedience.
Perhaps the most important relationship we'll ever have is the one we have with ourselves. So it's time to stop becoming who everyone else needs us to be and start embracing who we actually are.
We were never meant to become less of ourselves. We were meant to become more.
Thank you to our sponsors!
To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans
Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year
Connect with Avril:
Website: https://www.avrilmillar.com
Book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/stores/Avril-Millar/author/B00DCLLFUS
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/avrilmillar
IG: https://www.instagram.com/avrilmillar/
Related Podcast Episodes:
On Our Best Behavior: The Price Women Pay to Be “Good” with Elise Loehnen | 388
If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!
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We've traded ancient oracles and crystal balls for algorithms, but our desire to predict the future hasn't changed. Today, AI predictions influence everything from hiring and healthcare to loans and personal decisions. But predictions aren't facts, and prophecy isn't destiny. So who's really in control?
Carissa Véliz, Oxford AI ethics expert and author of Privacy Is Power and Prophecy: Prediction, Power, and the Fight for the Future, from Ancient Oracles to AI, joins Nicole Kalil to explore the intersection of prophecy, artificial intelligence, privacy, and power — and why we should think twice before letting algorithms decide our future.
We explore:
Why AI is a prediction machine, not a truth machine
How AI predictions influence hiring, healthcare, loans, and major life decisions
What ancient prophecies can teach us about modern algorithms
How algorithmic bias and self-fulfilling prophecies threaten fairness and freedom
Why ChatGPT can sound convincing while being completely wrong
The hidden privacy risks of using AI tools
How to protect critical thinking, personal agency, and decision-making in an AI-driven world
AI can make life easier, but that doesn't mean it should make our decisions. Understanding how these systems work helps us question their predictions, protect our privacy, and reclaim our power.
Prediction is not destiny. Data is not the whole story. And an algorithm doesn't get to decide what's possible for us.
The future isn't something we wait to have predicted. It's something we create.
Thank you to our sponsors!
To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans
Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year
Connect with Carissa:
Book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/759692/prophecy-by-carissa-veliz/
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carissa-v%C3%A9liz-a5781555/
Related Podcast Episodes:
AI, Hiring, and the Future of Work (Without Selling Your Soul) with Katie Fortunato | 395
THE INSTABILITY OF TRUTH: Brainwashing, Mind Control, and Hyper-Persuasion with Rebecca Lemov | 333
If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!
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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
What happens when a confidence expert has a wardrobe malfunction in front of hundreds of women? One hell of a lesson in self-trust.
After an 11-week European sabbatical, Nicole Kalil returned to the keynote stage feeling rusty, nervous, and full of self-doubt. Despite 20 years of teaching confidence, her brain was busy imagining everything that could go wrong.
Turns out, none of those things happened. Instead, her left boob decided to make its own keynote presentation.
In this unfiltered and unhinged solo episode, Nicole shares what an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction taught her about overcoming self-doubt, letting go of perfectionism, and trusting herself when life doesn't go according to plan.
We explore:
Why even confidence experts struggle with self-doubt
How overthinking and catastrophizing fuel fear of failure
Why perfectionism can't protect us from embarrassment
The power of vulnerability, humor, and embracing imperfection
How to build real confidence by trusting yourself through the unexpected
Confidence isn't knowing everything will work out. It's trusting that we'll be okay even if it doesn't.
And sometimes, that lesson comes with a little unexpected exposure.
Thank you to our sponsors!
To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans
Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year
Start your risk-free Greenlight trial today at Greenlight.com/TIWW. Don't wait to teach your kids real-world money skills!
Connect with Nicole:
Subscribe to Nicole’s Substack: https://nicolekalil.substack.com/
If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!
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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Comparison is the thief of joy. Or so we've been told. But what if comparison isn't the problem? What if the real problem is what we do with it?
We compare everything. Careers, salaries, bodies, relationships, parenting, success, and whose kids somehow unload the dishwasher without being threatened. And thanks to social media, we can feel inadequate about all of it before we've even had our morning coffee.
But here's where things get interesting: What if envy isn't something to overcome, but something we can actually use?
Dr. Stacy Kim is a social scientist, life coach, founder of Life Junctions, and author of Envy: Why Wanting What They Have Is the Key to Getting What You Want. She's challenging everything we've been taught about envy, jealousy, and comparison, revealing how these uncomfortable emotions can become powerful tools for self-discovery, personal growth, and building confidence.
We explore:
The difference between envy and jealousy — and why understanding it matters
How to recognize benign envy versus malicious envy, and turn comparison into motivation instead of resentment
What the Korean approach to envy can teach us about admiration, ambition, and wanting more
How the SIREN framework helps uncover what envy is really trying to tell us
Why what we envy isn't always what we actually want, and how to identify the deeper desire
How social media comparison can impact confidence and self-worth
Why some feelings of envy disappear quickly while others deserve our attention
Practical ways to turn envy into action, personal growth, and meaningful change
Envy is information, not instruction. It can point us toward what matters, but we still get to decide what we want and what we're willing to do about it. So instead of letting someone else's success derail our confidence, let's get curious about what it's telling us — and use it to build a life that actually feels like our own.
Thank you to our sponsors!
To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans
Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year
Connect with Stacy:
Website: https://stacyskim.com
Book: https://www.amazon.com/Envy-Wanting-What-They-Getting/dp/1538776715;
IG: https://www.instagram.com/stacykim.phd/;
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stacyskim/
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On Our Best Behavior: The Price Women Pay to Be “Good” with Elise Loehnen | 388
UNCOMPETE: Rejecting Competition to Unlock Success with Ruchika T. Malhotra | 398
VI4P - Comparison, Judgement, and Choosing Confidence (Chapter 9)
If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!
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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
We've all done it. Avoided the conversation, hoped the problem would magically disappear, or convinced ourselves that someone should just know what we need without us having to actually say it.
And how's that working out?
The truth is, the conversations we avoid don't go away. They take up space, create resentment, damage relationships, and sometimes turn a relatively small issue into a full-blown shitshow.
In this episode of This Is Woman's Work, Nicole Kalil sits down with Christina Wing, Harvard Business School senior lecturer and author of Unspeakable: The Taboo Topics We Avoid and How to Talk About Them, to explore why we're so damn uncomfortable talking about the things that matter most.
In this episode, they discuss:
Why avoiding uncomfortable conversations often creates bigger problems than having them.
How talking about someone instead of to them can fuel resentment and unnecessary drama.
Why money conversations feel so personal and how to separate financial circumstances from self-worth.
The difference between a difficult conversation and a difficult moment.
How to recognize when it's your place to speak up and when it's better to stay out of it.
What to do when someone becomes defensive or refuses to engage.
Why everyday annoyances can turn into major relationship problems when left unaddressed.
The two biggest mistakes people make when approaching difficult conversations.
Why conversations about estate planning, death, and our final wishes need to happen sooner rather than later.
Having the conversation doesn't guarantee we'll get the outcome we want. But avoiding it almost guarantees we won't have a voice in what happens next.
Because sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is stop overthinking, stop rehearsing, and just say the damn thing.
Thank you to our sponsors!
To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans
Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year
Connect with Christina:
Website: https://www.christinawing.com/
Book: https://www.christinawing.com/book/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/christina.r.wing/
Related Podcast Episodes:
195 / Finding (And Using) Your Voice with Amy Green Smith
If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!
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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
For years, remote work has felt like a win. No commute, more flexibility, fewer pointless hours spent proving we're working simply because someone can see us. And for women, especially caregivers, that flexibility can be a game changer.
But what if there's a downside we're not talking about enough?
In this episode of This Is Woman's Work, Nicole Kalil sits down with economist Natalia Emanuel, co-author of In Person: How Working Together Fuels Creativity, Productivity, and Growth, to challenge some deeply held beliefs about remote work.
In this episode, they discuss:
Why working face-to-face can improve learning, creativity, and career advancement.
The surprising connection between remote work, isolation, and mental health.
Why being in the office isn't the same as meaningful in-person collaboration.
How remote work can disadvantage younger employees and those starting new roles.
Why mentorship and workplace culture need to be valued and rewarded.
The complicated trade-offs between workplace flexibility and caregiving responsibilities.
Five factors organizations should consider when deciding how much in-person work is necessary.
Why predictable schedules and workday social activities matter, especially for women.
How AI could make human connection even more valuable.
The answer isn't all remote or all in person. It's about being intentional with our time, challenging outdated workplace expectations, and creating environments where people can actually thrive.
Thank you to our sponsors!
To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans
Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year
Connect with Natalia:
Website:https://www.nataliaemanuel.com/
Book: https://inpersonbook.com/
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nataliaemanuel?trk=public_post_feed-actor-name
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If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!
🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Somewhere along the way, emergency preparedness got hijacked by doomsday prepping, conspiracy theories, stockpiles of ammo, and a truly unnecessary amount of camouflage. But emergencies themselves? Not exactly far-fetched. Power outages, extreme weather, wildfires, floods, earthquakes, pandemics - shit happens. Being prepared for it isn’t paranoid. It’s practical.
Amy Edelman and Chris Begley are the co-authors of The Emergency Playbook: A Bunker-Free Guide to Disaster Preparation. Amy is the founder of IndieReader and Pretty Prepared, while Chris is an archaeologist, professor, wilderness survival instructor, National Geographic Explorer, and author of The Next Apocalypse. Together, they’re making emergency preparedness less about fear and more about confidence, common sense.
We explore:
How to create an emergency preparedness plan without spiraling into worst-case-scenario anxiety
The most likely emergencies households should actually prepare for
Why the best first step costs absolutely nothing: make a plan
What every household should have on hand for power outages and natural disasters and what belongs in a go bag
Why knowing your neighbors and building community may matter more than stockpiling gear
The survival skills that can be more valuable than expensive emergency equipment
How to prepare for pets, children, older family members, disabilities, and different mobility needs
Why freaking out and failing to plan are two of the biggest mistakes people make during an emergency
The surprisingly important role of chocolate, coffee, candy, and other morale boosters
The goal isn’t to prepare for every single terrible thing that could possibly happen. The goal is to prepare for what’s reasonably likely, build useful skills, communicate with the people who matter, and create enough of a plan that fear doesn’t get to run the show.
Thank you to our sponsors!
To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans
Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year
Connect with Amy & Chris:
Book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/781838/the-emergency-playbook-by-amy-edelman-and-chris-begley/
Amy’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/pretty.prepared/
Amy’s Substack: https://prettyprepared.substack.com/p/how-to-stop-feeling-anxious-about
Chris’ Website: https://explorationfound.wixsite.com/chrisbegley
Related Podcast Episodes:
Survival Is Woman’s Work with Kathy Giusti | 391
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The Fourth Trauma Response You’ve Never Heard Of (And How It’s Running Your Life) with Dr. Ingrid Clayton | 342
If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!
🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Domestic violence doesn’t always start with a punch. It often starts quietly, with control disguised as concern, isolation disguised as love, and boundaries being chipped away so slowly that it can be hard to recognize what’s happening until the danger is very real.
Denise Brown knows this in the most devastating way possible. Her sister, Nicole Brown Simpson, was murdered in 1994 after experiencing domestic violence in her marriage. For more than 30 years, Denise has dedicated her life to domestic violence awareness, victim advocacy, education, and helping women recognize the warning signs she wishes she had understood then. Her new book, For My Sister Nicole: Love Shouldn’t Hurt, shares Nicole’s story while giving victims, survivors, families, and friends resources that could save lives.
In this episode, Nicole and Denise discuss:
Why domestic violence is about power and control—and why it can happen to strong, independent women
The early warning signs of an abusive relationship that are easy to dismiss or explain away
Why victims may hide abuse to protect their children, family, friends, pets—or even their abuser
The hope, shame, and fear that can make leaving an abusive relationship incredibly complicated
How friends and family can support someone experiencing domestic violence without trying to control their decisions
The importance of safety planning and working with domestic violence shelters when preparing to leave
Why calling 911, documenting abuse, and creating a paper trail can matter
The Domestic Violence Bill of Rights—and the reminder that everyone has the right to safety, respect, their own opinions, and the word “no”
This is a hard conversation, but it’s an important one. Because love should never require someone to live in fear, walk on eggshells, surrender their autonomy, or make themselves smaller to stay safe.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline has trained advocates available 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE, by texting START to 88788, or at TheHotline.org.
Thank you to our sponsors!
To see what Scribe could look like for your team, head to https://scribe.how/TIWW and mention TIWW for your first month of Scribe Capture free on select plans
Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year
Connect with Denise:
Website: https://denisebrown.com/
Book: https://www.amazon.com/My-Sister-Nicole-Julie-McCarron/dp/B0FXYCGS99
FB: https://www.facebook.com/DeniseBrownToo
IG: https://www.instagram.com/DeniseBrownToo
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/denise-brown-6644762
If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!
🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Charisma. Some people seem to walk into a room and just have it. People lean in, listen, remember them, and want more time with them. And for those of us who are introverts? Well, it can be easy to assume we were simply left out of the charisma lottery.
But what if charisma isn’t something we’re born with? What if it’s something we can actually learn?
In this episode, Nicole sits down with Olivia Fox Cabane, one of the world’s leading authorities on the science of charisma and bestselling author of The Charisma Myth. Olivia has taught and lectured at Stanford, Harvard, Yale, MIT, and the United Nations and has worked with leaders at companies including Google, Deloitte, TikTok, and Airbnb.
They discuss:
Why charisma is different from charm and likability
The science showing that charisma can actually be learned
Why there isn’t one “right” kind of charisma
The potential downsides of becoming more charismatic
Why introverts may have a major charisma advantage
The three components of charisma: presence, power, and warmth
Why self-criticism makes it harder to stay present and connected
How instant self-forgiveness can help us recover from awkward moments
Why mistakes can actually make us more relatable
Why taking up space matters when communicating power
How vocal patterns like uptalk can affect perceived authority and credibility
The difference between being nice and being kind
Why the harsher the message, the warmer the delivery should be
How intent and impact can help distinguish influence from harmful manipulation
How charisma can exist without likability
Why learning charisma doesn’t require becoming someone else
The goal isn’t to walk into a room and make everyone think, Wow, she’s charismatic. It’s to stop borrowing somebody else’s magnetism and start trusting our own.
Thank you to our sponsors!
Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to HeyPolo.com/work or use code WORK and get 70% off your first year
Connect with Olivia:
Website: https://www.oliviafoxcabane.com/
Book: https://www.charismamyth.com/
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ofc/
If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!
🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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