Thriving Adoptees - Let's Thrive

Looking for a roadmap to healing? Listen in as adoptee and therapist Abby sets out how the stages we go through. Very succinct and clear. 

Here's a bit about Abby from her website:

"I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist that specializes in Complex Trauma, Dissociative Disorders, and Attachment. (I know, it's a mouthful)! I have a passion for finding innovative solutions to complex problems. I work from a systems model, meaning that I look at how different parts of a dynamic interact as a whole. Therefore, I tend to see issues from a variety of unique perspectives that allow for creative solution making that it not typically considered while helping clients learn to tap into their strengths within. I believe that every individual and family has the innate ability to heal. In turn, I spent over a decade’s worth of education and clinical experience learning how to tap into a person's natural ability to heal. As a clinician, my energy in the therapy room is warm, compassionate, and transparent while also knowing the importance of adding some comic relief, creative expression, and play throughout the therapeutic process. 

How My Passion Became My Profession

My path towards becoming a clinical counselor started with an interest in Biology. Biology? Yeah, I know, nerdy. Please bear with me. I always had a fascination for how nature seemed to always find a way to maintain balance (or what is called "homeostasis" in the scientific world). It was fascinating to see that when nature became imbalanced, it could self-correct on it's own with the right support--that the destruction of wildfires could led to the growth of new life, that a broken bone could repair itself, and so on. Then a personal mentor showed me the world of psychology and I fell in love with the matters of the mind. In college, I struggled to know what path to take. Pursue a hard science or soft science career?

Fortunately, in my last semester of college, I took a Marriage and Family Psychology course where I learned about systems theory and how biological concepts of homeostasis were applied to human relationships. From there, I pursued my Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. I learned how to help individuals, couples, and families tap into their ability to renew balance just by making subtle shifts in how each member interacted with each other.

But once I started working in a community with a high number of families experiencing chronic trauma and attachment difficulties, I was struggling to tap into these natural healing processes. I noticed that it was common for many facing these complex issues to express feeling lost or defeated--even with the best of efforts. Clients started to believe “it was all in their heads” and that they should “just get over it.” But I knew their pain and experience was valid and I still strongly believed that with the right support, every person and family has the innate ability to heal. So I knew I was missing something. In turn, my strong belief in the human spirit led me to spend the next several years learning how complex trauma survivors can access their natural ability to find balance within and to heal throughout.

In that, I discovered that by nature, trauma presents a paradox which contradicted some of the traditional ways I was taught to renew balance in a system. I found science that proved that "it's not all in your head" and that one can't "just get over it." In fact, it is actually the body that carries the trauma and humans heal attachment injuries through safe relationships. I also realized that despite these issues being quite common, very few clinicians were trained in complex issues around trauma, dissociation, and attachment. In turn, this fueled my desire to specialize in complex trauma so every client could have the opportunity to heal, renew balance, and find strength in their story."

https://www.linkedin.com/in/abby-derr-moore-lpc-lmft-9b347295/

https://www.renewedbalancetherapy.com/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Do you long to belong? Could belonging help you heal? Listen in as transcultural adoptee Nicole shares her profound insights to help you along your healing curve.

Here's a bit about Nicole from her website:

"I was born to one set of parents and adopted by another set. I grew up always knowing that I was adopted, yet I knew very little about my roots. Consequently I lived in the fantasies that only children can invent––as an adoptee from a closed adoption, those fantasies were always a plausible reality.

The influence of my adoption and reunion (with my biological family) feature prominently in my studio practice where I explore concepts of intimacy, identity, and belonging through visual work as well as in community-based works.

In 2021, I received my MA from Loyola Marymount University in Marital & Family Therapy with a Specialization in Clinical Art Therapy. I came to that program as I began more decidedly to do work with the community, specifically my community of the adoption constellation.

Proudly, I was awarded an Adoptees for Awareness Grant, Individual Artist Fellowship (California Arts Council), and a Creative Corps Grant (Arts Council for Long Beach/California Arts Council) in 2023, received an Artistic Community Engagement Grant from the Rema Hort Mann Foundation in 2016, and I have collaborated and shown work internationally in Europe, Africa, Australia, Asia, South America, and North America (specifically the US, Canada, Mexico and Cuba).

I currently live and work in Los Angeles."

Photo credit:  Jeff Forney @jefforney on Insta https://www.instagram.com/jeffforney/

We Are Not Our Cruxes:https://bit.ly/wearenotourcruxes

RSVP for first event of We Are Not Our Cruxes:https://bit.ly/cruxes-session-one

Artist website: nicolerademacher.com

Therapist website: nicrrad.com

https://www.instagram.com/nicrrad

https://twitter.com/nicrrad

https://www.facebook.com/nicrrad/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Has psychology - the most common path in the western world -  failed to make you feel whole?  Are you looking for something more healing? A spiritual exploration can help us heal as part of a holistic approach. Listen in as Christelle brings her unique experience to support us along the path to wholeness.

Here's a bit about Christelle from her website:

"I was born in Madagascar, raised in South of France, lived in the UK for over 20 years and I now living in Portugal.

I was adopted in South of France at the age of 10 and my lived experience as an transracial adoptee as led me to do work with adoptees and adoption agencies.

Embraced early in a world of fashion and design, I grew up surrounded by dress makers. At the age of eight, following the death of my mother, I was placed with a Catholic missionary school for girls to learn to sew and to knit. At the school, I designed and created my first dress and learnt how to knit. Since then creativity has been an important part of my life and I have always been fascinated by beautiful design and fashion which later extended to my love of makeup, hair design and costume.

It’s this passion that led me to study makeup artistry at the Academy of Freelance Makeup in London. My work experience covers advertising campaigns, films, music videos, TV shows, London and Paris Fashion Week, products launches as well as lifestyle, fashion look books, magazine and beauty shoots. I later expanded my skills into producing fashion events. 

My background also includes working in the education sector for over 15 years undertaking programme/project management roles with an international focus. I also led a non-profit organisation and co-led a community theatre company.

I was shortlisted in the 2018 Bristol BME Powerlist, which showcases the city’s 100 most inspiring, successful and influential black and minority ethnic people. I was shortlisted in the top 100 West Women of the year 2019 and nominated to be part of the Black Hall of Fame at the University of the West of England.

I am a fellow of the Royal Society of Arts, fellow of the School of Social Enterprise Creative Leadership programme and a fellow of National Arts Strategy (USA-based) Creative Community Fellowship programme.

I am also a presenter on Imperial Voice Radio, with a show called Fashion Rendez-vous."

https://www.christellepellecuer.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/christellepellecuer

https://www.instagram.com/mschristellerosette

https://twitter.com/mschristellep

https://www.facebook.com/christelle.pellecuer

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Would you like to bust the belief that there's something wrong with you? It's a belief born out of us being relinquished. One that's shared by so many of us. A belief that shapes our lives. Candi shares a 5 step process to bust the belief. Empowering. Inspirational. Healing.

Here's a bit about Candi and her book:

A raw, often wry, memoir of mothers, mysteries, and miracles. 

Surrendered at birth in a closed adoption, Candi Byrne’s biology and ethnicity is a secret. The impending arrival of her first grandchild ignites an urgency to identify potential genetic time bombs and confirm her ancestry. Due to arcane privacy laws, Candi is repeatedly denied access to the one person who could provide that information—her biological mother.

After years of failed attempts, she resigns herself to never learning the truth about her roots; that is, until her ninety-year-old Aunt Delores has a vision and insists Candi resume efforts to find her birth family. Candi is gobsmacked when an internet search she’s performed thousands of times before suddenly reveals her birth mother’s identity. Within hours, she ends up on the doorstep of her birth mother—a place she’s sworn never to visit.

After a series of guilt-driven interactions with “Those People,” as she refers to her maternal birth family, Candi terminates contact. Although the reunion proves disastrous, it opens her eyes to truths about her relationship with her adoptive mother, Delphine. Though their relationship was difficult and contentious during Delphine’s life, a series of miraculous experiences after her death guides Candi home to herself—where, she learns, she has belonged all along.

https://www.instagram.com/candibyrne/

https://www.sweetfirecoaching.com/

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1647422795/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_0J00P6AHHVS73TT69EYB

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

If time was the greatest healer we'd all be done healing by now. So what IS the biggest healer? And what does healing even mean. Listen as we obsess on healing to help you along your journey to wholeness.

Vin runs a Facebook group where adoptees and adopters can learn from one another in a friendly and no conflict environment.

Connect with him at:

https://www.facebook.com/vinadopteejarrod

Listen to Vin on other episodes of Thriving Adoptees

https://thriving-adoptees.simplecast.com/episodes/what-stops-us-thriving-with-vin

https://thriving-adoptees.simplecast.com/episodes/vin-adoptees-emotional-rollercoaster

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Do you feel confused? Clarity brings peace and helps us heal. Transracial adoptee Sydney shares some of the key insights that have brought her healing clarity. Listen in for your own insights.

Here's a bit about Sydney from her website:

At the beginning of the pandemic in April 2020, I received a Instagram DM from a girl claiming to be my half sister. As a transracial adoptee (biracial/half black, adopted by a white family) who has always been curious about her birth family, I knew that this text would change my life. And it did.

I was raised in a predominately – white community and experienced things such as separation anxiety, microagressions and identity crises for the majority of my life. Taking a DNA test and finding my half sister was just the beginning of my journey to finding my identity.

At the University of Tampa, I took a writing class and chose adoption as my subject for a research paper. I assumed all I would have to do is tell my story, do a little research and I’d get an automatic A right? Well, that’s not exactly what happened. As I was researching, I came across the words “transracial adoption”. Ironically, I had absolutely no idea what that meant, but when I found out, my whole world was flipped upside down.

Suddenly, all of my anxiety, confusion, and feelings about being out of place were justified. I wasn’t alone.

For me, it has been a journey of realization and self-love that got me to where I am now. My goal is to educate parents who plan to or have already transracially adopted about what it takes to raise a child of a different race. I also am very passionate about speaking to other adoptees, hearing/sharing their stories and showing them that they are not alone.

Transracial adoption is not a topic that is talked about very often and not many people even know what it is. I plan to spread awareness to the subject through social media platforms.

My life as an adoptee has not been easy, but I have also been blessed with opportunities that may have not happened if I wasn’t adopted. I hope that I can inspire others with the knowledge of transracial adoption and my passion for change.

https://sydneyparkhurst.com/

https://www.facebook.com/sydneyparkhurst6/

https://www.instagram.com/adopteesydney/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtgR6jSgFOGWSxWQAjgTZXA

https://www.linkedin.com/in/sydney-parkhurst-243783184/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

June believes that she was born 'out of the fog'. She cried incessantly for her first 2 years. That preverbal trauma of relinquishment is sub-conscious for so many of us. Until it isn't. We come out of the fog to see the dense back clouds of trauma. Tears fall as the clouds burst and rain pours down. So what stops our tears? What if one of those things is taking adoption less personally? Listen in as June shares a lifetime of healing.

Here's a link to the research June mentions https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/149233054.pdf

Here's more about June from her website:

I am June, or rather, I was her for 10 days before I was adopted, and my name was changed forever. 

I chose to write my book - SECOND CHOICES - as June because she comes from a family of writers and poets and lovers of words. June is the part of me dictated by DNA. Irrevocable and undeniably a slice of who I am.

As an adoptee, the adoption issue was always close to my heart, and seeing and hearing the effect of it on the adoption community made me jump into action. My debut novel, Second Choices, was born.

Born in South Africa and now living in Scotland, I have been writing since I can remember.  At first, it was poems and articles for the school newspaper and newsletters.

I joined a writing group about fifteen years ago, thinking it was all about poetry, but it turned out it was a group for short story writers. For the first time, I realized how much I loved building characters and stories around them.

After a stint working for a local newspaper, the idea of writing a book started to become more plausible. 

On a personal note, I am a wife, a mother, a stepmom, and a grandmother.  I love nature and wildlife, photography, and connecting with people. 

More at https://junewrightauthor.com/

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100092658341567

https://www.instagram.com/junewrightauthor

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Do you believe that you're enough? Do you  believe you are loveable? Do you believe you are loved? Relinquishment sets in motion all sorts of beliefs about ourselves. Listen in as Carrie explores debunking beliefs to get to the truth.

Here'a a bit about Carrie from her website:

"I was adopted from Sanshui in Guangdong Province at nine years old. From surviving as a child in China and being raised in San Francisco, CA, my childhood has profoundly shaped my perspectives as an adult and visual artist. It has also deepened my visual sensitivity as a designer with compassion and empathy. My professional background ranges from print production, graphic design, and project management in both corporate and freelance settings.

Carrie is Creative Director and  a Board Member of CCI  - a community where adoptees can finally drive their own narratives and support one another's complex journeys. I envision CCI to grow into an influential platform for all adoptees to find connections, support, and be heard, and ultimately to be proud of our identity. As part of the UX Team, my objective is to design an accessible platform for all adoptees that seek camaraderie and affirmation."

www.carriedoung.com

www.instagram.com/carriedesigns628

www.chinaschildreninternational.org

www.instagram.com/cci_adoptees

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Are you looking to balance conflicting emotions? Or seeking peace between them? Listen is as Ujaala shares her learnings on the dichotomies of her life as an adoptee. We also explore mindset and looking forward rather than back.

Connect with Ujaala here:

https://www.facebook.com/ujaala.chaudhuri.1

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ujaala-chaudhuri-8784461bb/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Are you sick of the liar in your head saying that there's something wrong with you? Are you trying to silence that inner critic? All too often this prolongs the war. Listen in as we explore finding truth. And peace.

Here's a bit about Andy from his website:

I’m Andy Wallis, I live in Grantham, in the UK and was adopted at just a few months old in 1973.

I have struggled throughout my life with my mental health and this year (2023) I decided to start a blog to explore my inner workings. I soon came to realise that most of what I’ve dealt with has its origins in my adoption. I was shocked.

Adoption trauma manifests itself in lots of ways it would seem. From the obvious emotional stuff like anxiety, depression and closing down emotionally, to the less obvious social quirks like refusing to do something fun because it wasn't the adoptee's idea. Weird as it might seem, I can recall lots of moments in my past where I've just flatly refused an activity or outing for fear of losing the element of sovereignty. 

This often leads to a ‘Brian’ (the negative Nancy in my head) driven anxiety attack. I'd get so worked up before the event that I'd lose it and then panic about the loss of control, which in turn would create its own loss of control. Finally topped off with a nice big dollop of shame to boot. ‘Dollop’ great word that!

From the blog, the book was born and writing has helped me so much. To try and gain a wider picture I studied to gain a qualification in Mental Health, and I’m now also a mental health first aider.

I’m passionate about raising awareness of adoption trauma and mental health generally.

Find out more at:

https://www.instagram.com/whos_wally_blog/

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100094487566931

https://twitter.com/whosthatwallis

https://www.linkedin.com/in/andy-wallis-865ab6195/

https://open.spotify.com/show/2m1wAiBmAf4Qt1OvWL1qdo

Here are the links I mention in the show:

https://chrisniebauerphd.com/

https://www.drjilltaylor.com/

https://rupertspira.libsyn.com/episode-41-bernardo-kastrup

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.