Thriving Adoptees - Let's Thrive

Do you believe you're broken? Or not good enough? These are things that we all struggle with. So how do we change our beliefs? How does trauma shape those beliefs? Listen in as Sara goes deep on the spiritual epiphanies that have improved her life.

Here's a bit about Sara from her website:

I’m an adoptee. I’m a mother (to two teen daughters). And I’m a writer (of books and essays).

I am also a reading aficionado, and hold a special place in my heart for children’s literature. I’ve studied child development from an attachment perspective and am a trained facilitator with the Neufeld Institute. I’ve worked as an author publicist and event planner, and in corporate advertising and marketing.

I love animals. I mean, I really love animals. I care for a menagerie of rescued fur-babies that currently include five indoor bunnies, three guinea pigs, and two darling dogs. In my free time I practice horse showmanship (a.k.a. informal equine therapy).

Supporting my fellow adoptees and their families is deeply important to me. I’m Founder of Adoptee Voices, Co-Host of the Adoption Unfiltered podcast, and I regularly write and speak about adoption.

My adoption-focused books include a spiritual memoir, Searching for Mom (Heart Voices, 2019), and Adoption Unfiltered (Rowman & Littlefield, December 1, 2023), co-authored with Kelsey Vander Vliet Ranyard (birth parent) and Lori Holden (adoptive parent).

Find out more at:

https://saraeasterly.com/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwOXVmp-TiNZIDQLj_8rPcA

https://www.instagram.com/saraeasterlyauthor/

https://twitter.com/saraeasterly

https://www.facebook.com/saraeasterlyauthor

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/168430.Sara_Easterly

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Who would we be without that voice in our head that tells us there's something wrong with us? That we're substandard? That our birth mother rejected us? That we'll never heal because we're forever stuck with our trauma? Listen in as I suggest answers to some of our most fundamental questions.

Connect with me on Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/simonjbenn

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Have you felt uncomfortable in your own skin? Uncertain about who you are? Sensed something missing? Eric's anxiety about people sometimes compelled him away and he didn't know why. He felt incomplete. Listen in as he shares the most important things he's learned on the journey to feeling whole and healed.

Eric’s life experiences inspired him to give back and to serve others. In 2005 while climbing Mt Denali in Alaska, Eric made the decision to seek out his birth family. After reaching out to Catholic Charities, he was connected with his birth family. The experience of meeting, establishing, and growing a relationship with them deepened Eric’s understanding of himself and was an integral part of his finding his identity both personally and professionally.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/curtiseric/

https://twitter.com/CurtisStrategy

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

How do we heal from a poor adoption? Listen in as Gaynor shares some of her most important lessons in releasing trauma by being raised by a narcissistic adoptive mother.

Here's a bit about Gaynor and her book.

Gaynor Cherieann lives in Northamptonshire. She is married has four grown up children and four grandchildren.

She was born in a church mother and baby home and adopted at six weeks old.

She tells of her life growing up with a narcissist her reunion with her birth family and the life she has created for her own children.

Her book is written in the form of letters to people throughout her life some who are no longer here others still in her life.

It is the 1960s; a sixteen-year-old girl is in a mother and baby home; her heart is breaking as she prepares to give up her baby for adoption.

Shunned by society, she has no choice.

That baby was me.

Join me on my life’s journey through the letters I have written to everyone who has shared my unique story. Follow me as I find the courage to share this story, from my birth to my unhappy adoption to getting married and becoming a mum and granny.

Learn how I took control of my life after disassociating myself from my past, unearthing my birth family, and realising what true happiness means.

Amazon USA https://www.amazon.com/Adoptees-Journey-Letters-My-Life-ebook/dp/B0BNQHB2CF

Amazon UK https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0BNQHB2CF

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Are you considering a search for your biological family? Or in the middle of a search and struggling. Listen in as Colin shares what he learned through a 28 year search including how to ride the emotional rollercoaster of search and more.

Here's a bit about Colin's book:

“I doubt that another human being will tread this same unconventional path.” This is an intimate and emotive account of an adult adoptee’s journey as he spent nearly three decades searching for his biological parents. Capturing his thoughts, emotions and physical encounters along the way, this rollercoaster ride demonstrates the determination and resilience of an adopted person to achieve his personal quest. There’s no doubt that this account will provide support, comfort, and inspiration to those thinking of searching for their biological parents, and those who have already started out on this journey, as well as those interested in wider adoption matters. Discover the relentless challenges and amazing encounters faced in pursuit of the truth when no stone is left unturned.

Amazon UK

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Stone-Left-Unturned-relentless-biological-ebook/dp/B0B5DNRMPG

Amazon USA

https://www.amazon.com/Stone-Left-Unturned-relentless-biological-ebook/dp/B0B69R78FD

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Do you sometimes find identity confusing? Transracial and transnational adoption adds another layer to identity. Listen as Mariela shares her insights on identity, trauma, gratitude and more. We strip back the layers of identity to the universal heart. We both loved this conversation and hope you do too.

Here's more about Mariela and her book.

Adopted as an infant from Colombia and raised in the United States, Mariela Andersen has always been curious about her biological roots. She wants to know about her birth family and wonders if they ever think about her. When a search agent helps her locate her birth family and the mystery of her past is revealed, she discovers more than she could have ever imagined.

Mariela shares the story of her birth family and her journey to Colombia to meet them. She takes the reader on a roller coaster ride of emotions as she sorts through the multifaceted layers of her own identity. This story is nothing short of miraculous; it changed her, and it is sure to touch the hearts of its readers.

https://www.instagram.com/marielaandersenn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mariela-andersen-a3a03649/

https://www.marielaandersen.com/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

What gets in the way of you thriving? For many of us, it's been anger and resentment. What about you? Listen in as transracial adoptee and therapist Jaime shares the antidote to anger.

Here's a  bit about Jaime from her website.

My name is Jaime Weatherholt (she/her/hers) and I am excited to work with you. I enjoy working with adults who experience anxiety, depression, and mood disorders. I will support you by providing a compassionate, safe space. You will gain useful tools to cope and heal from sources of pain that may be holding you back from your true, happy self.

My style of treatment is collaborative, meaning I will work on your goals, leading to the life that you want. My approach is warm, friendly, and interactive. I am certified in hypnotherapy and trained in Brainspotting; these methods are further described in my Counseling tab.

I am certified in Past Life Regression and use this as a tool to heal relationships, subconscious thoughts or behaviors, or to simply explore your curiosity of previous lives.

My education is in Social Work, so I will naturally focus on you and your resources, your relationship with your environment, and community.

I am the co-host of The Shrink Show Podcast, a therapeutic happy hour format for those interested in how therapists balance work, family, parenthood, and everyday stressors.

https://www.facebook.com/EnlightenedOmaha/

https://www.instagram.com/enlightenedomaha/

https://www.enlightenedomaha.com/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Are you a transracial/transnational adoptee with a complex relationship to your birth country/culture? Listen in as Zhen shares what she's learned navigating that complexity. Highly empowering.

Zhen E Rammelsberg is a Korean American adoptee and new playwright and has had her Heuer Play Canst Thou Hearest Thee Now produced and performed in multiple states. She has traveled to a few of these states to see the productions. Her newest play loosely based upon her adoption story called Black Box: An Adoption Choreopoem is yet unpublished but has been performed in Chicago at an all Asian American Playwiting festival and was most recently performed in Cedar Rapids Iowa at the Underground Playwriting Festival where it won 3 awards Best Youth Performer, Best Ensemble and Runner Up for Best New Play. Zhen E resides in Marion Iowa with the Spock to her Kirk of a husband Robert and her 2 cats Toulouse and Pip. The Rammelsbergs split their time traveling from Iowa to Milwaukee to visit their son and also to Korea. As well as being a part time playwright, Zhen E is a part time massage therapist, part time Wedding Official, part time wig and make up technician for several local theatre and opera companies, and Full Time lover of Hello Kitty and a Student of Life and Philanthropist.

https://www.instagram.com/zhenerammelsberg

https://www.linkedin.com/in/zhen-e-rammelsberg-03448021/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Do you fear rejection? Many of us are on high alert scanning what other people do and say for signs of potential rejection. We're desperate to avoid big feelings like rejection. And yet we have to feel to heal. Listen in as adoptee and mental health therapist Lisa shares her learnings about finding herself by feeling the big feelings.

Here's more about Lisa from her website.

Education  · B.S. in Alcohol and Drug Abuse Studies, University of South Dakota 1989  · M.S. in Counseling and Human Resource Development, South Dakota State University 1997.  Licenses and Certifications  · Qualified Mental Health Professional · Licensed Professional Counselor – Mental Health  · Licensed Addictions Counselor · Trust Based Relational Intervention Certified  

Practice Areas and Specialties

· Adults/Individual Counseling  · Depression/Anxiety .Trauma  

· Couple/Family therapy  · Post-Adoption Coaching

After completing her Bachelor of Science degree at the University of South Dakota, Lisa moved her budding career as a prevention specialist to the golden state of California. At a school in Pasadena, she first witnessed amazing resiliency working with gang kids abused from struggling neighborhoods. After a couple of years in the Los Angeles area, she felt drawn back home to Sioux Falls, SD where she decided to explore the possibility of a degree in interior design. Through investigation of this area of study, she realized that she was more interested in the interiors of people than the interiors of buildings. Reconstructing and enriching continue to be her passions whether in her career improving intangible human advancements or in her hobbies refurbishing physical structures. During her second round of college at South Dakota State University in Brookings, SD, she transitioned to a master's program in Counseling and Human Resource Development. All the while, she was employed part-time at a residential home for individuals with developmental delays and mental health issues. Following graduation, she accepted a position at Keystone Treatment Center in Sioux Falls as a Student Assistant Professional teaching mental health and drug prevention in large group assemblies for high school and college students. This led her to an opportunity at Southeastern Behavioral Health, a non-profit community mental health center, where she completed an eight-month internship before graduating with her master's degree (1997).  Armed with a background in the addictions field, Lisa saw her clientele transitioning from chemical dependency to broader or co-morbid issues such as depression, anxiety, broken attachment, identity issues and trauma. As the number of foster and adopted children in her practice rose, she discovered her natural ability to relate to and interact with kids and their families as they were adjusting to significant life changes using art, pyschodrama, somatic processsing and music. 

With limited resources for post-adoption services in the local area, her practice was full, there were trainings at schools and churches, various speaking engagements and classes held. Hence, the dream of The Barn was born. Created as an office complex housing several independent counseling practitioners, The Barn succeeded in multiplying the number of hands to help with needs in the community. Coming full-cirlce, Lisa's efforts to help foster and adoptive families, is limited to teaching and supporting parents through consultation. Presently, she is happy to see adults and teens with various issues as her days of playing on the floor and orchestrating movement of the whole family systm are over. As a testament to her over 25 years working with the foster &/adopted children, Lisa published a book (see link below) in April of 2022 for parents, giving them knowledge and tools to help their children heal and recover from the trauma of orphanhood.  In the meantime, she loves seeing individuals and couples with her longstanding practice, and she feels blessed to go to work everyday!

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=orphan+dreams+and+nightmares&i=stripbooks&crid=2275J7NFVC4KZ&sprefix=orphan+dreams+and+nightmares%2Cstripbooks%2C94&ref=nb_sb_noss 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-stellinga-86724b11/

https://www.facebook.com/LANWSD/

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.

Do you ever feel uncomfortable? AJ grew up in a very toxic environment that left her grieving the loss of what her life might have looked like if she hadn't been adopted. She was very uncomfortable at home and outside was rarely better. She captured her experience in a poem "Alone in the crowd" which she reads to us. Listen in as she shares how she eventually got to feel comfortable in her own skin for insights to help you.

Here's a bit about AJ from her website:

I have read many peoples biographies over the years and the one thing that people usually start with is the line “I was born…(fill in date and place).  I suppose that I could start out the same way.  After all, I do have a birth certificate that has a date and time on it.But, I also have other documentation from the hospital where I was born that contradicts the official date.  So since I am not sure exactly when I was born I will start with the statement:  I celebrate my birthday every year on May 8th.  Born and raised in Syracuse, New York, I still call the Salt City home. 

There is nothing that has impacted my life more than being adopted.  Like a black cloud, it has followed me around every day of my life since childhood.  It has caused abandonment and self worth issues that have affected every relationship I have ever had.  It has plagued every holiday with wondering and yearning to know who my birth family is and to know if they were thinking of me as I often thought of them.  Being adopted has caused me to question my whole identity.  Always wondering, who am I really?  

A fellow adoptee once told me that being adopted was like being a red marble in a family of blue marbles.  You don’t look like them, you don’t sound like them, you don’t act or think like them.  And no matter how hard you try to be more like them you will always be the outsider.You will always be the red marble in the family of blue marbles.  But the sense of disconnection does not end there.  For even if you are lucky enough to find the family of red marbles that you came from, as I have, you still don’t find a place where you fit in because you don’t know what it means to be a red marble. 

There is a spiel that I give at the beginning of every poetry and short story reading that I appear at.  A J Bialo is not my legal name, but it is my legal alias as recognized by New York State and the Federal Copyright Office.  It is the name that I have chosen to define who I am, as a writer and a person.  It is a tribute to  my two maternal grandfathers – without each of them I would not be the person I am today. 

I have always been an introvert and never really connected with kids my own age.My best friends growing up were the characters in the many books I would read every week.  I remember my father would take me to the library every Saturday where I would scour the drama, horror, fiction and science fiction shelves and I would peruse for hours the synopsis on the inside of dust jackets and the back covers of paper backs.  When I didn’t find much new to read at the library I found myself with a notebook and pen writing my own stories.  These stories weren’t great writings but just naïve childhood stories that were more interested in the characters than the stories. 

But my childhood writing career would be short lived.  My mother was very concerned that I spent too much time with my made up friends and not enough time socializing with real friends.  What she didn’t understand was that I didn’t have any real friends.  She discouraged my writing by reading what I wrote and belittling it as stupid and childish.  Of course it was childish, I think now in retrospect, I was a child exploring my world in a way that was comfortable to me.  Despite her criticism I continued to write and make up characters that I found intriguing.  But she would also continue to read my work and continued to criticize what I wrote.I continued writing, hiding my notebooks where I thought she wouldn’t find them.  But it seemed no matter where I hid them she would find them, read them, and have some nasty comment about what I was writing.  When I ran out of hiding spots, I took my notebooks and a book of matches to the park where I hung out and burned them. 

I wouldn’t start writing again until I was in my thirties. The first poem I ever wrote was on a train returning from a long weekend in New York City for a professional conference.  When I found my family of red marbles the one thing that I wanted to know was who my birth father was.  But this information was evidently a red marble secret which was not to be given up, at any cost.  To this day, I still don’t know who my birth father is.  The only hint I do have is that he was from Brooklyn.  So, when I was in New York City I was hit by the fact that I was not far away (geographically) from my roots although I was light years away from knowing who and where he was.  The poem, Melancholy Home, was written quickly on the train and was finished before I reached Albany.  I don’t know where the poem came from.  I didn’t ever remember writing poetry when I was younger.  This was my first, and it seemed so natural. I remember wondering then if it was a fluke, a one time thing. 

From there came many poems, many of them relating to the raw emotions of being adopted.  It was like a flood gate opening:  Odd Marble Out, my thoughts on being a red marble in a family of blue marbles; Nobody’s Child, my personal favorite describing how family is a group of people you decide to be and share with; Control Freak, my rebellion against a mother who tried to force me into a mold of her making and not my choosing; and Uncommon Bond, a poem which I wrote for my birth mother soon after I found her.It was never meant to be published, although it has been several times now.  It was meant for my birth mother to tell her who I was and what made me into the person I had become until our meeting day.  Sort of a mini autobiography written just for her. 

From there the poetry continued to flow, both in realms of adoption and other topics that are either important to me or just make me sit and say hmmmm.  In addition to poetry, I started to write stories again, both short stories, a sampling of which you might see at some point on this site, and a few lengthy novels.

I continue to be an avid reader, although my reading has taken a focus away from fiction and tends more towards non-fiction and history.  I also continue to write poetry, short stories, essays and have been working on a few new novels. 

https://www.ajbialo.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/aj-bialo-0b45b348/

https://www.facebook.com/aj.bialo

Guests and the host are not (unless mentioned) licensed pscyho-therapists and speak from their own opinion only. Seek qualified advice if you need help.