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The state of denial never feels like you think it would feel...Most people believe they can intuitively recognize when they're in a bad situation but that's rarely the case. Denial can be a comfortable place to be, but it will suffocate you over time. We discuss 10 truth bombs about denial and our hope is that from this episode you'll be able to distill the true from the false and gain clarity on the facts of your life and relationship.

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Infidelity was not part of our story, but we get questions about it weekly. Does the cloud of substance abuse excuse infidelity? Was it really them making the decision to cheat? How do I know if them saying it's not their fault is true? How do you rebuild a relationship after infidelity? We answer these questions and more in our discussion on infidelity from listeners and we hope you glean some much needed answers from it.

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We took questions from the community and extracted the most commonly asked questions about emotional and physical intimacy. We've never openly talked about our sex life or thoughts on it, but we get open and discuss all things intimate in this episode. We talk about how to rebuild intimacy, why men view sex differently, why sex drive plummets for people in early recovery, and talk about how addiction affects this crucial aspect of relationships.

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If it were as simple as saying "Just love yourself" then wouldn't everybody have a high self-esteem? The work that takes place within a spouse or partner to rebuild after addiction is something we've talked about for a while, but never like this. Paige opens up in a way she never has before with details on the journey of rebuilding her self-esteem, loving and trusting herself again, and the role validation played in her recovery. 

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Books like "Codependent No More" and programs like CODA or Alanon offer a lot of helpful insight on the topic of codependency. Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship pattern where one person's self-worth and identity become excessively reliant on the approval and needs of another person. Codependency does explain some of the behaviors that take place in an addicted relationship, but the story is a bit more complex than this. The "Lost" feelings that many spouses and partners have are sometimes the byproduct of abusive behaviors, gaslighting and the calculated altering of someone's reality in order to keep the addicted train rolling. That is, codependency doesn't tell the whole story and therefore focusing deeply on it as the solution will not fix the entire issue. Simply working on your codependent behaviors will not get you to your end goal of a happy and healthy relationship, nor will it address the trauma from years of abuse that is often present in addicted relationships. Just focusing on your codependency or your own issues and not acknowledging the why of these behaviors is a failure to examine the role that abuse plays in a romantic relationship. In this episode we discuss some of our own healing that was necessary due to the years of gaslighting, mistreatment, devaluing, and disregard of basic human needs in our relationship. 

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Being a parent is HARD. The emotional labor and mental weight of decisions rests  heavy on healthy couples in equitable relationships. Factor in addiction, and you often have all of the responsibilities of parenting amplified exponentially onto one parent...on top of the weight and uncertainty of being in a relationship with a substance abuser. We discuss the mental load of motherhood and Celeste Yvonne's book, "It's Not About the Wine" to gain an understanding of what "de facto single parents" are facing every day. We touch on the unique challenges that parents face when their partner is absent in addiction - the responsibilities of caring for children, keeping a home in order, working, paying bills, and wondering when you will ever find time for yourself. Even in circumstances when there is no help from the village in sight, the heaviest burdens sometimes come from within.

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Self-care...oh my. We hear so much about self-care. There are industries devoted to it, so many opinions and options, and the reality is that very few of them apply to people in survival mode. Self-care IS necessary for your wellbeing and recovery, but many of the diets, exercise regimens, morning routines, etc are frankly too much for someone that is struggling to get out of bed. In this episode we discuss what GENTLE self-care looks like as we graduate to higher levels of ability in the recovery journey for spouses and partners. If you are struggling to get out of bed and someone tells you to change your entire diet, eat five clean meals a day, and spend 45min meditating each morning, it's likely going to fail and put you into a place where you feel even more hopeless. 

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With a new year comes reflection of the past. We consider what worked, what didn't and what needs to change moving forward into the new year. This episode is designed to be worked with a worksheet that you can find on our website in the blog section, and we strongly encourage you to follow along with us. We review our lives in 2023 and discuss successes, failures, what we wanted to get done that never came to fruition, and what we aim to change in the next year of our lives. There is no better time than now to take an honest inventory of the past year and decide on what you are going to do different this year. This episode covers not only addiction recovery as the spouse or partner of an alcoholic or addict, but your entire life. Join us and feel free to hop in the community to share your insights and what you liked (or didn't like) about this episode.

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If I'm doing what's best for me, why do I feel guilty? Even when we do what we know is best for us and our families, we have feelings of intense guilt in leaving a toxic relationship or even setting boundaries in one. We discuss natural (healthy) guilt versus manufactured guilt (unhealthy) and why this happens. We discuss our own personal experiences in dealing with these emotions and provide some clarity to know when you should reconsider the guilt you feel. It's a seldom discussed topic in addicted relationship dynamics and we hope you gain some insight to your situation and yourself.

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We take listener questions from our community and inbox from time to time and we're going to answer a great question today. Often times addicts and alcoholics will justify relapses or use because of difficult life events . E.g., loss of loved ones, loss of employment, relationship troubles, stress, family drama, you name it. We discuss today how we have coped through difficult seasons in life and remained sober and happy as a couple in this quick special edition episode.

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