In this episode, Laura and Crystal discuss planning ahead when one partner takes on a new task--should you make contingency plans just in case they mess it up?

Mentioned in This Episode:

Fight Right by the Gottmans

Like what you hear? Join the conversation on Substack!

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In this episode, Laura and Crystal discuss a clip from the popular Showtime show, “Couples Therapy,” where a pair of clients discuss incompetence, ability, and blame.

Disclaimer:

Time to Lean is an educational and conversational podcast intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed by the hosts and guests are their own and do not constitute therapeutic advice, clinical guidance, or a substitute for professional mental health care. While we speak from lived experience and professional backgrounds, we’re not your therapists—and this podcast is not therapy.

Please consult a qualified mental health provider if you’re experiencing distress or need individualized support. And remember: systemic change takes all of us, but you don’t have to do it all alone.

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In this episode, Crystal and Laura discuss the importance of positive language in gardening, the joy of birding through apps, and the impact of social media on relationship dynamics. The conversation delves into parenting roles, cultural narratives, and the normalization of toxic behaviors in relationships, ultimately calling for a rethinking of feminist perspectives and deeper discussions about relationship expectations.

Mentioned in this Episode:

Filterworld: How Algorithms Flattened Culture by Kyle Chakya

Bird Watching App!

Nature Identifying App!

Kin: The Future of Family by Sophie Lucido Johnson

Pre-Order Laura’s Upcoming Book, NO MORE MEDIOCRE: A CALL TO REIMAGINE OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND DEMAND MORE!

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This week, Crystal presents a new study that claims handling home life well can boost your work performance. We dig into what’s really being said(and what’s not), why the framing matters, and how corporate culture keeps co-opting care.

In this episode:

How you handle your home life can boost work performance, shows new study: https://www.bath.ac.uk/announcements/how-you-handle-your-home-life-can-boost-work-performance-shows-new-study/

Pillars of White Supremacy

Bullshit Jobs by David Graeber

When You Care by Elissa Strauss

📖 Preorder No More Mediocre by Laura Danger and get a bonus High Impact Tasks resource!

National Domestic Violence Hotline:

https://www.thehotline.org/

Check out Substack for resources and ad-free episodes! http://timetoleanpod.substack.com/

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Why is it that we blame the mom when something kid-related falls through the cracks? In this episode, Laura and Crystal discuss double standards in gendered expectations, the way that clear communication can prevent resentment, and how emotional safety can impact domestic problem-solving.

Mentioned in this episode: https://www.today.com/parents/toddlers/mom-forgets-diapers-flight-toddler-rcna203556

National Domestic Violence Hotline:

https://www.thehotline.org/

Check out Substack for resources and ad-free episodes! http://timetoleanpod.substack.com/

Preorder No More Mediocre: A Call to Reimagine Our Relationships and Demand More and get a free bonus workbook!

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Is the point of feminism to become a power mom/CEO powerhouse? (spoiler alert: BIG no). In this episode, Laura and Crystal discuss why the new branding of feminism misses the mark by a w i d e margin.

Mentioned in this episode:

Power Moms Marie Claire Article

Book: A Decolonial Feminism by Françoise Vergès

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In this super unhinged episode, Laura and Crystal discuss the HBO show The Rehearsal, specifically episode 2 of season 2. We talk emotional labor, Nathan Fielder, and airline pilots.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rose Hackman's article: Telling Women to Modulate Their Tone Will Not Hinder Male Extremism

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This week, Laura and Crystal unravel the messy, misunderstood concept of nagging—and spoiler alert, it’s not just a "you problem." We’re diving headfirst into the nag paradox, that familiar dynamic where one partner becomes the designated project manager of the household… and the other somehow forgets how time works.

From cringey comic strip tropes (hello, bathrobe lady with the slipper) to the emotional weight of carrying the mental load, we break down why nagging isn’t about being “overbearing”—it’s often a desperate bid to feel seen, heard, and understood in a system that undervalues care work.

We explore how this pattern plays out in everyday moments, like who’s picking up the kids, and how resentment builds when you’re forced to either ask for help perfectly or just do it yourself. We also talk about how neurodivergence, gender roles, and unspoken emotional labor all collide to make this a setup for burnout—and sometimes, abuse.

Plus:

• How to spot the difference between weaponized incompetence and skill gaps
• What emotional safety in conflict really looks like
• Why “division of labor” doesn’t always equal equity
• When it’s okay to say, “this is enough” and walk away

Whether you’ve felt like the “default parent,” are trying to unlearn your own baggage, or are questioning how to rebalance your relationship, this episode is your big, validating exhale.

🛠️ Resources Mentioned:

• Fresh Starts Registry – for imagining and building what your new beginning could look like
• Our Substack: timetoleanpod.substack.com
• No More Mediocre by Laura Danger

👂Want more?

If Apple Podcasts dropped us off your feed (rude), re-follow us so you don’t miss future episodes! And as always, leave us a review or share with a friend who needs to know: You’re not overreacting. You’re just exhausted.

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This week on Time to Lean, Crystal and Laura sit down with author, essayist, and unapologetic truth-teller Jessica Slice to discuss her powerful new book Unfit Parent. Jessica shares the backstory behind her debut, how she went from social work student to published author, and what it means to parent while disabled in a world that barely recognizes disabled parents exist—let alone values them.

We talk about the nuance of documenting disability, the grief of letting go of who you thought you'd be, and the unexpected creativity that disability invites into parenting.

If you've ever felt like you're faking it as a parent—or if you’re carrying a body or mind that doesn’t always “perform”—this one’s for you.

Order Jessica’s book, “Unfit Parent” below

Bookshop.org

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In this conversation, Laura and Crystal explore the complexities of relationships, particularly focusing on the emotional labor and expectations that arise when one partner makes significant decisions, such as donating a kidney. They discuss the importance of communication, the impact of caregiving, and the need for self-awareness in navigating these dynamics. The conversation emphasizes the necessity of considering each other's needs and the collective responsibility in relationships, while also highlighting the role of therapy and community support in fostering healthier interactions.

• Weaponized Incompetence & Emotional Labor
• How “I’m not asking you to do anything” becomes emotional gaslighting when you're still left holding the bag.
• 📝 See: Fair Play by Eve Rodsky
• 📝 Also see: “The Gender Gap in Caregiving” - Pew Research Center
• Care Work & Systemic Invisibility
• The gendered, unpaid, and expected nature of domestic caregiving and how society rewards male hyper-individualism but punishes communal care.
• 📚 bell hooks, All About Love
• 📚 Silvia Federici, Revolution at Point Zero

This show exists thanks to our amazing community. Subscribing to our Time to Lean Substack helps us keep this work going. We’ve moved off Patreon, so come hang with us there for bonus content, live chats, and more systemic breakdowns served with a side of memes and rage.

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