Time to Lean

In this super unhinged episode, Laura and Crystal discuss the HBO show The Rehearsal, specifically episode 2 of season 2. We talk emotional labor, Nathan Fielder, and airline pilots.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rose Hackman's article: Telling Women to Modulate Their Tone Will Not Hinder Male Extremism

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This week, Laura and Crystal unravel the messy, misunderstood concept of nagging—and spoiler alert, it’s not just a "you problem." We’re diving headfirst into the nag paradox, that familiar dynamic where one partner becomes the designated project manager of the household… and the other somehow forgets how time works.

From cringey comic strip tropes (hello, bathrobe lady with the slipper) to the emotional weight of carrying the mental load, we break down why nagging isn’t about being “overbearing”—it’s often a desperate bid to feel seen, heard, and understood in a system that undervalues care work.

We explore how this pattern plays out in everyday moments, like who’s picking up the kids, and how resentment builds when you’re forced to either ask for help perfectly or just do it yourself. We also talk about how neurodivergence, gender roles, and unspoken emotional labor all collide to make this a setup for burnout—and sometimes, abuse.

Plus:

• How to spot the difference between weaponized incompetence and skill gaps
• What emotional safety in conflict really looks like
• Why “division of labor” doesn’t always equal equity
• When it’s okay to say, “this is enough” and walk away

Whether you’ve felt like the “default parent,” are trying to unlearn your own baggage, or are questioning how to rebalance your relationship, this episode is your big, validating exhale.

🛠️ Resources Mentioned:

• Fresh Starts Registry – for imagining and building what your new beginning could look like
• Our Substack: timetoleanpod.substack.com
• No More Mediocre by Laura Danger

👂Want more?

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This week on Time to Lean, Crystal and Laura sit down with author, essayist, and unapologetic truth-teller Jessica Slice to discuss her powerful new book Unfit Parent. Jessica shares the backstory behind her debut, how she went from social work student to published author, and what it means to parent while disabled in a world that barely recognizes disabled parents exist—let alone values them.

We talk about the nuance of documenting disability, the grief of letting go of who you thought you'd be, and the unexpected creativity that disability invites into parenting.

If you've ever felt like you're faking it as a parent—or if you’re carrying a body or mind that doesn’t always “perform”—this one’s for you.

Order Jessica’s book, “Unfit Parent” below

Bookshop.org

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In this conversation, Laura and Crystal explore the complexities of relationships, particularly focusing on the emotional labor and expectations that arise when one partner makes significant decisions, such as donating a kidney. They discuss the importance of communication, the impact of caregiving, and the need for self-awareness in navigating these dynamics. The conversation emphasizes the necessity of considering each other's needs and the collective responsibility in relationships, while also highlighting the role of therapy and community support in fostering healthier interactions.

• Weaponized Incompetence & Emotional Labor
• How “I’m not asking you to do anything” becomes emotional gaslighting when you're still left holding the bag.
• 📝 See: Fair Play by Eve Rodsky
• 📝 Also see: “The Gender Gap in Caregiving” - Pew Research Center
• Care Work & Systemic Invisibility
• The gendered, unpaid, and expected nature of domestic caregiving and how society rewards male hyper-individualism but punishes communal care.
• 📚 bell hooks, All About Love
• 📚 Silvia Federici, Revolution at Point Zero

This show exists thanks to our amazing community. Subscribing to our Time to Lean Substack helps us keep this work going. We’ve moved off Patreon, so come hang with us there for bonus content, live chats, and more systemic breakdowns served with a side of memes and rage.

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 In this unfiltered and deeply relatable episode, Crystal and Laura dive headfirst into a viral Am I the Asshole Reddit post that brings up a lot of familiar feelings for millennial moms, especially those in cishet partnerships.

• Rose Hackman, Emotional Labor
• Darby Saxbe, USC: Study on cognitive labor and maternal burnout
• Study on marital burnout in women post-lockdown (2021)
• Data on marriage as a health “asset” for men
• Statistic: 6+ years of dissatisfaction before couples therapy, on average

This show exists thanks to our amazing community. Subscribing to our Time to Lean Substack helps us keep this work going. We’ve moved off Patreon, so come hang with us there for bonus content, live chats, and more systemic breakdowns served with a side of memes and rage.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

They do. They work 7% more than single men, but how does that impact their marriages? In this episode, Laura and Crystal discuss how capitalism screws, well, all of us. All genders, in every sphere.

Topics We Cover:

• Married men working more, and why the answer is almost always their wives
• Overwork as a tool of oppression—not ambition
• The second shift, the leisure entitlement gap, and who really gets to rest
• What Denmark is doing better (spoiler: it’s everything)
• The disillusionment of “equal partnerships” in a broken system
• The lie of corporate loyalty and the emotional fallout of trying to do it all

Referenced Research & Sources:

• Richmond Federal Reserve study on married men’s work hours
• Gender Equity Institute article on overwork and gender gaps
• OECD stats on Danish work-life balance
• We Grow the World Together
• Discussions of When We Care, Soul, and Rage Against the Machine (yes, really)

Upcoming:

• Join us Thursday the 27th for Time to Read! We’re discussing We Grow the World Together—no reading required to attend, just vibes and snacks. 🖤 Register here

Connect With Us:

• We’ve moved to Substack! Come rage + rest with us there: timetolean.substack.com
• Share your thoughts on this episode or come vent about the system in our inbox.
• Follow us on IG @timetoleanpod

Disclaimer: This episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitute for medical, legal, or therapeutic advice. Just two tired women with microphones and degrees yelling into the void (lovingly).

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Ever wonder what happens when the person keeping everything together… falls apart? Spoiler: it’s not good. This week, we’re diving into the unpaid, undervalued, and often invisible labor of caregiving—who does it, who’s burning out, and why society pretends it's not happening until it’s too late. From Gene Hackman & Betsy Arakawa’s story to Bruce Willis’s wife Emma Hemming Willis calling out caregiving burnout, we break down the brutal reality of care work. Also: why home health workers make less than fast food employees, why women are expected to handle it all, and why we’re all one crisis away from disaster. Oh, and The Sims somehow makes an appearance. You’re welcome.

✔️ The caregiving crisis—why it’s invisible until it’s a full-blown emergency

✔️ Who’s checking in on the people keeping us alive? (Spoiler: no one)

✔️ The disgusting wages home health workers are paid (Louisiana: $8.76/hr. What??)

✔️ How COVID normalized exhaustion, burnout, and pretending to be okay

✔️ Why men “don’t need” care… or do they just refuse to admit it?

✔️ Does hyper-individualism kill us faster? Let’s discuss.

Bruce Willis’s Wife on Caregiving Burnout: The Guardian

Gene Hackman & Betsy Arakawa Case: New York Times

Home Health Worker Pay in the U.S.: PHI National Report

Women Leaving the Workforce in 2020: Brookings Study

Jessica Slice’s Book on Disability & Caregiving: Unfit Parent, Available for Pre-Order! Find it here

Dr. Han Ren on Moral Dissonance in Care Work: Instagram

Mia Birdsong’s Book on Community & Care: How We Show Up – Get it here

Join our Patreon! Get bonus episodes, extra resources, and our book club → patreon.com/timetoleanpod

Follow us on Instagram: @timetoleanpod

DM us your thoughts, rants, or caregiving horror stories. We read them all!

Reminder: If you know someone who’s always holding everything together—check on them today. Seriously.

🚨 Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Nothing in this episode should be taken as medical, mental health, or legal advice. Time to Lean is not a replacement for therapy, professional medical treatment, or individualized support. If you're struggling, please reach out to a licensed professional. 🚨

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What factors help you to decide how hard or simple a household task is? Ellie Windle, CEO and founder of Persist, set out to answer that very question. In this episode, Laura and Crystal interview Ellie about the factors that led to Persist's creation, and reflect on the myriad of ways it has helped to make the invisible labor of the household, visible and valuable.

Persist's Website Take the FREE CareLoad assessment and/or use the code DANGER30 for 30% off!

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Please note: We are not your doctors. None of what we say should be considered a replacement for therapy. :)

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We know this probably isn't your most burning question, but did you see this video of him last week? Laura and Crystal discuss the double standard of Elon's public displays of fatherhood, and the tokenism of his pro-natal movement. Y'all, we're tired.

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Please note: We are not your doctors. None of what we say should be considered a replacement for therapy. :)

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Laura and Crystal discuss an NPR article that caused quite a stir this week by focusing on men's health while women's rights and freedoms continue to be a target of the current presidential administration. Is it fair? Let's get into it!

Mentioned in this Episode:

New Economy Coalition

Man Box Study

NPR: Men Die Younger Than Women

Miss Diagnosis: A Systemic Review of ADHD in Women

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Have a domestic dilemma or question? Leave us a message on Speakpipe! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.speakpipe.com/timetolean⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ OR DM us on IG @timetoleanpod

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Please note: We are not your doctors. None of what we say should be considered a replacement for therapy. :)

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