In this unfiltered and deeply relatable episode, Crystal and Laura dive headfirst into a viral Am I the Asshole Reddit post that brings up a lot of familiar feelings for millennial moms, especially those in cishet partnerships.

• Rose Hackman, Emotional Labor
• Darby Saxbe, USC: Study on cognitive labor and maternal burnout
• Study on marital burnout in women post-lockdown (2021)
• Data on marriage as a health “asset” for men
• Statistic: 6+ years of dissatisfaction before couples therapy, on average

This show exists thanks to our amazing community. Subscribing to our Time to Lean Substack helps us keep this work going. We’ve moved off Patreon, so come hang with us there for bonus content, live chats, and more systemic breakdowns served with a side of memes and rage.

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They do. They work 7% more than single men, but how does that impact their marriages? In this episode, Laura and Crystal discuss how capitalism screws, well, all of us. All genders, in every sphere.

Topics We Cover:

• Married men working more, and why the answer is almost always their wives
• Overwork as a tool of oppression—not ambition
• The second shift, the leisure entitlement gap, and who really gets to rest
• What Denmark is doing better (spoiler: it’s everything)
• The disillusionment of “equal partnerships” in a broken system
• The lie of corporate loyalty and the emotional fallout of trying to do it all

Referenced Research & Sources:

• Richmond Federal Reserve study on married men’s work hours
• Gender Equity Institute article on overwork and gender gaps
• OECD stats on Danish work-life balance
• We Grow the World Together
• Discussions of When We Care, Soul, and Rage Against the Machine (yes, really)

Upcoming:

• Join us Thursday the 27th for Time to Read! We’re discussing We Grow the World Together—no reading required to attend, just vibes and snacks. 🖤 Register here

Connect With Us:

• We’ve moved to Substack! Come rage + rest with us there: timetolean.substack.com
• Share your thoughts on this episode or come vent about the system in our inbox.
• Follow us on IG @timetoleanpod

Disclaimer: This episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitute for medical, legal, or therapeutic advice. Just two tired women with microphones and degrees yelling into the void (lovingly).

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Ever wonder what happens when the person keeping everything together… falls apart? Spoiler: it’s not good. This week, we’re diving into the unpaid, undervalued, and often invisible labor of caregiving—who does it, who’s burning out, and why society pretends it's not happening until it’s too late. From Gene Hackman & Betsy Arakawa’s story to Bruce Willis’s wife Emma Hemming Willis calling out caregiving burnout, we break down the brutal reality of care work. Also: why home health workers make less than fast food employees, why women are expected to handle it all, and why we’re all one crisis away from disaster. Oh, and The Sims somehow makes an appearance. You’re welcome.

✔️ The caregiving crisis—why it’s invisible until it’s a full-blown emergency

✔️ Who’s checking in on the people keeping us alive? (Spoiler: no one)

✔️ The disgusting wages home health workers are paid (Louisiana: $8.76/hr. What??)

✔️ How COVID normalized exhaustion, burnout, and pretending to be okay

✔️ Why men “don’t need” care… or do they just refuse to admit it?

✔️ Does hyper-individualism kill us faster? Let’s discuss.

Bruce Willis’s Wife on Caregiving Burnout: The Guardian

Gene Hackman & Betsy Arakawa Case: New York Times

Home Health Worker Pay in the U.S.: PHI National Report

Women Leaving the Workforce in 2020: Brookings Study

Jessica Slice’s Book on Disability & Caregiving: Unfit Parent, Available for Pre-Order! Find it here

Dr. Han Ren on Moral Dissonance in Care Work: Instagram

Mia Birdsong’s Book on Community & Care: How We Show Up – Get it here

Join our Patreon! Get bonus episodes, extra resources, and our book club → patreon.com/timetoleanpod

Follow us on Instagram: @timetoleanpod

DM us your thoughts, rants, or caregiving horror stories. We read them all!

Reminder: If you know someone who’s always holding everything together—check on them today. Seriously.

🚨 Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Nothing in this episode should be taken as medical, mental health, or legal advice. Time to Lean is not a replacement for therapy, professional medical treatment, or individualized support. If you're struggling, please reach out to a licensed professional. 🚨

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What factors help you to decide how hard or simple a household task is? Ellie Windle, CEO and founder of Persist, set out to answer that very question. In this episode, Laura and Crystal interview Ellie about the factors that led to Persist's creation, and reflect on the myriad of ways it has helped to make the invisible labor of the household, visible and valuable.

Persist's Website Take the FREE CareLoad assessment and/or use the code DANGER30 for 30% off!

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Please note: We are not your doctors. None of what we say should be considered a replacement for therapy. :)

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We know this probably isn't your most burning question, but did you see this video of him last week? Laura and Crystal discuss the double standard of Elon's public displays of fatherhood, and the tokenism of his pro-natal movement. Y'all, we're tired.

Have a domestic dilemma or question? Leave us a message on Speakpipe! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.speakpipe.com/timetolean⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ OR DM us on IG @timetoleanpod

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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Domestic Violence Resources ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Please note: We are not your doctors. None of what we say should be considered a replacement for therapy. :)

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Laura and Crystal discuss an NPR article that caused quite a stir this week by focusing on men's health while women's rights and freedoms continue to be a target of the current presidential administration. Is it fair? Let's get into it!

Mentioned in this Episode:

New Economy Coalition

Man Box Study

NPR: Men Die Younger Than Women

Miss Diagnosis: A Systemic Review of ADHD in Women

Want to discuss this week's episode with us? Join our Patreon!⁠⁠⁠⁠

Have a domestic dilemma or question? Leave us a message on Speakpipe! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.speakpipe.com/timetolean⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ OR DM us on IG @timetoleanpod

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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Domestic Violence Resources ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Please note: We are not your doctors. None of what we say should be considered a replacement for therapy. :)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Is there such a thing as "The One?" Is there such a thing as "choosing well" when it comes to a partner, or are we always looking to trade up to a "better model?" Laura and Crystal discuss a quote from Dean Spade's new book, "Love in a F*cked Up World."

Resources discussed in this episode:

We Grow the World Together

Becoming Kin

Emergent Strategies

Love in a F*cked Up World

Tribal Justice on PBS

Restorative Justice

Join our Patreon!⁠⁠⁠⁠

Have a domestic dilemma or question? Leave us a message on Speakpipe! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.speakpipe.com/timetolean⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ OR DM us on IG @timetoleanpod

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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Domestic Violence Resources ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Please note: We are not your doctors. None of what we say should be considered a replacement for therapy. :)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Crystal and Laura discuss recent viral videos that beg the question: When exactly does weaponized incompetence turn into emotional abuse? Is it always emotional abuse?

Resources from this Episode:

Fresh Starts Registry

TheHotline.Org

Power and Control Wheel

Cycle of Abuse Wheel

Join our Patreon!⁠⁠⁠⁠

Have a domestic dilemma or question? Leave us a message on Speakpipe! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.speakpipe.com/timetolean⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ OR DM us on IG @timetoleanpod

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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Domestic Violence Resources ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Please note: We are not your doctors. None of what we say should be considered a replacement for therapy. :)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ever wonder if your standard for your partner is too high? Too low? Just right? In this episode, Laura and Crystal explore relationship dynamics when special circumstances like chronic illness and mental health are involved. How can a partnership like this be equitable in the domestic labor arena? Can it? Listen and tell us what you think!

Get the "Check Yourself: Guide to Understanding & Supporting Your Own Behavior" resource here!

Join our Patreon!⁠⁠⁠⁠

Download resources and read more from Crystal and Laura ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Have a domestic dilemma or question? Leave us a message on Speakpipe! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.speakpipe.com/timetolean⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ OR DM us on IG @timetoleanpod

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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Domestic Violence Resources ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Please note: We are not your doctors. None of what we say should be considered a replacement for therapy. :)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this weeks episode Laura and Crystal read a message from a follower and explore the idea of “if they wanted to they would.” We also give some of our thoughts on how to self-reflect to find solutions that work for us.

Get the "Check Yourself: Guide to Understanding & Supporting Your Own Behavior" resource here!

Statistics on Queerness and Neurodivergence

Stardust Cycle Tracker App

The Birds, Bees, and the Elephant in The Room by Rachel Coler Mullhulland

Join our Patreon!⁠⁠⁠⁠

Download resources and read more from Crystal and Laura ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Have a domestic dilemma or question? Leave us a message on Speakpipe! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.speakpipe.com/timetolean⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ OR DM us on IG @timetoleanpod

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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Domestic Violence Resources ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Please note: We are not your doctors. None of what we say should be considered a replacement for therapy. :)

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.