Tiny Leaps, Big Changes

In this episode, we take a look at the balance between managing your mental health and dealing with the symptoms of grief.

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Part 1: Presenting the Problem

Grief is something we all go through. In fact, it's something we are all going through right now. When you hear the word grief you likely think about losing someone you love. This is normal as it's the most commonly used form of the word. But grief isn't just about death. It's actually about loss.

Grief: Deep sorrow, especially cause by the death of someone.

Sorrow: a feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others

So grief is just about loss.

Part 2: Diving Deeper

Let's look at this from two angles:

1. Losing someone you love

2. Losing something important

In this part we will look at navigating the loss of someone you love. In the next episode we'll look at losing something important.

Losing someone you love is hard. The sense of loss is extreme and, even if you are prepared for it, the realization of how complete and final it is can cause a disconnect between how you expect the world to be and how it actually is.

I remember when my dad first died the hardest parts, and still is the hardest parts, were all those little moments where I would suddenly realize that he was in fact gone.

Those moments where I casually thought of a funny thing he said, or remembered a phone call we had, only to realize that it could never happen again.

That disconnect lead to moments of shock that over time started to eat away at my mental health. 

Part 3: The Solution

The short answer is that you need to figure out what works for you when dealing with grief. The longer answer is that everything needs to be okay. Whatever you need in order to get through that pain and deal with it in a healthy way needs to be okay. If you don't feel like going for that run....don't. It's fine. If you don't feel like taking a shower...don't. Give yourself that room.

Because grief is a dark place. It's waking up one day and finding yourself in a dark cave. When you find yourself in a dark cave the process for getting out is going to be messy. You're going to be covered in mud and sweat and tears and scrapes and bruises. But as long as you gain those things with the purpose of moving forward and finding a place of light...then it's okay.

What isn't okay is sitting in the darkness of that cave and purposefully harming yourself with no intention of moving forward. When that starts to happen, when you start to engage in vices like drinking in a way that feels unproductive, you need to find support in the form of therapy or something similar.

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Resources:

https://www.mhanational.org/bereavement-and-grief

In this episode, we talk about why you shouldn't get caught up in the individual goals that you've set.

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Part 1: Presenting the Problem

When it comes to personal development one of the first steps many people take is to sit down and start setting goals for themselves. Maybe those goals are around weight loss, or perhaps it's about saving money, or maybe your goal is to meditate more often.

Whatever the goal ends up being, it's a very straightforward place to start. By setting goals you give yourself a sense of direction and allow yourself to move forward in a structured way.

It only becomes a problem when we get caught up in the day to day goals we are setting and forget what we ultimately want.

Part 2: Diving Deeper

Here's what I mean, more often than not there's an underlying reason for your goal.

There is always a real goal behind the goals we set. There is always a reason, a sense of why. That reason will be different for each person so it's something you really need to dive into for yourself, but if you are struggling there is one thing it typically comes back to.

Part 3: The Solution

We set goals, in part, because we want to be happier.

That's the only reason to create change. Progress for progress' sake is unfulfilling. There's no reason to grow or change or be better. Except if we believe that the change will lead to a better life. A happier life.

Why do you want more money? It might be so that you can take the financial boot off of your neck. Leading to less stress, less arguments in your relationship, more freedom, more time. Basically, more happiness.

Why do you want to lose weight? It might be that you want to feel better in your body. Fit into your wedding dress or tux, Feel pride in how you treat yourself. Gain more energy....etc. Basically, more happiness.

So whatever your reason is...figure it out. Set your goals with that in mind. Take action with that in mind. Doing so will lead to more success and more consistency. It will also lead to making decisions that guide you towards what you TRULY want rather than getting distracted.

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In this episode, we take a look at why your past doesn't affect your future.  

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Part 1: Presenting the Problem 

We let our history of outcomes affect our behavior going forward.  We worry that because we've never been good at money it means we never will be We stress that bad relationships means we will never find a good one We spend time believing that because we struggle to eat well it means we can't change that Two things that play a role here is Carol Dweck's model of mindset: 

The truth is that your past can be one of two things: 

Part 2: Diving Deeper 

According to an article on Brain Pickings.com about fixed and growth mindsets: 

"Out of these two mindsets, which we manifest from a very early age, springs a great deal of our behavior, our relationship with success and failure in both professional and personal contexts, and ultimately our capacity for happiness." 

The important part in this quote is that our mindset develops from a very early age. It's based on the results we've gained, and the things that were reinforced over time.  

Part 3: The Solution 

The solution is straightforward but difficult. It's to shift the way you think about your past. View your past as a collection data points, neither good nor bad, that you can refer back to. But do not make decisions about potential futures based on those data points.  

You can do everything right and still not get what you want. You can do every wrong and still find massive success. The requirement for each is the same, to take action and make progress, then use those data points to inform decisions.  

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http://instagram.com/tinyleaps 

Resources Used: 

https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/01/29/carol-dweck-mindset/

In this episode, we take a look at why allowing yourself to be human is required for personal growth.

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There are two main dynamics in the personal development world right now.

In this episode, we'll break these two dynamics down, discuss there pros and cons, and talk about the path forward for your own life. 

In this episode, we take a look at the two requirements to changing your life.

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We often look at personal development and creating change as a process of taking action over a long period of time. In fact I've been guilty of simplifying it in this way too.

The unfortunate truth is that this view of personal development does not address the very real problem of getting started in the first place. It doesn't look at the very real mental and emotional obstacles that need to be overcome before any action can be consistently taken.

Today I want to dive a bit deeper into these prerequisites so that we can start to build a better understanding of the entire process behind change, taking action, and making progress in your life.

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In this episode, we take a look at why being positive is a choice.

Buy the Consistency Code: http://consistencycourse.com

Instagram

http://instagram.com/tinyleaps

Resources Used:

https://yourpositiveoasis.com/10-irresistible-traits-people-positive-vibes/

https://www.lifehack.org/293018/15-signs-negative-people

In this episode, I dive into the world of adult friendships and we look at what is required to create new friendships once you are out of school and in the real world.

Today's Sponsor is Raycon:

Get 15% off at www.buyraycon.com/tinyleaps

Send me a message: http://instagram.com/tinyleaps

Resources:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3874845/

https://www.cigna.com/static/www-cigna-com/docs/about-us/newsroom/studies-and-reports/combatting-loneliness/cigna-2020-loneliness-infographic.pdf

Additional Resources:

https://www.talkspace.com/blog/how-to-make-friends-adult/

https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2017/02/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult/

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult-4769076

In this episode, we look at what 'making it' actually means.

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In this episode, we look at the must-read books of July 2020. Recommended by listeners. 

Buy the Consistentcy Code: http://consistencycourse.com 

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

"Brown explains how vulnerability is both the core of difficult emotions like fear, grief, and disappointment, and the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, empathy, innovation, and creativity. She writes: “When we shut ourselves off from vulnerability, we distance ourselves from the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives.”

Get Your Copy: https://amzn.to/39ufgPe

How to Be Miserable by Dr. Randy J Paterson

"This tongue-in-cheek guide will help you identify the behaviors that make you unhappy and discover how you—and only you—are holding yourself back from a life of contentment. You’ll learn to spot the tried-and-true traps that increase feelings of dissatisfaction, foster a lack of motivation, and detract from our quality of life—as well as ways to avoid them."

Get Your Copy: https://amzn.to/2CDsZqY

Playing Ball on Running Water by Dr. David K Reynolds

"Essentially based on Japanese Zen psychotherapy Morita Therapy and Constructive Living Therapy.

In other words, actions are more important than feelings."

Get Your Copy: https://amzn.to/32QlE1P

Own The Day, Own Your Life by Aubrey Marcus

"Own the Day, Own Your Life is an empowering handbook that guides readers to optimize every moment of the day, from waking in the morning, through work and play, until bedtime each night. With small, actionable changes implemented throughout the course of one day, we can feel better, perform more efficiently, and live happier. And these daily habits turn into weekly routines, ultimately becoming part of lifelong healthy choices."

Get Your Copy: https://amzn.to/2ByykiE

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In this episode I share a teaser of my recent interview on the Vitamin Joy podcast. 

Listen to the full interview: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/vitamin-joy-with-shelby-stanger/id1517822159#episodeGuid=fa8388db-6342-4131-bc87-a00e8a65cd3f