Anyone who has experienced an alcoholic relationship is familiar with the traumatic events when the drinking and the aftermath spins wildly out of control. But for most high-functioning alcoholics, there are plenty of times when nothing traumatic happens, but the family lives in a consistent state of chaos. There is no chance to relax - no opportunity to drop from high alert. That's the damage to the nervous system that Sheri and Matt describe in this episode. It is story time, Untoxicated friends. Can you relate?

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

As a drinker, Matt's goal for the marriage was for Sheri to agree with him on morals, politics, religion, finances, parenting, etc. Only now in sobriety, Matt is realizing that with the exception of morals, they are dramatically different people with different opinions, beliefs and motivators. Acceptance - consistent acceptance - of those differences is required for the marriage to thrive. And falling back into old habits of criticism and disappointment is triggering for them both. Two healthy, independent, sober people can really thrive as a couple...as long as there is consistent respect.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Leah suffered from denial for years while living with someone whose drinking became a progressively more significant problem. She describes it like living in the middle of a tornado and refusing to acknowledge the storm. From early days of dating, though her wedding day, and even when her husband decided he needed to stop drinking, Leah ignored all of the red flags because alcoholism couldn't possibly happen to her. And when her husband got sober, that's when the denial really ramped up. She was sure sobriety would fix everything. It all came crashing down, and her denial left her totally unprepared. Now Leah faces reality head on, and she makes three really significant points that the loved ones of alcoholics really must understand.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Pride, self-esteem, ego and confidence often get a bad rap in the traditional recovery community as leading to relapse. We believe the opposite is true, and that self-esteem is the single most important component to long-term sobriety. But that's not what this episode is about. Sheri and Matt talk about the critical importance of self-esteem to the healing and recovery of the spouses and other loved ones of alcoholic. At the end of the episode, Matt explains why Sheri's growing self-esteem is so important to him.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

We are thrilled to announce the "Evolution Series" as part of our Sober and Unashamed website and blog. Writing our stories of the impact of alcohol on our lives and families is very therapeutic, and we invite you to write and submit your story for the potential publication to our audience of readers. Not only will you feel the power of vulnerability rewarded, but you will help so many others who will relate to your story and know they are not alone. Don't just listen or read about our mission. Join us and be a part of the solution.

To submit your story to the "Evolution Series," send your writing to [email protected]. Share your story for the benefit of us all!

Everyone understands the consequences associated cigarette smoking (lung cancer) or a poor diet heavy on added sugar and fat (diabetes and obesity). Those consequences are directly correlated and societally accepted. When it comes to alcohol, in our culture, we ignore the inevitable consequences. Who better to welcome to a conversation like this than the self-described "queen of consequences?" Allison joins Sheri and Matt on this episode, and they break down the consequences (legal, financial, relational and mental health) she faced as her drinking spiralled out of control.

If you are a high-functioning alcoholic seeking sobriety, we invite you to join us in SHOUT Sobriety. Allison is a big fan of our program, and we hope you'll check it out for yourself!

Nothing is more important to healthful, sustained recovery than staying in tune with the traumas of active alcoholism. It isn't a good idea to wallow in misery, but as the seasons change and summer drinking is surrounding us, it is a great idea to remind ourselves of why sobriety is the best choice for us personally, and for our families. On this episode, Sheri and Matt recall Matt's summer drinking experiences including a particularly emotional recollection of a drive to the airport with a car full of kids toward the end of the conversation. Don't ignore the red flags. Change your narrative right now, this summer.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

What are the most impactful steps we can take to decrease the massive amount of abusive drinking that is condoned in our culture? Prohibition didn't work, but are there other legal, taxation, media/marketing or educational tactics we can employ to remove boozing from it's place as the national pastime? Sheri and Matt discuss all of the tactics, as well as the underlying causes that really deserve our attention. And there is good news to celebrate in present and future trends. Sheri also tells Matt why she wants to punch him in the throat.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

The decision to stay or to go when in an alcoholic relationship seems to rely on the ability of the drinker to find sobriety. Because humans can't change other people, it feels like the spouse has no power. But Lori is here to explain a third option to staying in misery, or divorcing. Lori explains that she learned how to "stay well" in her formerly destructive marriage. She explains the concepts she learned from author, speaker, licenced clinical social worker and relationship coach, Leslie Vernick. Now Lori's recovery is thriving, and her marriage has benefited as well. This is not a paid endorsement. This is someone sharing a resource for the loved ones of alcoholics because it changed her life. Here is a link to Leslie Vernick's website.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.

Bridget stayed with her husband as his drinking destroyed his health and their marriage. The lies, the hiding and the gaslighting is something with which so many loved ones of alcoholics are familiar. She made the impossibly hard but healthy decision to move on and live the life they had planned to live together, alone. Bridget describes in emotional detail how she loved her husband, the man she married. But the man alcohol transformed him into is not the man she loved. At the end of the episode, she also surprises Matt with her advice for mothers of young children who are in similar situations.

If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, please check out our Echoes of Recovery program.